#2175 - Sam Tallent

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Oh, so they sort of developed their own scene, just the comics. So there was no comedy club that was available and they kind of created something.

Well, Estonia has been a country since like 1994.

They're probably shell shocked. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Oh, you got to imagine. Look, Ari's like Ari Maddy, who we're talking about, who is very, very funny, is such a joyful guy.

Yeah. You know, they get to create their own culture there. So they got to figure out how to do stand up. And I think that Ari can do stand up in like three different languages. Wow.

So what is Estonian? What do they speak? I think Estonian. Oh, they have their own language? I think so.

But they've only been a country since 94.

Yeah. You're too nice. You're too nice to be in that game. Yeah. Quit doing act outs.

Yeah. He's legit. Yeah. I'm happy for him. I signed his like visa letter.

Oh, I do. That's right. I'm sorry. No, I do know him. That's right.

You know, but it's pretty amazing. Well, you make yourself available to them too, which is cool. I admire that about you, because you could just like be a man in a tower, you know, do this thing.

But no, you're like out there. No, I'm one of us. Yeah. That's the only reason why the club works. Oh, for sure.

Oh, dude. I mean, I'm finally selling tickets now after, like, you know, fighting it out for like 20 years. And the independent clubs will give you every penny that they can give to you. Whereas, like the corporate owned clubs are, like, you know, they have the exact spreadsheet.

Yeah, they're so brutal. They're so brutal. I. this is like I don't want to say who it was. Oh, my God.

Oh, I did a jalapeno and then I touched my dick and then my wife came home and I had the tip of my penis in a saucer of milk.

That's like that old Eddie Murphy bit about putting the aftershave on his balls. Oh, yeah. I have clear eyes. if you think that'll help at all. Yeah, throw that over here.

Capsaicin is a hell of a drug, man. Ghost pepper, baby. That'll wake you up. Oh, my God. It's like those smelling salts you have in the green room.

The ones we have at the green room are bullshit compared to these.

Hey, I'll take your word for it. No, come on, bro. You gotta take one blast. I'll blast one.

One blast. Chuck that sucker this way. Sure. Maybe that'll clear up my eyes. It's gonna clear up something.

You psycho.

Definitely gonna forget about your eyes. Oh, my God.

What a glowing endorsement of this product. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, dude. You went too deep there. Yeah, I went too deep, too. I felt it in my lungs.

Oh, man. It really hits the reptile part of your brain.

Yeah, exactly.

I'm gonna go fight Bruce. I'll be right back.

You idiot. Ron's done it. He's full of shit. He's done it, too. Ron's taken quite a few hits, but none of these guys know about that one.

Are there individual capsules in? here you're supposed to break?

What the fuck's in here?

This looks like crystal meth.

Yeah, it's just rocks and ammonia. My right nostril's still on fire. Do the left one. No, we're good. That's what Joey did.

He's had a lot of stuff up that nose.

Yeah, I'm amazed he could smell anything.

Thank you for having me back. My pleasure, brother.

What's the road been like? You're all over the place, man. I follow you on Instagram. You're in all these crazy countries. Did you just decide to see the world?

Stand-up's, a pretty good cheat code to travel and experience the authentic version of a place. You get to hang out with people from that place while you're there that weekend.

Was there any place that was really fun? Where they laughed really loud and they got the jokes? Or was it every place a little disjointed?

It's different. The more you go into Europe, the more they watch it like theater. I remember I was in Hungary, in Budapest. That show was awesome. It shouldn't have been.

I took Hinchcliffe to Stockholm once.

Yeah, Stockholm's fun.

I had a great time, but he had never been to Europe before. I had performed in Ireland. I had performed in England. I had performed in a bunch of different places. We did two shows.

They're also not eating hot wings. Right. No one's arguing about splitting the check or anything.

That was another thing that I made sure with the club, no food. Use food. We're connected to two restaurants. Right. Pizza place to the left, Mexican place to the right.

Everyone's fine.

Yeah. You don't have to eat. You can take an hour and a half or two hours out of your day and not eat.

You guys also don't have to worry about being like in Applebee's, where there's occasionally comedy, which is a lot of these clubs out there. Not a lot of them, but they still exist. That model of like, hey, the host, by the way, when you do everyone's birthdays after that, make sure you plug the queso dip.

Yeah. Try the wings. Yeah. Yeah. I did a lot of those.

Oh, me too.

But those are important for learning how to captivate someone's attention span. Yeah. For a comic, it's like learning how to run uphill.

If you can't compete with a quesadilla, you should probably hang it up.

It's a good way to maximize profit, but it's not a good way to put on a show. No. When I see comedy clubs and they have food, I'm like, why do you have food? This is a dumb thing. Also, when we got the Ritz, when we first looked at the place, it had a kitchen.

I thought you guys were going to put in like a pizza place. When I first toured it with you way back in the day, you were talking about-.

We were talking about doing next door. Next door. Yeah. Where Rapolo's Pizza is. We were talking about doing that, but they don't want to leave.

Okay. I mean, they're printing money right there.

Now they are. Yeah.

You guys raised the property values in the neighborhood. I fucked up. I should have bought it first.

Yeah. I should have bought it when everybody was dying during the middle of the pandemic, when everything was fucked. But, you know, we could never imagine it was going to work as good as it worked. You know, the whole plan was just, the plan was like to just see what happens and build. But, like from the opening night, it was just guns blazing.

That was in Little Boy?

That was in Little Boy, yeah. Oh my God. So he did the first set in the big room. And he did a set after me. So they had no idea then either.

People's heads exploded.

Yeah, it was awesome.

Yeah, they liquefied.

It was awesome. So we, like from the beginning, it was guns blazing. And then so many people started moving here. And I'm like, wow, okay. And then now we're at a point where I'm like, I think we need another club.

Yeah, carrying capacity might have been reached over there.

It's mobbed every night. So I'm like, I feel like we could get a club like down the street. And, you know, have an A and a B club. Nice. And just, it's all for all these young people.

And you're going to get plenty of those. There's a lot of that around here. I mean, God, I was just at this club this weekend. The Comedy Vault in Batavia, a great club, but the AC was broken. Oh, no.

Oh, no.

And people were just in there, like dropping out. By the time I got up there, people were not stoked to still be in that room. Yeah. And I'm just dripping sweat. I look like a ham in a window.

Dude, the Creek in the Cave was like that when we first moved here. They had no AC. The AC was garbage. And you'd be drenched with sweat on stage, like soaked t-shirt. Yeah.

And now it's like 60 degrees in that room at all times.

Yeah, they fixed it. Yeah. That's the way to do it. I mean, like Letterman, always used to have his room like super, super cold. The idea is that warm makes people sleepy, but when they're a little uncomfortable, they're awake.

You should just put these at every table, man. Make it mandatory when they sit down.

We have people throw it up in the middle of the show. Yeah. Most people do not want that.

Do you guys do check drop? No. I don't remember.

No.

That's the easiest thing a comedy club can do is get rid of check drop.

Yeah. We were doing it in the beginning, and they were arguing that we had to do it. And this is a different person running things. Yeah. But I was like, no, we don't.

And the show's better.

Yeah, the show's better. The most important thing is that the show is the best show we can put on. Right. That's what we're selling. Yeah.

One time a guy yelled out, bitch, who said you could order hot wings? And I heard that when I was on stage, and I couldn't. He buried me from the back of the room. I couldn't recover from that.

That's hilarious. Yeah. Bitch, who said you could order hot wings?

Yeah, the Denver Improv.

I've never been to that one.

Of course not.

The comedy works are so good, though.

Dude, the improv came, and they said, Wendy, you've had it too good for too long. We're going to put comedy works out of business. And Wendy's response was to open a second comedy club. And now she has two A clubs, and the improv's out there, like, barely surviving, across from, like, a Toby Keese. I love this bar.

What I was going to say is there was a club that I, like, when Fear Factor had ended, they decided that I wasn't, even though I'd sold out, like, every show, every time I had been there for years, they decided that I wasn't a draw anymore. So they tried to decrease my amount by 25%. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? They're like, we don't think you're a draw anymore. I go, but I sold out a year ago when I was here.

I think I know what you're saying.

For, like, more than a year and a half. I think it was, like, two years that I didn't work for them. I'm like, fuck you. Yeah. And then, when everything was, like, really going great for me, then they finally came back and gave me great deals.

What are you doing?

Why are you doing that to me?

I'm keeping the lights on around here.

Like, how many national headliners do you guys legitimately have? Right. And you're going to alienate one of them just because you think you can make 25% more money?

Yeah. And you're going to sell out every ticket. They're not papering the room for Joe Rogan.

Dude, it was sold out in advance already. Like, to the point where I was already having to, like, tell them I don't want to do radio. Like, I don't have to do fucking radio if it was already sold out. Like, oh, I have a relationship with a radio station. They like it.

When I'm the least funny I've ever been, it's 6 a.

And then I have to go back to sleep and wake up for the show. I'm going to be all disoriented and fucked up.

Makes the shows worse. Terrible. I'm on there selling a product that is going to be impaired because I'm on this radio show.

Also, like, this is around 2007.

It's a total waste. But I think that it is built into whatever relationship the radio station has with the club. And just quite recently I've had to not do radio any longer. And it feels good.

It's nice.

Well, dude, Kill. Tony is a fucking kingmaker. I had no idea.

Isn't it incredible?

I was in Bratislava. There's people in Kill Tony t-shirts.

It's nuts, man. It's nuts. Have you been to one of the arena shows?

No, I haven't.

Holy shit. That's when you realize. When you go to an arena show and they all sing along with, like, the Hans Kim song. Oh, yeah. And they all know, like, everybody's, like, thing.

Oh, yeah. That's so positive, Joe.

I'd love to do a set.

That'd be great. Thank you, Joe. Thank you, Black Keys. Ooh. Yeah.

But that's really him. Have you ever hugged him?

He started in Denver. Oh, okay. So I've known William forever. You've known him forever. Yeah.

His hugs are like he might stab you. Like, he's hugging you. Like, he's thinking about stabbing you, but he's controlling himself. Like, what kind of a hug is this, man? It's the most intense hug.

Uh-huh. He's, like, shaking. It's like you're calming a baby deer. Yeah.

Yeah. He's crazy. When I met him first, he was, like, full on alcohol. Uh-huh. He'd do a Coke and everything.

He's present now on stage.

Yes. Yeah. So he would have the notes, and then he would do Kill Tony. And when he would do Kill Tony, he would read off the notes. But then, with the banter, the notes would be down.

And also now that you're not polluting your brain with booze and cocaine.

Yeah, your memory is better.

Right.

There you go, buddy.

He used to do this bit in Denver where he had a neck brace on. But he would, like, wear it at all times to open mics. And it was going well. And then another comedian started doing a neck brace thing.

No way. Yeah, dude. Imagine stealing a disability joke.

It was crazy. I remember being at Comedy Works on a Tuesday and being like, she's doing the neck brace thing. She's nice. Yeah, it was a girl.

Oh, my God. That's hilarious. Yeah, man. Did she actually have something wrong with her neck? Which would be ironic.

I don't think she did.

Oh, my God. She faked it.

I don't want to say she faked it. But I don't think it was as necessary as she made it out to be.

That's a weird one, man. Uh-huh. You know what's weird? People that wear glasses, that don't have vision problems.

I hate them. They're stealing valor.

I was thinking about that with you. Yeah. Yeah? Because you have to have them.

I am so blind without these.

What is it with people with clear lenses? Like, what is that about?

It shapes their face, is what they say. It's an accessory. So they'll have, like, a big fat face, so they'll wear big glasses. Or they have, like, a mouse face, so they wear little glasses. But I really don't trust those people.

Very odd. Yeah. It's a very odd choice.

It's like having a prosthetic leg attached when you have both your feet.

Yeah, I met a guy, and he had those on. He was a comic. And I go, why do you wear those? And he goes, girls, think you're smarter. I go, really?

Yeah, the dumbest girls.

They think you're smarter because you can't see good.

Yeah, if the glasses are doing it, just shake keys at one of them. That'll probably work, too.

Well, I guess the stereotype at one point in time was that you ruined your eyes by spending too much time looking at a close surface, a close object. Which is what happens, which is why cell phones are very bad for your eyes.

So bad for us.

So, like, the idea was, this guy reads so much.

I see.

That his eyes suck.

He crippled his eyes with his lust for knowledge.

Okay, so answer me this question. Why do I think it's hot when I see girls in glasses? Because I do.

I do, too, man.

Why?

Because they do this.

Oh, that's right. They take the glasses off.

Flick their hair back.

Before they.

That chick is the best.

First of all, I just saw an interview with her. She got on stage at the Zach Bryan show, and she sang with him. At the end, he sings Revival, and he has people come on stage and sing with him. It's a great fucking show. He puts on an amazing show.

I don't know. She just looks like the classic American 8.. Yeah. Where it's like, I have a chance with her, and she seems fun, and she loves sucking dick. It's like, of course.

Great personality.

Of course she captured the zeitgeist. Yeah.

She's funny. Even the way she says it, you get me? Yeah.

We understand.

Yeah, we get you.

Communicated.

She's only 21.

I'm sure she'll be stealing club weekends from me in no time.

Here's something that should go viral. Jamie, pull up that guy that I tweeted. Because people think I was making fun of this guy, which I kind of am. But also, it is a catchy tune. You know, there's a lot of people...

How'd you get this footage of me, Joe?

I have eyes everywhere. Here's what's important. The fucking dude is talented. Yeah, it's ridiculous that he's got a G-string on and he's fat and he's wearing a biker helmet on and he's got queer tattooed across his belly. But listen to him rap.

Action Bronson. put the weight back on, huh?

He did put the weight back on a little bit, unfortunately. It was on the pocket.

He's entertaining.

Like one of the lines was, let me fill your hole with semen. I'm pretty sure. That's the only thing that I could get out of all that. Like the little dance. But it's just the flow.

They're having a consensual hit.

He's having a good time. People like it. But my point is, like, that's that guy. He's got queer tattooed across his stomach. He's not fucking cosplaying.

He's not performing.

Yeah, that's who he is.

He's being pure.

But he's fucking talented. Like that rap, like the flow is good. Like it's fucking good, man.

Also, if you go to a show, don't you want that guy leading the band? Hell yeah. That's a blast. That's fat. Gigi Allen.

Yeah. I'd love that guy to open up a show. He should open up Fully Loaded. That's what he should do.

Him and Jelly Roll.

Burt's fucking buddies in the, oh, the Burt's crowd. Just have that guy go out there first.

And then Burt would come out in the exact same outfit. Yes. With the machine tattooed on his belly. Yes. Yes.

With the fucking biker hat on.

Yes. Yeah. I'm all for that stuff.

Me too. I like freaks.

I love freaks.

I like freaks of all types. I mean, here's the thing. Like a lot of people are upset about the Pride Parade.

Hell, yeah, dude.

Hey, fella! Whoa, he has a song called American Faggot.

Well, there you go.

That's hard as hell.

Yeah. That's just talented. Yeah. That probably was in Austin then.

Oh, for sure. Yeah. It looked like it was at a farmer's market based on the crowd.

So, like there's this thing that people are saying about, like the Pride Parade. Because all these people are walking around naked at the San Francisco Pride Parade, and so they were interviewing these people and they have their dicks out.

Yeah.

Listen, if you don't want your kids to see gay guys being sexual, that's what Pride Parade is. Yeah. It's not like a bunch of 40-year-old gay engineers holding hands like married guys who are just holding hands like,

hey, we're proud. Yeah.

It's different than anything else. Like any other kind of Pride thing, because it's not just like we just happen to be gay. It's overtly sexual, always. It's guys with fucking ball gags and dog leashes.

Pissing on each other. Yeah.

It's nuts. Like. I'm not against it at all, but you can't complain that that's happening because you brought your kids.

You can't take your kids to the cage fight and complain about violence.

Exactly. Don't take your kids to Pride and complain about the gays. Yeah.

They're having a blast.

They have a good time. Yeah. I used to do a bit about how, like I would always think, am I exaggerating about, like the gay neighborhood? Like in L.A. they have Boys Town in Santa Monica.

Having the time of their life.

Having the time of their life. All yang, no yin, and no one can get pregnant. I'm all for it.

Yeah. You wrestle, but everyone wins.

Well, also, those guys have their own neighborhood. The difference between the gays and lesbians, unfortunately, never developed us. Because I have a theory. I think that straight men find out that lesbians move next door and they go, I'm an ally. And then they become their neighbors.

It's admirable.

It's great. It's wild. But it's just wild that they can pull it off in almost every city.

Well, and also they can go into places and then they gentrify these places on the margins of the city. And the next thing, you know, all the houses are worth so much money because they invest so much in their properties.

They invest so much in their property to make things more safe. And they keep a lot of people from moving there. Oh, yeah.

But also offering you, Molly, typically. Yeah. They're very generous people. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, when I was a kid, I lived in San Francisco. So I lived in San Francisco from age 7 to 11.. Yeah. So I lived in a fully gay neighborhood.

Yeah, the city of San Francisco.

Yeah, but we were in Haight-Ashbury, like that area. We were right off of Lombard Street. So we were in there, in like the mix of the whole thing. I could walk to Fisherman's Wharf from my house. Yeah.

I mean, it was just normal for you as a boy to understand that your aunt had these gay friends and it wasn't made strange or they weren't othered.

No. They were just normal guys who just happened to be gay. Yeah. And they were everywhere too. So it's like it became normal because you just saw them everywhere.

That's like kind of what you want, right? It's acceptance.

I want people to, yeah. I want people to be themselves.

I want liberty and freedom for all.

Yeah. That's real freedom. You want America to be this fucking land of the free, home of the brave? You know how fucking brave you have to be to be holding hands with a dude and walk down a major street? What are the possibilities of running into homophobes?

For sure.

Pretty sure. Like, if you're going to walk down any major metropolitan, for any like three or four block stretch, the odds of you running into a homophobe is very high. Yeah. Someone is going to be violently angry that you love another man. Right.

I think that the young people now, they want to be homophobic, but I think that most like 18 to 23 year old dudes have probably sucked a dick or had their dick sucked by a fella.

Really?

I don't know. I'd venture to guess that they're...

What do you think is happening today?

Well.

It's the mist. They pump it into the classrooms.

What?

The United States spent millions of dollars trying to develop a gay bomb. Wow. And so it's based on this hormone and this chemical, and they would detonate it above a city and apparently it'd make men so randy that they wind up fucking each other, and it would demoralize them. This was the supposed idea. No way.

Yeah, they could comfort each other.

They were so gay. Not just that, but when you fought next to someone and they were your friend? Yeah. That was one thing. But if it was your lover, you would protect them to the death.

That's so smart.

Yeah, man. Also, I think people were just gay. then. I think people, back before they realized, like, hey, you probably shouldn't fuck kids, they just fucked everything. You know?

It was just accepted and it was like part of passing your philosophy forward.

Bizarre.

Because you would take an apprentice, and he'd also fuck his thighs from behind, but then he would tell the world your story.

He was fucking writing everything you were saying, he was dictating.

Yeah, and dictating.

Yeah.

But there was like that thing with, like the philosophers, some of them thought it was low-minded to actually have sex with the children's butts, so they would just bang their thighs from behind, and that was like cool. Yeah, I think so.

So they just titty-fucked their thighs.

Exactly.

Yeah, that's a good move.

It's a real soft part of a body.

Yeah, you don't get that hurt from it. You know, it's like, I wish that didn't happen, but at least he didn't fuck my butthole.

It was still tight as a drum.

Yeah, it didn't make me walk around uncomfortable, like, what the fuck did he do to me?

Yeah, I don't have to use a diaper now.

You just feel weird, like, oh, that guy just jizzed all over my thighs. Whatever, whatever.

What are you gonna do? At least I know about geometry now.

Bro, they didn't know any better. Isn't that crazy? Like, but just think about how much murder took place back then. Like, if you got to be our age back then, if you had to be, let's just say you got to be 30, how many people do you think you saw get murdered? Probably dozens.

Yeah.

You probably saw people get murdered all the time.

Over very small things.

Over almost nothing. Yeah. Yeah, disrespect. I mean, look, when this country was founded, one of our presidents, forget which one, engaged in a duel while he was president.

I think, Andrew Jackson.

dueled a lot of people.

Yeah. That was like his whole thing.

He just liked to shoot at people? Yeah. From 10 paces? Mm-hmm. Which is the dumbest fucking thing to think.

With pistols, that, yeah, there we go.

Many people think Andrew Jackson fought hundreds of duels. He did have a temper. He was challenged, and he was challenged, challenged others several times, but only one duel resulted in shots fired. In 1806, where he killed Charles Dickinson.

That's good, he was a terrible shot.

How far away did he shoot people from? Those guns suck too. Yeah. they're shooting people with muskets.

Right, and it shot like a marble?

Yeah, it shot a ball of lead. Mm-hmm. And not very accurate either.

And you probably didn't die every time. No. You could take one of those, you're fine. Yeah,

you could take one in the shoulder, especially if they're not accurate. Oh, yeah. But a lot of guys were probably crippled from them.

Oh, for sure, because it would crack your bone. Yeah. It would like hit the bone and bend it in half.

And then they never knew how to fix bones. back then. Yeah,

they'd just have to chop it off.

And they probably didn't even know how to get the lead out.

No, that's a good point, about lead poisoning.

It gets deep in there and just stays in there. Yeah. Ugh. Ugh.

I would, you should have the door, guys duel for stage five.

just paintball guns. Yeah. Did you ever see that scene in that Mel Gibson movie, The Patriot, where the guy gets hit in the face with a cannonball?

Oh, yeah. Yo. Yes. That's rough. Or in Napoleon, where that horse gets exploded with a cannonball.

I didn't see Napoleon, but I heard about that.

The first three minutes is all you have to see. Really? Because you see, well, yeah, you see a horse. take a cannonball in the chest and then the rest of it's just like him, simping for someone.

Oh, yeah. I heard it was, they cucked him out.

It wasn't the best movie. It was pretty. It was like a lush film.

What a waste of Joaquin Phoenix.

Yeah, he's the man. I know.

That guy is so good. He scared the shit out of me in The Joker. Of course. And then the riots happened like a year later.

Yeah, I know.

Like, oh, my God.

Predictive programming. How much is everyone?

responsible for this? I don't want to sidetrack too far, but this is saying that duels back then were not exactly what we think they might have been. Oh, yeah? It was more of a test of courage. It says, people didn't just take 10 steps and shoot as quickly as possible.

I think so. Making them flinch.

they shot each other. Yeah.

What the fuck?

John Wick was like that at the end, right? Didn't the guy try to get a spoiler alert? No, spoiler alert. John Wick pretended he shot, but he didn't. He held his bullet to take a shot.

Oh, yeah. On the steps of Montmartre and Petrie?

The last one, you know, as much as I love those guys, the last one was just so cartoony. It's so hard to take seriously.

I'm okay with it. You turn your brain off and stare.

I love the first one. The first one's the best one. Because the first one, all the motivations are clear. Oh, my God, they stole his car and killed his puppy. Let's go.

Let's do it. And then they build this world of like the Continental and stuff, which was cool. There was lore. I like those movies are the best.

Yeah.

You see, Furiosa?

No. What is Furiosa?

The new Mad Max?

No, I haven't seen it. Bro. Is it great?

You need to treat yourself. Really? Did you see the first, the most recent Mad Max before this? Yes. Remember how great it was and you left the theater going, movies are the best?

Okay, I'm in.

The whole movie was storyboarded too, so it looks like a graphic novel.

Ooh.

Yeah, it's like the best graphic novel I've ever seen. Oh, no kidding. It's a movie.

I haven't heard anything about it.

It's so badass, dude.

Yeah, I think there's too much content today.

For sure.

It's very difficult for people to pay attention to everything.

Right. But there's very few movies that are like actually something you need to see in the theater. Right. And I think this is one of those things.

I heard Dune 2 is one of those.

Yeah, if you can stay awake. Oh, really? I took so many edibles, went to Dune 2.. I didn't make it past the previews, man. I like ate all my Reese's Pieces and then was just zonked and my wife's punching me in the stomach.

That's the worst. Yeah, dude. Well, you get in them comfy chairs like Sinopolis. Yeah. You know, the way you lean back and it's got the cup holder there.

Yeah, and you can vape in there. now. You have your weed pad. Oh, really? You can vape in there?

Yeah, you can. Yeah.

I'm just like smoking live rosin and trying to stay alive.

Oh, that's hilarious.

I love movie theaters.

Yeah, movie theaters are great, especially for comedy. Oh, yeah. Because it really is like, the thing about comedy clubs, like last night, I went to see Kill Tony. Mm-hmm. And, you know, I like watching shows now more than I ever have before, because I don't...

That's valuable. Yeah. And also, that show's perfect, because you're not worried about, like, maybe someone's bit worming its way into your brain. Right. And then you, Robin Williams it later.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

That's why Norton doesn't watch Stand Up.

I can't watch it either. Really? Yeah. Because, like, when you riff a lot, when you're, you know, which I like improvising a lot on stage, every now and then you'll tell someone's joke and then it's that moment where you're, like, y'all, like, ask my feature, like, is that someone's bit? Right.

Yeah, that definitely can happen. Yeah. You know, but the thing is, it's like integrity. Like, does it happen on purpose? Does it just happen?

Sacred knowledge.

Yeah, it is. There's something.

going on there. I know.

I don't know what it is. I don't, I have a bizarre theory that ideas are actually a life form.

You think that they're energy?

I don't know what the word energy means. Like, the word, energy means electricity, but it also means diesel engines, you know? Sure. It means a lot of things. Like, what do you get energy from?

into this dimension. As if there's like individual particles that might be an idea. There's like an atom that's imbued with an idea or a bit, and somehow that gets into you.

I think the muse is a real thing and I think it's the more time you spend thinking, you can kind of hear those calls. The more time you spend alone, writing and thinking and working on stuff, you hear those calls and those calls, like from the ether, from wherever the fuck it's coming from, those make their way onto your page, and then there's real work involved too, where you're analyzing it. Okay, how can I make that better? Maybe a setup's too long. Maybe it's too, like.

And then that, like, that wonder that you had, when the bit is new, dies, and then you're just repeating something and you can see the crowd lose interest in it.

Yeah, you're not connected to it, so why would they be? Right. So then, sometimes with those kind of things, I will just throw it aside and rewrite the joke just on the premise. So instead of using all the setup and the punchline, I'll say, there's got to be another way to address this, this topic. Like, let me see.

You have the germ. Yeah. You have to water it. Exactly. Make sure it gets enough sunlight.

That's why, like there's a type of stealing, that's like very insidious stealing, because they steal premises. Like they'll hear you'll do a bit about you know, getting your oil changed or something, whatever, or maybe something more obscure. Right? They'll do a bit about someone buying you fitted socks or whatever the fuck it is. Yeah.

I can do it better.

I can just kind of.

I'm not stealing the punchline. Exactly. So it's not stealing.

I'm just kind of twisting around this person's premise and Yeah.

Have you ever heard Tom Waits talk about the muse?

No.

So he thinks the muse is like a real thing, like you're talking about. It's like a vibe, for lack of a better term. So there's all these stories about Tom Waits sitting in front of his piano for like 10 hours a day, just screaming, being like alright, you bitch, I'm here, I'm ready to do the work. Wow. I'm in front of the piano.

It's just so hard to know. Right? It's so hard to know what's going on.

Yeah, but you can't write a book unless you're in front of the typewriter. Right. You can't write a song unless you're in front of the keyboard. All these guys are like how do you write a book? It's like you have to be at the station where you do the work.

I've talked about it too many times, but have you ever read Pressfield's War of Art?

No, I have not.

Oh, we have a copy of it for you, then. I'd love to. He sent us a box of them because I used to give it to comics when they would, or any kind of creative person when they came on the podcast. But Pressfield wrote this book and he talks about the muse as if it's a real thing. Yeah.

Well, it's like we have. we always count on inspiration to come into our lives. but if you can, kind of like, create a situation where that inspiration is more easily available to you, whatever that is, it's playing your music, it's drinking coffee, like. however, you can like try and harness that ethereal thing that is inspiration. I think you can be a better creative.

Yeah. There's also different ways that ideas come, right? Like one of the things that Stephen King would do a lot of people would do this is they would write and then they would go for a walk. Yeah. So, while you wrote everything, and now let's go for a walk and just think about what you wrote.

Yeah, that was a big thing for me when I wrote my book was to write and then go on a walk and maybe smoke a little weed, and then you see it all differently and you can come back and realize what was bullshit and like what was a complete waste of time, and then go back in and try and address that and then also grow the things that were like a little idea, but then you can expand upon them, and it's literally just not being in front of the computer. It's your eyes seeing real light, I think is a big part of it, because I have to write at my desk in my computer, but then, as soon as you get outside, you're like, oh, that's how light hits a tree at this time of day. or like that's actually lavender. I was talking about lilac. There's just all these little things that are, I mean, romantic for sure, but also very applicable in concrete ways to your art.

Yeah. I think it's also getting out makes your blood pump. Oh for sure. It's walking around. I think there's the thing about walking is it's a very low level cardio.