2024-07-24 01:42:16
Welcome to "Disrespectfully," hosted by Katie Maloney and Dayna Kathan. These two besties have been through their fair share of life experiences. The good, the bad, and the unhinged. In Disrespectfully, they build off those lessons to discuss being unapologetically yourself, getting it wrong, career, mental health, relationships, sex, and whatever else they feel like. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll probably crack a bottle of wine- join Katie and Dayna as they share new episodes Wednesday’s wherever you get your podcasts. Make sure to email us problems, questions, or anything you need advice on at DISRESPECTFULLYPOD@GMAIL.COM and we shall answer them on the pod!
Hi. Hi. Are you fighting? I just, I don't dig. Okay, are we gonna do the ASMR with the nails?
No, we're not gonna do it. I'm gonna get it out of the way right now. Okay. No.
They look amazing. No, I love the nails, but the tippy-tappies. Yeah, okay. No, we'll not do that.
For anyone that doesn't know, I got my nails done and I got them very long and like something.
. They're jazzy. They're jazzy. They have a lot of flair. I did it because my birthday is next week and I was like, I want to do something different.
I can't do anything. I mean, I was like, I was like very shocked, because they're like very cool, but they're like, I can never picture you doing these kind of.
nails, which is so wild. Well, now I know why. I'm never doing it again. Do you want to see my tool? that's now in my purse?
Let me show you something. Do you have like a?
stylus pen to tape with?
Oh, for, yeah. For the meters in LA, you put your card on.
this because, like you, can't get it out with your nails, so you stick your card on that. I've used it a ton. I mean, I don't even have very long nails, and.
sometimes the meters. Tricky. I can't even imagine. with those tricky talons. I'm.
walking around like T-Rex, because it's like I can't do anything and I'm scared, but it's only a few weeks. They have, they're like 3D. Yeah, what is this? Also, you know what's funny? Sometimes I make decisions and it's like no one told you to do that.
No. Why did you do that? No one asked for that. I know, because.
you're always just like, you get like very simple designs, like same way like I would do. So that's what I mean. like I to go. this extreme is like it's kind of.
making my head spin. No, it's like. my nails are black 90% of the time and they're as all Millennials, they're almond shape always and they're my real nails and like medium length. This is nuts. So anyway, I need to log off TikTok, because that's obviously where I saw this inspo.
I mean, go shorty, it's your.
birthday. Literally.
Welcome to, Disrespectfully with Katie Maloney and Dana Kathan.
Unapologetically, we're here to do what we want to do. Spilling the tea. Babe, you're gonna see the power of women like Disrespectfully. How long do you think?
you'll have this on? Well, my next appointment's in three weeks. So they'll last for three weeks. and again, I'm claustrophobic by nature and it's just.
Laszlo's cats like to bite long nails. She's desperate to crack them in half.
Thank God you don't have contacts. What would I do? No, for real. I almost took.
Laszlo's eye out. when I first got. I went to go pet her and I realized the distance is quicker than it usually is because my nails are so long and I almost scooped her little green eye out. I almost had that on my nail. Oh, my god.
Oh. Poor thing. Also like wiping. It's been okay. Okay.
It's been okay. I think any longer would be the like wiping of no return, which we don't want. But I'm, you know, I've been through worse and I'm gonna get through this. Yeah. I mean, no,
it's great. I'm really happy for you and your nails. Thanks.
All the TikToks I've.
been doing, which I went, I did four yesterday. I went off the rails. I've.
definitely been like doing this. No, I, yeah. And I already talked with my.
clacking them. I'll do my best not to for the rest of the episode. When you type, are you, have you seen my text messages? I can't, first of all, the clacking, I can't deal with that because there's no subtle texting. Furthermore, I've been making these really long paragraphs because I keep accidentally hitting return and I can't type.
I've been using voice to text because I can't like, like Luanne, Tom, how could you do this to me? Question mark. Like. I've literally been doing that because I can't do anything. Listen, but the thing.
is, in three weeks, you're gonna go back to your other nails and not be able to.
type. Right. I thought that too, but again, I've faced. worse. You what?
I've faced.
worse. You've faced worse. Okay, yeah, no, that's true.
Simple, challenging. Thank.
God I had such a hard childhood because I wouldn't be able to do this. Anywho, what's?
going on with you? I'm a little P.O'd. Ooh. Are we gonna talk about lawsuits? Oh.
Oh, is it something else? Well, um, yeah, obviously. No, because I was on, I was doing my nightly scroll last night and there's some, there's like a new buzzword, you know, to make people feel bad about themselves and their bodies. Which is? Do.
you know what septum arms are? You know what? I saw someone about to describe that and I decided it was best that I didn't know. Should have scrolled. I mean,
I imagine you're gonna tell me right now. But I was just like, what, but I was curious. I'm like, what are fucking septum arms? Like, I thought it was gonna be like something else entirely. I didn't realize it was gonna be like a full, like, body.
shame thing. What is it? Oh, it's just like when your, like, arm does. the arm thing. You know, does, does, when you're like, just says like, no, it's just like, is existing as an arm against your body and it just like, it just like.
Why are they calling that a septum arm? I don't know. I have no idea what, what that, why? that is the word for it. But I was just like, just existing is too much for people these days.
They gotta like, create a whole word and be like, ooh, she got the septum arms. It's like, no, she, it's just arms. It's just skin with, you know, um, proper amount of flesh to cover the bones, and it just rests against your body. And yeah, sometimes it.
just like spreads out a bit. Well, the thing is the dichotomy on TikTok, it's like, so you scroll, you see that and you scroll to some extremely hot, very, very thin person. that's like, come with me for a day in my life, being a really hot, tiny, tiny, perfect person. This is what I eat in a day. I wake up and I drink.
water. I'm so full after that. My morning water. No, but then I eat a probiotic,
nothing, nothing. And then I look at kale and then I think about salmon and I go.
to bed and cry. No, it's like more than that, but I'm just like, I don't know. Like, first of all, your day is spent doing activities and then like cooking a nothing salad and then eating a bowl of berries. And then I'm just like, that. my disordered eating would be through the fucking roof if I had to eat like that in a day where it's just like it is just so concentrated on just eating.
I.
don't know. I don't know, man, just just pick up a snack. Well, sometimes you can tell it's enough, but sometimes it's very obviously not enough food. And if that person's being true to what they're actually eating, it's scary.
And to, and then are, you know, forming their eating habits around it. I mean, it's just like the whole heroin chic thing, packaged differently. Well, also, they.
don't realize that these people, it's like, they've probably maybe been. these are habits that they've like, been doing for a really long time. But for somebody that's like, doesn't shop, like that, doesn't know how to prepare meals, like that, can't cook like, I don't know. I mean, I've been alive for this many years and I like still never go to a grocery store.
I do grocery stores. I do like stuff shipped to me, prepped meals like shipped to me, you know, because I just I know, listen, I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses and I adjust accordingly. That way I don't like I can still be nourished.
Let's just face it. But like looking at that, you know, and people are just trying to like exist out in these streets and they're like, oh, my God, should I be eating like macros and micros and salads and micro greens and everything? That's like, no, just go.
to, you know, shop. Stop. You'll be fine. Yeah, you'll be fine. Also, one of the plethora of TikToks I made yesterday was talking about people need to stop going on TikTok that has the ornery Gen Z's that hate us and saying how old do you think I look?
or announcing to them I don't look my age or asking what your blindness is, because you are gonna get your feelings hurt. I would never do any of those things. But also, here's the thing. When did it become such a problem to look your age? When people are listening to this, it'll be the day before my birthday.
I turn 34.
. I look 34 and that's fine. It's great to look your age. Like. it's just like this septum arm thing.
Like we're just existing and it's become so taboo to just look how you look. It's fine. You look fine.
My blindness is like age. I don't know what age like. things look to be honest. Like this, especially this age, I don't know what a.
21 year old looks like. Well, they look like a 35 year old because they're.
getting.
. Well, I don't know. When I was 21,, I don't even know what we looked like. But again, like, I don't really know what a 30 year old is supposed to look like. because when I meet people and I find out how old they are, I'm like, oh, okay.
I don't know. Or I meet people and I assume that we're the same age. I don't even know how old I'm supposed to look. I'm 38.. What are 38 year olds supposed to look like?
Do I look like I'm 38?
? I don't know. People tell me I don't look like I'm 38.. I get different numbers all the time. So to me, age blindness.
So I don't think it.
really matters. Yeah, well, people... What I'm saying is, if you do look your age, it's really... That's normal. You are your age.
But who gets to?
decide that? I don't know. Gen Z, and they hate us. I think Gen Z sets the precedence because they've been looking 95 since they were 10.. It's...
Just kidding. Well, it's strange. You know, I can't tell any other age, but I can tell right now they've been looking older. I don't know how old, because I don't know what you just look like. I can just tell they look old.
Some of them.
look like a hot 35 year old, like a hot stepmom. So that's not a bad thing. I'm not saying in a bad way. I'm saying you just look like an older, refined hot.
woman. You just look like old enough. It looks like we went to school together, but we didn't. I look... I could have been 16 and pregnant with you.
Facts. Facts. You know what? I saw... I thought of you.
I saw another fantastic facelift on TikTok last night and I was like.
. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. It is a good thing because we are excited for matching facelifts. I saw a great facelift and I.
thought of you. I mean, I'm like... For the record, I have not had a facelift. No, we've.
talked about this. That we are excited in our 40s to get facelifts and I was like hot, damn, that looks so good. I can't wait for a facelift. Mm-hmm. Something to look.
forward to. I know, but again, I always think that you're like my age.
It's probably like we're like in the same like age group. We are. But I'm like, I don't know, three and a half years older than you, whatever. Four years older than me. Oh yeah, whatever.
Who's keeping track? So I feel like I'm gonna have to like... I'm gonna be a little older than you for a while. So I'm gonna be like... Probably, for the rest of our.
lives, I would say. I think that's how time works. No, I'm just saying you're like in.
I'm gonna be like more in the 40s for a while.
Okay, well then, you can do it when you're 50 and I'll do 46.
. Okay, fine.
But I feel like we like look the same age right now, anyway. Then you look younger.
What? People at home are gonna start commenting. I'm not saying you look older, I'm saying I look young. Yeah. Right?
Tell me, I look hot. You do, you look hot. You have a smooth forehead. And I'm like, also, I get Botox and I'm like, whatever. I love it.
Yeah, I just got Botox again recently. I did move my Botox appointment back a month. I was supposed to get it this week and I still have like pretty lack of movement. So I'm going for four months. Maybe I need to space it out for four months.
You're like, it's pretty.
good. I'm like, I feel angry right now. No, just your eyes are expressing, but not.
your forehead. Yeah, so, and that's fine. That's what I shoot for. That's what I want. So I pay for it.
Why drop the big bucks. But I did move it back a month. And I'm like, am I a granola? Am I a hippie?
Am I an almond gal?
I do love when people and it's very nice when people like. usually it happens on TikTok because they're nicer there than Instagram, but not as nice as YouTube. And they'll be like, Oh my god, Dana, you're a natural beauty. And I'm like,
that's super nice of you. Botox, nose, job, hair extensions, microblading, like,
yeah, there's a one girl where she's like, yeah, men will tell me that, like, they don't make them like you anymore. She goes, I was made in a lab. Basically, like, I have hair extensions. I have a nose job. I have filler.
I have lip filler. I have Botox. I got my chin done. And she goes, they, they make them like me all the time.
I'm basically Mattel. Like, what are you talking about? Hi, Barbie in a plastic way. Yeah, exactly. That's not about unity.
That's about plastic surgery. I'm like, hi,
Barbie. Exactly. But I mean, like, she looked great. Like you, unless she told you that you might not suspect it, because she didn't look nipped and tucked and lumped and pricked.
and all that. That is one of my biggest fears. It's like fucking Michael Scott in that episode when he's like, something is his biggest fear. And Creed is like, you should have much bigger fears, Michael. And he's like, obviously, being very
Obviously, being buried alive would be worse. But like, I don't want people, I don't want anyone to ever look at me and be like, lots of work done. And my nose job is still the.
best money I've ever spent. Yeah, my job is to, like, always look youthful, but also like, just a little tired. I think that's a secret. Yeah. Like, balance.
Yeah. Which.
is easy for us, because we are tired. How are you feeling? Are you okay? Exhausted, but.
also like, a little run down. I'm a little bit of a weather woman, but also smooth. You.
know, the bottom two thirds is life experience. Tell us a story.
Seen some things, you know? Yeah. Weathered. Uh, huh. Seasoned, if you will.
Leo season. Yeah, it is Leo season. Do you want to talk about your birthday? Absolutely. I feel like.
I feel like that's what you're trying to get to. Don't make me be the trope of Leo asking for it. I know, because, let's see, your birthday is on the 25th. You got really upset. You didn't get really upset, but I was like, wait, your birthday is on the 27th?
I would never forget your birthday. I know, but like, sometimes the 20, the dates were, because we're going to do something on the 27th for your birthday. And the 25th. And the 25th, but also, when you send that text, you're like, save the date, ho. Set it up.
You never said the date. We could have, in that text, go back and look. You never said what date. Because I assume my best friends know. I know, but like, what if we couldn't go on that day?
Like, what if you wanted to do a different day? Oh, wait, did I not for the dinner? You didn't. You didn't. So there's.
people that might not know your birthday. Oh my God. Okay, well, that's a litmus test. If you don't know it, then you're fucking fired. You didn't even say like, Thursday.
You didn't even say, you know what? The 25th? That's crazy. That's a crazy thing to do. I'll agree with you.
I did not know. I was like, wow. She's just this. Wait, where is this group chat? She's putting a lot of faith in all these folks.
Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Okay, I'm gonna have to find that later, but that's good information for me to have.
I almost was gonna be like, are you gonna let everyone know? That's why, you know what?
I was with Raleigh, and no one was hearting it or saying anything, and I was like, should I text back and be like, don't everyone respond at once? And she was like, no. So I didn't. But maybe people were scared. Maybe they were confused.
Yeah. They're calling the restaurant. They're like, in this date range, is there a person named Dana that has a reservation?
Yeah, no, you were just straight up, my birthday, be there.
Taking a shot in the dark. They just start showing up every night. Did you even say a time? I think I said the time.
Okay, maybe you said the time. I don't know. I'm gonna go back and fix that, but. Yeah.
Anyway, but it is tradition. Yeah, it's my favorite thing to do. I love it. I mean,
I'm sure some people listening know this, but I have had a hard time with my birthday for years. My mom and I share a birthday. She's obviously not on this planet anymore, but I have gotten back to loving it, and it's only been the last few years, and it was really, really challenging, but that is such a cool thing about us, and I do love that she did that. So I'm sad that I wasted so much time being sad about it, but better late than never. And honestly, that's how I feel about my 30s in general.
I used to be afraid of my 30s when I was worried about a timeline that society projected on me and felt like a failure if I didn't stick to that or adhere to that, and now if I could tell a 20-something anything, it would be that. Live your life, and I know sometimes it feels upsetting when you're having a hard time and someone's like, just be happy, but if you invest in what does make you happy and don't worry about that shit, you will live your best life. I missed out on the years. I didn't need Botox because I was so worried about someone loving me and a romantic relationship and feeling fulfilled in that way, and then now I am so fulfilled, and I know my best years are ahead of me, which I feel really good about. Again, with the help of the facelift, not lying about that, but I love it here.
Well, you know what? That's growth, and also worrying is like paying a debt. you don't know,
so fuck that shit. Well, and also you can only control what you can, so the amount of time, which I know sounds very simplistic, but the amount of time I was trying so hard, and I do believe in the universe and your connection to that, and the more that you try and control it,
the more the universe is like, oh, no, no. 100%. I was talking about this last night because I think there's something that happens in your late 20s, when that frontal cortex really starts to click, and it's fully formed, where you have this sort of like, oh, shit moment. I'm on this planet. I've arrived, and you're like, what do I do?
What should I be doing?
Should I be getting married? Should I be having kids? Should I be having a job, a career? Should I be having it all figured out? It's kind of like a scary epiphany, like a what-the-fuck moment, because you just feel like all of a sudden that you have to be thrust into the real world, but then, over time, you start to kind of settle into things, I guess, and you're like, no, no, no.
I don't know, and then, into your 30s, mid-30s, you start to just be like, oh, fuck it. Truly. Like, literally, fuck it, honestly. None of that matters. It's all going to work out.
Things. just, I don't know, the universe just starts getting you on a trajectory. If you pay attention, and you learn and grow and really pay attention to the life lessons that you're supposed to be paying attention to, you'll be fine. You're going to be all right. You're going to be all right, but yeah, that weird 26 to 31 age range is a real mindfuck.
Well, your Saturn return is from 29 to 30, and mine was a fugly slut, let me tell you, and however, I'm grateful for that now, truly, the last three years, and it's not saying that nothing hard has happened, but have been the best years of my life, and I'm just like, I truly think that I hadn't found a great love because I was so stressed out about it and didn't love myself, and I know it's frustrating to hear that too, when you're single, and you're like, well, I want these things. It's okay to want those things. I do eventually want that. I hope that happens for me, but if it doesn't, life goes on. I've just found so much happiness and millions of other things, and I've gotten to do so much cool shit in the last few years because I was focusing on me.
Many, many dreams have come true, and so it's just like, lean into that, and also, let me be very clear. The people, usually men, who carry on the sad cat lady trope, first of all, I'm very happy, and I have a cat, and I love it. Cats are my favorite, but the people who want to make you feel that way and that you're less than if you are not married with kids and that that is your purpose, they don't care if your partner is a liar, cheater, emotional abuser, physical abuser. They don't care what your partner is like. They just want you to settle and have kids so you can uphold their system, so I highly recommend that you take a second and evaluate the things that you actually want, because also, my life started getting better when I was like, I don't know if I want those things.
Also, I never stopped thinking about it, because I just thought that if I didn't have them, I was unworthy, or it proved to myself at the time, my self-fulfilling prophecy, that I wasn't good enough and unlovable. I'm extremely lovable, so that's crazy.
No, I fully, fully relate to that.
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But we can. we can do it. Let's do the daddy list. Okay. Do you want to go first?
No. I always go first. Do you? Yeah, but I have a couple. I have a couple.
No, you seem more excited about it today. You do. I do.
Okay.
You look low about you.
Tell us. Mine, per usual, are not people. Okay. One of them's a throwback. Do you know what I think is?
so, daddy? Tell me. The Got Milk ads.
That's bizarre. Tell me more.
I don't know. I just, I collected them. I thought that there was something kind of like that. I was sort of like, like turned on by. I thought they were hot.
I remember when, like your favorite, like your crush would do one, and they just had that like painted on, like milk mustache. I don't know. I thought it was hot.
Well, I stopped drinking cow's milk when I was like eight. But yes, they were.
But during that time, I don't know. It was like they were talking about how like milk makes them feel strong. And I was just like, I was like, I was like, boom. Big dairy propaganda. There was something just like, there was like subtle, like sexual undertones to, like the Got Milk ads.
And not that a daddy is like sexual, but I was just like, I was just like, why is this like, why are you trying to sell me milk?
No, they were hot.
They were hot. Yeah. I don't know. The Got Milk ads are daddy. Okay.
I'm weird, you guys. If you haven't picked up on this, I got some like bits about me that don't make sense. But just roll with it. Oh, yeah. No.
And my other thing on the die list are toothpicks. If, like a guy or a girl wants to put a toothpick and have it just chill in their mouth, I'm going to be like, because then you're like staring at their mouth. And they're like, what? You're like, what does it not do? My husband has toothpicks that have caffeine and like flavors in them.
I have some of those too.
Is your, is he a former vapor?
He smokes a lot of weed. Yeah.
But no, weed isn't nicotine, because some people use, there's like the new that are supposed to help you.
I have one together called like Blips or something. But yeah, they're like, and they have like flavor to them. So you can like, if you need, like some oral fix. But I don't know, like, you know, it's like such like a cowboy thing or something. But when someone's like, like real familiar with their toothpick, you know, and they just like, have it.
Oh, yeah. Who was on a red carpet recently and they had a toothpick in their mouth or something? And I was like, well, I don't know what it was.
It's hot in people's mouths, but to me, they don't funk. They don't work. I need floss. But yes, it's very sexy.
I'm not talking about using it as like a utility.
No hotness.
Not for you guys. Not for like hygiene purposes, but just as like an aesthetic. I dig.
Anyway, are those your two?
Those are my two on that. Yeah. OK. Yeah.
Mine. OK, I only had one and it was. it's not a person, but I am going to add a second, since you brought up cowboys. There is someone on TikTok. Actually, two people.
There's someone on TikTok who is a horseshoe welder.
Oh, my God, that guy. I know what you're talking about. What the fuck?
He's covered in tattoos. I'm pretty sure he lives in Scotland. He's like working with his rough, rough hands. And I'm like, come exfoliate me. What is your deal?
Mesmerizing. I can't remember his name right now.
I don't know, but I've definitely watched.
Too many of those videos. Too many of those videos. Someone's like, how many times you watch this? And I'm like, yes.
What's the question? Yeah.
Another person I put on the daddy list is someone who I'm going to not say their name, because I don't want to embarrass them, but someone we were hanging out with the other day. Daddy. You know who. Yeah, OK. My obsession knows no bounds.
And then, finally, this is kind of basic, but facials. I hadn't had a facial in months. And my girl, I follow her on Instagram. You can find her if you're in L.A. and want a good facial.
Neoskins. Have you ever been to her? Mm-mm. N-E-O. Ariana introduced me to her like five years ago.
She is the best. She's so sweet. And she does such a good job. And she used this machine on me that she hadn't used before. Like, I think it was the microcurrent.
Like, it's like two sticks and your face twitches.
Oh.
I don't know. I loved it. And she uses these sucking machines. And she gave me a really good massage of the face, which I just love.
Did she put her fingers in your mouth? She didn't. That's daddy. When they massage your, like, buccal fat.
Well, I still haven't had that. So I would like one with, what is it called?
Face gym.
Face gym. So I do need to do that. But yeah, I hadn't had one in a while. And my god, me. The next day when you wake up and you're just like...
Blowing. Now, good luck guessing my age. Because I look like I'm 15..
Who's this angel in the mirror staring back at me?
So basic, but that's mine.
Those are my days. That's not basic. Facials are daddy.
Where would we be with the daddy list if you didn't remind us? You're really keeping us afloat here.
Only because I had some good ones to bring to.
. No, I mean, listen. I always have good daddies. I lack on the basement. That's my issue.
I get to speak to your personalities because I never lack on the basement.
Normally, I'm pretty angry with people. And I really want to, like, I'm pretty vindictive.
Speaking of anger and lawsuits, I do want to touch on it. The Tom thing.
Sure.
Because that's obviously basement.
I had the fire of a thousand suns in me. I wanted to punch someone, anyone.
The fire of 1,000 suns. And I'm like, here's the thing. If you didn't hear, I'm sure if you listen to this podcast, you did. Tom was suing Ariana for basically going through his phone or like... What was the actual title?
Do we know of what it was?
Of not having authorized permission. And yeah, it was basically trying to, like, level the blame in the whole, you know, cross complaint or the lawsuit that was against him from Rachel.
He then redacted it, but we'll get to that. It said he had bad legal advice. I don't believe that for a second. I think he saw the backlash and came up because...
Why are you going to deactivate your Instagram account ahead of time? He deactivated? If you're not preparing for blowback.
I think that it is telling that he deactivated his Instagram before it was public. So I think you did know the gravity of what was going to happen. Just disgusting and shameful. And not to mention, we all know. on the reunion, he said what Raquel is doing, what Rachel is doing to you is wrong.
It was insane. Insane for involving you.
It was surprising that he went this route with it. I do think it was, he was ill-advised. Probably didn't understand the full weight of what it was going to be. You were still being advised and you probably should have not done it to begin with. If you're telling me I need to deactivate my account, maybe I don't.
Maybe we just don't do this in general.
Some critical thinking.
That would have been a good indication that it's probably going to be pretty damaging. The language of whatever is going to be put out there isn't going to be a good look.
No. Yeah, just so upsetting. So obviously glad that it's over pretty much as quickly as it started. But just the fucking audacity. My God.
Obviously, Ariana's thriving. And I, literally, two nights after that all happened, I told her, I was like, I promise you, this is so painful right now. But this is going to end up being the best thing that ever happened to you. Thriving. And it is.
But I also think that people, because she's doing so well, often forget how traumatizing and painful that was. So obviously these things keep bringing that up for her. And it's just like, you want to move on? Then why the fuck are you suing her? You psycho.
But anyway, glad that it's snuffed.
Well, I don't like the attitude of just because she has amazing things going on in her life, and she's got a wonderful boyfriend, and she's in Fiji. What happened wasn't painful and awful and a terrible thing to experience. That can still 100% be true and exist in her mind and wounds in her. That is a very unfair attitude to have.
Yeah. And I mean, I don't want to touch base on the past too much, but people see, the public, how well, all the opportunities she's gotten and what she's doing. And also she earned all of them and had the talent for everything that's happening. So it's like, that also doesn't make sense for me. But a lot of people weren't there behind closed doors and seeing what we saw.
So it's just like, STFU?
Yeah. But it's just like, it's like, okay, so what? Like, would it be more fair or unfair for these things, for them to be suing and pulling this shit out if, like, these opportunities weren't happening?
Like, I can.
Excuse me. The logic, it doesn't logic.
It doesn't logic. I can sum up, I can close this conversation in one word in regards to Batman. Loser.
L-I-S-E-R. Yeah. I hate that man. Anyway.
Anyway, what else is up?
Well, I mean, I told you, so like for a long time, you're like, I'm celibate and I was like, I'm celibate. But I told you that that's no longer for me, right? You talked about that, right? Last night? No.
Oh, no. What are you talking about? It's just a mindset, or it's...
No.
When was this?
When you were away at the wedding.
No, you didn't tell me this.
I got for you with somebody.
Wait, what?
Okay, keep going. No, you didn't tell me that, which is crazy. I feel like I don't even know you.
Well, you know how like, when you feel like, you definitely have like, a sexual chemistry with somebody, and you know that eventually you're going to have to see it through because, for science?
Absolutely.
So this is like, kind of one of those cases.
Who was it? Willow Bleepit.
What?
Katie. Yeah, girl.
Did I just see that right?
Yeah.
Okay. So. Katie. For science.
Katie. I feel like I know why you didn't tell me this then.
Well, I wanted to tell you in person.
I'm not thrilled about that, but I'm.
. You know. what? Do you feel like... How do you feel about it?
I feel thrilled about it. It's great. Wonderful. I feel like, based on my previous theories, theories based on like, what my projections might have been, based on the data that I had gathered earlier, I was correct on the fact that it would be successful and amazing.
So it was? Yeah. Okay, so, is that going to continue? No.
Okay. I mean, I don't know. I guess that is... Not in like a, you know, but like...
Well, I guess that is what categorizes for science. If it's usually like, we just needed to do it. Get it out of our system.
Yeah.
I am so shocked right now.
Yeah.
I cannot.
Sorry to drop that on you.
Yeah, I'm like here in this economy.
I know, but I couldn't.
. Because I was talking about it the other day, and I was like, did... No.
I didn't know, but okay. Well, I'll be getting more information about this when we are logged off. But yeah, okay.
But yeah, so I broke my dry streak, my dry spell.
Yeah, mine's dry. And I don't know if I ever talked about the science behind my thinking, but I haven't boned since March. So it's been a long time, and I'm okay with saying that. But like, I have just decided, I'm not... The next person I sleep with is going to be someone that knocks my socks off, then my underwear.
Because I just like, until I'm really excited about someone, and they're excited about me, I'm just over it. And usually, this is not... Usually, I'm a feral, feral beast. And I'm just like, really settled in there.
You know, I felt the same way. I was like, you know what? Like, that's why I'm not like, dating anyone right now. Because I'm like, unless you...
Yeah, I'm just like, so over it.
Unless you like, really want to like, prove that you're somebody I need to even bother myself with. Not even gonna look your way. And that's also with, like, you know, getting physical with somebody. This person was an exception. Because I just, I was like, I gotta know.
I just, I also, I knew it was gonna happen at some point.
I didn't.
Really? No! Okay, I kept that thought to myself. That was a private thought. Oh, my god.
I was just like, this is probably gonna happen. But I didn't know. I did like, listen, was not expecting... Couldn't expect when. I was just like, hmm.
Picking time bomb.
Yeah, put it off as long as I could.
Wow, this is a lot to take in.
Let it wash over you. But I mean, that was probably the only person I could probably like,
foresee it, just like, randomly happening, with. There's no one else in like, my like, mind right now, that I'm like, oh yeah, if it were to happen, you know.
Was it a thing where, like, the second you saw him that night, you were like, oh, this is happening?
It wasn't there.
Literally, what the fuck? I leave, I leave you to your own devices for one weekend.
You can't leave me alone.
I can't leave you alone. I leave you, for, that's the first weekend we've been apart, and I don't know how long. That's crazy. I'm gonna stick a fucking air tag in your shoe. Did you go there?
Or did he? Oh, my god. So was it a late night text? Mm-hmm. And did you do it?
Did you start it? No. Hmm. Interesante. Yeah.
I just am like, you, just, with a feather, knock me right over.
I know, but I, but I felt like.
You wanted witnesses when you told me this information, but that's fine. It's like when someone is going to break up with you, and they take you to a restaurant because they're hoping you won't make a scene. No, I mean, I'll make a scene.
The thing is, I, no, I'll give you all the, the info that you want. It was like, it's like, hey, you didn't tell me that you were going to be there tonight. I was like, I'm just gonna like, though you were mad. Also, you didn't ask. And then we, just like, kept texting.
And then it was like, you know.
What time did he come over?
Late. How late? Late. I don't even remember what time.
Early hours, wee hours in the morning.
Probably, yeah. Because Flora and Rosie came back to my place after for like a minute or so. So it was like, pretty late.
So do they know?
Yeah. Well, Flora was like texting me the next day, and I wasn't responding. And she was like worried that, like I died or something. She was, I'm a little worried about you. Which I, you know.
Well, just FYI, I was in Canada. I could receive text messages.
You weren't texting me. You weren't worried about me.
I'm always worried about you. I'm worried about you when I close my eyes. What are you talking about?
You weren't worried about my, my welfare? I'm just kidding. I was fine. I was great. I was, I was feeling wonderful.
If you must know.
I feel like it's definitely gonna happen again.
I don't know.
Have you guys chatted?
Much? I mean, like, again, it's not like I was like. There was no expectation after anything. Right. It's just like, that was great.
Talk to you when I talk to you.
Yeah. No, I mean, I would assume. Did you stay over?
Well, kind of.
Because it was, I mean, it was already like the next day, I would assume. Wild, wild, wild stuff.
But then I was like, I gotta like go do my thing. So.
What's your thing?
I had to go to like the sandwich shop. I had like stuff to do that day.
How's the sandwich shop going? Good. Tell us what the latest is.
Um, it's, I mean, it's thriving. Obviously, we still have like lines. I mean, the lines aren't like crazy long, you know, some days a little bit more than others. But like, I mean, it's still doing really, really well. And so this week, we're doing Christmas in July.
Did I tell you about this?
No. Oh, my God.
How did I not tell you about this?
Apparently, you tell me nothing now.
You know, I don't know. Like.
Repunishing me?
You should ask me more questions.
Oh, my God. Not the gaslighting.
You should be more curious about what I have going on in my life.
I'm going to smack you with the microphone. Kidding. No one's ever seen that on a podcast where I'm going to get up and unhook it. I'm going to have Derek unhook it because I don't quite know how. And I'm going to smack you over the head with it.
No. So, yeah, we're doing Christmas in July this week.
That is so, Michael Scott coded. I'm obsessed.
We're leaning into like the holiday, the movie. And so we we're doing some like Avaline, obviously, wine pairings with, like the Cameron and the Kate. And then we have a special sandwich that we're calling the meet you. And we're spelling it like M-E-A-T. And then the pairings are because in the movies, also said in the movies, we have the leading lady and the best friend.
So it's going to be the sandwiches, the leading ladies and the best friend. It's the wine that goes with it. That's so cute. And we're going to like decorate for all, like the. you know, I'm bringing my Christmas decorations down there.
So cute. I'm hoping we'll have Santa come. Maybe we'll have Santa there.
They're going to sit on his lap.
And then obviously, like, I can do it if you need.
You have a bowl full of jellies strapped to your belt.
What the fuck?
Speaking of, is this our last episode with you? Are you going to be?
Hopefully I make it to one more next week.
OK, I'm going to be pushing a little. Do you want to come to the brisk?
The brisk? Yes, you guys are invited.
You come with me.
It's a scary thing. Don't judge me.
No, I know people. It's a very hot topic, but that's what you're doing. So I'm going to support. Allison, you coming?
Hell yeah.
How many more people can I invite?
What?
How many more people can I invite? Invite everyone.
When is this? Well, it's be eight days after the baby's born. So when the baby's born, I'll send an invite with an actual date on it.
I'm like, I'm guessing it'll be on like August 7th.
All right.
Time for my birthday. I know you're the 13th, because I remember birthdays when they're a birthday. brisk, brisk, brisk. Oh, is it brisk, brisk? No, I think brisk, my whole life.
Like brisket.
She's like a brisket.
OK, when you spelled it, I was like, the K must be invisible.
A brisket, bris.
A brisket bris covering your cute shirt. Can you just do a quick wipe for me? No, it's like just look at your belly.
I know. Stop it.
Wait, that's exciting.
First of all, I was laughing. It's on your neck. Help me. Why don't you just help out? Look up.
It's literally.
Well, you could, you could help instead of just like the way that you keep.
I'm a victim. You keep blaming me for everything today.
I think you're blaming me, though.
What flavor is this? My hand. Strawberry guava. My hand now smells like strawberry guava.
Yeah, we're also going to have a Christmas playlist, obviously, too. So it's going to be fabulous and a good time and make me feel like something again. It's been a little, you know.
Oh, yeah, I know. I actually just sent Ariana TikTok the other day, because her and I are always like this. It's literally July about spooky season. And I mean, you are, too. But like, so I'm trying to stay present, but I'm like.
Get me the ghost and Ariana is going to be here.
I know you love to see it. Yeah, no, I mean, it was so good, like hanging out with her when I was in Fiji, but then I was like, OK. It was like such a tease. I was like, well, I guess I'll see you like in a week. But like.
Yeah, she comes over for so long. We're going to see her for five seconds and then she goes New York. Very proud. Amazing. But like, do I need to sew you to a couch?
Like what needs to happen? Yeah.
After that, she's like, yeah, back to it.
So it goes. Wait, you're stressing me out so bad about every I'm like, do people know?
I can.
Oh, my God.
There's Celsius everywhere.
I'm an idiot. Listen to that typing. I really agree.
Did you find it via Katie?
I, because she doesn't know my birthday.
She doesn't know the day.
The thing is, like, I do like. I do know your birthday. It's just like it was either going to be the 25th or the 27th. I wasn't. I wasn't.
I wasn't sure about the 27th, to be honest. I was more like like it's convenient.
Oh, my God. Do you know who texted me?
Who?
The Air One doctor at one in the morning.
Oh, my God.
I didn't block him because I thought it was dramatic. And I was just like, I just never responded to his last text being like, tell me your address and I'm coming to pick you up. And then the one before that was the three in the morning of him changing his tune after he was like, that's the only day. he texted me at 112 a.m. and goes, I'm loving this energy and I'm loving talking to you with a smiley face.
that was a colon with a capitalized D, which is so 2006.
. And I was like, I just didn't respond. because I'm like, first of all, I don't owe you shit. OK, second of all, I'm glad I went with my gut about you, because why? I don't know you and I could not be less of a prude if I tried, but I don't like you texting me in the early hours of the morning.
And also, why are you talking to yourself in my text messages? If I texted someone one time and didn't get a response, I will never speak to them again. I'm like, you're dead to me. I don't want to embarrass myself. And I'm like, why are you so comfortable with this?
And also now, when I go to Erewhon, I'm scared. My head is on a swivel. And with the other day and I've shimmied in and shimmied out as fast as possible. But I'm just like, something's weird with you. I made the right decision.
Please stop texting me.
You said that?
No, I didn't say anything. My silence should be deafening.
Maybe like because he feels so good about doing that. He should be like, you know what? I thank you, but no thank you.
I thought about it, but I was like, I just don't want to engage.
He doesn't approach you in like the, you know, $60 strawberry aisle.
Quite a pretty, don't shit where you eat, they say. And I literally eat there. So I'm like, yeah, this is a problem. Not me all high and mighty about it. I'm like, I wore an outfit and someone asked me out and it was great.
And I'm like, back to goblin mode. Well, don't talk to me.
The thing is, the next time it could be a home run.
So, well, I don't know sports, but it's been a interception or whatever. Like, what's when they do something bad?
Like a foul, like a foul.
Yeah, flag. Yeah. Or like a penalty, or like get on the bench, whatever that is.
Time out. Penalty.
Anyway, so I want to tell you about that. I know that's like a really brief thing, but I was like, no way.
Do you know another thing that I saw? that people are like real upset about the girl. that's like, we need to bring heels back to the club. Do you see that girl?
That was me referencing earlier. She was one of the ones that was like, oh, looking at age and stuff. I don't look my age. And we were like, I fear you do.
But then she was getting roasted, because they're like, girl,
you'll be wearing that Easter Sunday special.
First of all, don't shame Payless.
Payless, we're big supporters of Payless.
Sunday brunch. I mean, like, girl, if you're trying to make a case for bringing the heels back to the club, those are not the ones.
It was a sensible, thick, blocked heel with like a platform,
which also is a wooden heel. that's like thick. And then the white, like thick straps. And I'm just like, these are a daytime brunch heel.
It was like, is this Amsterdam? Is this the land of wooden shoes? What is happening here? Yeah, I don't know. Someone was like, I was expecting, like a So, Kate, or like, you know, something really dramatic.
And it was just strange. But again, why are you going on TikTok to hurt your feelings? The way that people not only roasting her in the comments, it's created this whole discourse. Everyone's talking about it.
It's like, well, the discourse also, people being like, no, we're not wearing heels to the club. They're like, you know, Gen Z's not wearing heels to the club because they're smart. They're wearing tennis shoes. And some people are like, I don't want to see tennis shoes in the club. And I'm like, God, then look up.
First of all, they are smart.
First of all, I didn't. I thought no one was going to the club anymore. I'm still stuck on that part. I'm still stuck on the like club or no club. Then this one girl gets on stunning, stunning woman.
And she goes, OK, so if you want to go, if you want to bring heels back to the club, these are some that I've been wearing. She's pulling out these shoes. that are beautiful shoes. And she goes, there. one were like these like mule slides that were like these, like YSLs.
They were the highest heels. She goes, I've danced in these. They're really comfortable. I was like, you lie. Then she pulls out these Tom boards that were like the strappiest, skinniest.
She's like, they're not the most comfortable, but I have danced in. And I'm like, I will.
How was your trip to the emergency room? Yeah, I was like ankle.
You know, those girls, they can like literally just like, live in a heel. And I'm like, there's not. I don't know what heel anyone wears for more than. I don't know if I have to stand for more than 45 minutes. I'm complaining.
I'm really. I'm hating myself. I'm hating my life. I just don't think heels were meant for the human foot.
First of all, millennials should stop talking, because we were all in business cash in 2012 at the club. There is like not as fierce as we thought it was. Second of all, I used to wear straight up six inch heels because I worked at Nordstrom in women's shoes all throughout college. So like and we had a discount. So I was like spending half my money there.
And I was upset. I would wear like the craziest. And where I went to college, it was really hilly. And so I'd be like when I was like a junior in college, like walking up and down these hills, like I'm summiting Everest. And I am just and by the way, it's like 10 degrees, no jacket.
Could never. I love a sensible heel. I don't care. God, life comes at you fast. because when older ladies and we're the ladies now would tell us like, you're not going to wear a heel all the time.
And like I used to have really long, thick, beautiful hair. And I but it was like annoying because it's so much hair to style. I know you would relate to that. And ladies would be like, you're going to love that someday. That ended at 27..
I thought that was going to end at 52.
. That's what I had mentally budgeted. So life comes at you fast. I love a sensible heel. That's still cunt, but sensible.
Yeah, wearing a six inch heel to save my life, even to dinner, like people call those dinner shoes. No.
Yeah, like the sitting shoes. I don't want to do that. No, hell, no. That's. I mean, I am like, everyone's like, oh, no, the ballet flats.
I'm like, oh, my God, love. I haven't 19 pairs of ballet flats because I, those are my shoes.
I'm well and I'm not.
I wear heels to like events and things like that. But I hate it.
They look amazing. But I am struggling actually about Thursday because since we're going to dinner, I was going to wear more of a heel. But then we might go. it's, you know, it's been a Monday and whatever. So we haven't gone dancing in the past years, but I'm like, this year we might go do something.
So I'm like, I don't want to wear heel for doing something after. But I just don't know. And also something I will say, you're better at than me. I struggle. I'm pretty much only have Doc Martens or dunks for casual shoes.
I wish I had more casual shoes. Like I just got those loafers. I wish I had more of an in-between, because sometimes I don't know what to do when I want to wear an outfit that looks presentable, but I don't want to wear a sneaker, but I definitely don't want to wear a heel.
Those ones from Amazon that I got, that I have them black and silver. Ariana has them in silver that are like those, like, they're like the, the Ghani dupes, the buckle. You know what I'm talking about?
Send me a link. Yes, I do.
But they're, I got them for 50 bucks and they're also so fucking comfortable. They're like, have a squishy sole.
I love a squishy sole. You know, when you're going online shopping and then you come back to consciousness and you're like, what just happened? Yeah. That happened to me yesterday. I have many, many packages coming my way and I'm like.
Thank you for reminding me I need to return some dresses. You're welcome. That would be bad.
From the Love Island.
Yeah. Whoa. The haul. Whoa. Yeah.
Yeah. And when it comes to the club, first of all, I wore like booties. Like they were, so they had, like the ankle, the whole foot, my whole base was very supportive.
Very supportive.
Very held and supported. I don't know, no strappy heel situation could dance. Absolutely not. I mean, once you get a few drinks in, you, like you can't feel anything. So it's fine.
But like, honestly, first of all, if I'm going to a club, I'm, I'm literally blacking out, first of all. So I guess, emotionally or without all, all of it. Like, it doesn't matter what shoes. I don't even, I don't even need pants.
Sometimes you don't have them.
I don't even need pants. I don't need anything. So what, what shoes am I wearing? Doesn't matter.
The amount of time, mind you, I was so broke when, as most people, when I first got out of college and was just like for the most of my life. And I had this pair of, do you remember the Sam Edelman booties with the slight thick heel that were suede and then had tassels on the outer ankle? Everyone had those. Yep. I had, that was like my shoe.
I was going back to my childhood of getting the one pair of shoes before school started. And that's what I wore for the year. That's literally, I wore those for like fucking two years. And I look back and I'm horrified. Sometimes I see this girl, she brings out, she found her like millennial going out to the club shoes.
Those are traumatizing.
Also what, what I remember seeing at the club were the Jeffrey Campbell huge platform, like boot, booties.
With the, like, the black leather and the brown heel. Yeah.
Oh, they had, they had different color variations of the black ones, right? And I remember I wanted them so bad.
So bad. So bad.
I didn't have them, but I wanted them.
Yeah. I just, it's, I think that comfort in your thirties bleeds out everywhere. Like traveling comfortably, staying comfortable places, home, being comfy shoes. It's just like, you. just don't care as much.
You want to look hot, but like real comfortable.
Yeah. Like I'm wearing, I'm wearing Jorts right now. Let's face it.
I love Jorts. They're great. I'm so obsessed with, Jorts, have become like a really important part of me.
I love them. Yeah, really. Like, I don't know. I've been a fan of baggy clothes for a really long time. Um, mostly because I like aesthetically how it looks, but also like I love comfort when things aren't clinging to your body and you don't have to worry about, like presentation of things.
It's really great.
I have been sucking in since 1997.
I don't even know.
I suck in constantly. I'm doing it right now. I'm like never not sucking in. So it's nice. when you're in a baggy situation.
I'm always like.
Sorry.
I don't know. I don't know why I'm laughing. Whenever I suck in, it like, gives me like gas.
Yeah. That's just kind of part of my life.
Makes your tummy hurt. I mean, it gives me a stomachache. And I like, and then I feel like I get like, why am I going to, I'm going to make myself so uncomfortable if I have to like, suck in or hold anything. And it like makes me feel like it does the opposite effect.
Speaking of tummy, are you hearing this? My, I'm hungry. I've been growing. Are you doing something after this?
Of course I am. What do you mean?
Where are you going?
Home.
To do what? You're such a fucking liar.
I haven't eaten in months. At one.
Well, you're not going to want to eat before that.
No, absolutely not.
Should we do the affair?
Oh yeah. I forgot about the affair.
Let's honestly, I want it. It's so long because there's so many components, but I want to try to do this in like a speed round.
Yeah. Do you like to start?
Would you like to do the first half of that?
How does it start again?
I'll do the first half.
Okay. I'm like, I literally don't ever remember like how it starts. Oh wait. No, I do. I do.
I remember. You go ahead. Okay. So it starts. episode three, starts off and Noah, he's like in the pool.
It's like really late or really early. Whatever. When I can't remember, he gets out and he comes in the house and he sees his father-in-law and his father-in-law is like, can I talk to you? Like, sure. And you know, I get the impression that the father-in-law is like actually really trying to like, relate to him and give him some advice.
He can tell he has some writer's block and he's like, you know, um, I remember my wife, she'd be like, how about before you go and play tennis and distract yourself or whatever, you write 10 page. He's like, and the next thing, you know, I hadn't seen my friend or his tennis partner in a year, but, and he whipped my ass, but I had a New York times bestseller. And the whole time that he's talking to Noah, Noah was kind of like, you can tell he's like, doesn't want the advice, whether it's good advice. He's like very much rejecting it. Like he's like, he knows he probably should listen to him.
I get the impression that he's just like, is not as open to him. wanting to give his advice. I don't, I can't really tell like what it is about the dynamic. I don't know.
I think it's because Bruce has been such an asshole for so long that he is unable to get.
past that. Is he an asshole?
Yeah. Oh, I think there's, I think he's trying to be helpful, but I think he's also a dick.
He is, but it's like, I don't, you see the like moments where he like, really is, I think, kind of trying to like, genuinely like, help him out. But like, I think it's like too little, too late or something. I don't know. Totally. But yeah, so then, um, Noah goes upstairs, um, and gets in bed and, like, initiates a sexy time with his wife.
Like, why do I blink on her name every time? Helen. Helen. Thank you. Jeez.
The names I can never keep straight. I don't know why.
Because there's a, I mean, it's basically a house of dragons for fucking affairs.
With Helen. And he's like, don't wake up, which is an important thing. And so, yeah, so then the next day he sets out, um, and correct me if I'm wrong, but he goes to a lobster roll and he's obviously looking for a girl alley and, um, she's not there, but he's, like, you know, buying some t-shirts or whatever for his kids. And he asks, you know, is the girl, you know, she was here last time with the, you know, long brown hair.
You know, I thought that was such a stupid and reckless move.
Yeah. But he's getting, getting sloppy as we find out. And they're like, no, she's not here. He's like, okay, well, and, and then, you know, the boss, what's his name?
Oscar.
Oscar. Um, I don't want to call him Oliver, Oscar. He's like, oh, I'll tell her, you stopped by. And so he's like, okay. And then he asked him if there's a library nearby.
Next thing, you know, he's at the library and he's, you know, looking at some books and all of a sudden, Allie, just like, appears. Allison. I call, do you call her Allie or Allison?
I call her Allison. Also, it's important. right before she appears, he's looking at his first published book. Oh, right. Because again, it's like his, like, hating himself and emasculating.
Right. Oh, yeah. He's, he's got his book. He's in like one of the, you know, uh, aisles in the library and looking at his book. And then Allison like pops out.
And no one's ever checked it out. His book. So he's like feeling some kind of way about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She just like, appears and finds him, which is like really interesting. And she goes, I heard you've been looking for me. Like, sure. And then he's like, yeah, well, you know, I've been having some trouble writing my book.
And maybe you could help me. Or did he ask her for her help?
Yeah. Just like telling her more about the town and whatever.
Yeah, she goes, you know, maybe I could give you a tour around the island or something. Like, sure. So then, you know, they set out to go tour the island or something. And at one point, wouldn't she like sit down?
She takes. she takes him to the. Yeah. Before that, she takes him to go get introduced to a fisher. Yeah, the fisherman who, like her brother in law, shows up.
Yeah. So the fisherman. And she's like, oh, yeah, no one wants to buy some fish. And he's kind of telling him what like, what kind of fish he has. Is that a good fish?
Clearly, he doesn't know anything about fish. And then Scotty, her brother in law, shows up. And like, they obviously Allison and him don't get along. And he's like, oh, I'm coming over for dinner. Cole's making ribs.
And she's like, fine, whatever. And then he obviously recognizes Noah from the horse ranch because of his son working there.
Another slob kabob moment of like that was messy and reckless. Like, why are you guys going there?
Yeah, exactly.
Being seen together now by your brother in law.
Yeah. And I don't. he, almost like, didn't totally pick up on it, I guess, because I don't know. It's a small town. And they like when the summer people come, they do interact with the locals, I guess.
So maybe I don't know. He didn't seem to. Whatever. They just hate each other. Anyway, it seems.
And then after that, he decides he doesn't want the fish. Then they move on to. they're like now, like walking like the beach or.
Yeah, they're walking. And that's when she sits down.
Oh, that's when she sits down. And she, her like skirt, kind of goes up and he sees that she has like a bandage. And like on her inner thigh, he kind of clocks it a bit. And then they're talking about this point. This is the part of the episode where I'm like a little like.
Yeah. So they're talking about, or is it? I can't remember if it's her recollection or his, but basically like their situation that there's the sexual tension building.
Oh, yeah. They're talking about their situation. They have like the sexual tension building. And he's telling her he's like, I can't stop thinking about you. I think about you nonstop.
Yada, yada, yada. When I'm.
And she says, why don't you just fuck me?
Oh, no, he's like, yeah. So he's like, I'm thinking about. I can't sleep because, you know, I wake up. I'm having sex with my wife. I think about you.
And she goes, well, why don't you just fuck me? So like, it's like, well, that is not going to help things. But then they start like kissing. And next thing, you know, he's like telling her like, well, I want to be like on my terms. And they like obviously have sex.
And then he goes home.
It's not that he just uses his digits. Oh, yeah.
Well, I guess, yeah, they don't like actually have sex, but he.
Uses his digits. Use your imagination, because he goes home and he washes his hands really quickly.
Yeah, he gets his hands in the sink immediately. And his like wife and two other kids are like watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off. And he's like. first, he like, looks at himself in the mirror. And, you know, he's like having one of those moments like cool.
And then, yeah, he like, just goes and like, kind of looks at his family. And then that was it. And then the next day he's going and talking.
Oh, there's a city. There's a town hall meeting.
And she mentions it to him that he should come to the city because he wants to, just like, get more integrated. He wants to like write his book about this, you know, about Montauk, about like. he wants the characters to be. people like that exist there or visit there. You know, that's what he's basing his next book off of.
So she invites him to come to this like town hall meeting. She's like, you know, local politics. You can come check it out. The next day he goes to meet the, was it the book agent or the publisher that his father in law?
It's the agent.
The agent. Yeah. So he's sitting with the agent and the agent, kind of like, starts immediately like trauma dumping on him about his life. But then he's asking him, like, what your book is about. And he doesn't have anything written, but he just is like starting to like get some ideas.
And he's telling him, like, you know, about this, you know, the book so far is about this place. And he's like, well, what about it? You know, like, this sounds like once it's like this small town that's now been commercialized and, you know, all of this stuff. And he's like, but it's about the characters. And he's like, yeah, local girl meets city guy and they fall in love.
He's like, I've already read it. That was a different. And then he says the guy kills her. It's like, how? He's like, I don't know how.
But like, what a weird thing to bring up. So then he tells him that, you know, he wants him to bring him some pages because he only has a handshake deal with his current publisher. So, like, all right. In his, in Noah's version, he goes to this town hall meeting.
And obviously Allison's there, Cole's there, all the other town people are there because Oscar's pitching an idea for a bowling alley.
Which I would be passionate about.
Yeah, kind of crazy that one. And in this one, there's obviously, there's obviously tension that he sees between Cole and Allison leaving.
But then Oscar kind of sees, because he's, Oscar's starting to figure it out that there's something going on here. And so he's like, he's like, oh, well, there's your girl you were looking for earlier. And then he knows like, oh, you must have misunderstood. And then Ali waves at him.
Oscar is kind of like realizing, like he's now showing up to places that she is after he came in looking for her. So they're getting a little sloppy.
Very sloppy. So then cuts to Allison's part. So Allison used to be a nurse. So she goes back to her hospital, to, and this is really sad, but she goes back to her hospital because she's seeking out, like wanting to get back into nursing and seeing all of her old co-workers. And they're all happy to see her, because after her son died, she left.
And then she sees a really sick kid and it triggers her. So she goes down to the beach and ends up self-harming. And you can see that she has a lot of scars, which is what the bandage comes from.
So then in her version, she goes into work and they said, no, it was looking for you. And he left a note on a bulletin board. And she goes and gets the note. And it says something like, I need your help with something. Call me.
And it has his number. So in her version, he left a note and summoned her to the library. She didn't just like find him there. Also, in this version, want to be noted, she's wearing pants, the same shirt, but the shirt is buttoned to the top. And in his version, she's wearing a skirt and the shirt really unbuttoned.
And she's wearing a jacket.
And her hair. And her hair. Her hair's always down in his.
And her hair is pulled back in her version. So they go to the library and they're kind of smooch. And she kind of almost leaves. But then he sees her and she is like he goes to him because she sees, he sees her. So they're like kind of like kissing and canoodling a little bit.
Then they have this conversation. But I think in her version, that doesn't happen because she has pants on. So I don't think the whole like situation happens. But he, she tells him about the town hall.
He, they're like making out all over.
They're making out.
Yeah, they're making out all over the make out by like the marina. They're making on the library like. they're definitely like handsy in place. Yeah.
Yeah. And he, she takes him to the marina. And but they don't, the fish interaction doesn't happen. And she's basically telling him, like, I could get you with some guys. They could take you out overnight.
But it's like really cold and whatever. And he's like, so you don't think I'm up for it? You don't think I'm tough enough? And she's like, well, you're a city person. And then at the end of this day, she's like, there's this, there's a town hall.
But my husband's going to be there. And he's like, got it. So in her version, they go to the town hall. Oscar pitches this bowling alley. And then her husband, Cole, is basically doing this whole speech about how it shouldn't be there.
And it's too commercialized. And his son is buried there. And, you know, that really upsets Allison, because she feels like he's exploiting their child's death to make his point. And she's like, we'll talk about it later, like after the meeting. And then Oscar comes out up to Cole and is like, fuck you.
You just killed my plan. And they get in a physical fight. And like, because Scotty, his brother, gets involved and this whole thing happens. And in her version, no one never shows. And then she's in bed and he texts her and goes like, sorry, I couldn't make it.
But then she rolls over and initiate sex with her husband.
And says, don't wake up.
And says, don't wake up.
This is the same thing to each other. But yeah. And then, of course, they're both talking to the detective. And like, they're both always trying to, like, get out of there. Like, Noah's, like, I told my wife I get home from dinner.
Are we almost done here? And she's very much like, you know, I want to, like, of course, I want to find out what happened to him. But, like, you know, are we done here? I got to, like, call my sitter. It's always like this, like, rushed sort of like thing, naturally.
Oh, also, in Noah's version, he's like, if I were you, I'd look into Oscar. Because apparently there's, like, you know, he mentions that there's always been this sort of, like, rivalry between Oscar and, I think, obviously.
The Lockharts. The Lockharts. Cole's family.
Yeah. Because he talks about, you know, back in the Prohibition days and all of this stuff. So we're getting a little more information.
We don't, yeah, we don't know who's dead yet. But we do know that it's pretty clear at this point that something's going to happen. Like, both Noah and Allie know that something's going to happen between them. So that's episode three, guys.
Yeah.
I hope you're all enjoying this and not eating it, because there's so much to go through with it.
But I know.
Who's in your basement?
Okay. How many basement people do you have, first of all?
Let me see. I think I have a few.
Okay. Obviously. I mean, I have a few as well, but.
Actually, I only have one today. Okay. It's a big one.
What's yours? Well, I mean, I have one as well. Tell me. I'm not going to do her. But I mean, we can generalize it.
But okay. I don't know. I haven't even committed his name to memory because I don't really care. But whoever the vice president nominee is, that says that more voting votes and voting power should go to people with kids.
Talking about JD Vance.
Yeah. Thank you. And his name started with, it. was like an initial name or something. But honestly, fuck that.
Yeah.
In general, I think that's like, we're getting into really dangerous territory and really antiquated when people are counting as less than a whole person. Yeah.
Or just like your place here, doesn't mean as much, or matter as much, because you don't have children or you can't. There's people that can't. They just, they physically can't.
Which is also funny to me, because he's pro IVF ban, which is like all these people who are obsessed with everyone having kids and then they're trying to block IVF.
Any option that they could to like. people really, really would love to have children. And that is the only option that they have. He's saying no.
He's also passionate about 100% ban on abortion. That means cases of incest, rape. If a 10 year old is pregnant, so that's rape. in any scenario, he is 100% no abortion, which is psychotic. So yeah, I'll stick him.
We can split him in half. I'll stick him everything. He's an extremist. I'm very scared of his policies. I don't know what else to say.
The thing is, and it's really scary, because he's going to appeal to people. Yeah.
And he's young. So it's, yeah, I'm terrified. Things are really scary.
Well, I'll be sat for his debate with this person here. Oh, I can't wait for that. Yeah. He's going to dog walk his ass.
So mine actually, I guess, kind of relates to that, because I feel like he would love it. Unauthorized pelvic exams during surgery.
What?
Unauthorized pelvic exams during surgery when patients are women or people with vaginas are under anesthesia, is still legal in like 36 states.
Wait, in what instance is this happening?
So when people are under anesthesia, they're at teaching hospitals, they're having students come in and they're doing unauthorized pelvic exams on women. And again, not all women, people with vaginas, unauthorized. People are waking up sore.
They're going in for like what kind of surgery?
Any type of surgery. They're going in for, like getting your tonsils out. And people are doing pelvic exams. And this, I think, only was first made illegal. I think it was California and like three other states, in 2017..
So this is new, that it's even outlawed. And then 2019, a few more states joined. You can look it up yourself. There is still a ton of states that this is legal in.
So if that happens to you, they'll just be like, sorry.
You can't consent. You can't. I'm sure. at this point, there's something, if you know about it, you can say like, please don't do this to me.
But like that is so disgusting. How is that possible? I'm sorry. I don't care. Legality or not.
When you sign a waiver at a hospital, there's some like fine print in there that says, oh, and we can also like, examine your.
. Let me feel like it. That's awful.
Awful. As of November 2022,, 17 states, 34% in the United States did not have any laws regarding pelvic examinations. Okay. I'm sorry. Maybe.
Oh, 2022.
. Okay. So I was talking about 2017.. However, the federal government requires hospitals to obtain written consent for pelvic exams. Patients are unconscious.
So I'm guessing, to your point, that it's just like in there somewhere. Colorado and others are considering bans now. And this is as of February 11th, 2023, considering bans now, but the non-consensual exams are still allowed in 29 states as of February 11th, 2023.. How is that not considered like medical rape? It is.
I don't care if it's medical. It's just rape. Like that's... Yeah. So anyway, I know it's kind of a dark one today, but I had seen something about this before and forgotten about it.
And I'm just like.
Like, you know, when you're like, you hate that you know something, but also you're kind of glad that you know something. Yeah.
That would fall in that category.
Yeah. Like, I don't know where to file this information.
Under. hate, hate, hate, double hate, loathe entirely. For me, it's in that folder. Yeah. I mean, this one's like you dig a grave in your basement and then stick it in there.
Holy shit. We're getting closer to the core of the earth. Anyway, should we pick it up a little bit and do some...
Hometown. Hometown ears?
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Kelly says, Hey besties, I don't have any particular reason for sharing this story with y'all, other than the fact that hopefully you'll find it as funny as I do. Here we go. A few years back, my partner at the time and I were getting down to business. A few minutes into the deed, my partner yelped, literally yelped, exited me and jumped off the bed. Like damn, my puss had him hootin' and hollerin'.
Nope. To my horror, I look down and his penis is bleeding. It turns out that one of the strings of my copper, IUD, had gone up this man's urethra. His pee hole. Horrifying.
I unwittingly sounded this man and it was entirely unconsensual for both of us. He had a really uncomfortable few hours after that and I was mortified. Looking back, I think this was the beginning of the end of the relationship. From then on out, homeboy was scared of my vag. Rude, but also, fair enough, I guess.
I also think that my body was probably trying to tell me something, because this man had certainly not the one for me. for a host of reasons. This also has not happened to a single other penis I've encountered, which has to be a sign, right? At the very least, I can at least rest assured, knowing that my pussy isn't fucking cursed. All this to say, urge your OBGYN to trim your IUD strings a little bit and listen to your body when it's clearly trying to tell you that a person is not for you.
Love y'all in the pod. Okay, I need more information.
It's possible.
I would assume he would need to go to the hospitals, but it sounds like they, just like plucked it out with their beef pluckers, and then that was that on that.
I don't know.
I guess so.
I'm sorry for her, but also like, guy, was probably scarred.
Oh, he's one of our strongest soldiers. He's probably like,
so do you happen to have one of those things in your thing?
He's like, I just saw the movie Teeth. Have you ever had an IUD?
No.
Okay, so I did when I was in my early 20s. And let me just tell you at the time, it's now become more of a thing, but I don't think it's uniform that they use a local anesthetic. They did not use a local on me. They fully just raw-dogged it. And it was one of, they were like, there's just like some mild discomfort, and you're fine.
It is one of, was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced. And anyone listening to this who's had an IUD can relate to that.
Oh, yeah, no, I've heard it.
So just a quick sidebar.
We're fine. I've had a colposcopy. Is it colposcopy? Colposcopy. I'm talking about the colposcopy.
And that was, oh, no, you know, they're just like, you're going to feel a little, a little snip.
Okay. What is a colposcopy?
They scrape out your uterus. They like take a sample.
They take a little, they like a little, take a little snip of it.
I think it's they're checking for, like pre-cancer. Like if you had an irregular.
If you had like an irregular. Yeah, they check for like cancers. Yeah, I mean, it's nuts, you know, but it's like they don't, they don't give a fuck. And it's, it is very, very painful. But it was all good.
Great.
Okay, anyways. Janna says, I love you guys so much. Day one listener. Thank you.
We love you too.
So my story is back in college. After a crazy week, me and my friends went to the bar. I had met an older, very handsome man. And I decided he will be my very first one night stand. Congratulations.
We'd love to see it.
We went back to my apartment and had amazing sex. After the sex, we had amazing conversation. He was a social worker and so interesting. We talked all night, had more sex than fell asleep. I felt that this one night stand was going to be so much more.
Maybe a relationship. It just seemed so real and deep. We woke up in the morning and I drove him home. I was so excited as, as what was going to happen next. As my excited self dropped him off, he got out of the car and said, bye, whatever your name is, and slammed the door.
My heart was crushed. I cried the whole way home. When I got home, I told my roommate what he said. She asked me what his name was. I had no idea.
LOL. Lesson learned. Get the names ahead of time and never let your one night stands spend the night.
The problem is here, she wanted to be a city girl, but she's not. I don't think this girl is a city girl. It's devastating when you're trying to be a city girl and then you just go home and cry.
Well, yeah, but also like. if you decide you're having a one night stand, you don't, you can't all of a sudden start planning a life with them and be like, oh my God, wait, this is going to be more. You have to stay in the mindset that it's a one night stand. And when they say like, whatever, what's your name?
Like that is weird, really weird and unnecessary. He could have just been like, bye. It was, we had a good time.
Yeah, that wasn't necessary, but she also didn't know his name.
So, and I'm sure she wouldn't have said whatever your name is. It's just weird.
And also, like you, start like you start romanticizing this person, and it still doesn't occur to you that you don't know their name.
I mean, I guess I identify that because I would literally romanticize paint drying. Like I, so I, yeah, I'm not a city girl. I want to be, but.
Yeah, no, I mean, again, it's, there's an art to the one night stand and that ain't it. Anyway, should we?
Vivian says, hey, Queens. First things first, day. one listener here. I love your pod, your stories, your weights. So inspiring.
And just what I currently need to hear. started loving you too on VPR, but I'm absolutely here for the space the podcast provides. Keep it up. Thank you. The real question starts here.
I'm 33 years old, almost 34. And I just started a new job a few months ago. And I'm starting to get a little interested in a coworker. He's polite, nice and fun to be around, but I can't tell if there are potential feelings on his end. I don't want to ruin a great work relationship by bringing up something that is mutual.
We don't really do after work activities. So that is off the table. How would you approach things and figure out if there is something there? Advice is appreciated. Much love.
You know, I, I, yeah, you can't really like, bring it. This isn't like, you know, a water cooler conversation. So I don't know either. You have to like, maybe shoot them like an email. If you really must, if you, if you can't move on from this until you like, find out if that's the case.
Or like, maybe like in the parking lot after work, I don't really know where there's a space like outside. So like no one around.
Break into the car and sit in the back and surprise them when they come out.
Pass them a note. I don't know. But I mean, if you want to like, know, just to know once and for all, like if it is, but like, you have to be like, very careful of these things, because, you know, nine times out of ten, things don't work out. And then you got to see this person every day. So, like, just weigh all the pros and cons of like, whether like or not, you really want to pursue this.
I want to be very clear, because before I ask, answer your actual question, I'm going to answer when you didn't ask. I'm not saying that relationships have not worked out, that have started from coworkers, but it is a dangerous game. Like Katie just said, it usually doesn't work out. And then it is a nightmare. I have made this mistake more than once.
Be so careful with it. But, like she said, if you have to get it out of your system, I would say no paper trails. I would not say email. I would say when you feel comfortable, like if you don't do out of work activities, then like do you ever sit together at lunch? Do you ever like?
do you ever at the copier? Like, I don't know. I feel like it just needs to be a brief in-person thing. But I also feel like if you're having so much uncertainty about it, there's a reason for that. So, unless they're that the person is very obviously flirting with you and putting out mutual vibes, then you'd probably know.
Yeah.
So I would just, I would just say approach with caution, but maybe keep it in person.
And again, you've only been there for a few months. So I would maybe just try to like read a little bit more of the signals.
Crushes happen fast and it can come on really straight, you know, and I don't know. Then, after a while, you're like, what was I thinking? I mean, are we sure that this, you don't know? if this person has a girlfriend, what their like life is like outside of work. And, trust me, sometimes like when you see what some, it's really easy when you don't know a person's full life, to like, make it up in your head.
And then you find out like that they have, like weird hobbies or like they play like a kazoo or something. And you're like, you get the ick. You could be so icked out by who this person actually is, but an office romance or a workplace romance, you, they are whoever you want them to be. And like, you know, so I mean, maybe just like keep it, I don't know, have like a little fantasy for yourself for a little while and just see how it goes. Until you're like absolutely 100% sure, I wouldn't do anything.
But if that, if, you know, that day comes where you're like, I just got to do it, you know, but be, be so sure about it.
Yeah. That's probably the biggest.
You can't take it back. And then it's just going to get awkward.
Yeah. Anyway, be careful.
Anonymous says, hi, babes, I need advice. My best friend had agreed to go to a concert with me. So I purchased her tickets with her approval. She then tells me she can't go because she forgot she had a date to see fireworks with a guy she's been dating for about a month. After I attempted to find someone else to go with or sell the tickets, I asked her to come with me because I didn't want to lose out on the money we had spent, which is about a hundred dollars each.
After asking her multiple times, she said no and chose to hang out with him instead. I feel as though she should have paid me for both of our tickets, as she was the one who was bailing on me and knew I didn't have anyone else to go with. She only paid me for hers and refused to pay for mine. What are your thoughts on the situation, and what would you have done if you were in my shoes? Love you guys.
Honestly, for me, I get what you're saying, but I don't necessarily think she should have paid for your ticket too. Like I, more so, would take this as a learning experience that this is probably not a real friend of yours. I think that this person has a lot of growing to do if they're prioritizing any relationship, but particularly a relationship they've been in for a month over a friend, that it sounds like you guys have some history. So I'm sorry that happened, but I'm glad she did pay you for her ticket. And I know you didn't want to go alone, but perhaps next time it's also an opportunity to kind of get outside your comfort zone if you really wanted to see the concert to go.
And honestly, so many things can be really enjoyable doing it by yourself, but more so than anything, I think what you need to take away from this situation is that she's probably not someone you want to invest a lot in.
It seems unreliable, seems flaky. If you're making those kinds of plans with somebody ahead of time, and then they're just gonna bail on you for someone that they're dating and they're not gonna like even see that as an issue,
they're not a good friend. I would not be investing in a friendship with them as much. I mean, yeah, of course. She was really only obligated to pay for her end, which was great.
But yeah, no, that's just a shitty thing to do. If I make plans to go see a concert with someone, I'm not gonna be like, oh, I actually have something better to do.
Also, you've seen one firework, you've seen them all.
Yeah, no, that wasn't cool. Lame. Yeah, I think, yeah. Naomi says, enormous fan of you both. And as a Seattle adjacent girly, I need to know where Dana went to college.
I'm 25 and I went through a massive friend breakup last year. We were very close for five years.
I was anxiously attached and she was avoidant. And I asked for more consistency, and she essentially ghosted me. I really don't think my request was unreasonable. She would cancel on me last minute, every time we made plans. And when we did spend time together, she made me feel like she didn't want to be there.
I would love tips on moving on and not putting someone else on a pedestal, as well as tips on how to cultivate actually fulfilling female friendships, especially moving to a new place, because I've struggled with that my whole life. Is not having a best friend right now. bad? Love you both endlessly. The podcast has been such a delight in my life.
I mean, I always agree that asking for what you need out of your friendships or relationships is never an issue. I think that's just like knowing yourself and knowing like kind of what you need. So like, it's never an issue. And it also helps people understand you better. And like, I think there's can never be an successful friendship or relationship if people don't understand you and what your needs are.
But that's a very different thing than just being needy or demanding of people and their time and energy and space. So just knowing that difference, just being like, hey, I'm just the type of person that, like, this, is just kind of like how I operate and the things that I need, and that's fine. But yeah, this person just maybe just wasn't the right type of friend that you needed. And I think if you weren't, like, I don't know. I just think that sometimes people aren't just meant to be friends.
And I think, I don't know how to like find fulfilling friendships.
I think there's just different people that fulfill different things in your life. There's some people that, like, you, have the type of friendships where you can like share, you know,
emotions with and, like, you know, secrets with or all those kinds of things with. And there's other people that you just like have fun with. It's like kind of not like surface level, but you know, that you just like go do fun shit with. It's not as like a deep level thing. So, I mean, I just think like, it depends on how you define fulfilling.
I think it's like having like well-rounded relationships. I don't know. That make sense? Yeah.
Well, and I also really like how you pointed out that your attachment style does not necessarily just relate to romantic relationships. And it's really good that you know that. I'm telling you right now, if you are anxiously attached and you have someone avoidant in your life, it is going to light up your attachment style in such a big way. And you're going to feel discomfort and you're going to feel abandoned. And I think that I'm really glad, you know, which type you are, but you probably should be doing some work on yourself.
Not that it's your fault. We have our attachment styles for a reason. I've talked about this book before, but the book Attached changed my life. So yeah, I think that, like Katie said, certain people fill certain buckets, and this should not be a main character in your life. If they are avoidant, if you do feel like they're ghosting you, and there's nothing wrong with not having a best friend right now.
Like we go through different phases, we go through different chapters. And I think when we invest less and stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, it opens us up for the opportunity to have the right kind of people in our life. So it's just important to do that. And I'm sorry that this person made you feel that way, but just listen to people when they tell you who you are. This person is not interested in being the kind of friend you need.
And it's also okay for them too. Like maybe, that they're just not able to be that type of friend. And so you just need to take note of it.
Yeah, exactly. And I was gonna say also about like the attachment style too. It's like often like finding out, like if you do like any type of like other, like shadow work and stuff like that, you can find out like where that anxiety comes from when it pertains to, like relationships and how you view other people in your life. And you gotta like work on like healing those spots in you too, because when you can be that person to yourself and not look for, like other people, to fill those gaps and voids too, like you'll become less anxiously attached to people.
Yeah.
Work on the relationship yourself. That's the most important one. Sure is.
Oh, also, I went to Washington State University. Oh, go Cougs.
All right, last one. Whitley says, hello, you gorgeous gals. I'm a day one fan of the pod. You guys absolutely kill it. Thank you.
Stay giggling and literally all of the commentary and feedback you offer is so on point. Also, a day one fan of Vanderpump and running into one of you in LA, or being lucky enough to see Katie at something about her, is on the bucket list. I would love your opinion and advice on a recent incident that happened, where my marriage was severely impacted and I'm struggling to move forward. Long story short, my husband crossed a line with two females at his work. Nothing physical happened, but he chose to confide in these women about our marital issues, which are pretty basic communication and trust for the most part.
But we are only a year into our marriage and still figuring each other out and arguments happen. He also was overly flirtatious and divulged some of my insecurities to this woman. I'm plus size and struggle with being self-conscious. So it feels like a complete violation of trust and privacy. We were actively trying to move forward and he has agreed to go to therapy with me.
I do believe he is truly sorry. The part I'm caught up on, though, is the way I found everything out was not from him. The two females involved bombarded me with calls, messages out of nowhere, disclosing all this info, and I just can't help but feel so betrayed and devastated that my husband wasn't the one to confront me. This makes me feel in my heart that I would have never known about any of this if they didn't contact me. So how can I truly move forward and believe, number one, that this won't happen again, and number two, if it did, that I would be told about it?
I don't want to be played for a fool and made to look like an idiot. I feel like I can get past most of what happened, but I'm pissed that my husband put me in this situation. I'm terrified, if I forgive him, that if this happens again, I would never know about it. The fear of the unknown is crippling to me. Please help.
First of all, it's interesting to me that these women reached out to you, because I'm curious like how well you know them. Sounds like not very, and that does seem kind of like them being girls' girls to give you this information. but it also feels like it might be them being mean. So I don't feel like we have as much context for that. You're so right in your feelings of feeling betrayed, and also him telling them your insecurities is weird and like he is trying to curry favor with them in some ways to paint you out to be a certain way, and it just gives me the ick, that entire situation.
I think that if you do choose to go to therapy and move forward with it, you do have to move forward. but like, I think you're also right in feeling that you probably would not know about this if they wouldn't have told you and I'm sure that it felt so shocking and really upsetting to just get calls from random women and them telling you like your husband is talking shit about you to them. So obviously, we can't tell you what to do in your marriage, but again, we just said on that other one, like, if someone tells you who you are, who they are, you should believe them, and I think that that's really weird on your husband's part. I don't like it. What do you think?
I have a slightly different take on this. Okay, tell me. We don't know exactly the context of what he was saying or how he was speaking about it, or what their conversations was like, or what these women came to her and said. It could have been very much that he was speaking to these women at work for advice on how to like help his wife through these insecurities. Like, hey, you're a woman.
My wife has been feeling this way. How would you, you know, handle this? Or how can I help her? Like, have you ever felt this way? because him, not being a woman, can't relate.
So that could have very much been the conversation. or, just like, you know, sometimes we have those types of like friends at work where we feel close enough to talk to them, to like open up to them, to like whether it's venting or what, you know, and granted, like you think it's maybe a safe space because it's just like, you do have those like closer relationships with people and like whether, you know, I mean, I'd be curious to know, like, do you have anyone in your life that, like you, call your friend, to, like vent to about what's going on in your marriage or with your husband, or something like that? Like, it could be like shocking, because maybe you weren't expecting it or you didn't think he had those friends at work or those people in their life, and maybe it, being other women, makes you feel like a little strange. But like, is it so shocking that he has anyone in his life that he would open up to about? I'm just curious.
I'm just like, you know, it might be devil's advocate or something like that. But like, I think conversation about just like what was spoke about and why in the context of it, would be important rather than just feeling, you know, defensive or upset about it. Because if that is the case, you know, like. maybe you both just need to like, go to like couples therapy so you can talk about it with each other and not go to outside sources.
Yeah. I mean, I don't know. This reads to me that it's more nefarious than that. But I don't know. Maybe I'm interpreting that totally wrong.
But like, I don't, I didn't get anything super nefarious out of it. That's why it was interesting. I was like, oh, I have a different take. I think, you know, if there's insecurities that she's feeling, that's the projection that she's going to put onto the situation. I'm not saying that like there's not, like very well could have been.
But if there's someone that's like, I've had insecurities, that is the perception that she's going to have of the situation immediately.
Well, and just to answer your question, because you said one and two, one, you don't necessarily know. it will happen again. And two, you don't know. if you'd be told about it. Now, in therapy, you could possibly come to it, like head and make him understand.
And so he would be more forthcoming going forward. But I don't know. I just think if you're married, there's certain intimacies, especially in a coworker. Like, was there not a single other woman in his life that he could confide in or ask advice about? Maybe he does.
Maybe he does talk to other women, you know. But, like, again, she has to ask herself, OK, would it have been different if he talked to a man about this? Like, what is it about this situation that bothered you the most? Is it OK that he talks to other people? Or is it just that he talked to, like, these two women?
Or was it because it was at work, because it was people that you didn't know? Like, you know, sometimes, having it be people that, you know, that don't know you helps the situation, because they're a neutral person in the situation.
Well, and also you and I are armchair experts. So I think you're taking the first right step. I think these are all things that you need to address in therapy. And, you know, get it figured out.
Yeah. Figure out what's best for you. I think therapy is always a good place to start, especially, you know, there's a strain and, you know. Yeah, absolutely.
Are we done yapping?
We're done yapping. The yapping has come to an end.
I really like this episode. Me too. Excited about it.
OK. All right, well, that's that on that.
You guys, please keep sending these in to disrespectfullypod at gmail.
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Yeah, do it. OK, love you. Bye. Love you. Bye.
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