Leah’s Love Island Tell All [VIDEO]

I think. I'd like to steer clear of that, but...

You... I'm sure you could tell on the reactions in my face. Every time that I got voted for America's favorite, I was genuinely shocked. It wasn't like, oh, like, let me put on a show. I literally was like gagged.

Like, I was like, how, the... what the fuck?

The reason that I did stay was Serena. She's the one who convinced me to stay. And Janaye.

Everyone was talking about Rob and I, except for Rob and I. And we just were trying to move past it, but it felt like we just couldn't in the villa. And it just was something that would not go away. And I was so frustrated. Like, after that challenge, like, you can.

probably... I haven't watched a thing of the show yet, but I'm sure you could see, like, an energy shift in my face. And I literally sat on the floor crying for, like, an hour, saying, like, I can't be here anymore. I want Rob. Like, I literally was like, please send me home.

Bring Andrea back for Rob. If Rob... Please, please, please. I said that. I said, if that's what's going to make everyone in this villa happy, I thought...

I felt like... I was like... I literally was, like, scared. Like, after the dumping, like, I literally was like, I'm in... Like, this is bad.

Like, bad.

And I'm like, is he? Like, I was having a ball, like, from day one. Like, we were just, like, fucking around. Like, he was never giving, like, shy, timid.

But I'm like, I can't. Like, I can't.

And then it did happen. And then it felt even worse. And I literally wanted to go home and die. But then, it just was like night and day with Miguel. Like, he literally changed my experience in there.

I actually owe him so, so, so much. Like, more than I could put into words.

And he was sleeping across from me. that night. In the morning, we were like talking again. But like our friendship that grew, we would joke around so much. And I feel like there were so many like little moments that we started to be like, no, I think I like him more.

And he was like, he was. there were so many moments where he was like, I liked you, but I didn't know if you liked me back. And he was like, I didn't know if I could, like. I should say anything. And like, I was like, I like him.

But I didn't know if I should say anything. And so he is probably one of my favorite people that, like I've ever met. I think that him coming into the villa was like game changer. Even I said like, even if he came in, and he was just my friend, like, I would have been happy just because how amazing he is. I think that I have to credit him for a big part of myself in the villa.

He, it was night and day, the way I acted, like night and day, I think he brings out the best in me. And I think like we, and I feel like I bring out the best in him. And I think he is just like, honestly, the wisest, most amazing person you'll ever meet. I think I have, he's like, I always joke, I'm like, he's like, I have nothing bad to say about him, which kind of scares me. But like, again, he's so blunt, too.

Like, I can't, like, I respected how fucking honest he was. Like, he was so honest from every step of the way. Like, at first, he was like, I don't know if this is gonna go anywhere. And then we started like more and more. And then it became more and more and then more.

And then it was like, but he was honest the whole way through, which is like, all I could ask for. That's all we want is honesty. Like, that's it. And so, yeah, no, Miguel is to thank for, for, like, probably 80% of me in the villa. He made my time in there from when we were coupled up, even during Casa, all of it, like, he made my time in there when I felt like it was supposed to be the whole time.

He made me feel like I was permanently blushing. He made me feel like he was literally like, I saw that Liv said he was like my protector in the villa. And like, he literally was like, I feel like he was everything and more. And I'm so, so, so appreciative of him. Like, I have like no words.

But then imagine coming out here and you don't know how these people act like at a restaurant or like how they act at the club. You don't know what their social media even looks like. Like, you don't know any of this stuff. So like, I think just learning each other outside of the villa, it's going to be so much fun because I love everything I learned in the villa.

And then I remember this year, I got a text from one of the casting people and they were like, Hey, like, would you be able to maybe Instagram or text, or something that they were like, Hey, like, we want to talk to you. Can you fill out the application again? And like, they were like, you know, whatever. And then from there, like, we had a video call. And then from there, it was literally ball was fully rolling.

When you saw you have over a million followers. Oh, my God, I was shocked. I borderline, like I literally was like, I probably have like no Instagram after getting reported so much because they're like, no, like. get this fucking like, she's buying her followers.

my mom, spare me? No, no, it was. it's so iconic to see. And I was so upset for you. Because when the tweet was shown to you, like, I saw so many.

Oh, my God. No, dude. When the tweet was shown to, everyone online was going batch it. They were like, where did they find that bottom of the barrel tweet? Like everyone tweet read me to fill.

And it was the off camera bathroom. And it's literally had roaches floating in the water and everything. It was like this filthy little number. And I'm sitting on the floor just thinking about everything. I'm like, that was like a pivoting moment for me.

I was like it. It's like, like, come on, girl. Like you're about to be 25.. Queen, like, let me, let's not call men pussy bitches. Like there are better ways to communicate.

Is there? Is there, though? Can you tell people what there is? There? is there?

Sorry. No, there is. Oh, I can't even repeat the tweet because of how long it was. And then, when they read it back to me and be shut. I kid you not.

First of all, she was reading. It was like a minute long. Everyone else had like one sentence like, like, I don't know. Dear Leah, you are. Oh, and then the gag of it all was at the end.

They go. And the list goes on. I say, oh, oh, I thought we got everything off our chest. We're still going.

And did you at any point be like, I can't believe I put my like my life and my family and like my personal like, yeah, self involved in this craziness? Like, is my life going to be fucked? Yes. You had. that was like a daily thought.

I was like, fuck me. I shouldn't have came here. Like I'm doing weird shit. Like I'm like ruining lives. Like I'm like, I was thinking like my dad's, like not going to speak to me again.

Like, I was like, I'm embarrassing. Oh, my gosh, you don't understand. Everyone on Love Island, like the way it panned out. the everyone. So the final four, and then Kayla and Aaron, and got everyone.

So everyone got to speak to their family in some way, manner or form. Like I remember, even Kenny and Janae got letters from their parents from the words of affirmation date. Like, Miguel and I were the only people who didn't get a lick, a lick of our family. And I said, Hey, so does my family hate me? Like, did I embarrass them really badly?

Or like, why don't they want to talk to me? Like, like, is there a reason, Miguel and I didn't get to speak to our family? And Miguel was really upset for me because he was like, everyone got to speak to them. And he was like, he knows I've been dying to speak to everyone, and especially my sister. And dude, so you were like, Oh, my family has abandoned me.

Yes, I was in full. I was spiraling every day. Okay, there was one day that the psych called me in like three times.

Oh, not again. Oh, God. And then people would go for like, like, they would go for like 20 minutes and come out and then they would be there for like an hour. And like, Oh, they're worried for me.

Where did you grow up? Do you grow up here?

August 21.. Fuck. Yeah. Is that like a week apart? Yeah.

10 days. Yeah. You need to come to my birthday in Hampton. Oh, can I will talk? Because I'm gonna be in New York for the reunion.

Yeah.

Okay, we'll talk offline. Um, okay. So are you close with your family? Oh, my gosh, I'm the closest with my family. What is your family dynamic?

So I have obvious. I was about to say I have a mom and dad, like we all do.

Great start. No. So, my mom and dad have been married for like 25 or something years. 30.. My, so, my parents and sisters in the room.

We can. Yeah. Okay. My sister's in the room. So my parents have been married for 30 years.

And my I have an older sister. She's 11 months older than me. And we're really close. We do everything together. Like we always say.

we're like, attached at the hip. And yeah, we are very close. She is like, a very large part of the reason like I am who I am. So I owe a lot of things to her. Yeah, she's a very big part of my life.

Have you ever liked the same guy?

You know, what we know? Do you know what I'm thinking? We have like the same guy. But like, it's more of like a passer to the bro situation. It wasn't like fight.

Like. it was more like a. it was more like a Yeah, like, yeah, the homie can hit to.

Okay, but it wasn't. it wasn't that good. No. So you like it different.

I love that. You're like, that's generous from your sister. Then you're like, what is this? hand me down? Shit?

Yeah, no, it was a giving hand me. Okay. Okay. Um, the first time that you smoked was pretty rough. You said it involved you passing out and you trying to convince your parents not to ship you off to rehab.

Okay,

yeah, you say who said that? Okay, because I was telling Miguel a story about this. one time I took edibles, which is a really good one. Okay, go ahead. My family, we so we had it was during COVID too.

So this was like, our first, like it was all. we was like our first time that we were allowed to go out into restaurants. This is like a big thing. I remember that. And like, this was like, a big deal, like leaving the house, like it was like, crazy.

And so we were like, okay, we're gonna go with, like, my family, our cousins family, like their mom, dad, their siblings, whatever. And then our grandmother as well. And so my cousin and I and she's like a smoker, like she be, like bongs and all. Okay. But I'm like, you know what, like, let's take some edibles.

And like, let's like, get really fucked up and just like, like eat a lot. Because, like, you know, why not? And it was like a sushi restaurant too. But like, no, yeah, you know, now I'm thinking about it, in hindsight, probably wasn't the best place. But yeah, whatever.

So we go. And I think on accident, I think I read the wrong, the jar wrong. Because I ended up taking 70 milligrams.

Yeah. First of all, it was like an hour car ride to get there. So like the build up in the car, like I'm not even there yet. Like I'm thinking like, I'm about to get in there and be like hungry. Just like chilling, like big, just good vibes.

I sit down and all of a sudden I'm like,

I'm literally. I'm like in full flight. Like I'm like, what's happening? Where am I? Who am I?

And then I'm like, I'm like telling my cousin, I'm like, I have to go to the bathroom. I have to go to the bathroom. She's like go. And I was like come with me. And then my sister, my sister is one of those people.

So my sister is sober, like she doesn't drink or smoke. And like, and I will say, though, it's annoying as fuck being around people when you are sober and you are around like drunk or high, people are easy to be around. But like if you're around drunk people, not. when I'm high, though, maybe whatever. It's just like so annoying to be around.

So my sister was just like, Leah, stop. Right. Like, shut the fuck up. So I'm sitting there. Yeah.

And so I was like, I have to go to the bathroom. Like I have to go to the bathroom. Okay. So the restaurant that we're at, the bathrooms in there, mirrors all around. Literally the whole thing is mirrored.

Yes. Hell on earth for someone on fucking edibles who doesn't smoke at all or take edibles.

And I'm looking at all of them. I'm like this. I literally felt like I was in one of those like horror mazes and I felt like something was about to come out the window or the mirror and eat me. And then I come back downstairs and I'm like, I'm tweaking out. I tell my cousin, I said, I have to snitch on myself.

I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to. I was like, I have to tell my mom, in case I die tonight, to tell the paramedics what happened to me.

Like. tell them I took edibles. Yes. So then she was like, don't do it. Please, don't do it.

Like, and just keep in mind, my fucking grandma is at the end of the table this whole time, but she doesn't even speak English. She definitely had no idea what was going on. Um, but our parents were pissed anyway. So then, like my mom, so I take my mom to the bathroom and all of a sudden I dropped to my knees and I started gagging, throwing, like trying to throw up in the bathroom, but I wasn't throwing the drama. Yes.

My mom was holding my hair back. She said, get up. She was like, get up. This is a public restroom, that you're on the floor. She's screaming at me.

I'm like, fuck, but I'm not saying I don't give a fuck. It's a public. I'm not even thinking I'm on the floor. I could have been literally on someone's shit. And I probably would have been same place because of how tweaking out I felt.

But like, I just shot up heroin and then like, and then I, yeah, no, I was about to say something bad. Um, something crazy was about to come out of my mouth. And then, so I'm sitting down there and then my, and I'm like telling my mom, I was like, I was like, I took edibles and if I die tonight, tell the paramedics what I took so they can try and revive me. My mom was like, you can't die from edibles. She's like, get up.

She like grabbed me by my arm and she was like, you're going to go downstairs. You're going to eat food. You're going to drink water and we're going to leave. And she said, I am never taking you out to dinner again. She was like, you come out once, once this whole time, the first time we're let out and you do this.

And I was like, that shit went, that sobered me up. I said, good morning. I sat down at that table. I didn't open my fucking mouth. Did I eat enough?

I didn't eat shit. I just sat there mute until we went home. Yeah. So that was crazy. Just a little, just a fucking little, and that wasn't the time that your parents almost threatened to you to go to rehab because you smoked one?

Bro, calm the fuck down. Okay. I feel like when you're from LA, you kind of just like know people in the industry or whatever. Did you have anyone in your family that was in this industry, or were you the first person to like go on TV?

Like any, I'm sure he does now, but he's trying to get his, he's trying to have his big one. Your dad starts influencing. Can you imagine his name? What's his name? Afshin.

Afshin, stop. Afshin, relax. Afshin, relax. You've done enough. What does he do?

for a living? He's a CFO for like a hospitality company, for like hotels, like they do restaurants, stuff like that.

So I think, um, my parents were just, I was worried of their reaction. Not that I would stop school or anything of like that, but I just felt like my mom, I don't know. Like, I think our mom is just not, my parents were born in Iran and they moved here when they were like 20.. They didn't even speak English. when they got here.

My mom worked at McDonald's, my dad washed dishes and they've done fucking amazing for themselves. They're like such an inspiration to me. So I feel like I was a bit nervous to tell them, but I really, my main goal, like I want to make them proud. And like, I hope I did make them proud. I know they are really proud of everything like I've done.

And they were proud of how I carried myself, even in moments I felt like maybe I could have done better.

So I think that shaped how I look at relationships a lot for a while. And I think it made me feel like I had to like, work really hard to deserve someone's love or affection. And I felt like I had to always fight for someone's attention, which is not a great place to be. But I think I've also worked really hard now to not feel like that anymore. But I know, even like, in moments where, like, I don't know, sometimes I would just be like, fuck, like, I don't.

just I'm still right now. I'm like, I don't deserve the way I'm being received. Like, I feel like I was, I was on the plane. Well, I was gonna say I was on the plane with Kayla and Aaron. We were sitting in the same row together.

And I was like, crying to Kayla, saying like, I don't deserve this.

This was because I thought that they were gonna like, I literally was telling Kayla and Aaron when they were standing next to Miguel, and I was like, it's you guys, it's you guys. Because I was like, and even to Nicole, I was like, me and Miguel are about to go get fucked up at the Hilton. Like, I was like, doing like hand signs. Like, um, anyways, so I'm like sitting there and I'm like, going through my phone and I had just gotten my phone, probably like 10 minutes prior and like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. And they keep getting like, have you seen this?

Have you seen this? Have you seen this? I'm like, seen what? And they literally, they say, Kayla and Aaron are coming with you to the airport. And I like, look at my phone.

And then I seen that it said, like, Kayla said that no, what was it? What did it say?

Like, I really wasn't. I was like,

we're, I mean, like, fair enough. Like, maybe I will be, maybe I won't. But like, at the same time, it's like, I was, so, I mean, I saw Kayla, like.

So the golf cart drops me off to the van and Aaron and Kayla jump out, and they were like, Leah, like, holy fuck. Like, it's so good to see you. And I'm like, hugging them. Aaron was so excited. He literally, like, dropped his phone and broke it.

Like, I know she does. I know it. I know it. And I know Aaron loves me too, despite everything. And I love them so much.

So I was just like, I wasn't going to bring it up. And then Kayla was like, fuck, Leah, like I have. She was like, fuck Leah. No, I'm kidding.

She said she was, like, receiving a lot of hate. And she said, like, it was coming from, like, the fans. And she was saying that her friend was basically, like, you know, saying it just to, like, make her feel better and, like, just like it's going to, like, blow over type thing.

And so, yeah, but I mean, when we got to the airport, like, and I, well, anyways, but your friend, she said that. And I was like, listen, like, I don't, I don't care at all. Like, I don't, I was not feeling a type of way about it at all. You weren't. No, not at all.

Like, I love Kayla. Like, I was not feeling a way about it at all. And I mean, I love Kayla and Aaron. I'm really happy that they're together. I think that they suit each other so well.

And I think that, I don't know, that just wasn't something that I was like, I'm not, why would I fight with her about that? Like, it was just so, like.

She said, I didn't think they were going to put that shit in there. I said, y'all are killing me with this shit.

And I said the word balcony. and then she like, ducked, like I was about to like, hit her with the right hook. I'm like, okay. As if they would even let me, I would literally get tackled to the floor before my face or my hand would even touch her face. Are you kidding?

It was fucking good TV. Yeah. But she was like, people have been calling me racist towards, like Persians and, and black people or African-Americans and, and everything, and saying that. And I'm like, that was not my, my intention of that. I think like.

I just was like me and Serena, like she was saying, basically like she was basically saying, like people were calling her racist, because Serena and I reacted and then she reacted and she thinks just like, because she's white, like it's coming off racist. And like, I was like, well, I know she's not racist. Right. Taylor is not a racist. You guys, just for the your information.

Yeah.

So, I mean, it was like that. she said, like she was receiving comments because of that. And like, again, I was, I, I don't want anyone to hurt anyone or feel like, you know, that they have to say mean things for, to anyone on my behalf. Like, I don't want that. Like, I know how it feels to be on the receiving end of those things.

So it's, and it's not a good place to be in. And it's actually very like, harmful and hurtful. And you're also just doing your best in there. And it's actually very fucking hard to behave perfectly in there. And all your mistakes are put on TV and there for the world to judge.

And then you get to get it replayed back to you again at movie night. And so it's a lot. So I honestly can't be mad about how anyone moved in there just because it is such a high intensity, high pressure environment that it's like, even. I said, I said I was acting in ways that I haven't acted in in years. I don't, I don't raise, I don't like to raise my voice at men, like I used to, but I've retired.

I don't like to argue. I don't want to argue with men. I like to come to a very sound conclusion with them. I don't, I put that shit. So in the past, I'm old as fuck.

I'm literally geriatric. It's not the time to be telling people like, you. don't act like that. I like, I was just telling myself, I'm not 16 anymore. It's not cute.

And it's not funny.

Sometimes, yeah, you slip up, but again, you're not, this isn't a movie. This is reality TV. You're, you fuck up.

Goodbye. It was truly like the most fun to watch you three, like form this sisterhood and watching you guys like ride for each other, watching you guys like have each other's backs, like going through everything together. Can you describe your guys dynamic and like who plays what part in the friendship?

in my experience with Love Island. I walked in with Janae. I got to walk out with Janae. We were, we literally walked in holding hands, and she was the first person, first girl, I met, first person I met in the villa. I loved her right off the bat.

I think that she carries herself amazingly. I think she is absolutely like such an inspiring person. I think she's so smart. I think she's fucking gorgeous and I think she is hilarious. She deserves the world.

Serena is the most special person I've ever met in my life. She made my time in the villa worth being there. She is the reason that I stayed the whole time and she was literally, I felt like, it's hard for me to not have my sister with me, because I feel like she's someone that I rely on a lot, but Serena was literally like the closest thing I had to my sister, because they're both Virgos and they remind me so much of each other. There were things that Serena would do or say that I would be like, fuck, I'm so glad Serena's here, because I know that's exactly what my sister would be saying or doing for me. And so, yeah, they were very special to have, and I feel like our friendship is for life.

I think that they mean the world to me and I could not have done anything in there without them. And I think we all, we've all had like our moments in there, but we all handled it really well.

Like, I think Rob, like he was like, when he was like, wake the fuck up, like you're delusional. And I was sitting there like, me, me, me. No kidding.

I was like, did he just say he loves me? No kidding.

He was like, you're delusional, wake the fuck up, whatever. And then that was like a hurt. That was hurtful too. All jokes aside, like that was really like very hurtful to hear. And I think like Serena and Janaye got to hear me talk about that a lot.

And it was very painful for me, especially to hear from someone that I hold really, really, really in high regards.

But, like, I remember, the next day, like he was sitting there or he was working out at the gym and me and Janaye were in like the, me, Janaye and Serena were like in the kitchen. And I was like, I love watching the guys work out, like a few guys were working out. And then Janaye was like, I know, like it was Kenny and Rob. And then Janaye was like, I know, Kenny looks so good. And I was like, I'm not talking about Kenny.

And they both looked at me like, what the fuck is wrong with you? And then I was like, you know what?

Serena would literally always tell me like, stand the fuck up. Like she would tell me like, she literally would go like this, stand up. And like, I stood up. Like I had to stand up. But I was down bad for a minute there.

And she would full blown. read me to filth. I'd be, yep, don't want him anymore.

And so let's do it. And I remember, I remember sitting there and I was saying like, I was like, I just feel like I want to be very like, like just cautious of how this all comes out. Because I knew I told the girls, I said, somehow, someway, I feel like this is going to get flipped back on to me.

And yeah, but the first thing that Liv said, or the first thing Liv said when we all got into that huddle was we all know who's not, we're not sending home. And she said, we're not sending Janae home. That's the first thing we said was Liv came up. She said, we all know who we're saving right off the bat. And it was, she said, we're saving Janae.

And then it was between Nicole and Andrea. And then we just did that. And we all came to a collective, collective decision. And I just, but I do, I did sit there and I did say, I'm scared that this is going to look a certain way on me. And I was not pining for her in any way, shape or form.

I really wasn't. And I was praying to God they would roll the tapes that, at movie night or something. I was begging them. I was like, you have to. And then, but then they rolled the fucking tape of Liv saying that I had a huge sway in it.

And then I was like, oh my gosh. Right. And then that's when Serena was like, hold on a minute. No, she, huge sway.

I may be stupid, but I'm not dumb as fuck. I did not think sending the woman that, like this guy, is in love with home is going to make him run back into my arms. I knew he was going to hate me. Why would I have done that? And, and I, if, if I wanted Rob back, I wouldn't want it like that.

I would have wanted him to do it on his own.

Like first and foremost, like I liked Connor. I haven't watched the show, so I'm not sure what they showed of Connor and I, but the buildup to Connor and I's relationship was my, like, I loved it. When the whole Rob situation happened, he was there for me. And that's when we kind of became closer. And then that's when I was like, I actually like him a lot.

And then I was like, but fuck me. He's with Janae. And again, if I want, if I was playing the game, if I wanted to just stay in the villa, I could have gone to Hakeem. He was walking around telling everyone, oh, Liam, my type. Oh, I want that.

And no one wanted him in the villa. So surely if I was playing the game, I would have gone straight to Hakeem if I wanted to stay. Um, I, I liked Connor a lot. Like then we, I don't know, like we, we, we kissed outside of challenges. Like we were, I wasn't, it was not always bad or like, I didn't always feel like that.

But I think like I confused, he was just so there for me. It felt like and compassionate when the stuff with Rob was going on. that I think like maybe I may have confused like that compassion and like his French. I just felt like I was very, very, I've never felt so alone. It felt like everyone forgot that I went through that with Rob.

It felt like they welcomed him in Andrea with open arms and everyone was just like, get over it. And I'm not Serena and Janae, though, but it just felt like everyone forgot about what happened and they weren't like, and I had to sit there the day like Rob and I woke up in bed that together. And then I had to watch him like recouple up with her and make out right in front of me that day. And it's just like so painful, so painful, like in ways I can't even describe how painful it was.

And yeah, like he was there for me. And I think, like I felt so alone and like this one, like he was just giving me, like I, what felt, like he was giving me so much comfort that I was like, maybe I got my feelings confused. And I had like once it, and then I got like clarity of like. I like him a lot, but I don't. I can't a, I can't give him what he needs right now.

And B, I don't. I can't force myself to be somewhere that I'm not. And I don't. I didn't. I don't know if I could have gone there like that sexually with Connor.

understanding like Jenae was kind of like, kind of over it at a certain point. And so I just feel like there's a lot of things that weren't shown and it makes me very upset because, everything aside, I just I never want someone to think that I don't respect Jenae's feelings. I respect her feelings like more than anything. like my girls. feelings mean everything to me.

I will put them over my own. So I did it, Connor, and I both did it in the most respectful way possible. I told Connor, like you have anything we do, you have to tell her first. Yeah, I will tell her as well. But he had to tell her everything and I had to tell her everything, and we were very.

I made it a point, both of us, Connor and I, made it a point to be as respectful as possible, because how much I love Jenae and how much she means to me. And I was like, again, like I know they were coupled up. But again, it's Love Island and you're kind of like nudge to talk to other people. Like, I would have loved to just been like, been comfy and coupled up with Rob from the beginning and just sat there like that. But you are, you're nudged a bit to, you know, branch out and talk to other people.

And that's what I was doing. And that's what the experience was about. And like, I know that Jenae understands that. And I just I'm upset that the edit doesn't show that. But it is what it is.

But literally in the villa, I was calling it Rob Island. Even the producers were calling it Rob Island. I kept saying, I don't remember replying to Rob Island.

Like, try to explain it.

I can see why someone like you would be like drawn in. I can, I like, I get it like obviously.

Is he your typical type?

Okay. So he, I guess, I guess you would say like, yes. Like, if, like, we're like the, for the whites, like, yeah, I think like he,

And like, we would like make like little, like we'd like have, like we were already starting like inside jokes, like right off the bat.

And you were like really fucking chill in that moment. You were what every girl wants to be.

You were so chill. Was that a little bit? you like being cool girl and like faking it? or were you dead ass? Like, oh, this is not competition.

I don't really give a shit.

And so I was like, I wanted him to have a good experience this year. And I was just like, you know. I felt like our connection was so strong that nothing would have ruined it. So I honestly, if you had asked me, I think I was that calm about it, because I was like, what would top us? Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm tired. Grandpa. Like. I'll literally like, I like, there's all, grandpa. Like.

there's always like, there's more fucking fish in the sea. But I have him for like, frankly, take him off my hand. Like, that's the point I'm at.

That's good to know. Okay. We have to talk about the infamous conversation where Rob cried. You guys are fighting on the like balcony area. What went through your head when Rob said that he did not feel a sexual connection?

So gross. Like literally like every bad thing I've thought about myself was like confirmed in that moment. But it made me feel even more stupid. Because, like the day before that, I was telling Serena like how like I was like, oh my gosh. Like I love kissing him in bed.

Like I think I was like, I want to fuck him. And then to hear that the next day of that was like, oh my God. I actually was, I went to the bathroom to throw up. Like after. I felt sick.

Because, like, I feel like it's taken me a while to get to a place where, like, I'm not even there yet. Where I'm like, oh, I like, I feel good. Like about myself, of like how I look, because I'm very like, critical about myself. And I think that it just took me back. Like, I don't know.

I think it put me in a very bad headspace. I'll just tell you that.

Like heartbreaking.

And, like, you literally are like off of me. Like, where did I miss this? And like the sexual element that hurts so fucking bad. But when I asked him, he had said, he was like, I should have never said that. But I remember the first time we kissed, I had told her like, don't like, go easy or something.

Or like, don't like hurt me or whatever the fuck. I forget what he said. And then you told him basically, like moving forward, whenever you guys would go to make out, you were holding back because you thought he was like telling you to go easy. Is that?

And he was like, don't hurt me. That we hadn't kissed ever. And like, or then he would be like, go easy. I wasn't like, no, I wasn't even like kissing him with my tongue or anything. So I don't know that.

I don't get it. I really don't understand it. I don't know why he said that. Cause I wasn't even like swallowed. Like I wasn't like straddling him.

Like I wasn't doing anything weird, like or inappropriate. So like, like he, yeah.

Yeah. Like that, confused. I'm still confused. I haven't talked to him at all.

And so, and I made him, I made him food before he left. I made him like a sandwich. He like kissed me by, he was like, do I look ugly enough? And he was like, and everything. And then like sent him off.

And, you know, I was like freaking out the whole time he was gone. But I also was like semi not. Cause, I was like, I'm so like, we both were like saying we were so embarrassed. how we feel about each other this soon. And like, then he came back and it just felt something was off.

And I felt like, I was like, fuck, I know he kissed her. Like. I know he kissed her. And then he came and sat me down and he talked to me for like five minutes maybe. And then went straight to soul ties with Andrea for two hours.

And I'm sitting there and I'm like, he's not going to talk to me before the night ends. Cause. they were up there a while, like a very long time. And I was like, I was going back and forth with Kendall. Like I was like, should I go talk to him?

Should I go up there? And he was like, no, don't do it. And then I was like, no, I feel like I have to. And he was like, okay, go. And then he was like, okay.

I was like, I just want to talk to him. I didn't want to fight him. I just wanted to talk to him. I wasn't mad. I just was like, I'm still here.

Like I'm still here. I'm still here. And so I went up there and then I seen them like all, like cuddly in there too, which was just like, okay, like turn the knife a little more. Like I actually wanted to die that night. And then he was just so nonchalant about it, which, just like, made me very upset.

Cause it's like, we just woke up in the bed together that morning. Like I felt so dumb. I can't explain to you. And I kept expressing to him our whole relationship, that I was like, I'm so worried. I'm going to look stupid.

I kept telling him that he was like, I would never do that to you. Like I would never make you look stupid. And I was like, I'm so fucking worried. Like that I'm going to, like, you know, anyways, our conversation, I don't know when our conversation took, like a turn for the left. I can't remember.

to be honest. It was like, they told me it was 4am when we were filming that.

but he was basically saying like, he likes her. And it felt like he was like, just like, I don't want like trying to like clean his hands of me. And I just was really hurtful. Cause it was like, he was making it like such a point when we were together, like it's love Island. Like I, like you so much.

But he was, he did say like he wants to experience love Island. Like, and he was like, I think you like we, but he was saying he wants, he wanted both of us to experience love Island, like in the way it should be. As in like, cause, when we were coupled up at the beginning, like we really weren't talking to anyone else. Like we were actually in like a bubble. And then on like day three or something, we were like, maybe we should start talking to other people, because like, that's what we're here for.

And then he talked to the other girls, but I don't think anything that came from it. And then that's when like Liv came in and obviously like took him and stuff. but he still like, came back to me after that. And I think it just threw me off because it was like, he kept saying like, he wants to be like super open during this experience and, just like you, that take the experience for what it is. But then, like the second, it felt like he had Andrea, like he forgot about me.

Like he kind of made it seem like he was still gonna get to know me, and Andrea is what it felt like. But then it wasn't, it was just like,

let me. And then I was like, wow, like that, was that nothing? That was a really bad night. That was a really bad night. I was literally on Rob Island and I couldn't get off.

It just somehow ends.

pretty cordially. Leah,

you don't share me. No, you know what I mean? Like hot. Okay, what else? I feel like, let me try and think.

what else. Like, I don't know. I feel like there needs to be like some sort of like intensity and passion in a relationship for me to enjoy it. I know some people, again, hopefully one day I will get there where I'm like, I think I am there right now, though. Like, but I also think like it was whatever.

Let me not sidetrack. I know a lot of people feel the same way. Yeah. So, and I definitely feels like I got like I'm like, yay, cool. Like something's.

not, something's wrong with me, but not that wrong with me, because something's also wrong with y'all. Like,

Yeah. And you're like, I could literally like fuck your best friend and you would take me back. Like,

I can do it, but I can't do it to you. Ugh,

Okay.

I'm fucking sorry.

I fucked him because I was dying over my ex. Okay. After we fucked, I made myself throw up on PCH because of how disgusting it was. And then I went home.

What the fuck was so fucked about the sex? Everything. It wasn't even just the sex. It was the individual. It was the act.

It was the things he was doing. He spread his ass like this in the shower.

Which is like, get clean King. But why are you doing that in front of me?

No. No. And I was like, get away from me.

Just say it.

Like that, shit's not coming near me. I've sucked my ex's dick for like three years. We were together for three years. I didn't even touch it once.

You're like, just stick it in. I feel like- I feel like I have to stick it in. Hurry. I feel like I've got-. Let's get this shit over with.

Shit.

Holding on for dear life. Just say it. It's okay. You're not actually killing him. He's a nice guy.

You continue. Do it too.

Okay.

I can't say it. Yeah.

Yeah. When you saw all these edits, were you surprised? Because it's like, clearly what you're describing that you experienced in the villa, is not this romantic love affair. And you're watching these edits that make it literally feel like you're like, I don't know, any fucking main character in a movie that I can understand.

I get it. Like, I get it. I understand why. Because even I was like, I was like, everyone in the villa was like, you and Rob are fucking adorable. Like everyone loved us.

I'm not fucking sure. This bunch, though, I'm sure we'll find something to fucking do.

Probably Hakeem. Wait. Oh, hold on a minute. Is Kane, wait, rewind. Is Kane going to be there?

Cause, that's, I'll put him in as my answer. Or like Josiah, or something.

Matter of fact, put all of Cossack. Okay.

And I kept trying to get away from it. Right. And, but then it was like, wait, wait,

It finds me. I'm telling you, I will, I could sit here on your couch and something, some way someone would bust through this door that you would never think like fucking Dwayne, the rock Johnson could come in here right now and say like, what did you do to me last night? And I would be like, wait, we've met Leah. Yeah. I'm serious.

It like, I don't know.

Who was the funniest or me?

Like. I can't like imagine having like sex in the room, like blah, blah, blah. And Rob's like me either.

What is happening?

I want to do things for you guys. I want to do things with you guys. Like it makes me really excited to, for like the future. So I definitely somehow, some way want to.

Wait, can you tell me the story? What was the vision board? What is the manifestation vision board of Call Her Daddy?

Fucking slammed. I'm writing in the notebook. It's like really messy too. Cause I'm that drunk. Like one eye open.

And then I'm just writing this shit down. And then. We're here. Here we are. But I also wrote down, I need to bring that journal to you.

Cause it's funny as fuck. You're going to die. I wrote in there and said, it's day three. I've realized I should not be drinking alone. And then I said, I'm starting to feel like Tom Hanks and cast away.

Bitch, you had a TV and you were on the beach. Where were you? What are you talking about?

Yes. You were already feeling like Tom Hanks and cast away before you even started.