Aly Raisman: Thirty, Single & Thriving [VIDEO]

Allie Raisman, welcome to Call Her Daddy.

Oh, my god. Should we call each other Alexandra?

And really no one calls me that. When I was little, I used to actually be called Sexy Lexi, which is probably weird. But when I was like five years old, everyone called me Sexy Lexi. I don't know why.

And I asked my mom one day, and she said it was Alexandra. And I felt like I had been lied to my whole life because I was a very dramatic kid. So then I went by Alexandra for a little bit. And then I actually don't remember where Allie came from. But I love when my childhood friends call me Lexi, because it's just like they knew me before everything.

you got Sexy Lexi and I got Big Al from Alexandra. Like, make it make sense. I love that for you.

So I read your article, and to anyone that didn't read it, you're going to read it because you're going to fall in love and we're going to talk about it today. But you basically wrote an article about being single at 30 and you talk about how it's really not where you thought you were going to be in your life at that point. So there is a lot to discuss today about timelines, comparison, just how hard it is to date in general. But before we get into that, because the daddy gang is going to freak out over that conversation. It's literally all we talk about over here.

Okay. We need to talk about the Olympics. You are going to the Olympics this year. Yes. I am going to the Olympics this year.

We will be hanging out. I can't wait. What are you most excited for about Paris?

So I am a huge fan of gymnastics too. And I grew up just being obsessed with it and watching it. And so I love watching incredible athletes from all over the world too. And I think that's what's so cool about the Olympics is obviously I'm rooting for the US team and I think that they look so good and I'm so impressed with them. But I also love how, as an eight year old, one of my favorite gymnasts was a Ukrainian gymnast.

And so I just feel like what's so cool is the whole world comes together and you just really appreciate just greatness and such incredible athleticism. So I'm so excited. And then I also want to go to, like my brother is coming and he wants to go to ping pong finals. I'm like, that would be so cool.

I'm like, I will be there. My favorite movie growing up was Step Up. Maybe Channing Tatum, hit me up. We can go watch together. He's like, absolutely not.

There are so many random things that I want to go see. Obviously, we have like the big, massive sports that get so much like notoriety, but there's some like random things. I'm like, I want to go see fencing. I would love to. Okay.

Like I love to do here on Call Her Daddy, because it really paints the picture of who someone is. Like. how would you describe your personality when you were growing up?

I still do, but I'm two years older than my brother Brett and then six years older than Chloe and eight years older than Madison. So I felt like I was like, I just like loved being the big sister. And I remember, you know, those little like cars, the little mini ones that, like kids, drive around. I just like, would pretend I was like the mom and taking them around the driveway. Like I just loved being a big sister, and they used to sleep in bed with me every night, which is just so cute.

And then I just loved, I used to beg my coaches to let me stay later at practice. And actually, thankfully, they wouldn't let me, cause they didn't want me to burn out. But I was so sad to leave the gym. I was obsessed. Like I remember I would miss Halloween even at a young age, because I wanted to be at the gym.

I was just like so driven. I think you have to be like born with something a little bit extra crazy and you to be that intense, but I loved it.

And I also appreciate how, when I didn't do well at a meet or practice, they didn't get mad at me and they were even more, I think, loving and supporting when I didn't do as well. And if they weren't supportive, I would have never survived. Like I had teammates when I was younger that were actually better than me, but because their parents put so much pressure on them, they just couldn't do it. And I don't blame them. I wouldn't have been able to do it, because we're already, I think, our own worst critic.

And then our coaches are hard on us. And then you go home and your parents are on you. It's just, so. I'm so glad my parents, I knew that if I didn't do well, they would be there for me and support me.

And it feels like a full-time job. And we're talking about being like seven, eight, nine, 10 year old girls. And it's like, it's not that deep. It is. And eventually became your like life, but it's also like, you have to have balance and order, in my opinion, to survive and to.

So many athletes, if they do really well, they might not know who they are outside of their sport. Cause that's what they've been doing their entire life. And then, if they don't do well, I think it's really hard if you don't have the support or the sort of like mental preparation, if you don't do well, um, to know that you're more than just your result. And, like everyone, is human. It's really, I think, hard to accept that.

So I always feel for athletes when I'm watching, like I get nervous, even when I don't know people, or even when I see a gymnast from another country, like, of course I want everyone to do well. And obviously again, rooting for the U S team. But even if I see a gymnast from another country, like not do well, I just feel so sad for them because you put so much into it. And I think so many athletes, their worth is wrapped up in their result. It is very intense.

And I'm curious.

And so I feel like everyone has a different journey of what works for them. But for me, it was so important that I could go to school and have that balance. And I can remember I would train six days a week, um, four to seven hours every other day, except Sunday. I was off. But then 2016,, when I was done with high school, I would sometimes go in on Sunday on my day off.

So I was, I'm still exhausted. I'm still exhausted from it. Sometimes people, when I tell them that they're like, that's not bad. I'm like, yeah, it is. It was bad, but it was really exhausting.

It was exhausting. I'm like still recovering from that, which we, we can get you after. But I can remember I would train in the morning and I would then like literally be like covered in chalk and like go right to school. Like I was so self conscious because I'd like be like trying to like wash my body, like really quickly, go to school, trying to look cute for boys. I was so uncomfortable.

High school is also so hard. I was so, so insecure. And then I would go to class and then I would quickly do my homework after school and then go back to the gym after it was just so, I was so driven. And so, like none of my friends understood, I think, how serious I was about it. Like when I competed in 2012 at the Olympics, um, it was right after I graduated high school.

And I remember being like, you never told us you were like that. good. And I was like, well, I don't know.

It was so intense,

And he was like, I didn't understand how good she was. So he's like, it took me a really long time. And I, he would, he was like, I kind of judge you. And now he's like, I just telling.

I don't know. I think part, maybe some of it is that if it's someone doesn't know who I am, then I'm kind of, I'm like excited. Cause I'm like, Oh, they really like me for me. There's something about it where like, there's. no, it makes me feel so good if I'm out somewhere and like a guy is interested in me and they don't know who I am, because it just makes me feel like, Oh, they like me for me.

And so I think it's that, and I feel more connected to them. Um, it's not to say if someone does know you, you know, you can kind of get the vibe when you know why someone's sort of talking to you. But I think it, maybe I feel very guarded, but then also I think gymnastics, I have such an interesting, complicated relationship with it that I feel like sometimes I don't love talking about it in my personal time all the time, but I'm doing a lot of therapy to work.

We just learn in life, like never be too confident, because it will come off as cocky and like, don't talk about your accolades, because now you're just like drawing attention to yourself. And like, that's just like what being a woman is like. And it's like, I'll brag for you. Um, you're amazing. Um, so you, did you like flourish with like friends in high school, though?

It sounds like you had like a lot.

I felt like, um, people were very nice to me. And so, but I just remember feeling kind of like I was missing out on stuff and it was hard coming back and hearing everyone talking about how fun stuff was. I remember being very insecure. Like I just didn't think that any guy in high school thought I was cute, which makes me so sad when I look back. And so I just remember, you know, any little thing that was wrong, I just felt like everyone was looking at it or everyone was noticing it.

But in gymnastics, it's a subjective sport. So I was taught from a young age that, like every little thing is picked apart, and it's actually really hard for me in life now to realize that people aren't looking at me like that. Like no one cares. So it's a, it was very interesting. But in the moment I was so in the thick of always kind of being critiqued all the time that I thought other people thought

Like what insecurities when you're talking about boys versus then what you're working towards on like in the gym, like what?

And it makes me so sad that I wasted that much time. But it's really incredible how, I guess, incredible in a bad way, how, when people make fun of you, how it can really stay with you. And then I remember in seventh grade, so vividly I was wearing a tank top and some guy told me that I looked disgusting and some of my arms were disgusting. And so I literally, actually, this was a big moment for me at Olympic trials. Last week, I wore a dress that totally showed my arms.

And I was saying to my mom, I was like, this is like such a big deal for me that I'm doing this because I would have been so self-conscious and worried. And now I'm just trying, it feels so freeing to just try not to worry as much, but it's just so, I think that, like, as I do, more therapy, it's amazing how much stuff sticks with us. And I think that's also why I have anxiety, or social anxiety, because I'm like, I hope I've never said something that would ever stick with someone. I would feel so bad. And I know sometimes, you know, sometimes we're all human.

We all say things, sometimes we don't mean, or we don't even realize someone interpreted in a different way. But I think I'm like so afraid of making someone feel the way that other people made me feel that I'm almost like too hyper aware. But so that was a really big one. I think I was always self-conscious of like my body because in gymnastics they were so strict with my weight. And even though we worked out so much, I still had to watch what I ate a lot.

I also want to be careful with saying this, because I know how many people struggle with body dysmorphia and eating disorders. So I think it's so important, no matter what sport you're in, to feel your body and eat a lot of food. And I wish I could go back and tell myself to eat more and feel my body, but I just felt so much pressure to always be skinnier and skinnier. And it was so unhealthy because I was already working out so much. And it's crazy for me to look back at photos of myself where I was being told to lose more weight.

And I'm like, I was, didn't have an ounce of fat on me. It's just I, this is for any of the people that are athletes. And I'm obviously not a medical expert, so don't quote me on these exact numbers, but I do believe that women are supposed to have a higher body fat percentage than men. And I remember going into 2016 Olympics, I was very, very thin, just from the pressure in the sport to be a certain weight. And I was 22 years old.

So I was kind of like fighting with, like becoming a woman and still looking like a little girl. And I remember, um, the person who was taking my body fat, um, they had said that I remember when I did it. So go back. Actually, when I was 16, I had someone else. do my body fat.

And they were saying that they'd never seen someone under 12%. And they had said, like, women should be like 18 or 20%. I don't know how accurate the 18 to 20% is. So he was like, so you're probably going to be maybe around 12.. And I remember I was at like 8%.

And at the time I was 16 and he was like, really concerned about it. He's like, you're way too low. That's. And I was 16.. And then, when I was 22, about to leave for the Rio Olympics, I remember my body fat was that, um, 5%.

And I remember the person who, uh, works with NFL players was like, I, he was like, this is not okay. Like you can get seriously hurt. And this is, this is terrible. He's like, I've never seen, he's like, even the guys sometimes being this low, he's like, you're lower than some of the men on the team. And I remember I was like, I just need you to, there's nothing I can do about it, because like, this is what the judges and the coaches like need for me.

I was like, I just need you to be supportive and tell me it's going to be okay. He's like, I can't like, he's like, this is so dangerous for you. And I actually feel like my body has never recovered from being that thin and like fighting against that. So it's very, it's very interesting because I can remember I would still eat and feel my body. But at the same time, there was this like trying to like, I can, there was so much pressure.

I can remember like, this is so gross now. I'm like, I've become more of a germaphobe as I've gotten older, but this is so gross. But it just like desperate times call for desperate measures. Like. I remember times like literally, because there was so much pressure to be thin, I had to be careful.

what I ate in front of, you know, people on, on the staff. And I remember like, I would go into, like the airport in the plane bathroom, which is disgusting, and like eat a power bar. So like, no one would see me where. that is just like, so gross to me now. But when you're so hungry, it doesn't even seem gross, but it was just, so.

I remember like, I would try to eat, but there was so much pressure to be thin that it just was very, very hard. So I was very insecure about that in high school, of course, because I thought, oh, well, the guys think that I'm big too. So that's.

Like that, like my heart breaks for you that you had to go into that bathroom and to like eat in secrecy because of the coaches, and like the mentality and the rules and the strictness. And like, even thinking of like that doctor saying that to you, of like, wait, you're a 5%. Like, do you think you were numb at that point? Like, did you feel anything? Like, what did you feel when someone said that to you and looked at you and said that to you?

So I was really stressed about that. And I remember every morning waking up and like, it was so stiff in the morning and I'd have to like brace myself to get out of bed. Like there's just so many things I feel like now that I'm done, I'm so much more relaxed, but I remember just being so stressed, hoping that my body would keep it together. But I think one of my biggest concerns with competing was I hope my muscles don't cramp up and I feel I'm so exhausted. So that was.

what's so interesting to me is that I was so good at gymnastics and successful in the sport. while I had like so little energy, my muscles were cramping up. I was so exhausted and so fatigued. And I also would, in 2016, I remember a couple years, maybe before the Olympics, I would start to get like extreme nausea. And I think, because I was so thin for my size, I would like wake up in the morning and almost be like dry heaving, because I was like gagging, because I was so nauseous.

And so it was really hard for me. And it's really hard when you're nauseous to eat. So I just remember feeling so sick all the time that I was. so, I think I was numb and I was so dissociated because I just needed to get through it. And I was so nervous.

I don't know. It was just such a weird thing. And I'm now like doing a lot of therapy and going through it, but it's hard because you're like reliving that and going through that. And it's very interesting.

And my heart breaks for you, but I think that these type of conversations hopefully will help future athletes. Not that it's on you and it sucks that it had to go this way for you, but I know there's so many amazing things that came from your career. But now you're 30 and you're like, damn, I'm having to fucking peel this shit back. And it is rough. And I can see it on your face.

It's like, this is heavy shit. Totally. And I'm so sorry that it's like the thing that you loved and that you're so fucking good at, also caused you pain. And that is relatable and sad and fucked up. And it's tough.

It's tough hearing you say it. And I appreciate you even saying it, because I can imagine it's terrifying to even admit this, because now is the headline just going to be negatives about it? And I hope people don't see that. It's just like, no, this is just the reality. This is the reality.

And that's why I hope, when we watch the Olympics this year, it's understanding that having grace for these athletes when someone doesn't perform at their best, it's not just because, oh, they had an off game or they had an off.

. Listen to what you're saying. The body, the pressure, half of it, is just the mental. I know. People forget we are human beings.

There's so much more that goes into this than just the minute that the person is standing at the top and about to do the beam. It's like... It's so stressful. It's so stressful.

Obviously, as the Olympics comes up, I'm so excited and I can't wait. And I've been doing a lot of actually exposure therapy right now where, for people who don't know, it's sort of like exposing yourself to the trauma or whatever it is that has caused you stress or pain. So that could be... If you had someone that hurt you and they wore like a specific perfume or a cologne, maybe you smell the cologne or their perfume every day to remake better memories with that. Or it could be writing down a memory or talking about a memory or watching something.

So I've been doing that a lot and that's been really helpful, but it's kind of like sometimes it can make things worse before it gets better. Or I'm like, oh my God, I have so much to work through. It's so overwhelming. There's just so much there. And then there's stuff.

I forgot about that. now I'm like... It's coming back up. Yeah.

Are you too anxious around this type of.

. We're talking about gymnastics right now, and that's the crux of the trauma. You know what I mean?

I've struggled with some health stuff, which we can get into after from just the over-exhaustion of what I put my body through. So, depending on the day, however, because there are so many actually exposures of, whether it's doing interviews or even going to Olympic trials was actually such a wonderful experience. And I'm so glad I went, but I was so nervous. And just being back in that environment, certain smells, or even there's a bell that rings before you compete. And I'm like, my gosh, I haven't heard this in so long, all these little things.

So I'm stopped the actual exposure homework in therapy, but I feel like I'm being exposed throughout a lot of different things right now. So we're doing baby steps and just working on ways to cope with some of that stuff. But it's really interesting. And I'm glad my therapist has really worked with me. For example, there was a person's name that someone who had abused me that their name was so triggering for me.

And so, like anytime, I'd be with someone and they'd mention their name, not about the person, but maybe like their friend or someone they're golfing with. I was just like, I'd feel this like feeling. And so I would read a children's book with his name. That was just like, or I'd read a book about an athlete that had the same name. So it's like getting used to that name in a more positive way.

And so I feel like my therapist has done such a good job of meeting me where I'm at, because in the past, maybe another therapist is like, just tell me all about your trauma. I'm like, I. just, let's just start with the children's book. Like I'll watch a little kid show something to, like baby steps into it. And I've learned there's no right or wrong way.

And I think like I have so many people come up to me all the time and share their stories of like being a survivor of abuse or their mental health struggles. And I always will say to them, like, if you're having a tough day, it's okay to watch your favorite show on Netflix or whatever it is. Like, it's okay to just like, give yourself a break, because when you are, people don't realize when you've experienced trauma, you have PTSD, you're going through it. Even if you're on the most beautiful Island in the entire world, you are not there mentally sometimes. And you're just like reliving your trauma over and over again.

And so I always try to validate people's experiences, because I think so many people don't understand trauma and like the mental side of it and how hard it is to be present when you're going through a hard time. Like, even if someone's hard time happened 10 years ago, you still could be living it every single day. You still could be super paranoid. You know, PTSD is like not one size fits all. It affects you in so many different ways.

You could be totally fine. And then there could be, like, you know, someone's body lotion reminds you of a smell and it brings you right back. And so I think that we all just have to talk about it more. So we're all more aware of like how much people are struggling and dealing with and give people grace, because sometimes you just need to, it's okay to just be home and take time for yourself. So I'm glad my therapist has kind of given me permission to, um, to just like take it really baby steps.

And she's really good about like taking a break and now finding like good coping ways if I feel stressed or something. No. And I love you sharing that too. Thank you.

But I also just want to say, like, thank you for even just like talking, whatever you feel comfortable, because I can imagine it's fucking exhausting though. Just hearing you speak, Allie, like you're, you're so wise, but it's like, you're 30 years old, like you're so young, and I can imagine it's like a lot of fucking pressure when people want you to speak up and like be an advocate and be the face of it. And it's like, you still have, you still have your shit that you have to work through. Like, I, I hope that you know that like, it's not on you to like always help other people and, like you, focus on yourself in moments where you, I can imagine so many young girls coming up to you is amazing, but it's also like, you can't help them if you're not good.

There's so many people who are really suffering in silence. And I have some people sometimes who I'll be in the grocery store and they're like, my abuse happened 50 years ago. You're the only person I've ever told. And so I can't even tell you how much I've had to work on in therapy of like not overthinking what I say and worrying, because I know from personal experience, when we share what we've been through with someone, and it's the only person, the first person, like that is so correlated to how they're going to heal is being validating to them. So I feel, I felt so much pressure.

And now I have found that when I'm honest and just real with them and just supportive that people are always like, so understanding. And I think people have been through hard times, always like give people the benefit of the doubt and are there for each other. But it is, it's really, it has affected me so much. And it's interesting. I've never, I've never actually shared this publicly at all, because it's been something that I deal with, I'd say, most days.

And I think that I've thought about this a lot where I think that if I didn't train so intensely my whole entire life, and I didn't experience trauma in my, you know, teenage years and younger years, I have actually been hospitalized several times, for just like my body has, I read something on Instagram that I think really encapsulates it. It says, if you don't pick a day to rest, your body will pick it for you. And it was, it's happened twice where it's been like this intense, but I feel like I have different minor issues as well, depending on what I'm going through at the time, but where, like I have literally stroke-like symptoms. I can't remember my name. I'm like slurring my words.

I can barely speak. Both times I was tested for a stroke because, like, I literally couldn't move my body. It was so scary. And the first time the doctors had like absolutely no idea what it was. And it's, it was so scary because also my abuse happened with the doctor.

So, being in, the first time it happened was during COVID. And so they wouldn't let my mom in the ambulance with me. So I was also, it's really interesting because I'm, I can't, I can understand what someone is saying to me and asking me, like, I know they're asking me what my name is, but I can't remember my name or say what my name is. And I was aware enough to know like, oh my God, I have two men that I can't move my arms and my legs. I can't move my body.

I can't speak. Like, what if they take advantage of me? And so that at the time, this was years ago, during COVID. So I was like, really still struggling a lot with PTSD, where people don't realize how much it still lives with you when you've been through something traumatic. So that was really hard, hard for me.

And then, um, it happened again, um, a little bit over a year ago, where it was like, I, it actually was in the hospital for three days and like, they obviously don't keep you in the ER for three days for, for nothing, but it was really scary. And I remember, like, I, they wouldn't release me because I couldn't like sit up on my own. It took me so long. I needed help, like walking, going to the bathroom. Like it was just the most, to be able to, to go from being like an athlete and being able to push myself so much to being able to literally not even be able to like, move my fingers, move my legs.

I had like complete, like body paralysis, um, and not even to know like what my name is. It was so scary. And it's something where, like on a daily basis, like I have to manage making sure that I'm not like, cause. stress exacerbates it. Like what I is a real medical thing, but stress makes everything worse.

So I have to, like, be very on top of my therapy, but then also my therapist has to work with me of like, if I'm starting to feel off, like I just don't do the exposure stuff. So it's very, it's very hard and very interesting because I'm also like, to your point, I'm very young. So to have something like that happen was very, um, hard. And then also, when I went both times, actually the second time, they didn't know who I was when I first got to the hospital, which is totally fine. That shouldn't matter.

And the only reason why I share that is because my mom had said that they kept coming in and asking me to like lift my legs and I couldn't, they kept saying, what's your name? And I was kind of just like, it, almost like, even like lifting my finger would like take so much energy that I couldn't even like, I just was so out of it. And they kept kind of like rolling their eyes and not really paying much attention to me. And then finally, um, my mom was like, I really hate to do this, but you guys are like ignoring her. I think you think she's like, I don't know what's going on, but you should treat everyone the same way.

But she's like, I just want to tell you because you're not believing her. But just to give you a perspective of how like abnormal this is and how freaked out I am. She, she was like, do you know who Allie Raisman is? And they were like, yeah, we know who she is. And my mom was like, well, that's her.

And then they were like, oh my God. And then from there, they like, took such great care of me and were there for me. And I'm like, it's, I want to share that because it's appalling. Like, it doesn't matter who you are. Everyone deserves to get excellent medical treatment.

And I don't know why. they were like rolling their eyes at me or thought I was faking, but it wasn't until they realized that I was a very high level athlete, that they were very nice to me and taking care of me, which is just like, that's also triggering for me, because I already have trust issues with doctors. So it was just really, it's just, it's been a very complicated thing. And then I also have anxiety. Like I would, if I don't feel well again, because there's the fear of like, when I'm in Paris this summer, I'm going to be so busy.

There's going to be a lot of triggers. I might see someone that maybe didn't protect me in the past. And so I always am just like, so it's working on that.

the effects of what happened to you in the past still live with you, I think, is so important to highlight, because it's infuriating when people, and there are ignorant people out there that believe that like, well, it happened so long ago. And you said you went to therapy. Like, why aren't you better? This is with you for the rest of your life. And not that it is going to define you or not, that you can't live a happy life, but this happened to you and it was so traumatizing that this is going to impact you.

This is going to impact, I want to talk to you about your future relationships and all of that we're going to get to. But I just think it's important to have these conversations, though, because it's like educating people on the concept of like, this lives forever, and this isn't something that goes away. And those photos that the entire world remembers of all of you standing there together and speaking up on this, that was like day one of the beginning of the rest of your life, of like trying to heal from this. And so, like you talking about these effects, I think it's really important. And it is like,

it's, it's, I think, important. We're having this conversation around the Olympics of like, there are so many newscasters and broadcasters and people that stand. And it's almost like the athletes are like horses. It's like, go, like everyone, go like win. And it's so fun to watch, but we have to stop like neglecting to acknowledge that, like, these are also the realities and it doesn't take away from the beauty of sports, but it's the reality of a lot of the things that are happening behind sports.

And it's on all of us to listen and to now, like, whenever someone sees anything happening again, like someone better, stand the fuck up. And I hope that this is like, again, it's not your job to educate these people, but I hope this can change the culture slightly. And I believe it will. I believe the two of us sitting here and continued conversations, like. I believe this will empower people to speak up, but it's, it's fucking hell.

And it's a lot, it's a lot to go through. as you're sitting here. I'm just like, I'm, I'm so sorry. There's no right thing to say other than like, I hope people can listen to you and hear you and know at home if they have endured anything similar. We see you and it, and anyone that's trying to say, well, it happened so long ago.

It happened when you were five. Oh, well then it's definitely with you forever. Like this is ingrained in you and you can get through it, but don't feel like you have to.

And there's been, I'm so proud of my gymnastics career and I'm so excited to watch the Olympics, but then also, it could also be true that there was also a lot of moments that were really hard for me and I still struggle with it to this day. And I also think, to your point, of, you know, whether someone, I think a lot of times people will. naturally, I think, when people have been through hard times, we'll be like, well, mine wasn't as bad. We kind of justify why it's not as bad. So I also want anyone who's listening to know, like, don't compare your experience to mine, whether your abuse happened one time, or hundreds of times, or thousands of times, every experience is real and valid and it all affects us in different ways.

And you didn't do anything wrong, and it's not your fault. And just know that if you're struggling and, to your point, if it was 10 years ago, yesterday, 50 years ago, it's okay to still feel, however you're feeling. I think that there's not enough people telling people that have been through hard times that we all are on our own path. And, you know, also, I think sometimes people might not be ready to do exposure therapy, and that's fine. It took me a really long time to be like, I'm ready to take this on because it's really hard to open stuff up.

And I think, if you want to, it's important to find a therapist who will like really do baby steps with you. And also I'm here to validate. I also, I get so annoyed when people ask me why I'm tired. I just like, can't stand it. because I also think like, why do people need an excuse to be tired?

You have no idea what someone's going through. You could have, like the most, you know, incredible job in other people's eyes. But if you're having anxiety, if you're stressed, we have no idea what people are dealing with at home or in their personal life. And I just think stress can be so exhausting. Like.

I have seen the way that my stress and trauma has affected my health so much, to the point where it has made me so careful. Like when someone's like, I'm tired, I'm like, that's cool. Like just go rest and take care of yourself. But I think people can be really judgmental. We're judgmental with ourselves and we're tired, but we're also judgmental when with other people, I think.

And it drives me nuts. Like when someone's like, well, why are you tired? I'm like, I don't have to explain myself to you. Like you have no idea what I'm dealing with. And also like.

this would probably shock people too, but I barely have worked out in eight years because my body is just like so tired. And it's interesting, like I don't recover because of the similar with the hospital stuff. Like my body doesn't recover the way that it used to. So if I were to run, even for like a couple of minutes, like it might actually take me like several days to recover, or I'll get like a migraine or I'll get super nauseous. So like, I just have to be very careful and get very creative with how I take care of myself.

But I think that, you know, for people who are obsessed with working out, like they might be like, well, why don't you work out? Like my favorite is like when I'm, it's funny when you talk about dating, like when I've dated guys, a lot of them are like, but if you work out, you'll feel better. I'm like, no, I have like a full on, like medical diagnosis. And like, I'm going to be okay. Like my doctor is like confident that it's not going to get worse because I'm aware of it and everything.

But I'm like, I just, because you might feel better working out like right now. for me, it literally makes me like, almost like vomit and I get a migraine. So I just have to do, like, I might have a good day, but sometimes when you have a good day as an athlete, I like push myself too much and then I'm exhausted. But people, it's been hard with dating to get a guy to be very empathetic and like know how to like, be there for me if I don't feel well, like people, people don't always know how to like, handle it well. And my mom is so good at it.

Like in the times where I've gone to the hospital, my mom, instead of being like, you're fine. Cause that's also the worst. You're like, I'm not fine. Right. You're like, I'm not okay.

Yeah. Yeah. So when, um, my mom will always just say, they're going to help you. Like, it's okay. I'm here for you.

They're going to help you. And that is just like everything I need to hear, because it's like, she's validating, like, this is crazy and we're going to figure this out. We're going to help you. But she's also like there for me and encouraging me, but other people, just like, don't know what to say. They're just like, just breathe.

You'll be fine. I'm like, no, I literally, I literally.

Like stop trying to solve the problem. Why are you tired? Cause I'm depressed. Cause I'm anxious. Like whatever it is, just saying, like, I'm here for you.

Let me know if you need anything like, and shut up. Yes. Just shut up. Like sometimes people. it's like, read the room, like just stop.

Um, you're dating life. And, and let's, I want to talk about this because it is all intertwined. And I think there's so many young women that listen to this podcast that like,

it's, it's hard, because when people write in and ask me questions, I wish all the time I could sit there and answer all of them being like, well, I need backstory. Like what was your upbringing? Like it all is affecting when you're trying to date and the men that you're picking or the women you're picking, or whoever you're picking. So obviously you're in this moment of your life. right now.

We're kind of trying to like process separating and correct me if I'm wrong, but like kind of process separating your identity from gymnastics and then separating that of like Ali and like the adult woman you are today. And like, you're trying to separate that. And in dating, that's like a third head that's popped up. That's like another beast that you have to take on in this article that you wrote. It was so brilliant and beautiful.

when I read it. I was like, I wanted you to read the whole thing today, but I'm not going to make you do that. But I have a card that I printed out that has a couple lines from your article that I want you to just read, because I thought it was so profound and accurate. And when you, when I was reading it, I'm like, yes,

yes,

You're difficult. Your standards are too high. Give him another chance. You're probably intimidating him. Maybe you should make yourself smaller.

Your biological clock is ticking. Don't you want to have kids? You should put yourself out there more. How are you still single? Rarely am I asked, how are you?

How do you feel with your partner? Do you like the person you are when you're with them? You're single. That's great. It's so important to take time to figure out who you are.

There's just so many things that women go through in their 20s and 30s when they're trying to find a partner. And so I want to talk to you, first of all, why did you decide to write this article? And I'll link it in the description, Daddy Gang, so you guys can all read it because it's amazing. But why did you decide to write that?

I'm like, I would love to be a mom one day, but like, you can't control when you're going to find the right person. And I'm like, I love you guys so much. And I would love to give you grandkids, but let's just take a beat. And so they like, I told them one time, and now they, now it's like totally fine, but they, they're so well intentioned. They're just excited.

But I also will tell my mom and dad's stories. Like when I don't have great experiences with dating and because I want them to understand, it's not easy to find that right connection. And I think it's very, it's a very different time than when they were dating when they were younger. And I just know that there's a lot of people who feel the pressure to find someone. And I think that especially in this Instagram social media world, there's so much pressure for like this perfect relationship.

And we want to post the most perfect version of ourselves. And, you know, no matter who you are, nobody's life is perfect. No one's relationship is perfect, but I also think it's kind of interesting to me. It almost feels like there's this like pressure that in our late twenties, we're like supposed to find the right person. And I feel like the odds of us all finding that right person is just not realistic.

And I wanted to sort of be a part of the narrative of trying to change that. Cause it is so much pressure. And I feel like even I was just for July 4th weekend, I was with friends and just like the amount of people that were like, are you dating anyone? And I'm just like, I don't, I now, no matter what I'm like, oh no, I'm not. I just don't.

I also kind of feel more guarded and protective because I've shared so much publicly that I'm very protective over people that I date in my relationships. just because it should be sacred and special. And I think that it is, it's, it's really hard to find that good fit. And I also feel like, you know, I've gone through so much that I didn't really have the confidence to know who I was. And I feel like now I'm like just feeling more confident.

And it's really interesting because I feel like now I'm finally at the point where I feel like when I was younger dating in my early twenties, it was so hard in the early twenties because I was so afraid to like, even tell them like, wait, this makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to do this. And now it's so interesting. The more I communicate, whether it's like from the first date or the first text, they're so like, they're more into me because of it. It's really interesting.

And I feel really grateful for that because it makes me feel, I feel like very quickly I realized who actually is really supportive and understanding. And it makes me, when I do communicate what would make me more comfortable and they're like totally fine with it. In fact, go out of their way to do that. It just makes me feel so much safer with them. So it's, it's, I'm going into dating very differently now, where I'm not as afraid to be like, I really would like this.

This would make me feel good where I was so afraid. I think I was afraid they would leave. Then, you know, and it's actually like amazing. Thanks for letting me know. I think.

And like, you want to not bring like your baggage and be like, when do we have this conversation? And there's so many things that everyone wonders. Like I was having a conversation with my sister recently and we were having fun girl talk. And like, she was asking me a question and I was like, this is such a good question. Like she's dating.

And she was like, is it weird if I bring this up here? And I was like, I don't think so. But you know, what, if you do? And he acts weird, leave the date. Like there's so many things that you second guess yourself for when you are dating.

And I think it's so understandable because there are so many pieces of shit out there that can make you feel small and that can make you feel insane for bringing something up and to have you now realize like, oh my God, I said what I've always wanted to say. And like, I was just met with like, amazing. Like, thanks for letting me know. You're a little like, wait, but you probably couldn't have done that back then. Not because you weren't actually capable of saying those words.

It's a confidence thing. And it's like a learned habit that you just have to like exercise the muscle more to become, because it's actually not about them. It's all about you. It's about you being able to sit there and to advocate for yourself and be able to even express that. Because maybe in your early, early twenties, you didn't even know you needed that.

Yeah. You knew it was uncomfortable, but you didn't know why or like what to say, or what, if you didn't want that, what did you want? Now you're like, oh, she's figuring it out. I'm interested, have you ever, kind of like, continued seeing someone because you just felt like you were behind and you were like, fuck it. Like, I'll just keep, kind of like, I'll go on another date because I'm single and like, whatever, before you, kind of like, got to this new realization.

And I was like, that is what I needed to hear. That made me feel better.

Thank God,

And I also have had a therapist one time told me this and I've never forgotten it, because I used to like wait. And then I'd like, we talk about it and be like this whole thing where like, it's funny. I feel like if you bring something up when it's like just the littlest bit, like on your mind versus like, you have like a 30 second conversation about it. And the other person's like, great. Like you're on the way to dinner.

You're like, Hey, by the way, this would like really mean a lot to me if we did this instead or didn't do this. And they're like, cool. Whereas if you wait till it happens like 50 times and you have a three hour conversation about it. So I try to like also just bring it up really fast and then it's quick and it's done. And then they like forget about it.

It's not a big deal. And I would want the same for them. But I've struggled with, I think, I don't know if it's because some of the guys I've dated maybe weren't like okay with my success or my life, but I feel like they've gotten very resentful and very moody. I don't know if like moody is the right word, but have you ever dated a guy? that's very.

I feel that's so interesting. I've had that where, because of their insecurity about your success, through the moodiness and through the lashing out moments, it's a way, it's like a power tactic where it becomes all about them. Everything is on their terms and you're kind of like, are we still going to dinner or are you pissed and we're just now going to sit here in silence? Like what are we doing? And everything is on their terms, but it's all like a manipulation tactic at the end of the day.

And it may not be so manipulative in what they're doing. It's the insecurity that breeds this like, how can I gain control? because I feel so out of control? because she's the one in a position of power in their mind. Meanwhile, you're literally like, in my success, that has nothing to do with you.

Like I'm here in this relationship. Why are we?

Like if someone's in a bad mood and they're like, I'm in a really bad mood, but like, I need to like, I'm going to go to the gym or I need some space or like, can we talk about it? Totally fine. But when I'm sure you've had, like, when you do something together and you're like, I, we just went to this concert. I would have gone with my friend. I'd rather you have not gone.

Or like, why are we going to dinner together? If you're just like miserable, like I would have rather you told me and we wouldn't have done that. So I just, that is something I look back and cringe on. I'm like, I think, because I'm a people pleaser and I tried, I really wanted to help them. I didn't realize there's like a difference between being supportive to your partner and then having them treat you not well.

So I am learning that, but that is something like I immediately bring up to a guy. I'm like, I am. that is a deal breaker for me and I'm not going to be treated like that. That's interesting. When.

Yeah, it was, it was, it's, I don't think I realized. People pleaser, and you, being like, he's just moody. I'm like, hold on. No, I think it's, yeah, it's yeah, you're right.

That's the thing.

And I think it's because our society doesn't let men be men. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt for a moment. But like, I feel, like a lot of men in my life, and not even just in relationships in different areas, will take out their bad mood on me. And I'm also like, sometimes too nice where I'm working on, I need to be better at being like, it's just, it's very hard for me. But it's really interesting because I'm like, why is there such a like stigma that women are always moody?

But I think because we're more open about therapy, we could call each other and be like, I'm having the worst day. We talk it out and we're good. But I don't think men have that same outlet. Okay. I think you're onto something.

Are you good at saying something if you're upset? Oh yeah. I've gotten better. But even when I was bad at it and I hadn't been in therapy, like it's going to come out one way or another. It's just a matter of if it's coming out immediately or am I going to go sit in the room for an hour and then I'm going to walk out and tell him I'm upset.

Like it's coming out. With men, men are moody, women are emotional. And I would way rather be emotional, because at least I'm in tune with my emotions. The moodiness is this big twister of a storm, of all these things. And it's like poke the bear and they're so moody.

And it's like, why are you moody? They can't tell you, because they don't know how to half.

Like if a guy, it's so, I think it's so hard to find a man who's secure enough in himself to be like, can you just sit down with me for a minute? I'm like having a really tough day, or I'm struggling on this. Like. I would feel so into that and so attracted to that, that I wish more men knew that that is so attractive. And I feel, I have empathy for them, that they feel like they can't, they have to be so tough all the time because it's so, there's literally nothing better when you're like on a date and you're just like vibing and you're just like so present, connecting about stuff.

And it's just, it's really nice to have that connection where you both don't feel judged and you both can go to each other. And I think that that is hard to find. And that's like, I think relationships, it should be, they should be hard to find, because I think that's what makes like finding the right person,

It's hard to find a good one. I just think that. Give me some qualities. Yeah, I definitely wasn't treated the way. I think that girls deserve to be treated, I think.

Yeah, I think that was definitely my type. But I also will say what's interesting is like. for years, people were like, you got to stop dating the athletes. And I was like, all right, I'll date, like, I'll go on a date with anyone. And I've been like, so open.

I literally would like, if someone set me up with someone, I'm like, I don't need to see a picture. Like, I'll just go on a date. And I go on these dates. And I'm like, okay, maybe I should be like, it's like finding that I was trying to like, find the right balance of like, trying to be more open. Because I also think it's like, crazy.

When we meet someone, you feel a vibe. And, like, you know, you think about like, maybe if someone showed you a photo of them, you wouldn't have maybe said yes. So I try to be like, very open minded. But like, even dating guys who are not professional athletes, and like not in the public eye, like some of them, are not great either. So it just really just depends.

I think that there's always like good guys. And same thing with. I'm sure guys will say the same thing. There are some girls who they are women, they've dated, that are wonderful. And others, like we all, have had probably good and bad experiences.

But um, I think that what I've also learned, I'm curious what you think about this is like, I used to take it so personally when I was younger, like if I dated an athlete, they were probably texting 30 people at the same time. Like, if they're not looking for something, there's just most of the time, there's no chance like they're not interested. And it's not. I wish I knew, like dating wasn't personal, because I used to take it very personal when I was younger. And now I'm realizing, like, at least for me, I feel like guys show pretty quickly like what they're looking for and what they're interested in.

Like, I'd have a guy like years ago who, like, you know, would like text me like once every, you know, two weeks or like, barely take my dinner. I'm like, Oh my god, do you think he's just busy? No, he's just not interested.

every person has like a different cadence of how like, even if you know, sometimes I think people get so caught up in like, oh, if you're texting every day or doing this, like, is, are they taking you out to dinner? Are they showing interest? Are they like you? I think that our gut is usually right. And we should listen to that more.

Because I think that that is something I wish I listened to. more is like, understanding that if a guy is like looking, then they're looking. But if they're not, it's like, it's kind of hard to, I think, in my experience, like change their mind. I completely agree with you. And I think though,

And that's natural, because that just means you're not ready for that end game relationship. yet, you still have work to do. Because if you are going for someone that is treating you like that, it's because you're working something out on your end of like, you needed to get this certain validation, and you like this one part of them, and you're completely ignoring the part where they're like treating you like shit. And then eventually it ends because you wake up to being like, I feel like shit, why is this happening? And then you go to the next relationship.

And then maybe, if you go for something a little different, it's because you're looking for something different to fill the void of XYZ. All of a sudden, these string of moments of dating all these different people builds you into this healthy person, because you start to just create your palette of like taste, of like, I like this, I definitely would never go for that. Because we all know it, you go on the date, and all of a sudden you're like, I remember my ex did that. Nope, I'm not interested. And you're out.

But you needed to learn it in the first place to even recognize it. That's how I felt like when I met Matt, there were so many green flags. And I always say, had I met Matt when I was like 22,, I would have probably not dated Matt, because I wasn't ready for Matt. So I think in a way, when you're dating, there's almost like a hopeful element I can give to all the girls listening, and you of like, this is really exciting, because you are like building this repertoire of memory and understanding. And you're just understanding what you like, what you don't like.

And you're putting up with things as shitty as it feels in the moment, that you'll never put up with again, unless you don't grow. And half of the battle is on you. When people are like, God, this happened to me again. Did it happen to you? Or did you put yourself in that position again?

But for me, I just had to take a hard look at being like, I also go through phases where I'll go on dates and then I'm like, I need a break and I need to take- Dating fatigue, you're like- Yeah, I need to take some time for myself. And it's really interesting, because the times where I'm the most happy being single and on my own, I really try to think about, I'm only going to date someone or let someone in my life, if they just like, enhance or add to my life. And I think that really helps when I have that foundation of knowing what I want and what I'm looking for. But it is, it's, I definitely like the idea of being with someone when it's not right, it's just so lonely to me and I just don't want that.

Someone that is married or in a relationship, in a miserable relationship is three steps away from a healthy, happy relationship. because they have to remove themselves from that relationship. Then they have to get good on their own again and then they can start to seek health and happiness with another person. But it's like, that's so exciting. And you have to be, I be so intentional about who you let into your space, but I agree.

It's like, you have to get so good with yourself because that's when you really start to attract good energy. When you get out of a relationship and you fling yourself to the next, that's when you're just kind of like off balance, just trying to find anything that will make you feel happy, but for a quick moment. It's not like you're actually stable enough to be like, hold on, what did I learn from that relationship? Let me be alone for a minute. Now let me go find something better.

It's really tough, though. It can get exhausting.

Okay. I have thoughts.

Sometimes you don't know until you kiss.

I thought we were getting married. Okay. It just depends. It depends on who it is. You have to know the person.

I think it depends.

Whenever I have a- Here's my theory.

I think my new rule that I tell my friends is, unless it was so bad that you were like, whether it was how they spoke about something that you're like, I don't like the way they spoke about their family or their mom, or like, whoa, that was a red flag. If it was a good date, I don't know if the vibe is there, but I can't tell, go on the second date, because I feel like first dates, unless you are a fucking pro. and then, yet again, why are you a pro at first dates? It is harder than a job interview, in my opinion. because a job interview, you have your piece of paper and you're reading your exact qualifications, and it doesn't actually matter that much on your personality.

This is like every fucking thing of the delicate dance of your looks. Are you funny? Are you charismatic? What's your personality? Do you vibe?

It all has to match perfectly in one hour at a dinner. Give it a second shot. I think once the second date doesn't go, well, never see them again. But if it was like a, hmm, I don't know, I would say try it again and I would say try a different vibe than the first date. So if you did a dinner, now, go do an activity.

If you did an activity, now, go sit down and have face-to-face dinner. I would say

And am I being, and when I say lazy, I'm not actually being lazy. Am I being like, I want this to be easy. I wanted to feel it immediately. I wanted the spark to be there and I wanted it to be a done deal, and I wanted it to be like, boom. It's not easy, because do the work in the beginning, because then, once you're actually in a relationship, that's also another set of just hell where you're figuring out each other's trauma and boundaries and family shit.

The first date, I don't know. I don't think we can count people out unless there's a glaring issue. You're like, okay, let me open my phone. No, I feel like a lot of people say that. But.

And then, when they're into it and.

I literally felt nothing below the belly button. We got to go home. I think that men are less picky, because men are just like dogs and they're just like, oh, that was great. Meanwhile, it's like, no, that wasn't great. What about?

that was great, Daniel? That was bad. Leave me alone. So no, I think you're on the right track. I also think everyone is different, but I don't know, ladies, maybe this is the year of second dates, because then at least I think, then you're training yourself to.

maybe then you can just start knowing in the first date, but start pushing yourself to see if there is a shift ever on the second date. And then maybe there is. And then you're like, holy shit, maybe I need to stop counting people out. Because what I said to my friend was, she was so cute. She was like, you know me, I can be a little socially awkward in the moment.

And I was like, but think about this. How many times have you told me I wish people knew me in settings with all of us and our friends, when I'm the most comfortable. You wish that people would give you that. So give that to the other person. Wow.

Okay. You have convinced me. We're going on a second date. Get your phone out, girl. We're like...

I think it's.

. Listen, there's no harm in it. And what I can say is, if you are super anxious about the first date or second date, you could do it as a drinks or something that you have somewhere to go afterwards. So you always have an out. And then, if you're vibing, be like, let me cancel my fucking dinner.

Let's actually have dinner together. Let's go down the street. But you can always give yourself an out. I have an hour before a work thing I have to go to want to meet for drinks. It doesn't have to be this fucking three-course.

sit down dinner where you're literally at the appetizers and he's eating his calamari and you're like, oh my God, I literally hate you. I'm stuck here for two hours. This is a waste of my life. Don't do that.

You're just like.

. But also, I will say, sometimes you go on a date with someone and you are the nicest person. You are going to be an amazing... You are just not it. You're amazing.

You're going to make some person so happy. Not me. It's just not me. But that's what dating isn't personal. I've gone on so many dates where I'm like, you're just so wonderful.

I have nothing bad to say about you. But it's just like... And it's the same with men I've been in serious relationships with too. I'm like, you're so wonderful. It's just there's...

It's not it. When was the last date you went on? Come on. It was a few weeks ago. It was a few weeks ago.

But I'm not sharing anything else. I'm not sharing anything else. Was it a first date? Yeah. Not sharing anything else.

I'll keep saying that. I'm not sharing anything else. You're like, Alex?

Nope.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. We're moving on.

We're moving on. This has been fabulous. I know. This is fun. I'm like having the best time.

I'm like, I could keep going. I love, though... The biggest point that I love about you writing that article too, was about calling out... I'm 30 now and everyone's like, what do you do? You are young and you are beautiful and you are successful.

I think it's important, especially for women. I understand we have our biological clock. Don't rush into something just because of a biological clock. What? And be miserable with a random person that you hate just because we're 30..

Time's up. No. What are you the most excited about entering your 30s right now? Well, I feel like I'm most excited because I've.

This was years ago. She just said, you have so much to look forward to. You still have that... For anyone who's single, this actually really helped me. You still have that first date, your first kiss, going into that talking stage and falling in love.

There's still so much to look forward to. If you're in a relationship or you're married, you still have so much to look forward to as well. There's so much different, beautiful variations and chapters of life that I'm excited to keep growing and evolving and figuring out who I am, because I also think it's important to give ourselves space and permission to... If you want to outgrow a friendship, you want to try something new, you want to... Whatever it is, do what you want to do and do what makes you happy.

I'm starting to care a little bit less, but I'm still working on it. I think that's beautiful. Can you tell I care too much? No, no. Too much?

You're like,

I actually think when you were saying that, it just made me think of something that is kind of beautiful. When I was reading that article, you wrote, it was really interesting. You mentioned it earlier, talking about comparison of Instagram. It's like every fucking week you open your phone and it's like, someone got engaged or someone had a baby. I look back at when I was single and I talked about this recently.

I have two different friend groups. One friend group is all married and have babies and I'm the one last on the totem pole. Then my other friend group is I'm ahead of the friend group in terms of my relationship status, or whatever the hell you want to call it. I realized we compare ourselves, when we're single, to the people in relationships that are getting married and all that stuff. We need to stop, because what I can tell you all is this.

Here's a secret. I am now married and now I'm comparing myself to the moms. What I hear from the moms is then you compare yourself in your parenting style and where your kids are at. Then you compare what is your life balance to your kids and your career. It's like the comparison literally never stops unless you stop it.

Yes, it feels right now like this big point of like, whoa, I'm either married or I'm not. It's not just that. It's every fucking aspect of life is every fucking thing. Women are. just, we keep comparing ourselves.

Am I doing it as good? Am I doing it as good? I thought it would like, whoa, I'm about to turn 30 this summer. I just got married and I'm like, it. really doesn't matter that I got married.

No, it does. Sorry, Matt. No, it does. It does. It does.

I promise. But I mean, in terms of that, of course it was amazing and beautiful, but I also would have been so happy if it happened at 35.. You know what I mean? Or 40. The timeline, we need to be nicer to ourselves, because the comparison game, the next step you get to, that's a whole new can of worms of comparing.

Don't worry. It's so interesting because for.

I was going to put this in the article, but then I just like, didn't. It's like a balance of not writing too much. But there's also so many people like don't want to be a mom, and that's also okay. And I think a lot of people feel guilty for that. And if someone doesn't want to be a mom or a dad, they don't have to be.

And I feel like people are so judgmental. And I know, um, you know, for some of my friends that are married, like they must feel like everywhere they go, people are asking them, when are you having kids? And it's like, it's just not everyone wants to, but it's also so much pressure. And also so many people struggle with infertility and it's just such a personal thing that people go through. And, um, there's just like so many layers to it, but I just think, like I'm someone where I've always wanted to be a mom and I'm excited for that, but I can't imagine like how frustrating it must be for people who don't want to be a mom, but maybe feel like they have to be, or they feel the.

And I try really hard. Like I never ask people in interviews, like, do you want kids? Cause it's like, we don't know anything behind the scenes. Kind of like when you said, when people ask me, why are you tired? Literally stop, just stop.

Stop asking people like, oh my God, the minute I got engaged, when are you getting married? When are you having kids? I'm like, oh my God. Like some of these people feel so entitled to answers that they have no business having or even asking. And I feel like we need to stop asking people, do you want kids?

Or, oh my God, when are you getting married? And like, are you dating Allie? It's like, read the room. If you have now asked Allie or one of your single friends constantly, every time you see them, imagine how annoying that is. Like, imagine how frustrating that is.

Like, maybe wait, like how, what's going on in your life? Like, how are.

You'd know, you know, but sometimes it's, yeah, I was at a group dinner and someone actually that I didn't know the other day was like, like in front of everyone. And they mean well, but they're just like, so, Allie, like what's the dating life like? And what, like, are you dating anyone now? And I'm like, after being asked 10 times that day, I'm like, I. just, why is this always have to be the conversation?

Like, why can't it just be,

Like being a little bit more generalized in our questioning and like letting them answer what they want to answer about their life and stop leading with like something so pointed. that kind of puts them on the spot.

I'd rather be single and wait until I have a good match. And I also feel like as a woman too, I don't know if you ever struggled with this, with dating, but I felt like as I got older, I have this, I'm like, I really hope that guys don't perceive, just because they know my age, that I'm like desperate or like, you know, that, like perception of like, I feel like. I hope they're not thinking I'm just like in a rush because I don't have a timeline. I genuinely don't. And.

I think the way that you speak about it can immediately disarm that concept of like, no, you're not desperate. You're actually like better than ever right now. And you're like working on yourself and no one is going to get to just come in and like be your partner. They're going to have to be really fucking great. Okay.

Last question. What is something that you've learned about yourself recently that you wish you had known in your early 20s?

So,

I'm so honored. I just feel like we, we hit so many different points. You are so smart and just like such a fascinating human being. And I really appreciate you opening up, because I just know this episode is going to touch so many women and, like you really went in so many different directions that I'm like, I have no questions left. Like you killed it.

You crushed it. Thank you for coming on. Like I, I'm so happy we finally.

Yeah. We're going to like, we're going to be like our 30.. Yeah. We're going to have, okay. Perfect.

Yeah. Thank you so much for having me on. This was so wonderful.