#2178 - Sam Morril

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Cheers, sir. Cheers.

Awesome to be at the club last night.

Yeah, it was fun. having you. Last night was fun. It was a good night.

Really fun.

Yeah, it's a fun place, man. Yeah. A little Disneyland.

Yeah. It also is like a throwback. I'm like, I left Kiltonia on Monday. I was like, I haven't had my shirt smell like cigarettes in a while.

Yeah, all those guys in the green room are smoking cigarettes.

I've had one. I don't smoke. It's very contagious. But I was like, fuck, I'll have one. What the hell?

What the hell? Yeah. That's a. what the hell room. Yeah.

Wow.

Because it was a rock club for a long time. And then it-.

The whole thing, it was like all, but it's a big venue though.

I don't know if it was two different rooms. I think at one point in time it was just one room. Yeah. And then I think with the Alamo Draft House, they turned it into two rooms. Then it was a movie theater for like 10 years.

It's cool as fuck.

But it's got, that building's alive, man. Yeah. Like you walk in the building and you're like, this fucking building's alive.

It feels like everyone's a comedy fan too. And you walk in, it's pretty cool.

Yeah. You build it, they will come. It's like, feel the dreams. Yeah.

Not for everybody. For you it is, but not for everybody. What do you mean? Well, I mean, a lot of people are building comedy clubs, they don't come.

Yeah, but they don't do it that way.

You did it right.

But we did it, I swear to God. I mean, it sounds stupid. I don't believe in fate necessarily. I don't not believe in fate, but I'm not like one of those people. that's like preaching it.

I can't drive.

You don't drive?

I have a license, but I'm dog shit. It hurt me as a young comic because Joe List would always shit on me because we did a road gig like, I want to say like almost 15 years ago together, where I got us the gig, it was co-headlining, but it was a casino run and the thing was like, you have to split the driving. It was like 30 hours of driving total. So he's like, can you split the driving with me? I said, of course.

It's not that hard, though.

I know I'm that bad. I don't know why I'm that bad at it.

That's so weird. You're so smart.

I would imagine you, but you're smart to talk to. Oh, thank you. I'm a bad driver.

You're good socially.

Thank you, man.

So I would imagine, thank you.

You're easy to talk to.

So I would imagine you'd fucking be able to negotiate the distances between vehicles and turn the wheel.

I bullshit my way through a license. I failed two tests in New York. They were in the Bronx. And then I got a driver who I made her laugh out of the gate. And I was like, I'm in.

Wow. Would you hit?

I don't remember. It was a cone or something.

Oh, okay. Something minor.

It was minor. Yeah. It was a kid. It was nothing. Not a big deal.

Man, I can't imagine not being able to drive, because it's just like, driving is freedom. Yeah. If you can't drive and there's a car there, like what the fuck? You're stuck waiting on somebody.

It's also freedom to have someone else drive you, though.

If that still happens.

That's true.

If everything goes sideways and there's no more Uber and no more Lyft. Yeah. And you have to figure out how to work a stick shift.

I'm in trouble.

Yeah. You're in real trouble. Yeah.

If there's a civil war. Yeah. It's going to be hard to hail a cab.

Yeah. If there's a civil war, where are you going to go?

I think I'm going to cave pretty early. Are you? No, I don't know. I don't know what I'll do. Come here.

All right. Yeah, for sure. And if it goes sideways, you want to be in Texas.

But why do you guys want me? What do I bring to the table? You're funny.

That's all you need. I'll take it. Good guy. Good guy. Funny.

That's all we need. I have one bad set, though. There's going to be a talk later. We've got to cut this guy.

Nah, we've seen too many good sets. I'm not buying it. One bad set, you just need a pep talk. It's like Theo Vaughn.

Oh, I did a gig with him once. And we did a gig in Edmonton together. And he was so in his head. And I was like, they were like obsessed with you. What are you worried about?

Were you in New York when they had that orange smoke in the air?

I felt so. Whenever something bad happens in New York and I'm not there, I feel like a traitor. Because I'm such a city hick. But no, I was like, I think, the second time I did my own tour bus. So I was like really pumped to be on the road.

That's Canadian smoke, too. That was Canadian smoke. That was weird. The orange thing was weird.

It's like end of the world. There's a lot of end of the world shit happening lately.

Oh, yeah. A lot. A lot. The orange thing was weird, too, because there was this great conspiracy. Because there was some missing chemicals.

Does it always have to be like a comic book? It's always so fucking creepy. I know.

Well, the whole world is like basically some bizarre movie now. The Trump thing, the shooter. All the stuff that's coming out about the shooter. now, the more you read about it, the more you're like, what is going on?

Yeah, the Black Rock thing, too, right?

Yeah, he did a Black Rock commercial. They knew that there was a suspicious person 10 minutes before Trump went on stage. They still wouldn't let him go on stage. They saw him on the fucking roof, and they didn't engage. They saw him on the roof with a rifle.

They didn't engage. The bad Secret Service right there.

They wouldn't put Secret Service agents on the roof because they said there was a slope to the roof and it would be dangerous.

It's more dangerous if the next president gets shot, which he did.

They let him get off. The kid got off three shots. Apparently, there was one that we saw. that hit his ear, and you see the bullet. The photographer got a bullet flying by his head.

There's the one shot of him turning his head, and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? It was that close?

Dude, it's so crazy. Yeah. It's so crazy. The fact that they had such poor security guarding him. They did such a terrible job.

My uncle's convinced it's bullshit. My uncle's like, there's no way. this is real.

I don't think it's not real, but look, here's the deal. I'm not accusing anybody of anything. I just want to be real, clear. They have organized assassinations before. Sure.

It usually starts a war.

Assassinations, it looks just like that. When they organize assassinations, one of the things they like to do is have some fucking loser kill the president, and then they kill the fucking loser, and that's a wrap. This kid stops all the leads. Oh, man. Everything's like, where'd he go?

How can you not get in that kid's phone?

How can you not get in that kid's phone?

It's always shady. They always die instantly. Kennedy assassination, too. A nightclub owner kills Lee Harvey Oswald. I'm supposed to believe there's a nightclub owner with a heart of gold out there?

Runs right up and shoots him in front of cops. Yeah.

What is this, the end of Shaft? What the fuck is going on?

The end of Shaft.

No, it's ridiculous.

That was the end of Superfly.

The new Shaft ended like that, too.

Oh, the end of Superfly. He tells them something stupid like that.

It's cinematic as fuck. It all feels like a movie.

Yeah, it seems like a bad movie from the 70s. Yeah. It's weird.

That's how every 70s movie ended, by the way. A guy just gets shot in the face.

Right, there's a lot of that.

Every movie, it's like a guy gets shot in the face, and then the credits, and you're like, I guess this is.

The guy on the roof is just bananas. Yeah. That roof was 150 yards away. And if you're a good shot with a rifle, hitting a human being at 150 yards is quite easy. I don't know if his rifle had a scope.

Can you find out? But he wasn't set up in advance. He just went up there, right? I mean, that's how they...

He had a range finder. Okay, so the kid was walking around the whole perimeter of the area with a range finder, which is instantaneously, if you're Secret Service, you see someone with a range finder walking 150 yards where the president is, you tackle that fucking guy. You don't let that guy get on a ladder.

Yeah, this is your Super Bowl. What the fuck are you doing?

He brought a ladder. The guy didn't just bring a rifle. He got through there with a rifle and a ladder. I don't know what kind of rifle it is. I don't know if it's kind of rifle where you could disassemble and reassemble like an assassin, like screw it together, but whatever it is, all of it stinks.

And every person who talks about him, it's like the classic incel, like never spoke, never.

It's very strange. The whole thing's very strange. There was also photos of him where he had long hair and wore lipstick and looked like a girl.

I think that was bullshit, though.

Yeah, I think that was bullshit too, but that's a problem. Like everything's bullshit. now. The commercials, the Black Rock commercial, and then there's some videos of him in high school talking about having a 10-inch penis. He looks like he's just having fun with his boys.

There's a video of him saying he has a 10-inch penis?

Yeah, but it's like he's joking around. Like, I have a 10-inch penis. You know, like that kind of thing. Weird dude. I'm just a weird kid.

So now you are saying conspiracy.

Listen.

You're entertaining it.

Conspiracies are real. Sure. They're real. I mean, whatever the fuck happened in Dallas, Texas in 1963, it's not what they tell you. That's one thing, 100% you're going to be sure.

And Kennedy and having some beef with the CIA and some weird shit over. maybe Bay of Pigs or something, right? Like they immediately.

How about Alan Dulles, who he fires? Yeah. He fires and then he gets assassinated, and Alan Dulles is running the Warren Commission. He's a part of the Warren Commission.

It's shady. So much Kennedy shit over the years is so shady.

The shadiest. Yeah. The shadiest. He's the biggest indicator, the biggest piece of evidence that someone from somewhere organized together to kill that guy. It wasn't just Lee Harvey Oswald.

And he was also living very well when he was over there. He was spending money that, like, you're not making this on whatever per diem horse shit you're making over there. Exactly. He was like going to nightclubs and shit. Yeah.

Yeah. The whole story sucks. Yeah. The whole story seems like he was some sort of undercover operative.

Like he was getting paid out. Yeah.

And then I think that's how they do it. They make you think you're a part of something and then they pin the whole thing on you. And then, you know, I think there's probably multiple shooters. I think there's probably multiple. The Grassy Knoll thing seems super legitimate.

It is like we make fun of Russia for that shit, but.

Listen, we do it too.

Of course.

We're just a better country and we're cooler. For sure. I'm pro-America. Let's get real.

Let's be, yeah, come on.

America all day.

All day. But. But, like if you read, I was reading a Putin book and literally every chapter just ends with a guy, like the light going out in his hallway and getting shot in the face. And I'm like, this seems like a pretty fucked up rise to power, you know?

Oh, Putin had the most fucked up. rise to power.

That woman who just wrote the book on him, Masha, what's her name? You know.

Did she wind up missing?

She's, I think, either on trial or going to prison for saying something anti-military in Russia, which I'm like, all right, maybe, you know what? Know your audience. Yeah. Maybe don't say that.

She wrote a book on Putin? Yeah. What a gangster she is.

It's pretty badass.

That's a crazy move, man. To know they're going to come get you and you write that book anyway.

Ooh.

Yeah. That guy might be the richest man alive, you know?

He's really rich.

They don't know how rich he is.

His place is crazy. I always hear that there are always rumors that he's not doing well and then nothing, but stomach problems. Didn't he have like a stomach cancer?

That's all rumors, right? Yeah. But also, how much access to medicine does that guy have? You know, I mean, if there's a way to cure something, that guy, they're going to get it to him. Yeah.

It's like what Kobe used to go to, like Germany for knee operations, because he's like, they won't do this to me in America.

He would go there for Regenikine. Yeah. Regenikine. I've had Regenikine done. What did that do?

You scolded me for doing this. Yeah. I can't believe you did something like that.

Yeah. Well, I almost did it, and I know too many people have done it. That's why I was like, don't do it. You can't do it.

But you helped me a lot, by the way. Good. I think I told you this.

Yeah. How's your neck now? I'm great, dude.

I'm fucking awesome right now.

That's great to hear.

I saw another clip of you recently where you were talking about like getting older, like how you have to just like lift weights for your health. I was like, all right. I got a trainer from my dad. I'm like, you guys are getting older, lift weights.

Yeah.

I didn't do it, dude. I would just play basketball. I was like, I'll just hoop. And then I started to have fucked up, neck problems and stuff. And you gave me that neck thing, I forget what it was called.

Yeah. If you don't do anything, there's no muscle there. Your muscle only exists if you have a reason for it. If you get a cast, if you break your arm, your arm just shrinks out because you're not using it. Your body only uses muscles, like it only has muscles where you use them.

Except the dick. The dick is up every morning.

It seems fine.

The dick's rocking, dude.

But if you get older, it's more extreme. Because now your body's producing less testosterone, less human growth hormone. You're not getting as much sleep. You're not repairing in your sleep. And if you have a bad diet on top of that, then it's all compounding over the years and getting worse and worse and worse.

That's the thing too, practical strength. Like if you're like lifting, if you're doing like deadlifts, you're like, all right, that's like picking up a box. This makes sense, as opposed to people that are just trying to look good. I don't give a fuck about that. I just want to not pull shit.

Yeah, you just want to not be old. And, you know, you could do a lot of stuff with, just like chin-ups and push-ups and body weight squats and Hindu squats. And, you know, there's a bunch of different things that you could do that are just, but the most important thing is you've got to do something. And it's not just walk around. And really even cardio is not enough.

Dude, I did it this morning. I was like, I didn't want to do it. I was hungover. I didn't want to fucking do it. But I just light, just go light.

And then you get out of there and you're like, oh.

Yeah.

You feel so much better. Way better. That's my message to the world. Please fucking do something. I think we're designed for it.

Especially cities like this, where you can just get in a car and just not walk. At least in New York, I do find myself like, I walk most places. So I'm like, I'm doing something. But it's not enough, but it's something.

It's better than nothing. But it's definitely not enough. Yeah. No. You gotta lift a little bit of weights.

No, it's actually smart.

The thing is actually very smart. Yeah. But intellectuals, a lot of like very intelligent people don't exercise.

Yeah, Bill Gates does not look good.

I don't know if you'd call him an intellectual.

You know what I mean? Like a guy who has a lot of... Sure. A lot of...

A lot of resources.

A lot of resources.

Yeah, but then Jeff Bezos does look good.

He looks very good.

Yeah, looks like he's jacked now. Mark Zuckerberg looks great. You know, it's just a thing that people usually concentrate on one aspect or another. If they're like really into physical fitness and really into athletic shit and training and sports, generally, they're not as well read on like international politics and environmental issues. It's one.

Yeah, dude. Yeah, it's real. Hangovers get worse.

They do.

It's fucking hot. I didn't have that much last night. Oh, yeah.

I know. I had like maybe two drinks. Yeah. Two good sized drinks on Tuesday and then Wednesday morning I woke up and I was like, oh, I feel like shit for two drinks. I know.

When you're pouring them, it doesn't count. But I do that too. That's what we do at the Comedy Cellar, and you guys do it here too. I saw. I was like, Liz, who manages the Comedy Cellar, will drink martinis out of a pint glass.

Yeah, it's multiple drinks.

But martinis. Yeah, let's do a drink.

Jamie, bring over that fucking Buffalo tray, sir.

Let's drink.

Yeah. Having a bar is interesting.

Yeah. In what way? Just that it's too much access?

I just go there and I see all these people just drinking. It's like this is, I have a bar. Like what the fuck happened?

I know. I have a bar. It's a cool bar. It's a great bar.

Lovely people working there too. And it's just such a great hang, especially because, you know, we generally would be there, mostly just with comics and Waitstab. Thanks, sir.

And you got to do that thing you were talking about yesterday, about the, you know. Where's your glass? Oh, here we go. Let's go. Thanks, dude.

Cheers to you, brother. Thanks for being here.

Thanks for having me.

My pleasure.

It's really nice.

It's nice. It's a good place to hang.

What you don't have here is something I love about, and look, I'm a New Yorker. till I die. I'll never move. But what I love about leaving a bar in the winter and just like the cold air hitting your face, your shit face. I'm like, oh, that's just like, it's like, almost like getting slapped by the fucking earth.

It gets cold here in the winter. Surprisingly. Yeah, it gets you. We've had... How cold?

Trying to find, this is a Jewish shit I'm going to do. I might pop an antacid with this, because I've been drinking coffee all morning.

Does that help you?

Yeah. Ulcers and shit.

Oh, you have ulcers? Oh, dude. I just read something about that, that they think ulcers have to do with some sort of stomach bacteria now.

Yeah.

They used to think that it was like the lining of your stomach was getting eroded by stress, and now they think it has something to do.

I think stress hurts it.

Oh, it has to.

I hate to sound like a Jewish stereotype.

I think stress hurts everything. Yeah. I think stress hurts your immune system. It hurts the way you sleep, which fucks everything up too. It exacerbates everything.

Yeah. I had to get put under and they did the X-ray thing and they're like, that's a fucking ulcer. It's a big ulcer. I was like, all right. Damn.

So what do they tell you to do? Eat wise.

I just didn't do, God, it sucks. They're like, everything's bad, basically. I'm like, oh, how about coffee? They're like, yeah, you can't have coffee. I'm like, well, how about alcohol?

Oatmeal and chicken breast.

That's everything I was eating.

Really?

But you feel pretty, you feel weirdly kind of good. aside from this, like stinging in your stomach.

So I've never had one? No, no, I've never had one.

Damn.

Yeah, I don't get ulcers.

It's such a weird thing. And it sucks. It's all my friends who have had them are just like pieces of shit. Oh really? Yeah.

When did you start getting them?

I got one years ago on the road in Montreal and I went to a doctor and he was just like very French and, matter of fact, like no, no, no, uh, no alcohol for 11 days. And I was like 11 day. I was like, how the hell? I was a young comic. It was.

What does it say? Once commonly thought that stress, smoking and diet were the principal causes of stomach ulcers. However, the heliobacter pylori bacterium, uh, is now known to be responsible for the most, how do you say that way? Duodenal, duodenal ulcers and 60% of stomach ulcers. The H pylori bacterium also prompts many symptoms of indigestion.

I take a pepsin a lot. Hmm. Also, people that eat a lot of like antibiotics.

It's interesting, because antibiotics kill all the good bacteria too.

Yeah.

So it probably compounds the problem.

Yeah. I'm probably on borrowed time here.

Antibiotics are tricky. My friend Gordon, Gordon Ryan, he's like a, the greatest jujitsu athlete of all time. He had staff so many times that he was basically on antibiotics for a whole year and it ruined his stomach. Like his stomach is fucked.

Why? In what way?

He has the craziest stomach issues, like some buildup of like fungus in there, and he's always ready to throw up. He has a hard time putting down food.

I should be laughing at this, but it's crazy. It just sucks.

Also, when you see the guy, the guy looks like a Greek God. Yeah. And you're like, there's nothing wrong with that guy. His stomach is completely fucked and it's all started from, you're not supposed to take antibiotics for a year, but all these meatheads are doing jujitsu in this basement in New York City and everyone's getting staff infections and they don't want to stop training. So they just keep taking antibiotics and keep training.

That makes sense.

And then, you know, years later you're dealing with this stuff. I gotta know how the fuck any doctor prescribed him that, or if he just self prescribed.

It's just even crazier.

I don't think he was that famous back then. Like he wasn't as known back then. He's very known now.

All you need is one doctor to be a fan. Yeah. I had a doctor back in the day. He was like, I love you on Conan. I'm like, can I get muscle relaxers?

That's hilarious.

He's in the Philippines now. I think he's not even in America anymore.

Oh boy, he's on the run.

He's on the run. He's on the run. But for a while, dude, it was beautiful.

A lot of guys go to the Philippines and come back with wives. A lot of older guys.

Yeah.

A lot of older guys go to the Philippines.

They're pretty women.

Yeah, pretty, young, super happy to not just be eating noodles. Let's get out of this fucking country.

That's the pitch. I would do like some just regular protein and yeah.

Well, when you find out what most of the world makes in terms of money, you're like, you know, the number, like with the 1%, if you're in top 1% of the world. Yeah, I don't know. $34,000..

Oh shit.

Yeah. If you make $34,000 American dollars, you're in the top 1% of earth.

Crushing life, man.

So, all these people that talk about the 1%ers, hey, look in the mirror, fuckface. It's all of us. It's literally all of us. We're all ridiculous. We're talking about people in America, you know, like this inequality of wealth.

Also depends on the state you live in, though, because 34 in some states ain't getting you far.

Oh, it's not getting you far in most. Yeah. In most states, it's not getting you far, you know? I mean, it's certainly not getting you far in New York and L.A., but just, you know, just live there.

Good thing. I make $35,000..

Yeah, nice. Yeah, dude. I mean, people aren't walking over here. Yeah. For no reason, you know?

Yeah. It's a good place. I love America. It's the best. I'm a big fan.

Well, I think now, in particular because of the internet, there's more aware, cool, sort of in-tune people everywhere. It used to be like back in the 80s, when you would go do gigs on the road, like you're in the middle of bumfuck, Ohio. Like it could be a terrible gig. Yeah. They don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

That's a great city. It's great. I love Lexington, dude.

That place is fun.

I've had some good times there. Or Louisville. The racetrack.

I want to go to the Kentucky Derby.

Have you been to Keeneland in Lexington, Kentucky? No.

What's that? What's Keeneland?

It's like their horse racing thing. You bet on the horses. And everyone is so well-dressed, like seersucker suits. That was my opening line in the city. I was the only person there that didn't look like a villain in Django, Unchained.

Kentucky is great. Underrated place. I've never been to the Derby, but everybody tells me it's a trip. I read Hunter Thompson's. The Kentucky Derby is decadent and depraved.

But it's a scene.

It's a scene. I have a buddy who goes every year. He's like, you've got to go. It's fucking incredible. And then his wife goes and they get dressed up.

Yeah. That's what I love. If it's new to me, I want to do it.

Did you say formula? You were saying formula in racing?

Well, yeah, I just started watching it a little bit. And it's here now, right? Yeah.

You should come. I might, yeah. Do the weekend at the club when it's in October.

It's really fun?

Yeah, if the weekend's not booked already, I'll find out if it's booked. Yeah. Yeah, dude, it's amazing. It's so fun. First of all, they're so fast.

Oh, dude, I know. I had a friend who was driving me. He's a very wealthy friend I have, and he was driving me in a McLaren. He was going off in L.A., going fast, and I was like, what the fuck? Are you trying to kill me?

Right, especially if someone knows how to drive.

Oh, dude, he's good. I mean, but those racers are fucking incredible. They lose, like, 20 pounds a match.

Yeah, it's nuts. It's super physical. Yeah. It's super physical, and it's all about the reaction times. I mean, those guys, the G-forces they're experiencing going around those turns, like, they have to have, like, stiff necks.

I respect it a lot. It's one of the things I didn't really get until I watched that documentary, Senna, on that racer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, wow, this is, like, knowing the angles and knowing when to turn. and just it's all.

Oh, yeah. Tennis is insanely difficult to do at a high level. When you watch those guys moving and falling back and forth and all the different setups.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Angles and speed, and, like, mind games, because you're on an island, man. Yeah. You're not, like, it's not a team sport where you get, like, a high five every once in a while. Right. You're alone.

And you have to be in insane physical shape, because you can't get tired. Yeah. And not go for the ball.

And the heat and the different courts. Oh, yeah.

And the clay and grass and, ugh.

Clay is so weird.

Oh, it's the weirdest.

That's a weird court.

You're playing on clay?

It rains? You're, like, so it's mud? Like, what are we doing here? This is so fucking weird. But, yeah, no, he's, there's a story about him when he was nine and his dad is such a fucking grifter that his dad, Jim Brown, the football player, sees him as a kid and he's just, like, looking for a game for money at this country club.

Wow.

Against a fucking Hall of Fame athlete. And his dad, it's, like, his dad did it. Imagine, like, you're thinking about your family's mortgage and your siblings and their future. And you're, like, if I lose, we're fucked. Wow.

Yeah. If you get pushed that hard, I mean, if you get pushed that hard to be the best of the best as a child, that means you're missing everything else. If you want to be the best of the best, there's no way you're going to birthday parties. There's no way you're sitting at home watching cartoons. No, you're going to training in the morning.

Weirdly, though, Hitler had a good childhood. Really? And he was one of the best.

Also, heavy meth user. I think meth can erase all good parenting. Yeah. All good parenting goes by the wayside when meth gets to the equation.

Some people are just.

I think he did. No.

No, he didn't?

No, he didn't. Ted Kaczynski...

He was, like, a nerd. But, like, I, don't think...

No, no, no, no, no. He had a bad thing happen to him when he was a baby. He was sick and then they took him away from his parents and he was brought to a hospital. We had no physical contact for months. Yeah, for months and months.

And his brother was a good guy, though.

Yeah, his brother was a really good guy. His brother turned him in. Yeah. So, he was a sociopath from the time he was... Like, he was getting no love at all as a baby from, like, months and months at a time.

But that's what a lot.

You make them independent. I mean, never, ever. Zero. Zero minutes in any day. was anybody touching him.

Wormwood, that shit.

So, they put him through these LSD studies at Harvard. And part of the studies were humiliation. And, like, to see how he responds to, like, severe humiliation. So, they humiliate...

Just scientists, like, look at this fucking pussy.

I don't remember what they did. Like, how they did it. But it was, like, coordinated, organized humiliation. And just psychological warfare. Just to see what kind of response it has on this fragile...

Well, now we know.

Yeah. Well, now we know. So, then he goes to Berkeley. Becomes a professor. And saves up his money just so he can...

To live in the woods.

Live in the woods and kill everybody who's making technology.

Yeah. What a fucking weird guy.

Meanwhile, he has a point. Like, his point was...

Oh, no. Some of his writing is terrific.

Technology is going to destroy the human race. And it's going to eventually take over us. And he was right. He was right. It's happening right now.

He may have gotten his message out in a different way, probably.

Maybe he's a little heavy-handed in his approach.

It's crazy, though. Some of the writing, I'm like, this motherfucker was onto something.

He was undeniably brilliant. But in the documentary, his brother talks about, like, say, if he asked a girl on a date and the girl said no, he would just write the most evil, vicious letters to her and harass her. He was a crazy person. Before the LSD studies. And then the LSD studies, they just cracked him.

Damn. Yeah. Now, I remember there was a story about him. Like, he made, like, a little, like, he used his intellect. He made some kind of, like, firecracker to show off to a girl in high school.

To kill scientists and technology makers. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a weird part of our history is those experiments that they did on people. And I'd like to know how many of them turned out real bad. Like, how many of those people that were involved in the Harvard LSD studies went on to become psychopaths? Yeah. Like, how many lives got ruined because of that?

Well, who was the guy, as Errol Morris made the documentary on Netflix about the guy who was in the LSD, I think it was his dad. No, someone's dad was in the LSD studies and they absolutely threw him out a window. Oh, God. Like, he knew too much, and they threw him out a fucking window.

Yeah, 100% they do that.

And it's like, imagine you just grow up and you're like, my dad was murdered by the CIA. I mean, it's pretty fucked up.

It's very fucked up. You want a cigar?

I'm not a big cigar guy. No? No, but I'll keep drinking with you.

All right, I'm just thinking about popping a cigar. You want to be rude?

Fuck it, if you have one, I'll have one.

All right, let's go. What do you got here? Project MK Ultra, did CIA scientist Frank Olson jump or was he pushed? Yeah, he was probably pushed.

I mean, it's always one where it's like, was there a note?

Right.

And even if there was a note, they could have fudged that.

The official verdict was suicide. Oh, he fell from the window of his Manhattan hotel room in 1953, died on the sidewalk in his undershirt and shorts at about 2 a.m. The official verdict was suicide, but a second autopsy raised questions, although not proof of a possible homicide. Olson's family and many others have been searching for answers in a hall of mirrors.

Dude, a woman jumped out the window in front of me once, splat, like 10 feet in front of me in Manhattan. Oh, shit. I was going home. I was in sixth grade, and I was trying to get the bus, and I'm with my friend. I stopped to take out my MetroCard right in front of me.

Oh, she could have killed you.

I mean, if I didn't stop, I'd be dead. It's crazy to think about. You're just so—your mind protects you. It's really fucked up when you experience something like that, because I wasn't scared. I was just kind of like, oh, shit.

Oh, wow. So you thought it was a fake body.

Yeah, but it got me out of a history test the next day. I remember I called a friend—.

What did she look like when she hit the ground?

Face first. Didn't die instantly. That's the one thing I remember.

Face first.

Yeah, she—face first, she was mumbling to herself. That was the most fucked up thing.

After she hit the ground?

Oh, no. It didn't kill her. instantly. She muttered something like, I'm cold, and my friend's mom saw it, and she went into a store and got her a blanket. Oh, God.

How far did she fall from? Do we know?

I don't know. Probably, like, I would guess at least eight stories would be my guess, but, like, maybe five. Oh, my God. I don't know.

And she lived.

Oh.

Well, not in the end, she didn't live, but she didn't die instantly.

Oh, God damn.

But I remember I called my friend's mom, who was, like, a major narcissist after this, and I just wanted to talk to someone because my parents weren't home. And I was, like, trying to tell him, and the mom, just, like, picked up the phone and talked about herself for, like, 20 minutes straight. No way. And then she's like, how was your day? I was like, I just saw someone die.

Put that lady in the LSD studies.

See what we can do with her. That should be a punishment. Well, I think. It shouldn't be. Yeah, it should be.

We're talking again about, like, this kid on the roof with Trump. Like, that's the kind. You find someone who's all fucked up from life, and, you know.

Can I do another whiskey, too? Sure.

That's a very specific kind of person. You know, it's hard to make a real, a total narcissist like your friend's mom, who you just tell them about someone jumping off of a fucking roof in front of you and almost killing you and splattering in front of you, and they don't even care.

I think she just didn't know what to say. I don't think it was, like, malicious, the way she's like, oh, I'm sorry. You know, I don't think she meant bad, but I think she just wasn't equipped to give me anything.

Some people aren't equipped to have real conversations. They just talk. They just talk and talk at you.

I know.

Yeah. But if you find someone who's really fucked up, like, if you were a part of a secret program, you would probably kind of want to be going to visit schools to see if you could find someone who's on the edge. Yeah. Recruit them. You know, especially if you're planning on killing them anyway.

My question is, of course. But my question is, do you want him actually to kill Trump in this scenario? Yeah.

They definitely wanted him to kill Trump.

There was also an Iranian. But who's they? Don't you think? I find it a little irresponsible?

Is this his gun? No, no, no. I was willing to let you guys keep talking. I'm sorry, I interrupted. But I can't find a picture of the gun.

I'm so put off when people like, you know, Lauren Boebert and shit are like being like, Biden hired. Biden hired him to do this. And you're like, stop trying to pour gas in the fire. Yeah. How do you know?

So lucky.

The country. Like, I believe and I part of being maybe an entertainer is like I get to see a unified crowd. That's part of the beauty of being able to tour, as a comic is like I get to see a room of people laughing together. And I always hate when comics are like going out of their way to divide a room. Yeah.

Like, you really can kind of unite people. if you give a good speech. Of course. You really can. You really can inspire people and unite people with the right words.

He's right.

We should do it differently. We should. we should relax a little. Get our shit together, which is really funny. After the assassination attempt, Biden is like, we have to put aside our differences.

I know. But also there was a big deal that Biden called Trump and that he and he was like, there's no place for this. I'm like, murder? Yeah. Yeah.

There also should be no place for you using so much hyperbolic statements that you're saying that your opponent, if they win, it's the death of democracy. Because they kept saying that over and over. He's going to be addicted. Yeah, they'll do that.

Both sides.

He's going to be a dictator. He's going to be a tyrant. It's the death of democracy. He's going to put people in camps.

It all started when we started comparing every politician to Hitler, because it gave us nowhere to go.

Right.

Here's the problem. Like every cable news show, they thrive. the way politicians are trying to thrive now. It's like chaos. It's like you are poisoning every audience member who watches this shit.

And the way they're set up, they kind of have to do that, because otherwise they're not going to survive.

When Trump was out of office, they were dipping like a motherfucker.

A huge dip. Huge dip. Huge dip.

Because he was giving them content. Yeah.

Yeah. The fear content.

Yeah.