Synced: Jesus Christ Superstar
2024-07-24 01:04:15
Hi, I’m Dax Shepard, and I love talking to people. I am endlessly fascinated by the messiness of being human, and I find people who are vulnerable and honest about their struggles and shortcomings to be incredibly sexy. I invite you to join me as I explore other people’s stories. We will celebrate, above all, the challenges and setbacks that ultimately lead to growth and betterment. What qualifies me for such an endeavor? More than a decade of sobriety, a degree in Anthropology and four years of improv training. I will attempt to discover human “truths” without any laboratory work, clinical trials or data collection. I will be, in the great tradition of 16th-century scientists, an Armchair Expert.
Hello! Hello! Happy anniversary!
Happy anniversary! We did it. We made it to a year. Very exciting.
Wow. A year ago feels like twenty years ago.
It feels like a long time ago. Yeah. I agree. How do you think you've changed?
Oh, my God. That's such a profound question. I mean, I have been actually reflecting on that, how difficult last summer was, and how dysregulated I was, and who I was dating, just the situations that I was holding onto. I was physically ill, and I just moved. When I look back, I just feel like it's that meme of, things were on fire, but it felt very chaotic, and I was just getting through it, but this summer feels incredibly peaceful.
That's great. And I reflect on it on a daily basis.
Wow.
Because I have been kind of doing our meditations. It's working. And it does work. It's annoying when, it's like, take your stupid mental health walk, or do your stupid meditation for your stupid mental health. Honestly, what it's done for me, my mind is still like, when I try to meditate, but it makes me stop and reflect.
Usually I'll just be go, go, go, and I'll have time to be like, I'm so healthy, and I can do things that I couldn't do last summer, and I'm at peace, and I'm not dating a crazy person. Yeah. I'm not trying to make a relationship. that's unworkable work.
What do you think caused the dysregulation last year?
I think I had like, no self-respect. I mean, not no, but definitely was lacking sort of a sense of care for myself. And I think you would tell me that in nicer ways.
Probably not in nicer ways. Probably meaner ways.
You told me, remember, a few months ago, I was in a rut over another person. I feel like every time we've started a show, I started dating the most toxic person. Oh, yeah. Right? I mean, so.
a couple months ago, I was reconnecting with the person I dated during Race to 35.
. It was just a very unhealthy relationship, but I was trying to somehow make it work again. And you, just literally, we were at Covell, in your booth, and you were like, Liz, I don't know how to say this other than like, you're so much better than this. The tone, though, was like, dude, like, but it pierced through my soul and reverberated.
back in there. Well, I mean it. But it was true. But I should have been nicer, maybe. But sometimes-.
You were right. The rest of that sentence is like, you're amazing. This person is whatever. Because when you're in these kind of unhealthy dynamics, your perspective is totally warped. And that's where your friends are there to be, like, this person?
For me, it's just like, here are the facts. This person is X, Y, and Z based on everything they've shown. I'm not just like, oh, they're bad because they're mean. Like, no, they're this and this and this based on this evidence, and you're X, Y, and Z based on this evidence. So like, if anyone looked at this picture, you don't deserve that.
Yes, 100%.
Do you feel like you've always had one level of self-respect and then now it's lifting? Or do you think it was a dip?
Yeah, that's a really good question. I mean, now that I'm thinking about it, I think both of them are kind of fertility related. Not that I wasn't in unhealthy dynamics before that. And I don't know if anyone else relates to this or if you relate to this, but something did shift for me when I turned 35, where suddenly, before that, I would be in dynamics and I would be like, oh, this isn't working out for me. And sometimes I actually think I would dip a little too early or at one thing that I didn't like.
And I'm like, oh, maybe I could have like, seen that thing through. But a weird thing happened, definitely during the egg freezing with this person that I was dating at that time, where it felt like we were freezing our eggs, even though he was totally not present.
To be fair to him, you were not freezing your eggs with him. No, that was your decision. You just happened to also.
But there were moments. we would go to a party and there'd be kids. I'm like, it wasn't all in my head. I do think there was this sense of like, this is going to be us.
Did he say that?
He didn't say it.
He didn't say it. With his mouth?
He didn't say it. He didn't say it with his mouth, but he said it with his eyes. He didn't say it. And again, we were on hormones and we were doing this really big thing. I'm not blaming him for that at all.
But I do think it was like heightened. I think, when I moved, you know, we started saying I was moving to a new place. It was sort of like, OK, now I'm settling down. Like again, if I had those sort of bells going at 35, they've just been louder since then. And so with this person I was dating when we started Synced, the things that I remember thinking, he like wanted to live on a farm and I was like, yeah, I'll live on a farm in this remote country.
Like. I was so self-abandoning, basically because I was like, oh, it's this person. And I have to make this work.
I think all of us are like, well, it requires sacrifice. And there is, there's compromise, but compromise doesn't have to be sacrifice.
That's right. And women very often are very self-sacrificing. And men are too, but I think women prioritize relationships. And that means you're kind of often prioritizing someone else. I mean, if you're really prioritizing the relationship, you'd be prioritizing your own needs too.
But I think we get those things wrong. And I, and I would move so fast into things. And that was definitely something I've changed in the last year. And that's so positive. And so, yeah, I just feel so less crazy.
That's awesome. I'm proud of you. I'm happy for you.
How do you feel?
I think I progressively have gotten better at boundaries, but that's over many years, I think. But I see it continuing and reaping rewards from it, because sometimes they take a while. The rewards, you know?
Or you get the opposite. Or you get the opposite. Which is like people are upset, which is normal.
People are. That is the thing. It's like boundary setting is not easy at all. And it's because it can be painful for everyone. That's why it's hard to do and people avoid it, because it's not fun, but it's healthy.
And it ultimately is healthy for everyone. You just have to fucking remember that. I was talking to my therapist about something and I was like, yeah, you know, I have these boundaries. I think everything's been good. So I think I can stop.
I can like put down the boundaries, because like it's fixed, you know? And she was like, Monica, she's like, the reason it's good is because of the boundaries. It's not that the boundaries then fix the thing. It's like, that's why. Wow.
Oh, yeah. Wow. And it's good to remember. It's hard to remember.
I can put down the boundaries.
I was like, I think it's better now. So like, I think it's fine.
And she's like, um, that's how a lot of people get off antidepressants, where they're like, oh, I'm better. now. It's like, no, you're better because you're on them. You don't stop it unless your doctor says so.
Yeah, it's this illusion. It's so funny.
Because you want to be done.
Because they're hard and they require energy and effort. And then you want to be like, okay, well, I did that. And so that's over now and everything's fixed. And it's just not the way like relationships work. So I guess that's been going on this year, but not too much else.
I don't think. You know, it's interesting because last summer, last summer, was so fun. We had summer of Cara and we're just hanging every day. And I feel like there was so much time. I don't know what happened.
It was very summer camp.
It was so summer campy. And I think I went into this summer with such high expectations. because of it. I've been feeling a little like, why am I not feeling like I felt? And I think it's just because I have this unachievable expectation, which is annoying.
Because, like the reason it was so fun is because it was unexpected. You just can't recreate. And it's frustrating. It is. I want to just recreate fun moments and fun times, but life doesn't let you.
Maybe you need like an inaugural event to inaugurate the summer, so that you like know what the vibe.
Well, Fourth of July is kind of that. It was, it was so fun. But I think, like when I have such a tight grasp, I mean, this is just in general a problem for me, I think. And a good thing to remind people of is the tighter grasp you have on anything, the worse it is. I think, in a relationship, in a relationship to the summer, my toxic relationship to the summer.
I don't think it was toxic. No, it wasn't. But it was like, oh, I can't wait. Summer is coming and it's going to be so fun and we're going to do this and this and this all day long. That hasn't been.
Then you're just left feeling like you lost something. That's just the wrong perspective. It's just different.
Yes. Accepting the moment you're in. I've definitely done that. You're like focusing on what it should feel like. And so you're not really in the present, which is great and like, has all kinds of beautiful things in it.
But you're not paying attention to it because you're focused on what it should be or what it could be. Also, it's been like a weird couple of weeks. I feel like just the vibes are off.
Is it the moon?
I think it's just the world.
I think it's the world and the moon. The world and the moon.
Or maybe it's the moon doing it to the world. What I mean is like, I wouldn't blame yourself. There's a lot going on and a lot can change. A lot has changed in three weeks. So imagine how much can change in three weeks.
It's true.
I also think so much pressure on these couple weeks that are technically like slow weeks for us because Dax and Kristen are out of town. When they're out of town, it's like, oh my gosh, it's less. I can relax a little bit. So then I want to do this, this and that. It's like too much pressure.
Yeah.
Take down the pressure. Just do what you feel like doing every day. What have you been doing?
Being, I guess, sad that it's not as fun. We should go out and make it fun. Yeah, let's make it fun. Also, there's so much more summer left.
That's the thing. It's the beginning.
I need to relax. Go a little easier on yourself.
On your summer.
Yeah. I need to go a little easier on the summer. Okay. Now, this is related. Have you read any more of the book?
Okay. So I did, but I'm still not done. Okay. But let's talk about it.
I won't give anything away. So All Four is by Miranda July. I brought it up like 18 times to different people because it's coming up naturally. It's really making me feel like, oh, women are, especially of a certain age, we're all going through this thing and no one's talking about it, except this book is really talking about it. So the book is about a woman who is going to go on a trip to New York.
She's going to drive there and she ends up getting a hotel like an hour away. She never makes it there. The book takes so many twists and turns. It is so profound. It's so sexy.
Well, the last time I think I spoke about it, I was like, it's so sexy. Oh my God. And then the next day I was like, the tampon thing. No, I liked that. I also thought that was sexy.
It's so visceral, their thing. But the book takes so many turns after that. You have no idea.
Oh, my God.
You have no idea where this is going. And really, it's a coming of middle age story. What comes along with that and what happens to women's bodies and what's happening to them? mentally. And a lot of women, once they hit middle age, that's the first time they start looking around and thinking like, what do I want?
And you're like 45.
Yeah.
And it's shocking. And it's very synced because you, a couple episodes ago, were scared. you had perimenopause.
Yeah. Is that what happens?
Yes. Okay. It's a big part of the book. Wow. And I'm like, oh my God, we're all...
And then, of course, I read it and I was like, well, I also definitely am in it. You think? Now, I think.
I think we're both in it.
Oh, my God.
I mean, I haven't told you, but I'm like.
. I think it's happening. It's not a big deal.
Like. it's... I know. But it's like, oh...
Identity's shifting, though. I know. We're too young for it.
We're teenage girls. Like I...
That's the problem. It's like, we're going to feel like 18. Right.
Forever.
In the book, she gives us like visual for the first part of your life. You're like on this ride up, basically. And she's like, and then for a moment you're hovering. And then from then you're just falling. Wow.
And I do feel like. currently I think we are in the hover, but this idea like what's next is the fall until we die. And it's all perspective. Yeah. So by the end, it's actually quite optimistic and you can choose how to feel about life and the second half and all of that.
But whoa. I don't... I'm not... I want to keep... I'm not...
I think you should next read a book I've talked to you about before. But my friend Glynis McNicol wrote, I'm Mostly Here to Enjoy Myself. And it is being lumped with all fours. It's the same genre. It's like sort of the summer of the perimenopausal woman or like the summer of the male-aged woman.
Sort of midlife crisis, right? Like sort of idea, right? That we kind of know what it looks like. for men. It's like hair plugs and Ferraris.
And for women, we don't really talk about what that looks like. And Glynis's book, which I devoured, I think you would love it. Basically, she's the opposite of Miranda, of Miranda July's character. She's single. She doesn't have children.
She's 40, I think five now, and decides to just move to Paris for like a few months and just has sex with so many beautiful younger men. and like eats, baguettes and croissants and cheese. And Glynis wrote a first book, which was called No One Tells You This. Basically, 39 was the worst year of her life. She was freaking out about turning 40..
She just thought, when I turn 40, it's gonna be horrible. And then she like woke up and she was like, this is the fucking best. And she was like, no one tells you that actually, like you're 40s. But again, I think it's different when you have kids. I know.
And it's made me reflect on like, obviously, there are so many times that I will be disappointed or judgmental of myself that I, you know, I'm having kids later in life or I'm having like, I will have kids later in life. But then I, yeah, talk to a lot of my friends who are in their 40s and 50s, who have kids and who tell me these stories of waking up suddenly and realizing I've given myself to other people. I've given myself to my husband or partner, my kids. And I don't know who I am.
Before I became me.
I became me. And I feel like that's why I feel so excited about having kids now, because I feel like I've done all of it. I know myself, I've grown, I've done all the work. I'm the best version of me that I could be. I think I'll be the best possible mom that I could be now, rather than 10 years ago or whatever.
Last summer.
Last summer.
And not that that won't happen to me or I won't have also like, but I think that that's the upside of also waiting, that we don't necessarily think about or talk about too.
Yeah, totally agree. I was thinking the same thing. There's a huge benefit to adding people in once you. really, there's nothing to regret at that point. It's like I did me for a long time and now I'm ready to bring more people to the table.
I'm sure there's always resentment. But I feel like if I had had kids like five years ago, I would be resentful. There were so many things I wanted to do with my career and things that I care about, and I really went 150% into it. It feels good actually to take a step back in a way that, like I think it wouldn't have or I would have felt frustrated. And I'm sure it still does.
Yeah, it's just fascinating. I was at this dinner last night with all these women who, I didn't know. It, kept coming up, this idea of age and not feeling your age until it's like, oh my gosh, whoa, what's happening with my body? or what's happening with my feelings about my partner or my life. I really recommend it.
I can't wait till you finish.
Me too.
Yeah, it's crazy.
Oh, wow. Yeah, I have a really bad reason that I didn't finish. it is that I'm deep in Love Island. Oh! I know.
No, I like that. And I know you're not, but it's taking over our household in the best way possible. It's really, I think, the thing uniting the country right now.
We need something.
We really do.
I was listening to another podcast the other day and someone was talking about how we have to start looking at this country, this time that we're all in as like, this is our team. You know, the last generation, that's their team. You get put on a team when you're born, basically, and you don't really get to pick, but that's your team. And you have to make decisions together and you have to try to win together. And we are so not thinking of it like that.
And I really think that's a beautiful way of approaching the future. It's just like, this is the team you get, and you have to make it work with that team.
Yeah, you're like on a flight together. And so if you start feeling like it's like, yeah, ruining your flight, you know, it all.
affects you if you can't make it work.
Right.
Should we give our presents?
Oh my God. Yeah. We haven't even.
We haven't even given our presents yet. Okay. I'll tell everyone what happened. So we were supposed to record like days and days and days ago, but my present, part of the present hadn't arrived yet. And so you were very flexible, and then we were supposed to record yesterday and it still hadn't arrived.
And then it did arrive. Because mine is two parts.
How do you want to do it? Yeah. How do we do it? Should I give you mine first? Yes.
Yeah, sure. Now these are paper gifts. These are reminding everyone.
And we had to make them. That was. Okay. So my.
But I cheated, but that's fine. You. Okay.
I did not. And so you have to remember. You follow the rules. Yeah. I wish I could have bought this instead of making it.
So take that into consideration when you're assessing what it looks like. Okay. So.
Do you have to preface it?
Well, kind of. Okay. Do it. So. essentially I made you a piñata.
What? No, you did not. What?
Oh, my God. It's your color of the year, Pantone. Oh, my God.
How cute. We'd have to take a picture.
It looks like I threw it up. I love it. It's something you would see coming out after a surgery.
It does look like. maybe it could be my egg. It could be your egg.
One of my two eggs. One of your two floating eggs.
No, it's beautiful. So. Pantone. That's so thoughtful.
So, while I was watching all of our videos. Island, I did this.
How'd you do it?
So, basically, I thought this was very well known, but my roommate looked at me like how you look at me when I say quadrant, where I was like, you know when you make a piñata with a balloon? Do you know what I'm talking about?
I've heard of it.
I've heard of it. We did this like in elementary school. No child who grew up in Quebec in the 90s didn't make a piñata out of balloon and then newspaper, and then you make the glue out of flour and water.
Oh, my God.
Yes. And then I bought the color, the Pantone color, and then these little like pom-poms to make it kind of weird and cool. And inside the piñata. So it's a words of affirmation, piñata. Should I explain it or should I let you open it?
Do I have to pop it? Well, I didn't bring like a big bat, because I thought you wouldn't want to put a blindfold on. so you can make like a little hole with like a knife. and then inside there are words of affirmation about you. And so the idea came from Erica, who, in the comments, said, you should make a piñata.
And then we were going back and forth. I was like, oh, my God, we should include everyone saying what they love about Monica in there. And then Erica was like, and then for the year anniversary, for all of the listeners, they can send in what they love about SYNCT and then I can make the piñata for next week, maybe.
Oh, Erica's going to make the piñata.
Erica is like volunteered to do, like a SYNCT piñata, so that everyone can write in and then we can open it on her.
I love that. That's so great.
It's so thoughtful.
So if people want to write in, Erica has an amazing company. It's called the KnowWhos. You can find it on Instagram at the KnowWhos. You'll see her on there. And so maybe Erica can post like, submit here and you guys can go there and say whatever you want to say.
Try not to say mean stuff, if you can. And maybe actually we can open it on the anniversary of our egg freezing.
That's a really good idea. Oh, I'm going to cry.
And that's in August. So there's a little time.
Okay, that's fun.
Support for SYNCT comes from Rocket Money. How much do you think you're paying in subscriptions every month? The answer is definitely more than you think.
And too much. Too much.
And it's almost overwhelming to even start to think about it. Over 74% of people have subscriptions they've forgotten about. And we definitely did. I bought like four subscriptions.
For the same thing? No.
I went different places because I wanted to watch the Academy Awards and I kept buying them, and then I was like, what is going on? Where are the Academy Awards? And then I would buy a different subscription service and I was like, where is it? Yeah. I did this like four times and then I realized it was the wrong weekend.
Oh, right. And then it's for nothing.
And I was like, I didn't know.
And you still can't watch it. Yeah.
Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions. It monitors your spending and it helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings and use it for what you want. Yeah. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use.
Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.
com slash sync. That's rocketmoney.com slash sync, rocketmoney.com slash sync, S-Y-N-C. Support for Cynct comes from Skims.
Skims.
I get smiley when we talk about Skims. Me too.
I get fluttery.
I love it.
Okay. So I have a Skims story. I was wearing the Soft Lounge Tank and Boxer, which I got the idea from you to pair with like a white button-down. Cute. And I went like to the grocery store.
Like it was like, you know when, like you put your hair even inside the hat? Like my hair was such a mess. Like I was just like literally like I need to go get my food. And I was like eating. I was like mid-bite in this big donut coming out of the grocery store and this, like bus driver like stopped me and he was like, you look absolutely amazing.
And like gave me this like such a sweet compliment. and I was like, this set slaps.
It really does.
And again, it's like who would have thought that that would look good? Like that wearing sort of lounge can look that elevated and that Skims.
So cute. I know. I just bought another one of the lounge sets, the Lounge Tank and Boxer. I bought it in pink.
Oh my. I know. I have to get it.
You have to get it.
Shop the Skims Soft Lounge Collection at Skims.
com. Now available in sizes XXS to 4X. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know. we sent you. After you place your order, select synced in the survey and select our show in the drop down menu that follows.
Okay. So here's your pinata. Oh my God.
It's so pretty.
I feel bad popping it. No, do not.
I can't believe. it's Pantone. Oh my God.
Shake it.
ASMR.
Hey, I'm going to pop it. Also, this is so funny because our presents are very synced. Really? Yeah. Stop.
Okay, hold on. I'll be right back.
With scissors?
Mm-hmm. Okay. I just think it looks more dramatic with a knife, but scissors probably safer. Yeah, I'm scared.
Okay. Ready? Go. Oh my God. I feel so angry.
Wow.
I'm sad.
How are you? Injured. It's aching. Should I pull it apart? Yeah, do it.
Who cares?
Wow.
Oh, my God.
Pinata.
Oh, it's so cute.
Paper. Who knew it could be so fun? Should I read it or no? Should I save it? I mean, it's up to you.
Oh, this is so sweet, Liz. Oh, my God. I'll read one. Oh, this is from Ruthie.
You really went.
. You... You... You...
This is so sweet. This is from Ruthie, best friend Aaron Weakley's wife. It says, there's nothing I love more than sitting at a wine bar and talking about life with Monica Padman. How sweet. Oh, this is so thoughtful.
Wow. I want to keep reading them, but also I'm like, do I spread it out?
Yeah, that could be cute. Spreading it out. When you need, a little, like, pick-me-up.
A little boost. I feel like I'll just read them all.
I won't blame you.
You are the mightiest of all mice and the biffiest of biffles. Dax.
I love Monica so much that I have a shared note in my phone of Monica's musings that I can't wait to add to during a lifetime of hangs with the very best hang. Oh my God, this is too much. This feels overwhelming.
I'm going to stop now. I love it, though.
I love it. You are so loved.
Okay, it's your turn. Oh, fine. Okay, it's two parts. Now, why don't you open the part that you had to wait for? And it's the part that is a cheat.
Yeah, it was bought. Because, yes, it was bought. Paper box. And I did not wrap it, which is not like me.
Ooh. Wait.
Monica.
How did you do this?
Monica. Monica.
Chips for chips.
I'm deceased.
Actually, tell people what it is.
Oh, my God, sorry. I'm so speechless. Monica made me a personalized Lay's potato chips synced. happy one year anniversary edition of Lay's. Of Lay's.
It's our cover art. And it says happy one year anniversary. And now Liz is on a potato chip. Oh my God.
This is the best day of my life. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm like really deeply touched.
Yay, good. I'm glad.
What the fuck? That is like. the nicest gift I've ever received in my life. It's you. How did you make these?
It was on Etsy. I just looked for, like personalized chip bags. Because you deserve to be on a chips bag.
This means so much to me. I can't believe this exists.
It's also a little throwback to your favorite things. Because you said personalized Oreos.
Personalized Oreos. This is beyond. I'm so moved. Yay. I'm so moved.
This is art. This is really pretty.
And I know that you used to put them in a.
Duotang.
Duotang.
Talk about a throwback. So you could put one in a Duotang.
This needs to be exposed. This is art. It needs to be framed. It needs to be framed and just preserved for eternity. I think that's right.
Thank you. You're so good at gifts. It really puts everyone else to shame. This is incredible. No, you are like next level.
It's a little bit of a cheat, but I also thought it's kind of like paper.
This chip bag is paper.
I think it counts.
Oh, my god. I can't believe you.
Your real paper gift is this. And this is very synced.
Guys, if you have a friend like Monica, this is, I'm sure, relatable. Just having a friend who's literally the best gift giver in the world is a gift and a curse. Because there's no way I could ever give you a gift that's as good. Oh my god. Okay.
Liz, happy one year anniversary. Synced. This podcast has been such a joy, a true highlight of the week. Getting to be silly, real, stupid, and poignant all at once is a true privilege. In this box, there are nine cards labeled for different needs, occasions, emotions, etc.
Read them accordingly and you'll get a little note from your synced mate. If I was ovulating, I'd be like crying right now.
Yes, so there's different cards. They're labeled. So what do some of them say?
Open on a day you feel less than. And then there's a card.
There's a card. So, on the day that you feel less than. Do you feel less than right now? No. Then don't open it yet.
I feel great right now. I feel amazing.
So yeah, whenever you're feeling like one of those things, then you look. One of them has an actual date on it, though.
Mother's Day.
Open on Mother's Day.
Wow. Open on a day you need a cheerleader. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm so blown away.
I'm so blown away. Oh my god.
Jesus.
Jesus Christ Superstar.
Jesus Christ. Superstar. Mary Catherine Paulson.
Did Mary Catherine Paulson write into me?
I should.
Actually, now I'm like, I fucked up. I fucked up.
Mary Catherine Paulson, you better write to Erica.
Please write to Erica. Yeah, so that we can include you. We'd love to include you.
Did I tell you that when I went live from Costco, because I went to Costco for the first time the day before Fourth of July. Mary Paulson. Mary. What's her name? Catherine Paulson?
It's Mary Catherine Paulson. Mary, Kate. She was like, I'm Mary, Catherine Paulson's friend. All caps. It's like become a whole.
Yeah, we love.
Wait, we need merch and we need it to say Mary Catherine Paulson.
Yes, we need it.
We got to get on top of that. I love this. But okay, it's been such a beautiful year. Oh, my god. It's so fun.
And I'm so glad we did our little paper gifts.
Wow.
I think number two is like diamonds or something.
Let me double check. Diamonds. Uh oh.
Start saving now. Start saving.
Yep.
Second anniversary gift. I think it might be wood. actually. Let's see. Oh, that's fun.
I can't stop staring at my chips.
Cotton is number two.
Okay.
We have a year to think about.
Yes.
Cool. A year to figure it out. And also thanks mainly to the Sync Squad.
Yes.
Who's been hanging out with us for a whole year and writing in incredible questions for us to just muse on. So lucky.
Yeah. I feel like it's just the best group on earth. Anytime anyone comes up to us, it's just the chillest, coolest person. The questions keep me up at night.
And I mean, again, not to sound cheesy, but sort of what we were just talking about, all being on the same team. I feel that. Like I feel like we have a little team of people who are on the same page and who are trying to be better. We're just trying. Period.
Yeah.
It's really lovely. So, speaking of that, we have some new questions. Let's do some newbies.
You look so hot.
Oh, in the picture? So do you. It's a great picture. Like you should be on every bag of chips. That's a good picture.
It's a great picture. Shout out Nick Rasmussen, who shot our cover art. He also shot Race to 35 for us.
He did.
He's really good. If you're in L.A. and you need a good photographer, he's incredible.
Okay.
Let's see what we got. Oh, okay.
Oh, this is interesting.
I love seeing your reactions to questions.
These are great. What is the etiquette around having different condom sizes for a new partner?
Laura. Hi, Monica and Liz. Hearing your perspectives brightens my week, and as a newly single gal, I'm hoping you can help. My last partner was extremely well endowed, but a train wreck. That's over.
And now I have leftover condoms, full box, sealed, unused in the regular size, but also Magnum and Magnum XL. In a way, it's great to be prepared with the range. The former Girl Scout in me is proud, but what should I offer a future lover? Do I start offering regular, and if he needs a bigger size, reach in my drawer and solve that problem, and again, if he needs bigger than that? Not sure if a gentleman would be as impressed as my selection of options or be like, what the heck was in you before, and now I'm insecure?
Or get misconceptions about my promiscuity, especially if it's someone I'd want to be in a relationship with. Do I offer the largest for their ego, but then would they feel bad if it wasn't the right size for them? Do I just throw the Magnum and Magnum XLs out? I've got my eye on who I hope will next be in my bedroom, who I'd love to be in a relationship with, so I wouldn't want my options for safe sex to spoil the moment. Appreciate your take on this.
Thank you.
Wow. Great cue.
Great cue.
Damn. Has she seen his dick?
I don't think so.
I mean, once you see it, assess the sitch. You'll know. That's true. Just compare and contrast.
I have my own. This isn't the hill I'll die on, but I do find it annoying that men aren't coming with their own condoms.
That too. I'm like, hmm.
I know it's good protocol to have, but that should be a just in case, not that you're always having to provide that.
Absolutely not. I think it's weird if you're. ...
You're expected to.
Yeah. And he knows what's best for him. It's even, again, guys know what size they are and what kind they like. I don't think it's up to you to figure out. it's good to have in case, but why isn't he showing up with condoms?
Okay, so then I would probably say, do you have a condom? If they said no, which is annoying, you could say, I have some, if you want to get one, and then just point to the drawer and maybe don't have the boxes, because then maybe that looks like, oh my God, why does she have so many boxes of condoms? Which, by the way, I don't think you should be worried about looking promiscuous because you are. ...
No, fuck that. You're being safe. Exactly. You're literally like, it's the opposite. It's the opposite.
But if you have any insecurity around, that, maybe just dump a bunch out into the. ...
Just throw a bunch of condoms on him. Yeah.
In your nightstand or whatever. Just have some of each size. Make that his problem. Right.
I have never met a guy who doesn't want a Magnum.
They're lying to themselves, a lot of them.
I think there's a whole condom conversation that no one's really having right now, which is that people are not using condoms. It's not a personal judgment. I think it's just a observation. It obviously can have real consequences.
You have to be extra careful now. I mean, always. Always. But if you are in a state where you can't protect yourself after. ...
100%. It's so weird to me that a guy, especially in a red state, wouldn't show up with condoms. I really hope he's not pro-life if he's doing that.
What do you think happened? This is a theory.
It's so anecdotal. I think part of it is so many women have IUDs. Thankfully, they're still legal and vote accordingly. But anecdotally, because I don't have an IUD.
Me either.
I use condoms, and I've noticed, I think in the last maybe five years, it's almost assumed with a lot of people that we're not going to use a condom. And I'm like, oh, yes, we are. Sometimes they don't have them, or they'll say they don't really work for me. Whatever. There's so many things that people say to avoid using them.
But I'm always a little shocked at how freely people are sort of willing to do it. And yeah, I have a lot of friends who have told me, yeah, I know I shouldn't do it, but because I have an IUD. Like, I think for me, there's just a double threat. And I kind of like that. Again, I get in the heat of the moment.
I mean, look, no condom feels better. That's my opinion. And apparently, that's not true. But we all know it's not.
What does that mean? it's not true?
I mean, I think it's like a thing that people say so that people use condoms. And again, it's still pleasurable. And I think you can still have a great time and then not be stressed out about the consequences of not wearing one.
Well, it's not going to be pleasurable if you're stressed.
No. Oh, God.
I mean, yeah, I experienced that. Right.
I think we've talked about that. Yeah.
Because I just did it. But I was on birth control.
Yeah. It does give you a little, because when you're in the heat of the moment, you're not thinking in the same way that you are if you're not highly aroused. And so I see how I would end up in that being like, oh, OK, it's not that bad. Yeah.
You're in this moment and it almost feels and this is horrible. It feels like you'd be insulting them to like, require it. And that's crazy. That's really bad, old school, patriarchal wiring. But it's in there.
Well, that's why I'll just say, like, do you want to have a baby? Like, I'll just literally like when they like, resist it, I'm like, OK, so. And then usually that like.
Kicks them into gear.
Stop whining. So, coming back to the question, you know what I do? I would make a condom bowl with all the different flavors and sizes and say, like, here, you don't have to say anything.
I guess that's sort of what I'm saying about the drawer. Have it free flowing in the drawer. The bowl seems a little dramatic. OK, so.
Personally, a fishbowl like in your apartment.
Exactly. It feels a little dramatic, you know, even though it's not. It is. It's all safety. But it's like, ooh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know that. I would love walking into even a guy's apartment and then there was like a fishbowl. Right. You're right. You're right.
You're right. But a drawer where there's a bunch and you can just sort of like gesture and say, like, I do have some. You can take one. It's not on you.
No. If he's just never showing up. Listen, we have so many jobs and so many responsibilities. Exactly. And so much money we spend on our reproductive.
They can take on that role and responsibility. Do you remember the episode of Friends, where there's only one condom left and then Monica and Rachel play rock, paper, scissors? When you saw it in 1996, or whatever. Ross and Richard. Exactly.
Did you know that that's what was going on? Because I watched that episode and I was clearly too young, because they never say the word condom. Or maybe I didn't even know what a condom was, but I was too young. I understood that one of them could have sex and the other one couldn't, but I didn't understand that it was because there was one condom. Oh, interesting.
Like, I don't think they actually say the word condom.
They probably don't. I think I did know, but I was a late adopter.
Of condoms?
Of Friends.
You were.
Even though it became my whole life. It started in 94.. I was not watching it then. Oh, you weren't.
I didn't know that. Okay.
I started watching it when I was in, I think, eighth grade. So, I knew at that point. I think. Oh, God. That would be so embarrassing if not.
It's not embarrassing.
That was Monica and Rachel going to get the condom. Yes. This is where we learned it.
What the hell?
Nineties.
Nineties were different.
We have to work hard to change it.
When you watch Clueless, did you understand that the guy was gay?
I didn't understand anything.
I didn't understand it. But I loved it.
I loved it so much. I loved it. I watched it on repeat.
But we didn't know what was going on.
No. He says something, and it's about her being on her period.
I didn't understand it at the time.
It took me years before I realized, oh, he's talking about a period.
I was literally 30 when I was like, oh, that guy was gay.
Right.
Her friend. Yeah, her friend. Because she has such a crush on him. She's in love. You don't understand, when you're eight years old, why they're no longer like, and again, they never say gay.
Oh, I think he said something like riding the crimson tide.
What does that mean?
Period. Oh.
See, I still wouldn't get it if I watched Clueless now. But with my adult brain, I would get what they mean. But when you're a kid, I remember my mom vividly of like watching Friends. She didn't want me to watch it, but I watched it anyways. And then I would laugh at a joke, and she was like, why did you laugh at that?
What was the joke? And it was probably a sex joke. I didn't get it, but I still loved it.
So interesting with the laugh track on Friends, because then you're prompted to laugh. So maybe you're reverse engineering a little. It's like, oh, that was funny. Why?
It just goes to show how good those stories were, like that. it was just so good, even if you didn't understand what's going on.
Totally. Clueless. I know. The fact that it hit a generation, so many generations, but majorly ours, and we didn't know what half the things were. That's shocking.
What a feat. That's incredible. Yeah.
Paul Rudd. He looks the same. He looks the same.
It's crazy.
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Okay, this is interesting. I just found out I'm pregnant. Congratulations. But my friend signed us up for a wine tasting to celebrate my birthday. What do I do?
It's from anonymous. Oh. My husband and I just found out that we're pregnant with our first baby after three years of infertility and trying to conceive, and of course, we are so happy, but trying to keep it a secret until I reach 13 weeks. In just a couple weeks, we're going on a cruise with some friends, and we'll be celebrating my birthday. on one of the days at sea.
I accidentally found out that my friend signed us up for a group wine tasting excursion as a surprise for my birthday when I logged into the cruise app. They know I love wine, and it's such a thoughtful gift, but now I can't do it and have no idea how to turn them down without giving away the fact that I'm pregnant. If I tell them outright, they'd know before my mom and the rest of our family, which is not an option in my opinion. What excuse do I give? How do I get out of this?
I think about this all the time.
I have one word for you. Antibiotics. Just tell people you're on antibiotics. I would do that when I stopped drinking and I felt weird about it, because in New York, L.A. is different.
L.
A.
, in my experience, tons of people are sober. Tons of people are driving. Like, if you don't drink, it's like totally normal, and in New York, basically, I would just get peer pressured. Again, I didn't require a lot of peer pressure, but you get more questions if you say you're not drinking, and it's just like, so I just would say, oh, I'm on antibiotics. I can't drink.
No one's like, come on, dude. Don't make me sick. So it's just an easy thing. You don't need to say more, and people understand, and it just taps you out, basically. Yeah, I like that.
Without needing to say more.
This just requires a straight up excuse or lie. I'm tempted to say, you'd say, like, I'm taking a break from drinking, but that doesn't make any sense. when you're going on a cruise and it's your birthday. So you can't say that.
If I was in her position, you really don't want people to know because you don't want to talk about it. Absolutely. It could be so devastating.
You do not need to tell anyone. Yes.
If I was your friend, I would want you to lie to me. Yeah, same. And so I just think saying the thing that raises no questions is very neutral. It's just like, oh, I'm on two weeks of antibiotics to get rid of this UTI. Whatever.
I can't drink. It sucks. I hate it. And again, I'm sure you are bummed, too. You can't do it.
Right. So I would just be honest, be like, oh, I'm really bummed, but I won't be able to drink. Can we do something else?
Or you can go.
I have thoughts about that. You do? I mean, I'm not deep into no longer drinking. I still do the same things, but when it's prolonged, no. It's a whole day, and that's the central focus.
If I was with my friends, I'd have so much fun anyways. I'd probably do it. But it just makes you more creative in terms of activities. But if you want to do it, you should do it.
Yeah. I think that's a good excuse. I haven't heard that one. I mean, also, I know friends who, like, they'll order a glass of wine and then, like their husband, will drink it and they'll like, pretend like they drank it. One of my friends came over for dinner.
It was a dinner party and she was newly pregnant. There would be like no reason for her not to. So I poured all the wine and I don't know how it happened, because her husband is sober. So he definitely wasn't drinking it. But maybe he took the glasses to refill and then, like, poured some out.
I don't know.
It's too risky for your mental health for people to start wondering or say something.
I'm going to. it's going to be so obvious. 100%.
Again, UTI. Also, UTIs are so common. And again, maybe because it literally would happen to me a lot in my 20s, because I got UTIs every two seconds. I think on my birthday once. Really?
I couldn't drink because I don't want to make this any worse.
You're also just better than me. I drank on antibiotics, for sure.
When you have a UTI?
In college, I had this crazy kidney stone slash kidney infection, slash bladder infection. They like kind of didn't really know. But then I was, like, you know, peeing in the strainer. It was a disaster. Yeah, it was.
I've never been in so much pain in my whole life.
That sounds horrible.
It was so bad. I went to the hospital. And all to say I ended up on antibiotics. And then I was fine. Like I was fine on those.
And a couple days into antibiotics, it was my birthday. And in college, we had these huge blowout house parties for all of our birthdays. They were so fun. And my birthday was always the beginning of the year. It was the first one.
It was so fun. I was like, I have to drink.
Yeah, you drink.
And of course I drank. And I think we asked, like my friend's mom was a nurse. She was kind of like, it's fine, I guess.
It depends on the antibiotic.
I mean, what it does is make it less effective. It makes it less effective. Yeah. Definitely shouldn't have done it, but I was fine.
I mean, you don't have a kidney stone right now. Basically, like, the point is, no one's going to bully you for not drinking on antibiotics. Unless your friends are frat boys. Usually, people are like, oh, that sucks. And then you don't really have to like answer anything else.
Yeah. That's a good excuse. I think it's the only excuse. Yeah. I don't know what else you could say.
I mean, you can say you have Candida. That's why I stopped drinking it last summer. A lot of women know what it's like.
But they might be like, just one class.
Yes, that's true.
I'm sure I did that.
You might get that, but you can say, no, I'm having so many yeast infections. I really want to get rid of it. Or again, with this antibiotic, I just really want to get rid of this infection.
Okay, I like that.
Also, it's your birthday. So, like people, want you to have a good time. If they're focused on, like them, drinking, just coming up with again, whether it's antibiotics or you have Candida or you have, like vaginal health issues. Making it very short and sweet so that there's no holes.
I think that's good. Okay, let's do one more.
It's so exciting to be pregnant.
Yeah, sending you lots of love and good vibes.
Yeah.
Okay, this is interesting. Is my husband wrong for not helping a female employee lift a heavy box? Caitlin. Hi, Monica and Liz. My husband and I recently and impulsively bought a new TV.
When we went to the store to pick it up, there were two employees, one of which was female, lifting the very heavy boxes into our car. The female made a couple remarks about it being heavy. And I was surprised when my husband didn't hop out of the car to assist her. This came as a shock to me, as my husband is a very traditional southern gentleman. I immediately felt embarrassed, but didn't know if this embarrassment was because of my husband's lack of action or the guilt I carry around.
anytime we make a large purchase. My husband has a very successful career and we are able to afford things that I've never been able to afford before. I know this is something I struggle with. So am I crazy for expecting my husband to help an employee do her job, or should he have gone the extra step and helped her? I think both can be true.
I think you might be like sitting with like, oh, that was a big purchase. And so maybe you're feeling a little off or in your head, especially if that's your background. That makes total sense. But I think the him not helping is its own thing. And this is complicated.
in a way it shouldn't be. This should be easy, but it's actually complicated because to me, yes, he should have helped her. And then also it's like women can do everything by themselves. They don't need help. A man's coming to help me.
I got this.
I feel the same way. And if I was her, I would be like thinking about this for days. Like I would be haunted by this. I totally understand how, again, you're like, wait, what does this mean? Why didn't he?
It would give me like the ick. Like I would just be confused. At the same time, just interviews I've done with men for my book. There are a lot of men who now don't do traditionally chivalrous things for women because they think that the woman will be offended, because it means that they don't think that she can do her job on her own. And so when I remember that, it helps me because, let's be honest, in 2024, women are encountering men who fall short of our expectations all of the time in this particular.
Yeah, it's hard when it happens to me. I like, take it very personally. Or again, I'll make a judgment on the guy. But then I catch myself being like, oh, maybe. Again, having talked to some of my guy friends, like, even like one guy once was like, is it sexist if I pay on the first date?
And I was like, no, how is this the message? But they don't know. And so they often would just freeze, actually. And they'd rather do nothing than do something that's wrong. Right.
Or do something that would offend. Not to sound like a tradwife, but I do think that people are very afraid to do things.
Oh, in general. Yes, everyone's afraid. For good reason also.
For real reasons. Yeah. People are get offended. People get upset. And I think particularly there are a lot of men who are just doing nothing.
I think it applies to like a lot of things, even like national conversations around women's reproductive health and just things where you're like, wait, why aren't you protecting me? Why aren't you stepping up? And they just feel like, well, if I say something, I'm going to say it wrong. If I do something, I'm going to do it wrong.
It's weird to even say I want protection from a man, even though it's true, I want it, if it makes me sexist. I know. Exactly.
To pull this even more back, if we were together in this car and there's two women who are struggling with something heavy, I would go help them regardless. Obviously, if it's a man, it's even more visible and clear that there should be support, but I would help them. Maybe I think I'm a better person than I am, but I would just be like, oh, do you need help?
You could just ask. Yes. And then it's not just like, here. I am coming to the rescue. Yeah.
Saving the day. A man's needed here. Ugh. But if they need help, they'll be like, yeah. And that would be the part that I'm like, why didn't you at least offer?
But also, we don't know what, maybe he was thinking about girls. Who knows what was happening in his head in that moment.
Maybe he saw something on his phone from his mom.
He's off in his own world. Who knows? But I do think if I was in that situation and my boyfriend was not helping and they were struggling behind me and he was just like not paying attention, this is just my personality. I'd be like, hey, I think you should help us. Yes.
And then I would say, do you guys need help? Right.
And then offer him up. Exactly.
And then they're like, yeah. Then go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go, go. Go, help them.
But I don't know if that's just a specific personality type. It's not rude, is it?
No, I really don't think so. I mean, I understand why maybe she didn't say anything in the moment, because she was expecting him to do it and he wasn't doing it. So I understand the delay there. But yeah, I would do the same thing. I'd just be like, do you guys need help?
Also, men love flow. I know.
That moment. Being useful.
And that's why I have another question. This is such a great question because there's so many layers of the onion to peel. When you see a man struggling, or particularly an older man that needs help. I go to this coffee shop. Well, I don't want to expose this guy.
He's probably not listening. There's this 90-year-old man who goes to this coffee shop that I go to. He has a cane. He's very independent. But definitely a senior, yes.
I think if this was a woman, I would be opening doors. And when it's a man with a cane, it really then becomes this weird thing of, is he going to? Again, it's such a gender thing, but in the other way, right? Where is this going? to emasculate him?
because I'm offering help? And I hate that.
I hate it.
I hate that. And the thing is, it probably does. Talking about national debates, this whole existential question on the progressive side.
What people of a certain age can do. Yes. Yeah.
That we will not name. I don't know if this was a woman. There's a lot of ego attached.
There's so much ego. Yes. But that's the part that I find infuriating. It's like we're all just not going to physically help a person because of the fragile male ego.
I feel the same. I'm infuriated because it has national consequences right now and global consequences. But on a personal level, to our point of men love to be useful. That's their moment where they feel like this is the thing I do. If they can't do that anymore, I think it really does fuck with them.
And even my dad, like my dad, had a stroke and we left the hospital. While I was there, the nurse had said like, oh, get up. And how do you feel from a scale from one to 10?? And at the time he was like, I'm a 10.. It's great.
And my dad was just like walking around, like everything was fine. And we were walking home, which already I was like, don't you want to call a car? And two days later he was like, yeah. When the nurse said, are you a one out of 10?? I said 10, but I wasn't.
I was more of a seven, but I felt like I needed to say 10.
. It makes me like so emotional.
I know, it's so sad.
It's like women also don't want to feel weak and physically unable to do things. But I think when men can't, it really is like existential for them.
It is. That's really true. But, like, I don't know how to fix that, because we all just have to give men permission to be fallible, to be weak. Like that's on all of us to do. It is so unfair that they are burdened with this idea that they have to say 10..
Or that they have to be 90 and like not able to open a door, but you have to let them open a door. That's our collective failing.
Yes, and that there's something quote, unquote, weak about needing support and needing help. Like when the best people have people, right? Like the best people, which is like a whole. then disability argument too, of just like so many disabled women. Obviously, dating is difficult already, and having a disability adds a whole other layer to it.
But again, men told me like being disabled and male. Because if you're a straight woman and you're disabled, needing help, needing support, a man might even be turned on by that. Whereas a man needing support from a woman, like it goes against these conventional norms, gender norms. And it's really difficult. It is.
Yeah, we view it as feminine, or we view it as weak, and it's not.
We, all of us. We, yeah. It's not just men. We're doing it. Women are doing it to them as well.
And all we can do is sort of control our role in it. But then circling back to this question, so maybe he was just like, I don't feel like I can lift it.
Right, that could be going on too.
I mean, it's probably not, but what if? And then we're like, you should be helping. What if he's like, I can't, but I have to because I'm a man. I don't know. This is complex.
Yeah, this is like my favorite kind of question, because it's innocuous, but it is so not. It is so deep. It's revealing of, like so many important conversations. Or again, just norms and rules, and like mores. Mores?
Sure. Yeah. I like that.
Haven't heard that word in a while, but yeah, I like it.
That sort of guide our human behavior. And again, like the fact that I want a man, that I enjoy a man doing physical labor, that probably means I'm part of the problem.
I think it's the truth. It's your truth. And it's my truth too. I am the same, but I do often think this isn't good. This is part of.
Your head tilt.
Like I'm not helping. Okay. I feel weird talking about it, because I don't want. I just feel bad talking about it, but it's so relevant to what we're talking about right now. So I feel like I'm going to say I was at a bar with friends and one of my friends, a female, was ordering a drink and it came with this beautiful ice cube in it.
And it was like shaped like a rose. And she said, oh, my gosh, it's so beautiful. And this random stranger next to her, man, older man, was like, that's so gay.
No. Yep. This happened in 2024..
2024 in Los Angeles. What?
I know.
I was like, did you time travel, sir? Like, I don't get it. I wasn't there for what happened. Like I was sitting outside. And so she came back with her drink and she was really upset.
She's also gay.
Oh, my God.
The man didn't know that. But it's so irrelevant. It's like using that word as a pejorative. Oh, my God. Currently is bad.
I know. Very upsetting for her. And she was kind of like, I don't know why I'm so upset. And I was like, of course. For one, it caught you way off guard.
It's upsetting. It's a pejorative about your identity. And I was like, this would be like if I was like, oh, this is so nice. And someone said, that's so Indian. Ew.
Yeah. I'd be like, what? I think she was able to hear when she could like remove it from herself. She was like, oh, yeah, yeah. That's awful.
I was like, yeah. That's what happened.
Oh, my God. So that was awful.
And we were there with some other people. And one of these people, a man, got up and felt like was going to go approach. Confront. And of course, we're like, no, don't.
And that's true.
It was like, no, no, no, no. Don't do that. That's not needed. We don't need a confrontation. But I think what happens is this is on us.
It's like, but I kind of like it.
Yes.
No, don't go. But no, do. Go. Go, protect.
Yeah.
And then a couple turns of events, and this person didn't end up approaching. And so when they came back, it almost was like a letdown.
I relate.
That's crazy. That was a letdown. Yeah. Because just need to go start a fucking fight. But we do innately want this protection.
And that's on us. And then I got snippy about it, which is my fault. Again, we're like requiring it of men. And it's not fair. It's not this person's nature to get up and do anything.
And they shouldn't be forced to do something. that's not in their nature, because it's like fitting a gender norm.
Okay. What if that happened? What if you were in a situation and it's your boyfriend and someone says something that's offensive, or, again, that you're hurt and he doesn't do anything? How do you feel then?
I feel fine unless I do think it's like a cock tease. If he went up and went and approached and then came back and was like, yeah, that's a nice guy.
Oh.
Obviously, that's a problem, because then you just feel like your feelings didn't matter at all. It wasn't enough. I got there and then actually wasn't enough of a thing for me to say anything. But if they just don't go in the first place, I don't care. As long as they're like supporting me in the moment.
Wow. Wow.
Wow. It is so complicated. And this friend did say he was like, I don't know how to say this, but it's basically like as a man, it's hard to hear this type of pushback from us. Oh, wow. Yeah.
And I was like, yeah, I see that.
Sure. What an interesting incident. One other thing I'll say is that I've been disrespected in public. I don't know why, but probably because I'm just a woman living in the world. But, yeah, I've had a few kind of events of, yeah, being groped or being touched.
And every single time there is a side of me that comes out that I don't even know who she is, but she is like out for murder, like homicidal. That's great. If it's a guy. If it's a woman, which, you know, obviously has not happened as much or literally has never happened, but it's just a primal, it's like a primitive part of me that just goes like, oh, no. And so every time it's happened, I've sprung into action.
For me, that usually feels good, because then I'm doing something about it. But in two of a few of these incidents, I have been with men. And once I was with my boyfriend in Denmark, in Copenhagen, and like this happened. King? No, King's friend that I ended up importing.
Oh, my gosh. LOL. So I was yelling at these guys. And have I told you this story?
Maybe I've told it. I don't think so.
But these guys groped me. I got on my bike. I sprinted back to them. It was like a group of 10 guys and like puffers on the corner of the train station. I don't know what I said, but I was like, in that mode of like, I'm going to end you.
You are so disrespectful to women and you can't do that and blah, blah, blah. I don't think people should do this if you're making yourself unsafe. But every time that it's happened, the men do like, realize, oh, God, and they feel bad and they stop. But my boyfriend hadn't said anything. I was the one yelling, but he was next to me.
And then, when we walked away, he was like, that guy was holding a knife and looking at me and saying, control your woman. Stop. In Danish. I know. This is why I'm like, don't do this.
Oh, God. So all this to say that basically a woman confronting a man, obviously I'm not calculating the danger and I should. There is a danger. But when a man confronts another man, it can get physical. It's so fast.
In a way that, like, hopefully most men don't just like, hit a woman and know that doing that in public is bad, whereas hitting another man or like. And so that's one thing I've learned is that, in terms of confrontation, sometimes the safest thing a man can do for the both of you is actually not.
Agreed.
So, yeah, there's so many things at play. So many layers. And this question is like, oh, we could do a PhD. Yeah. He sits on it.
Oh, wow. It's so fascinating.
Yeah, I'll be thinking about that for a while.
Me too.
Those were great. Really good. Those were great questions. Thank you so much for writing in. Please keep writing in.
And a happy anniversary to you. Thank you for my check. Oh, my God. Thank you for my beautiful pinata. And we'll see you next week.
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