#2178 - Sam Morril

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Cheers, sir. Cheers.

Awesome to be at the club last night.

Yeah, it was fun. having you. Last night was fun. It was a good night.

Really fun.

Yeah, it's a fun place, man. Yeah. A little Disneyland.

Yeah. It also is like a throwback. I'm like, I left Kiltonia on Monday. I was like, I haven't had my shirt smell like cigarettes in a while.

Yeah, all those guys in the green room are smoking cigarettes.

I've had one. I don't smoke. It's very contagious. But I was like, fuck, I'll have one. What the hell?

What the hell? Yeah. That's a. what the hell room. Yeah.

Wow.

Because it was a rock club for a long time. And then it-.

The whole thing, it was like all, but it's a big venue though.

I don't know if it was two different rooms. I think at one point in time it was just one room. Yeah. And then I think with the Alamo Draft House, they turned it into two rooms. Then it was a movie theater for like 10 years.

It's cool as fuck.

But it's got, that building's alive, man. Yeah. Like you walk in the building and you're like, this fucking building's alive.

It feels like everyone's a comedy fan too. And you walk in, it's pretty cool.

Yeah. You build it, they will come. It's like, feel the dreams. Yeah.

Not for everybody. For you it is, but not for everybody. What do you mean? Well, I mean, a lot of people are building comedy clubs, they don't come.

Yeah, but they don't do it that way.

You did it right.

But we did it, I swear to God. I mean, it sounds stupid. I don't believe in fate necessarily. I don't not believe in fate, but I'm not like one of those people. that's like preaching it.

I can't drive.

You don't drive?

I have a license, but I'm dog shit. It hurt me as a young comic because Joe List would always shit on me because we did a road gig like, I want to say like almost 15 years ago together, where I got us the gig, it was co-headlining, but it was a casino run and the thing was like, you have to split the driving. It was like 30 hours of driving total. So he's like, can you split the driving with me? I said, of course.

It's not that hard, though.

I know I'm that bad. I don't know why I'm that bad at it.

That's so weird. You're so smart.

I would imagine you, but you're smart to talk to. Oh, thank you. I'm a bad driver.

You're good socially.

Thank you, man.

So I would imagine, thank you.

You're easy to talk to.

So I would imagine you'd fucking be able to negotiate the distances between vehicles and turn the wheel.

I bullshit my way through a license. I failed two tests in New York. They were in the Bronx. And then I got a driver who I made her laugh out of the gate. And I was like, I'm in.

Wow. Would you hit?

I don't remember. It was a cone or something.

Oh, okay. Something minor.

It was minor. Yeah. It was a kid. It was nothing. Not a big deal.

Man, I can't imagine not being able to drive, because it's just like, driving is freedom. Yeah. If you can't drive and there's a car there, like what the fuck? You're stuck waiting on somebody.

It's also freedom to have someone else drive you, though.

If that still happens.

That's true.

If everything goes sideways and there's no more Uber and no more Lyft. Yeah. And you have to figure out how to work a stick shift.

I'm in trouble.

Yeah. You're in real trouble. Yeah.

If there's a civil war. Yeah. It's going to be hard to hail a cab.

Yeah. If there's a civil war, where are you going to go?

I think I'm going to cave pretty early. Are you? No, I don't know. I don't know what I'll do. Come here.

All right. Yeah, for sure. And if it goes sideways, you want to be in Texas.

But why do you guys want me? What do I bring to the table? You're funny.

That's all you need. I'll take it. Good guy. Good guy. Funny.

That's all we need. I have one bad set, though. There's going to be a talk later. We've got to cut this guy.

Nah, we've seen too many good sets. I'm not buying it. One bad set, you just need a pep talk. It's like Theo Vaughn.

Oh, I did a gig with him once. And we did a gig in Edmonton together. And he was so in his head. And I was like, they were like obsessed with you. What are you worried about?

Were you in New York when they had that orange smoke in the air?

I felt so. Whenever something bad happens in New York and I'm not there, I feel like a traitor. Because I'm such a city hick. But no, I was like, I think, the second time I did my own tour bus. So I was like really pumped to be on the road.

That's Canadian smoke, too. That was Canadian smoke. That was weird. The orange thing was weird.

It's like end of the world. There's a lot of end of the world shit happening lately.

Oh, yeah. A lot. A lot. The orange thing was weird, too, because there was this great conspiracy. Because there was some missing chemicals.

Does it always have to be like a comic book? It's always so fucking creepy. I know.

Well, the whole world is like basically some bizarre movie now. The Trump thing, the shooter. All the stuff that's coming out about the shooter. now, the more you read about it, the more you're like, what is going on?

Yeah, the Black Rock thing, too, right?

Yeah, he did a Black Rock commercial. They knew that there was a suspicious person 10 minutes before Trump went on stage. They still wouldn't let him go on stage. They saw him on the fucking roof, and they didn't engage. They saw him on the roof with a rifle.

They didn't engage. The bad Secret Service right there.

They wouldn't put Secret Service agents on the roof because they said there was a slope to the roof and it would be dangerous.

It's more dangerous if the next president gets shot, which he did.

They let him get off. The kid got off three shots. Apparently, there was one that we saw. that hit his ear, and you see the bullet. The photographer got a bullet flying by his head.

There's the one shot of him turning his head, and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? It was that close?

Dude, it's so crazy. Yeah. It's so crazy. The fact that they had such poor security guarding him. They did such a terrible job.

My uncle's convinced it's bullshit. My uncle's like, there's no way. this is real.

I don't think it's not real, but look, here's the deal. I'm not accusing anybody of anything. I just want to be real, clear. They have organized assassinations before. Sure.

It usually starts a war.

Assassinations, it looks just like that. When they organize assassinations, one of the things they like to do is have some fucking loser kill the president, and then they kill the fucking loser, and that's a wrap. This kid stops all the leads. Oh, man. Everything's like, where'd he go?

How can you not get in that kid's phone?

How can you not get in that kid's phone?

It's always shady. They always die instantly. Kennedy assassination, too. A nightclub owner kills Lee Harvey Oswald. I'm supposed to believe there's a nightclub owner with a heart of gold out there?

Runs right up and shoots him in front of cops. Yeah.

What is this, the end of Shaft? What the fuck is going on?

The end of Shaft.

No, it's ridiculous.

That was the end of Superfly.

The new Shaft ended like that, too.

Oh, the end of Superfly. He tells them something stupid like that.

It's cinematic as fuck. It all feels like a movie.

Yeah, it seems like a bad movie from the 70s. Yeah. It's weird.

That's how every 70s movie ended, by the way. A guy just gets shot in the face.

Right, there's a lot of that.

Every movie, it's like a guy gets shot in the face, and then the credits, and you're like, I guess this is.

The guy on the roof is just bananas. Yeah. That roof was 150 yards away. And if you're a good shot with a rifle, hitting a human being at 150 yards is quite easy. I don't know if his rifle had a scope.

Can you find out? But he wasn't set up in advance. He just went up there, right? I mean, that's how they...

He had a range finder. Okay, so the kid was walking around the whole perimeter of the area with a range finder, which is instantaneously, if you're Secret Service, you see someone with a range finder walking 150 yards where the president is, you tackle that fucking guy. You don't let that guy get on a ladder.

Yeah, this is your Super Bowl. What the fuck are you doing?

He brought a ladder. The guy didn't just bring a rifle. He got through there with a rifle and a ladder. I don't know what kind of rifle it is. I don't know if it's kind of rifle where you could disassemble and reassemble like an assassin, like screw it together, but whatever it is, all of it stinks.

And every person who talks about him, it's like the classic incel, like never spoke, never.

It's very strange. The whole thing's very strange. There was also photos of him where he had long hair and wore lipstick and looked like a girl.

I think that was bullshit, though.

Yeah, I think that was bullshit too, but that's a problem. Like everything's bullshit. now. The commercials, the Black Rock commercial, and then there's some videos of him in high school talking about having a 10-inch penis. He looks like he's just having fun with his boys.

There's a video of him saying he has a 10-inch penis?

Yeah, but it's like he's joking around. Like, I have a 10-inch penis. You know, like that kind of thing. Weird dude. I'm just a weird kid.

So now you are saying conspiracy.

Listen.

You're entertaining it.

Conspiracies are real. Sure. They're real. I mean, whatever the fuck happened in Dallas, Texas in 1963, it's not what they tell you. That's one thing, 100% you're going to be sure.

And Kennedy and having some beef with the CIA and some weird shit over. maybe Bay of Pigs or something, right? Like they immediately.

How about Alan Dulles, who he fires? Yeah. He fires and then he gets assassinated, and Alan Dulles is running the Warren Commission. He's a part of the Warren Commission.

It's shady. So much Kennedy shit over the years is so shady.

The shadiest. Yeah. The shadiest. He's the biggest indicator, the biggest piece of evidence that someone from somewhere organized together to kill that guy. It wasn't just Lee Harvey Oswald.

And he was also living very well when he was over there. He was spending money that, like, you're not making this on whatever per diem horse shit you're making over there. Exactly. He was like going to nightclubs and shit. Yeah.

Yeah. The whole story sucks. Yeah. The whole story seems like he was some sort of undercover operative.

Like he was getting paid out. Yeah.

And then I think that's how they do it. They make you think you're a part of something and then they pin the whole thing on you. And then, you know, I think there's probably multiple shooters. I think there's probably multiple. The Grassy Knoll thing seems super legitimate.

It is like we make fun of Russia for that shit, but.

Listen, we do it too.

Of course.

We're just a better country and we're cooler. For sure. I'm pro-America. Let's get real.

Let's be, yeah, come on.

America all day.

All day. But. But, like if you read, I was reading a Putin book and literally every chapter just ends with a guy, like the light going out in his hallway and getting shot in the face. And I'm like, this seems like a pretty fucked up rise to power, you know?

Oh, Putin had the most fucked up. rise to power.

That woman who just wrote the book on him, Masha, what's her name? You know.

Did she wind up missing?

She's, I think, either on trial or going to prison for saying something anti-military in Russia, which I'm like, all right, maybe, you know what? Know your audience. Yeah. Maybe don't say that.

She wrote a book on Putin? Yeah. What a gangster she is.

It's pretty badass.

That's a crazy move, man. To know they're going to come get you and you write that book anyway.

Ooh.

Yeah. That guy might be the richest man alive, you know?

He's really rich.

They don't know how rich he is.

His place is crazy. I always hear that there are always rumors that he's not doing well and then nothing, but stomach problems. Didn't he have like a stomach cancer?

That's all rumors, right? Yeah. But also, how much access to medicine does that guy have? You know, I mean, if there's a way to cure something, that guy, they're going to get it to him. Yeah.

It's like what Kobe used to go to, like Germany for knee operations, because he's like, they won't do this to me in America.

He would go there for Regenikine. Yeah. Regenikine. I've had Regenikine done. What did that do?

You scolded me for doing this. Yeah. I can't believe you did something like that.

Yeah. Well, I almost did it, and I know too many people have done it. That's why I was like, don't do it. You can't do it.

But you helped me a lot, by the way. Good. I think I told you this.

Yeah. How's your neck now? I'm great, dude.

I'm fucking awesome right now.

That's great to hear.

I saw another clip of you recently where you were talking about like getting older, like how you have to just like lift weights for your health. I was like, all right. I got a trainer from my dad. I'm like, you guys are getting older, lift weights.

Yeah.

I didn't do it, dude. I would just play basketball. I was like, I'll just hoop. And then I started to have fucked up, neck problems and stuff. And you gave me that neck thing, I forget what it was called.

Yeah. If you don't do anything, there's no muscle there. Your muscle only exists if you have a reason for it. If you get a cast, if you break your arm, your arm just shrinks out because you're not using it. Your body only uses muscles, like it only has muscles where you use them.

Except the dick. The dick is up every morning.

It seems fine.

The dick's rocking, dude.

But if you get older, it's more extreme. Because now your body's producing less testosterone, less human growth hormone. You're not getting as much sleep. You're not repairing in your sleep. And if you have a bad diet on top of that, then it's all compounding over the years and getting worse and worse and worse.

That's the thing too, practical strength. Like if you're like lifting, if you're doing like deadlifts, you're like, all right, that's like picking up a box. This makes sense, as opposed to people that are just trying to look good. I don't give a fuck about that. I just want to not pull shit.

Yeah, you just want to not be old. And, you know, you could do a lot of stuff with, just like chin-ups and push-ups and body weight squats and Hindu squats. And, you know, there's a bunch of different things that you could do that are just, but the most important thing is you've got to do something. And it's not just walk around. And really even cardio is not enough.

Dude, I did it this morning. I was like, I didn't want to do it. I was hungover. I didn't want to fucking do it. But I just light, just go light.

And then you get out of there and you're like, oh.

Yeah.

You feel so much better. Way better. That's my message to the world. Please fucking do something. I think we're designed for it.

Especially cities like this, where you can just get in a car and just not walk. At least in New York, I do find myself like, I walk most places. So I'm like, I'm doing something. But it's not enough, but it's something.

It's better than nothing. But it's definitely not enough. Yeah. No. You gotta lift a little bit of weights.

No, it's actually smart.

The thing is actually very smart. Yeah. But intellectuals, a lot of like very intelligent people don't exercise.

Yeah, Bill Gates does not look good.

I don't know if you'd call him an intellectual.

You know what I mean? Like a guy who has a lot of... Sure. A lot of...

A lot of resources.

A lot of resources.

Yeah, but then Jeff Bezos does look good.

He looks very good.

Yeah, looks like he's jacked now. Mark Zuckerberg looks great. You know, it's just a thing that people usually concentrate on one aspect or another. If they're like really into physical fitness and really into athletic shit and training and sports, generally, they're not as well read on like international politics and environmental issues. It's one.

Yeah, dude. Yeah, it's real. Hangovers get worse.

They do.

It's fucking hot. I didn't have that much last night. Oh, yeah.

I know. I had like maybe two drinks. Yeah. Two good sized drinks on Tuesday and then Wednesday morning I woke up and I was like, oh, I feel like shit for two drinks. I know.

When you're pouring them, it doesn't count. But I do that too. That's what we do at the Comedy Cellar, and you guys do it here too. I saw. I was like, Liz, who manages the Comedy Cellar, will drink martinis out of a pint glass.

Yeah, it's multiple drinks.

But martinis. Yeah, let's do a drink.

Jamie, bring over that fucking Buffalo tray, sir.

Let's drink.

Yeah. Having a bar is interesting.

Yeah. In what way? Just that it's too much access?

I just go there and I see all these people just drinking. It's like this is, I have a bar. Like what the fuck happened?

I know. I have a bar. It's a cool bar. It's a great bar.

Lovely people working there too. And it's just such a great hang, especially because, you know, we generally would be there, mostly just with comics and Waitstab. Thanks, sir.

And you got to do that thing you were talking about yesterday, about the, you know. Where's your glass? Oh, here we go. Let's go. Thanks, dude.

Cheers to you, brother. Thanks for being here.

Thanks for having me.

My pleasure.

It's really nice.

It's nice. It's a good place to hang.

What you don't have here is something I love about, and look, I'm a New Yorker. till I die. I'll never move. But what I love about leaving a bar in the winter and just like the cold air hitting your face, your shit face. I'm like, oh, that's just like, it's like, almost like getting slapped by the fucking earth.

It gets cold here in the winter. Surprisingly. Yeah, it gets you. We've had... How cold?

Trying to find, this is a Jewish shit I'm going to do. I might pop an antacid with this, because I've been drinking coffee all morning.

Does that help you?

Yeah. Ulcers and shit.

Oh, you have ulcers? Oh, dude. I just read something about that, that they think ulcers have to do with some sort of stomach bacteria now.

Yeah.

They used to think that it was like the lining of your stomach was getting eroded by stress, and now they think it has something to do.

I think stress hurts it.

Oh, it has to.

I hate to sound like a Jewish stereotype.

I think stress hurts everything. Yeah. I think stress hurts your immune system. It hurts the way you sleep, which fucks everything up too. It exacerbates everything.

Yeah. I had to get put under and they did the X-ray thing and they're like, that's a fucking ulcer. It's a big ulcer. I was like, all right. Damn.

So what do they tell you to do? Eat wise.

I just didn't do, God, it sucks. They're like, everything's bad, basically. I'm like, oh, how about coffee? They're like, yeah, you can't have coffee. I'm like, well, how about alcohol?

Oatmeal and chicken breast.

That's everything I was eating.

Really?

But you feel pretty, you feel weirdly kind of good. aside from this, like stinging in your stomach.

So I've never had one? No, no, I've never had one.

Damn.

Yeah, I don't get ulcers.

It's such a weird thing. And it sucks. It's all my friends who have had them are just like pieces of shit. Oh really? Yeah.

When did you start getting them?

I got one years ago on the road in Montreal and I went to a doctor and he was just like very French and, matter of fact, like no, no, no, uh, no alcohol for 11 days. And I was like 11 day. I was like, how the hell? I was a young comic. It was.

What does it say? Once commonly thought that stress, smoking and diet were the principal causes of stomach ulcers. However, the heliobacter pylori bacterium, uh, is now known to be responsible for the most, how do you say that way? Duodenal, duodenal ulcers and 60% of stomach ulcers. The H pylori bacterium also prompts many symptoms of indigestion.

I take a pepsin a lot. Hmm. Also, people that eat a lot of like antibiotics.

It's interesting, because antibiotics kill all the good bacteria too.

Yeah.

So it probably compounds the problem.

Yeah. I'm probably on borrowed time here.

Antibiotics are tricky. My friend Gordon, Gordon Ryan, he's like a, the greatest jujitsu athlete of all time. He had staff so many times that he was basically on antibiotics for a whole year and it ruined his stomach. Like his stomach is fucked.

Why? In what way?

He has the craziest stomach issues, like some buildup of like fungus in there, and he's always ready to throw up. He has a hard time putting down food.

I should be laughing at this, but it's crazy. It just sucks.

Also, when you see the guy, the guy looks like a Greek God. Yeah. And you're like, there's nothing wrong with that guy. His stomach is completely fucked and it's all started from, you're not supposed to take antibiotics for a year, but all these meatheads are doing jujitsu in this basement in New York City and everyone's getting staff infections and they don't want to stop training. So they just keep taking antibiotics and keep training.

That makes sense.

And then, you know, years later you're dealing with this stuff. I gotta know how the fuck any doctor prescribed him that, or if he just self prescribed.

It's just even crazier.

I don't think he was that famous back then. Like he wasn't as known back then. He's very known now.

All you need is one doctor to be a fan. Yeah. I had a doctor back in the day. He was like, I love you on Conan. I'm like, can I get muscle relaxers?

That's hilarious.

He's in the Philippines now. I think he's not even in America anymore.

Oh boy, he's on the run.

He's on the run. He's on the run. But for a while, dude, it was beautiful.

A lot of guys go to the Philippines and come back with wives. A lot of older guys.

Yeah.

A lot of older guys go to the Philippines.

They're pretty women.

Yeah, pretty, young, super happy to not just be eating noodles. Let's get out of this fucking country.

That's the pitch. I would do like some just regular protein and yeah.

Well, when you find out what most of the world makes in terms of money, you're like, you know, the number, like with the 1%, if you're in top 1% of the world. Yeah, I don't know. $34,000..

Oh shit.

Yeah. If you make $34,000 American dollars, you're in the top 1% of earth.

Crushing life, man.

So, all these people that talk about the 1%ers, hey, look in the mirror, fuckface. It's all of us. It's literally all of us. We're all ridiculous. We're talking about people in America, you know, like this inequality of wealth.

Also depends on the state you live in, though, because 34 in some states ain't getting you far.

Oh, it's not getting you far in most. Yeah. In most states, it's not getting you far, you know? I mean, it's certainly not getting you far in New York and L.A., but just, you know, just live there.

Good thing. I make $35,000..

Yeah, nice. Yeah, dude. I mean, people aren't walking over here. Yeah. For no reason, you know?

Yeah. It's a good place. I love America. It's the best. I'm a big fan.

Well, I think now, in particular because of the internet, there's more aware, cool, sort of in-tune people everywhere. It used to be like back in the 80s, when you would go do gigs on the road, like you're in the middle of bumfuck, Ohio. Like it could be a terrible gig. Yeah. They don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

That's a great city. It's great. I love Lexington, dude.

That place is fun.

I've had some good times there. Or Louisville. The racetrack.

I want to go to the Kentucky Derby.

Have you been to Keeneland in Lexington, Kentucky? No.

What's that? What's Keeneland?

It's like their horse racing thing. You bet on the horses. And everyone is so well-dressed, like seersucker suits. That was my opening line in the city. I was the only person there that didn't look like a villain in Django, Unchained.

Kentucky is great. Underrated place. I've never been to the Derby, but everybody tells me it's a trip. I read Hunter Thompson's. The Kentucky Derby is decadent and depraved.

But it's a scene.

It's a scene. I have a buddy who goes every year. He's like, you've got to go. It's fucking incredible. And then his wife goes and they get dressed up.

Yeah. That's what I love. If it's new to me, I want to do it.

Did you say formula? You were saying formula in racing?

Well, yeah, I just started watching it a little bit. And it's here now, right? Yeah.

You should come. I might, yeah. Do the weekend at the club when it's in October.

It's really fun?

Yeah, if the weekend's not booked already, I'll find out if it's booked. Yeah. Yeah, dude, it's amazing. It's so fun. First of all, they're so fast.

Oh, dude, I know. I had a friend who was driving me. He's a very wealthy friend I have, and he was driving me in a McLaren. He was going off in L.A., going fast, and I was like, what the fuck? Are you trying to kill me?

Right, especially if someone knows how to drive.

Oh, dude, he's good. I mean, but those racers are fucking incredible. They lose, like, 20 pounds a match.

Yeah, it's nuts. It's super physical. Yeah. It's super physical, and it's all about the reaction times. I mean, those guys, the G-forces they're experiencing going around those turns, like, they have to have, like, stiff necks.

I respect it a lot. It's one of the things I didn't really get until I watched that documentary, Senna, on that racer. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, wow, this is, like, knowing the angles and knowing when to turn. and just it's all.

Oh, yeah. Tennis is insanely difficult to do at a high level. When you watch those guys moving and falling back and forth and all the different setups.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Angles and speed, and, like, mind games, because you're on an island, man. Yeah. You're not, like, it's not a team sport where you get, like, a high five every once in a while. Right. You're alone.

And you have to be in insane physical shape, because you can't get tired. Yeah. And not go for the ball.

And the heat and the different courts. Oh, yeah.

And the clay and grass and, ugh.

Clay is so weird.

Oh, it's the weirdest.

That's a weird court.

You're playing on clay?

It rains? You're, like, so it's mud? Like, what are we doing here? This is so fucking weird. But, yeah, no, he's, there's a story about him when he was nine and his dad is such a fucking grifter that his dad, Jim Brown, the football player, sees him as a kid and he's just, like, looking for a game for money at this country club.

Wow.

Against a fucking Hall of Fame athlete. And his dad, it's, like, his dad did it. Imagine, like, you're thinking about your family's mortgage and your siblings and their future. And you're, like, if I lose, we're fucked. Wow.

Yeah. If you get pushed that hard, I mean, if you get pushed that hard to be the best of the best as a child, that means you're missing everything else. If you want to be the best of the best, there's no way you're going to birthday parties. There's no way you're sitting at home watching cartoons. No, you're going to training in the morning.

Weirdly, though, Hitler had a good childhood. Really? And he was one of the best.

Also, heavy meth user. I think meth can erase all good parenting. Yeah. All good parenting goes by the wayside when meth gets to the equation.

Some people are just.

I think he did. No.

No, he didn't?

No, he didn't. Ted Kaczynski...

He was, like, a nerd. But, like, I, don't think...

No, no, no, no, no. He had a bad thing happen to him when he was a baby. He was sick and then they took him away from his parents and he was brought to a hospital. We had no physical contact for months. Yeah, for months and months.

And his brother was a good guy, though.

Yeah, his brother was a really good guy. His brother turned him in. Yeah. So, he was a sociopath from the time he was... Like, he was getting no love at all as a baby from, like, months and months at a time.

But that's what a lot.

You make them independent. I mean, never, ever. Zero. Zero minutes in any day. was anybody touching him.

Wormwood, that shit.

So, they put him through these LSD studies at Harvard. And part of the studies were humiliation. And, like, to see how he responds to, like, severe humiliation. So, they humiliate...

Just scientists, like, look at this fucking pussy.

I don't remember what they did. Like, how they did it. But it was, like, coordinated, organized humiliation. And just psychological warfare. Just to see what kind of response it has on this fragile...

Well, now we know.

Yeah. Well, now we know. So, then he goes to Berkeley. Becomes a professor. And saves up his money just so he can...

To live in the woods.

Live in the woods and kill everybody who's making technology.

Yeah. What a fucking weird guy.

Meanwhile, he has a point. Like, his point was...

Oh, no. Some of his writing is terrific.

Technology is going to destroy the human race. And it's going to eventually take over us. And he was right. He was right. It's happening right now.

He may have gotten his message out in a different way, probably.

Maybe he's a little heavy-handed in his approach.

It's crazy, though. Some of the writing, I'm like, this motherfucker was onto something.

He was undeniably brilliant. But in the documentary, his brother talks about, like, say, if he asked a girl on a date and the girl said no, he would just write the most evil, vicious letters to her and harass her. He was a crazy person. Before the LSD studies. And then the LSD studies, they just cracked him.

Damn. Yeah. Now, I remember there was a story about him. Like, he made, like, a little, like, he used his intellect. He made some kind of, like, firecracker to show off to a girl in high school.

To kill scientists and technology makers. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's a weird part of our history is those experiments that they did on people. And I'd like to know how many of them turned out real bad. Like, how many of those people that were involved in the Harvard LSD studies went on to become psychopaths? Yeah. Like, how many lives got ruined because of that?

Well, who was the guy, as Errol Morris made the documentary on Netflix about the guy who was in the LSD, I think it was his dad. No, someone's dad was in the LSD studies and they absolutely threw him out a window. Oh, God. Like, he knew too much, and they threw him out a fucking window.

Yeah, 100% they do that.

And it's like, imagine you just grow up and you're like, my dad was murdered by the CIA. I mean, it's pretty fucked up.

It's very fucked up. You want a cigar?

I'm not a big cigar guy. No? No, but I'll keep drinking with you.

All right, I'm just thinking about popping a cigar. You want to be rude?

Fuck it, if you have one, I'll have one.

All right, let's go. What do you got here? Project MK Ultra, did CIA scientist Frank Olson jump or was he pushed? Yeah, he was probably pushed.

I mean, it's always one where it's like, was there a note?

Right.

And even if there was a note, they could have fudged that.

The official verdict was suicide. Oh, he fell from the window of his Manhattan hotel room in 1953, died on the sidewalk in his undershirt and shorts at about 2 a.m. The official verdict was suicide, but a second autopsy raised questions, although not proof of a possible homicide. Olson's family and many others have been searching for answers in a hall of mirrors.

Dude, a woman jumped out the window in front of me once, splat, like 10 feet in front of me in Manhattan. Oh, shit. I was going home. I was in sixth grade, and I was trying to get the bus, and I'm with my friend. I stopped to take out my MetroCard right in front of me.

Oh, she could have killed you.

I mean, if I didn't stop, I'd be dead. It's crazy to think about. You're just so—your mind protects you. It's really fucked up when you experience something like that, because I wasn't scared. I was just kind of like, oh, shit.

Oh, wow. So you thought it was a fake body.

Yeah, but it got me out of a history test the next day. I remember I called a friend—.

What did she look like when she hit the ground?

Face first. Didn't die instantly. That's the one thing I remember.

Face first.

Yeah, she—face first, she was mumbling to herself. That was the most fucked up thing.

After she hit the ground?

Oh, no. It didn't kill her. instantly. She muttered something like, I'm cold, and my friend's mom saw it, and she went into a store and got her a blanket. Oh, God.

How far did she fall from? Do we know?

I don't know. Probably, like, I would guess at least eight stories would be my guess, but, like, maybe five. Oh, my God. I don't know.

And she lived.

Oh.

Well, not in the end, she didn't live, but she didn't die instantly.

Oh, God damn.

But I remember I called my friend's mom, who was, like, a major narcissist after this, and I just wanted to talk to someone because my parents weren't home. And I was, like, trying to tell him, and the mom, just, like, picked up the phone and talked about herself for, like, 20 minutes straight. No way. And then she's like, how was your day? I was like, I just saw someone die.

Put that lady in the LSD studies.

See what we can do with her. That should be a punishment. Well, I think. It shouldn't be. Yeah, it should be.

We're talking again about, like, this kid on the roof with Trump. Like, that's the kind. You find someone who's all fucked up from life, and, you know.

Can I do another whiskey, too? Sure.

That's a very specific kind of person. You know, it's hard to make a real, a total narcissist like your friend's mom, who you just tell them about someone jumping off of a fucking roof in front of you and almost killing you and splattering in front of you, and they don't even care.

I think she just didn't know what to say. I don't think it was, like, malicious, the way she's like, oh, I'm sorry. You know, I don't think she meant bad, but I think she just wasn't equipped to give me anything.

Some people aren't equipped to have real conversations. They just talk. They just talk and talk at you.

I know.

Yeah. But if you find someone who's really fucked up, like, if you were a part of a secret program, you would probably kind of want to be going to visit schools to see if you could find someone who's on the edge. Yeah. Recruit them. You know, especially if you're planning on killing them anyway.

My question is, of course. But my question is, do you want him actually to kill Trump in this scenario? Yeah.

They definitely wanted him to kill Trump.

There was also an Iranian. But who's they? Don't you think? I find it a little irresponsible?

Is this his gun? No, no, no. I was willing to let you guys keep talking. I'm sorry, I interrupted. But I can't find a picture of the gun.

I'm so put off when people like, you know, Lauren Boebert and shit are like being like, Biden hired. Biden hired him to do this. And you're like, stop trying to pour gas in the fire. Yeah. How do you know?

So lucky.

The country. Like, I believe and I part of being maybe an entertainer is like I get to see a unified crowd. That's part of the beauty of being able to tour, as a comic is like I get to see a room of people laughing together. And I always hate when comics are like going out of their way to divide a room. Yeah.

Like, you really can kind of unite people. if you give a good speech. Of course. You really can. You really can inspire people and unite people with the right words.

He's right.

We should do it differently. We should. we should relax a little. Get our shit together, which is really funny. After the assassination attempt, Biden is like, we have to put aside our differences.

I know. But also there was a big deal that Biden called Trump and that he and he was like, there's no place for this. I'm like, murder? Yeah. Yeah.

There also should be no place for you using so much hyperbolic statements that you're saying that your opponent, if they win, it's the death of democracy. Because they kept saying that over and over. He's going to be addicted. Yeah, they'll do that.

Both sides.

He's going to be a dictator. He's going to be a tyrant. It's the death of democracy. He's going to put people in camps.

It all started when we started comparing every politician to Hitler, because it gave us nowhere to go.

Right.

Here's the problem. Like every cable news show, they thrive. the way politicians are trying to thrive now. It's like chaos. It's like you are poisoning every audience member who watches this shit.

And the way they're set up, they kind of have to do that, because otherwise they're not going to survive.

When Trump was out of office, they were dipping like a motherfucker.

A huge dip. Huge dip. Huge dip.

Because he was giving them content. Yeah.

Yeah. The fear content.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's not a good time for being informed. It's a very confusing time in terms of understanding exactly what's going on in the world. Yeah. It's real weird.

Yeah.

It's just real weird. You don't know what the fuck is happening. There's no official reports of things and there's so many different things that are popping off. There's so much going on in Ukraine and in Israel. It's like what's going on in America, and somebody just tried to kill the president.

I couldn't believe that shit. I was like. this can't be fucking. When did the world turn into the World Wrestling Federation?

I was in Italy. All of it.

The cop went on the roof.

Yeah. The cop went on the roof. He pointed a gun at the cop and the cop jumped off the roof.

That's fucking crazy. You never see that in like an Eastwood movie.

Yeah. The cop is like I'm getting out of here.

The cop jumping up and going. fuck this shit.

It says he fired eight times at Trump. Yeah. Really?

Did he give him the rifle? So I know it was the dad's gun. We took it. Do they know if it was a gift or if it was, he borrowed it or stole it?

It says the son missing along with his rifle. So that was his son's rifle.

It was stolen then.

No, it says. Well, it's hard to say what he's saying there. Because it could be saying the son was missing with his rifle. But it could be saying the son was missing with his son's rifle. See how it says it?

How would you like to have that be your fucking kid? Oh, my God.

They used DNA to identify him. Well, you could use a photo. I saw his face. But, no, they said that FBI used DNA to figure it out. Oh, to make sure it's him?

How they ran a DNA test?

They might have used, like, dna.

I shouldn't have done it.

I shouldn't have done it, too.

You did it, too?

Yeah, I did it.

Why did we do it? Well, because I was interested. A drunk girl in a bar convinced me to do it. And I was, like, yeah. I was hammered.

I know, right?

Like, clearly, I have some Turkish in me with these eyebrows. I know what I am, basically. But she was, like, no, you need to know. And she did it, like, on the spot in a bar. She awarded it for me.

Oh, wow.

I'm a fucking idiot.

Well, you gave away all your DNA to China. And now they can make a bioweapon that specifically targets you. That's a new thing that they can do now.

How does that work?

Well, certain people have certain genetic. Like, people, are different, right? Like, there's certain people where certain genes impact them differently. Like, for instance, the reason why some black people get sickle cell anemia, is because their family has a history. Their ancestors have a history of protection against malaria.

But don't they kind of already know, if that's your tendency, what race you are?

I don't know. I mean, I think it's probably really. Like, some people think they're one thing and they find out they're not. Like, Elizabeth Warren.

They do a Woody Allen film festival in New York and just nuke it. And I'm like, fuck. I walked right into that one.

I think. But for the biological thing, I think it's like. There's very specific things. Like, you're different than me and I'm different than Jamie. And there could be a certain biological weapon that only targets Jamie's DNA.

By the way, do you get the alerts where they're like, we found another family member for you? I'm like, I'm good. I'm good. We're tapped out here.

I'm busy. I'm about to change my number anyway.

I'm in a blended family, as is. I have step-siblings. I'm like, let's cap it here. Yeah.

That's enough of bringing strangers into your life.

But they tell you. What's funny is they tell you, like, random shit on those sites where, they're like, you, prefer salty to sweet. And I'm like, holy shit, that is true.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then sometimes you feel like you're talking to a chick who just knows your astrological sign. And I'm just dumb. And I'm like, yeah, I guess I am. But there's certain things like.

The taste of cilantro. Some people, it tastes like soap.

Do you like it or not?

I like it. Me too. Yeah. Some people don't like. What does it say, Jim?

We're all fucking stupid.

This is flat out Alex Jones stuff. Like, if you had heard this five years ago, like, Alex, relax. Yeah. They're finding your own personal DNA and they're developing weapons specifically designed to target you.

I'll say for myself, they don't need to do much research. You could take me out pretty fucking easy.

I think it's just to know that they have them for everybody. Anybody, that might be a bit of a problem.

It's creepy as fuck.

It's very creepy.

Even just like the, was it the Cambridge Analytica stuff? Just the stuff they have on you, you're like, yeah, this is, like, not good.

It's just the tip of the iceberg.

Yeah, but then I also think of it in, like, terms of podcasts. We're like, if we log this many hours, we're not going to get canceled because there's too much shit to pull from. So, I look at it the same way. I'm like, if you have this much of everybody, maybe we're all okay.

Well, think about podcasts. We've said awful shit. We have said awful shit in these little clips, but we've also said not awful shit.

Way more.

Thousands and thousands of hours and we're comedians. Yeah. So, people go, yeah, but what was the whole conversation like? Why did Shane say that? Why did Joe say that?

Well, it's because people now get it. Why did Shane call me a dirty Jew? Because the Knicks beat the Sixers. That's why. Suck it, Shane.

In the moment, it had to be okay.

But I think, you know, people realize that now. I saw him two months ago in Nashville. He is off, it's like a video game getting away from Shane. Because you can't get away unscathed. I'm like, dude, I'm so hungover.

The big boss.

Yeah. I'm just like trying to get away from him. He's like, you need one more drink to kill that hangover. I'm like, I'm good. But then he talks between him and Joe DeRosa.

For fuck's sake, stop doing shots.

You're smoking Marlboro Reds and doing shots. You're 40 fucking six.

Yeah, and he's not a healthy 46 either. No. Doing marathons. When we're in here with Do Protect Our Park, Shane's always the one with the beer bong. He's like, dude, it's time.

The problem with guys like Shane. for me are like I still enjoy drinking and I like the buzz that builds gradually. I don't like just getting super fucked up. I like getting fucked up like over the course of the night. Yeah.

Yeah.

And Shane drinks like a 19-year-old.

He does, but he drinks Bud Lights, which is the calculated move. You're going to drink a lot. That's the Stan Hope move, too. I know. Stan Hope does cocktails now, but for the longest time, Stan Hope drank light beer.

Dude, you're pretty good at impressions.

That's okay.

That's not bad.

If I talk to him, if I'm around him, I can do them.

I love him. I was such a fan of his. I still am, but I mean, I remember those like old albums, like Something to Take the Edge Off and shit. Oh, he's great. Oh, my God, that Bobby Barnett story, Doug Stan Hope.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just a I fuck the chick story, but it's not. It's like got layers, and there's Henry Phillips playing the bass in the background. Stan Hope is like, and he's so cool. He's such a cool fucking guy.

He really is that guy. That's not an act.

He is like, Attell always says he's like the closest we have to Bill Hicks.

Yeah, but he's a different thing. He's his own thing.

It's like, for sure.

He's Doug Stan Hope. For sure. He inspired a lot of Stan Hope wannabes.

Oh, dude, the mics. So I'm a different generation of you in stand up, but I remember the guys who were getting like, when I was coming up, the guys getting ripped off of the mics were Mitch Hedberg, Dane Cook, a little bit of Burr. There's some Burr. I mean, obviously.

A lot of Attell.

I mean, I'm one of them. Let's fucking be honest. Like, we all know who we like. I remember Norman and I would like laugh talking about like, he's like, I'm like a Norm Macdonald, Jerry Seinfeld thing. And I was like, I fucking was obsessed with Dangerfield and Attell.

Do you see the handwritten notes we have in the green room?

I love them. Dude, I love the green room. Isn't that incredible? It's so cool. No, I love comedy, history, shit like that.

But those are from his wife. His wife gave them to us.

I talked to her on the phone. Because I was after Whitney's podcast. She was doing the same show. And she's like, do you want to talk to? She knows I love Rodney.

Yeah.

You're tall and fat. Yeah, well, you're short and ugly.

No, he was great. I saw him live when I was a security guard.

Whoa, where?

I was a security guard at Great Woods. No shit. Great Woods is a concert place in Mansfield, Massachusetts. And I was working security there. And I was 19 years old.

I bet that was a good show.

It was a good show. I saw Bon Jovi there.

Nice.

I was barely paying attention to Bill Cosby. I was trying to pick up this girl. I was doing a lot of chatting. I missed a lot of the comedy part. But this was before I decided I was going to be a comedian.

Good for you having to work to pick up a woman at a Cosby show.

Yeah. So I was backstage. There was like this back area. And Rodney was back there. And Rodney was wearing a bathrobe.

So weird.

And he would be backstage hanging out with people. His balls would be hanging out. And he didn't even care. Apparently he had this giant dick and these huge balls. And they'd just be hanging out.

Once you're 80 plus. it's kind of adorable.

80 plus and super wealthy and famous. And he's doing this enormous theater. It's like this place where Bon Jovi does. In Mansfield, Massachusetts. This huge performing arts place.

He was the best, man. My mom got me a DVD set of his for my birthday when I was a kid. And I loved it. It was like.

Yeah, look. See?

Oh, my God.

He's got a fucking sock over his dick.

And he's just got this serious face. It's perfect. Oh dude, look at the back to school robe too. It's fucking perfect. Dude, the score for that movie too.

I met him at the lap factory. Like. Many, many years later. After I'd seen him when I was a security guard. I was.

Was he cool?

Yeah. He was real friendly. Hey. What do you know? You know.

Yeah. Because his club, Dangerfield, in the city. They'd be like. Why are you always doing drugs here? He's like.

It was a bad club when I played it. I loved it. I used to.

It might have just always been a bad club.

It was always a bad club. It was a good club when he did the Young Comedian Special from there. When he did Rodney's Young Comedian Special.

Those were great. Amazing. Dude. I remember the line up. Dude.

Kinnison.

Bill Hicks. Yeah, dude.

Lenny Clark. Yeah. Yeah.

Bill Hicks had a set on there that I was like. This is fucking epic. Yeah. Robert Schimmel. I still remember the joke he opened with.

Yeah. Robert Schimmel was amazing. He was amazing.

Those old comedian specials really got me into comedy. Those were like really.

Oh, yeah, man. They were the way you found out about. Like Rick Dukeman. That's the way you found out about people. I remember him.

I remember those lineups. They were just fucking beasts. Like there wasn't a. They were all killers. They were good comics on there.

Oh, yeah.

Smoke. It was cool as hell.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dom Herrera.

You're doing that, dude.

Yeah. I will. I learned a lot of it from him. That's one of the reasons why. Like, having his handwritten notes on the wall of the green room is like it means a lot to me.

Dude, I still remember his intro for Bill Hicks on that special where he goes, this next comic, he's so far ahead of his time. His parents haven't even met. yet. Give it up for Bill Hicks. I'm like, dude, you found jokes in the intros.

And it's accurate.

But you're also, like you, created this place. It must feel cool to see these young comics like finding themselves. It's like fucking cool.

Yeah, it is cool. It's real cool. I enjoy it. I mean, it's selfish, too.

You build a good culture. It is so similar to sports where, like you see, there can be a talented rookie, but he's on a team with no good vets and he ain't going to be good because you need, you need someone to guide you. I was very fortunate that I had good comics looking out for me when I was a young comic, and the culture in New York is also strong. I mean, like, you know, Colin Quinn and Dave Attell, when I was young, were like, very like, oh, this is how you be a comedian. You keep turning over new shit and you keep like I love, I'm on the early shows a lot, the comedy seller, and it'll be.

Yes.

And then we want to do that for the next generation. Like, I want the, I want. I'm excited when I see funny young comics.

Yeah. Yeah.

Me too. Young comics of the seller, like Maddie Weiner, is a fucking killer. Like she's a young comic who's, you know, like Ethan Simmons, Patterson, Daniel Simons, and they're like young fucking killers at the cellar. And you're like, oh, fuck, I used to be the guy who would go up and kill. And now I'm like, fuck, I got to turn over jokes.

You know, it is. It's good for the culture and it's good for us. It's good for you, selfishly to be generous, because those people that are coming up, the better they do, the more it's going to fuel you and you're going to do better. It's good for everybody. And it's right about like having like a culture of top comedians.

I've never met him. I'm a fan.

Oh, he's the best. He's such a nice guy.

He was very nice. He made fun of me for being a Knicks fan. But other than that, he was pretty cool.

That kid, Ari Maddie from Estonia, opened up. He's a fucking killer.

I talked to him for a while. Yeah. We chatted for a bit.

Fucking killer. Super smart. Yeah. You know, and he's one of these young hungry dogs that's coming up. And there's a gang of them at that club.

He opened for me at Hyena. It was the weekend. I got banned there. That's where we met.

You got banned?

I've been banned from a couple clubs. I don't get it.

What did you do?

My act. That's what my agent goes. What did you do? My jokes? No.

Who's doing the blowjob shots?

The club did that. So they're like-.

So they're just trying to encourage people to drink?

Yeah. Which I'm fine with. I want the club to make money. I'll drink on stage and be like, fucking have a drink with me. I'll even do a shot with the crowd.

So how did that get you banned?

I made fun of the club and shit on stage. I was like joking. I was like blowjob shots. So now I'm joking around. I'm not being like harsh.

What happened with this? How did it resolve?

It didn't. I was just like, I'm not going to write him an apology. I'll apologize if I do something wrong. happily. I'm not like, I don't have an ego in that way.

Did they have anything specific that they were saying to your agent?

I disrespected the club.

Am I making fun of the Hyena logo?

It's like you do blowjob shots, dude. What are you fucking talking about? Disrespecting our club.

Disrespecting our sacred institution.

Dude, it always. Egos. What I like about your club is like, I always find as a young comic, you, you don't get the love you deserve at your home club, usually. Right. Because they see you as, as like a door guy or like.

That's where you started.

But I think you, you do raise people up there, which I don't think is normal. I, I really, I think, like New York Comic Con, I don't know. I don't know how many club in New York does that a little bit, where they like kind of develop young guys, where I think is good. But I do think it's a right, like comic strip is where I started, dude. They didn't really build.

Yeah.

They would do like lottery shows to us. They've recorded me one fucking week. They were like, you want to audition for the main spots? You got to be on like an America's Got Talent type show. And I'm like, you're fucked.

It's it, the hazing is probably good. Cause it weeds out the people that aren't going to have the gumption to push forward and, and get through bad sets and get through all kinds of, and I used to tell comics all the time, be nice to club owners because you don't want to be one of them. I always say that. And then I want to become one of them. But I always said that because, like, they're different than us.

they're not paying you as much in the beginning.

Yeah. Once you become undeniable, then they have to pay you. Right. But the thing is, it's like, there's a separation between the people that do it and the business. And that's where all the friction comes from.

But that's not, I don't think that's the normal mindset. Like, I can't tell you how often I be at a club and I hear the drink shake and I'm like, I'm here to move drinks. Yeah. You know what I mean? You just, it's, it's...

That's the business part. That's because the people that own that business aren't comedians. But it's funny that that's the best way to make a business, is to make a business where you just do it the best way to express the art form. Like, and then the business thrives.

There's a lot of great clubs too. I'm not, I don't want to sound here like I'm...

No, I love clubs. Like... Comedy Works in Denver.

Hilarities in Cleveland. Like I, fucking love them. I love, shout out to Nick and Sam. Wise Guys in Salt Lake is fucking beautiful.

Oh yeah, Wise Guys in Salt Lake is fucking incredible. Beautiful for Acme. Yes.

You know, there's a lot. There's so many great clubs. I'm forgetting a million right now.

Listen, I'm forgetting a million too, but I love them and I'm, they.

And I love comedy clubs. I really do love just the, I really don't really respect comics who don't tour. I don't, like if you're not, I can tell when you're special. if you didn't fucking tour with it. Right.

Also, when you're doing New York and LA, you're doing like 15 minute sets.

I know. But you know, I mean like they do an hour there and there, but like, you got to just take it. You got to sludge it through the mud. This is something I always talk about with like Gaffigan. or, you know, all those like New York guys.

Yeah. Cut the fat and then see how different people in different places react to it. Because your act is going to go over different in San Francisco than it is in Florida. I know. Which it is.

But both are fucking great. Both are fucking great. You know, like Tampa, for whatever reason has been, the side splitters, you know, they've always been fucking really good. You know?

Did you ever make up with hyenas?

Never. I'd be happy to. I'd be happy to. If you're listening, hyenas, I'm sorry for what I might have done.

I don't know. You probably just gave them the right direction. Get rid of your stupid fucking hyena.

I don't give a shit either.

I don't hold a grudge against that guy that wanted you to get dropped by your agent. That guy could have ruined your career.

Pretty classless. Pretty classless move.

That's such a shit move.

And that guy could ruin your career. I didn't have a lot of juice. And like, to be told, like, I fucked up, I'm like a little bum that she told me I kind of fucked up. I'm like, you know I didn't. You know, I'm like, I'm not a diva, dude.

Yeah. You're making money off me, stupid. Yeah. Yeah. I have my back.

Not a ton at the time, but I was out there working. Yeah, enough.

Well, just kind of think like it's, like a young athlete. Like, if they keep going, they're going to eventually make it into the majors and they're going to make money.

I think of it in sports analogies like always. Yeah. That's just how I always, because I love sports. So I just always.

Also, sports is another thing like comedy, like there's no guarantee. You may make it. I know. You may not make it. Yeah.

It's hard. Instead of carrying an ACL, it's like drug problem or something.

Drug problems. Yeah. Girlfriend problems. Yeah. There's so many things that can go wrong with you.

Oh, dude, I'm, this is my six hour of jokes that I just burned and I'm like, I'm fucking tired. I'm like, my mind is tired. Like I, I just don't feel like I have it. I never feel like I have it. after this.

But it's a, it's a constant process.

It's a privilege to, to deal with this challenge, but it is fucking like, I'm like, wow, I don't feel funny most of the time.

You'll come up with it. Just like it always do. Like Shane was saying that after his last special, now the stuff he's doing now is arguably the funniest shit I've ever seen from him. It's just how it always is.

I like my new shit, but it's, I don't really like it.

It's going to take time. It's a little, it's a five year old kid right now. It's not a, it's not a 25 year old man crashing through the front line.

It is a five year old kid trying to entertain a fucking room full of drunks. Yeah. Ain't lasting long.

Well, it's just, you have Bambi legs. Your jokes have a little Bambi legs, they're all awkward and shit, they're not moving that good yet.

It's so true. It's, it, it is, uh, it is cool though, to like, it's more fun to be in the creative mode because, like when I'm about to tape and I'm killing, I'm like, I'm a fucking hack. because it's true. You know it works. Like it gives a shit.

It's too easy.

Yeah. You're like, this should work. But then, when you're, when you're struggling a little bit, you're like, this is fucking, this is comedy.

Yeah. This is the way. And then, when you struggle and then you come up with a new punchline, a new tagline, well, you know, I just added a new tag to one of my bits. that makes me laugh and it's like, it just came out of the blue. It's a good feeling.

When your friend knows it's the best feeling.

Yeah.

Yeah. Norman watched me the other night and he was like, that fucking Anne Frank line. I was like, it's a new line. It's the new stuff. Yeah.

New stuff is a golden gift from the cosmos. New stuff's amazing.

It's so weird when it hits you in the middle of the night too, you just hook, wake up in the middle of the night. You're like, you, just like stumble over to a fucking phone, voice. memo, fall right back asleep. Yes. You got to do it.

Oh, always.

And it's 90% of the time. it's shit, but that for that 10%, you have to just do it.

There's been way too many times where I convinced myself that I would remember it and I didn't remember it.

I know. There's a Seinfeld episode about that where he like tries to write it down and he's like, what the fuck is this? Yeah. But yeah, it's, it's so, I mean, it's funny, for what a sitcom Seinfeld was, it would like tap in a real standup shit every once in a while.

Oh, yeah. I mean, it started off with him doing a monologue. Yeah. Remember that? That was the early days.

Some great bits in there.

He's interesting now, hearing him talk about stuff now, cause he's kind of realizing where all this woke shit has gone.

And he doesn't care. No. It's kind of beautiful to watch and be like, like someone heckles him. He's like, fuck you. And you're like, oh my God.

Well, they're all going after him with the Palestine stuff now. So they're interrupting.

But you know, he's, it was a great clip.

Oh, my God.

You stopped giving Jews money. Yeah. But he also like, but he also was like, you know, he's talking about something like, it's just funny when a clean comic is getting heckled. Right. Cause, I'm like, you were, you were probably heckling a bit about, like sponges or something.

Well, it just shows you like at this time in history, nothing is safe. This time in history is so screwy that total, complete compliance and adherence to every single letter of the doctrine is demanded. And even then they'll move, they'll move what it is. They'll move the boundaries, they'll move the goalposts. And then what you were saying a month ago is now problematic, and now you have to adhere to a new thing.

Yeah. And I also just think like, it's, it's annoying that we have to go that way. Cause like, why can't we just all enjoy Jerry? Like, I guess that's why I think like, why can't we just all enjoy this? Like?

That's interesting. Yeah. That one would be tough.

I just have to fall asleep sometimes at night.

And this one lady was saying he might be the most prolific serial raper in history.

Yeah.

Like who knows how many people he did it to that don't come out about it.

I know.

You know, how many people don't know what happened?

It's also tough when the person who does the shit is so holier than thou.

And so beloved.

But also just so much. like, you know, you need to do things this way. It's like those types of, so that's a, that is tough.

But, like, you know, those are the type of people that are usually creeps. Yeah. It's like male feminists are usually the biggest fucking pieces of shit, because they're, they're, they're putting on an act that they hope you'll respond to. if you're a woman, you know, that's what it is. They're just the most, it's a bait and switch and it's the most manipulative thing.

I remember Jamie Kilstein went after me for a fucking rape joke. in like 2013. I had a fucking rape joke that, like I, got torn to shreds for by these, like fake, you know, feminist things I did. I still remember the joke. It was like, I was, I was fucking a black girl, not a great Joe, I was fucking a black girl while we were having sex.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's what I say. That's what I call my new special. I'm like, well, you've changed for that.

Exactly. It's fucked you forever. It's absurd. It's absurd.

And also guess what? I am a different comic than I was in 2013.. Not in like a fucking, I'm better. I'm a better standup. I take, if I go there now, I hope it's a better joke, but like, how come there's only room for growth on your side?

Absurd. Yeah. Well, it's a cult.

And I accept whatever you fuck you choose to do. It's your body. Do whatever the fuck you want with your life. But, but the idea that, like you get to do whatever you want, but then everyone else is like a target to you is insane.

It is insane. But it just shows you the disingenuous approach to things. And also that the people that are involved in this sort of attacking people, they're not enlightened, for lack of a better term, not saying that I am, but their, their level of compassion is not, it's not for everybody. It's only for people that agree with them.

You're a progressive, but only you can progress.

Exactly. And it's also people that only, only people that agree with you 100%, but then let's look into your own life. I guarantee you're a mess.

I know. Well, these are the people that went after Shane too. You have to realize. And, and the fucked up way they went after Shane was that, uh, I remember, they went after Shane so hard. I remember, I think it was CNN had a thing and they were like, people who are canceled this year.

Yeah. The guy said something on stage because he's signaling to all his liberal followers and he's trying to be cool, and he probably had no idea that that was going to get out to the rest of the world. He thought he was just saying it to his crowd and he didn't understand cause. he's like 60 years old. You know, you see that guy, he's old as fuck.

I didn't see it.

He's like a super old triple vax liberal and he, you know, he said something and it was a stupid thing to say. And then they had to cancel their whole fucking tour and they get death threats.

I'm bummed that Jack Black canceled on him.

Well they all canceled.

Well, that's your friend, though. I mean that's, that bummed me out, cause I think Jack Black's hilarious. So that bummed me out.

He didn't throw his friend under the bus. He said he was blindsided by it and that he doesn't support hate speech, political hate speech.

Yeah. I mean, but what is hate speech is my other thing. It's like either made a joke, you either say it's a joke or it is actual, it's either a joke or it's not a joke.

It is the definition of too soon.

Yeah.

That's what it is. Sure. It was two days.

And the joke bombed. Yeah.

Right. I mean, it was like, Oh Jesus.

I don't like it. I don't think, do I think it's a good joke? No. But also like why are you calling for it? I don't like the calling for people's heads either.

Yeah. I don't like it either. I think they're just delaying their tour. He's just going to take some time off. He just wanted a vacation.

Oh, nevermind. Whoa.

Has everybody been dropped? Or just that one guy? It just says him.

Jack Black hasn't been dropped. Yeah. You're a dumb fucking agent if you're dropping that one.

Yeah. If you drop Jack Black. I'm like, yo. At first I thought Jack Black said it. No.

I was watching Tropic Thunder the other day on TV. It's still funny. It's amazing. It's really funny.

It's the last free movie.

They don't do it anymore, dude.

You can't do a movie like that.

Someday it'll come back around.

I asked Robert Downey Jr. on the podcast. I said, do you think you can make Tropic Thunder? today? He's like, Oh, you could make it.

I saw that. He's awesome.

He's great. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

In that movie, he just went for it. So did Tom Cruise. Remember when Tom Cruise played that fat agent?

It was awesome.

I was like, I saw that movie.

I want to see you do more comedy. Yes. I know you want to do your own stunts. And you're like a fuck. You have a death wish.

Yeah. Well, listen, I know Tom Cruise is a loon. But Tom Cruise, because the fact he's a loon, can kind of do anything. I mean, he played the vampire Lestat in an interview with a vampire. And all of Anne Rice's fans were protesting.

But he's great.

He's great. But if you didn't know, Tom Cruise at the time was Top Gun. He was like fucking Blockbuster Boy. And then all he's going to play is this homosexual vampire. It's called acting.

But he's more gay than he is a pool shark. And he played a pool shark in The Color of Money. So who gives a shit?

Yeah. The pool shark wasn't believable, unfortunately.

But he did learn how to do it, though.

That was more offensive to me than the vampire. He learned, kind of.

Kind of.

If I watched him play, I'd be like, come on.

But you're good at pool.

Yeah. That's the difference. But if you watch someone play guitar and you don't know how to play guitar, I don't know what's going on. Right? But if you're a really good guitar player and you say, oh, he's not even hitting the right keys when that sound's coming out, this is bullshit.

It's like seeing comedy in a movie. Punchline. It's usually rough.

Punchline with Sally Fields and Tom Hanks. It's rough. Did you ever see that?

Yeah, it's fucking awful. With the lockers. They have lockers?

They have lockers! Yeah. They have lockers.

I love Tom Hanks, but yeah, it's not fucking.

Right. He's a real comedy. Yeah. You could do a movie with comedy in it, like Louis did with Louis.

You know, you'd have.

You know, he edited that show on his MacBook.

And did the music.

Yeah. And he edited that show on the 12-inch MacBook, the little tiny one. And I go, why are you doing it on that? He goes, I like doing it on this little thing.

Yeah. That show is... I re-watched it recently and I was amazed at how well it holds up.

It's a great show. It's a great show. And I remember when he did Lucky Louie.

I like that too.

Lucky Louie was okay. But I talked to him at the improv one night. We're hanging out and I was like, what would you do different? Because it had all fallen apart. He goes, I would fire all the writers.

Well, he also was trying to do a Jackie Gleason sitcom-y type thing. And his strength is being himself. Right. I still enjoyed it. But yeah, Louie's on another level.

Yeah. Well, Louie was him with freedom. It's like if you take a guy like that and you just let him... He's going to do the best he can. He's going to do the best he can always.

I know. He gave me a tag once for a joke and it killed him immediately. And I was like, that's a good comic right there. Oh, he's great. He's good at comedy.

Yeah. I did King Kong joke. He gave me a great tag once about King Kong's wife giving him shit.

I had a joke where I said, it's a joke that I did in the movie, The Joker. I did a million jokes for that movie and this is the one they used. But I said, men and women look at sex differently. Men look at it like, women look at sex like buying a car. You're like, can I see myself in this long term?

Too good. Yeah. Yeah. You got to take it. Yeah.

But it's like so fun when you have a joke and people think it's over and then there's, you know, there's one more line, especially if you're doing, like, you know, a tough crowd and they're like, and then they're like, all right, they have to like, give it up a little bit. That was good.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's always great when you find those two, when you've got the beginning of a joke and it's kind of doing okay. In the early days of the joke, you just started trotting it out.

Yeah. It's fucking, it's a, it's a great thing. It's like you have a toy that you find and you're like, oh, I didn't know it did that.

Yeah.

It's so cool.

Louis said he's going to take a year off. And so he's basically taken, I think, a year and a half.

I think he took a, I mean, I saw him recently.

It's almost a year, right?

Yeah. I saw him at the cellar and he was, he was trying some new stuff and it was funny and recently.

Yeah.

He's always fine.

Okay. So he's back.

Yeah. He saw, I, I hate when a comic like that's in the back of the room and I'm fucking around just trying to find, I'm like, God damn it. And I get up and I go, Hey, Louie's like, what's up, man? God damn it. I was fucking around.

Yeah. I love that. when people are doing that, though. I know you're funny. I'm not going to like, if I see someone have a weird set where they're working on new shit, I never think, oh, Sam sucked.

Yeah. I guess we're always in our head a little bit, you know? Always. Yeah. Part of it, if, once you think you're not, once you think you're awesome, you're fucking done.

I had a set once where I switched the order of things on the spot. for some strange reason. I decided to try it this way and it worked great, but I realized as I was into the set that I missed a giant part of one of the bits, cause I switched it around and it didn't fit anymore and I couldn't add it anywhere else. And so I was in my head for it, but I was still killing. Yeah.

But you knew there was more. Exactly. And that, it's annoying, though, when you leave and there was more meat on the bone. I hate that feeling. I mean.

Yeah. You got to get them to trust the way you think about things.

So I love late night sets still, even though they're like, so, I mean, but I like not even that many comics do them anymore. But when you watch an old one and you're like, oh, a guy had, you had to open on this joke for a reason. Like, there's this comic in New York, Nick Griffin, who's like, he was like the master of the Letterman sets. I thought his Letterman's like 11 Letterman's, they're all flawless, you know? And every opening joke was perfect.

Yeah. Yeah.

Visa's bothering me. Want to trade? It's like a great line.

Yeah. The construction of a great joke. And starting off with a great joke is so important for opening acts. I always tell that for guys on the road, like if they've never done like a big theater before and they're coming with me, I'm like, listen, go out there, say hi to them. Don't rush.

You're literally warming them up. Yes. You're warming them up. And that's why I appreciate comics who warm up crowds with jokes and not just like bullshit. Oh, yeah.

Dude, I have to piss or I'm going to break. Let's take a little break. We'll be right back. Yeah. Ron moved out here in like 2017 or 18..

Yeah.

And he was always at the store too, because he had a, he had a condo in Beverly Hills, or excuse me. He had a house in Beverly Hills. It wasn't a condo. It was a mansion.

Did you not like LA?

No. No. It's too many people. I think you get around too many people. It's not good for your head.

It's fucking scary, right?

Fucking scary. When you see them coming, you know, I came home from the comedy store and it was like one o'clock in the morning and me and my wife were looking out the window at the fire coming over the hill. And we made an early call. We said, look, if we're wrong, we'll come back. The house is still here, but let's just get the fuck out of here.

That's fucking horrible.

It burnt 40, I think 40 houses in my neighborhood. Jesus Christ. Dude, it was crazy.

That's awful.

Between my neighborhood and the neighboring neighborhoods.

That's like, what? is it, like July or what?

I don't remember when it happened. I want to say, I don't know. I mean, LA is dry.

It's dry.

All it takes is a good wind and fires. But it happened three times, three separate times we had to get evacuated. It was weird, man. And when you see, when you see it, when you see the walls of flame that are from the left to the right, everywhere you could see is flames. You see houses going up.

It's a bad ass job.

Fucking tough people, man. Those fucking people, they don't get nearly the credit that they deserve. So I was talking to this guy and he was telling me, he goes, dude, one day, he goes, it's just going to be the right wind and fire's going to start in the right place and it's going to burn through LA all the way to the ocean and there's not a fucking thing we can do about it. I go, really? He goes, yeah, we're just, we just get lucky.

Yeah, you just have to evacuate, right?

Nothing. Nothing they can do. You just got to get out of there. That's fucking weird. Dude, one of the worst I ever bombed, ever in my career.

Now she's dry too.

Yeah. Ah. And then JB went up after me and murdered, murdered. He's funny. He came in loose and he was like, I got lost when I was on stage.

Sometimes you just got to not watch the news.

Never watch the news.

But that's the thing about this cable news. I got to watch it. I'm just like, why would I watch this? I feel fucking horrible.

You feel horrible and it's not helping you. And I mean, you really like, you've got to be real careful about any input that gets in your mind before you go on stage. Yeah. You shouldn't have an argument with your girlfriend. You shouldn't call your friend that.

Dude. I mean, we've all done those benefits where they're like, those would be like, here, this is a benefit. for, uh, you know, I did a benefit. reason I didn't fucking think, I don't, I usually look what it's for. So I know it's a good cause, but I was like in a rush and I just showed up to a benefit, you know, like, oh, I don't fucking, okay, we'll be fine.