#2179 - Bridget Phetasy
2024-07-24 02:19:17
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
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Do you have a new phone? No. What year is that one?
This one is like one of the rehabbed ones.
Oh. Those are still good, though. Which number is it?
13, I think.
Oh, those are still good. I have an 11. that's still good. Yeah. I keep an 11 for one of my numbers.
Okay.
One of my bullshit numbers.
For what?
There's certain people you can't give the real number to.
Oh yeah. Why would you even give them a number, though? You're like a straight forward guy.
Because you have to sometimes. Sometimes you have to communicate with people. But you want a phone that you just stick in a fucking drawer somewhere.
Yeah and check like once a month.
If that. Yeah.
It just gets crazy where so many relationships become like completely transactional. And you know, like every time someone texts you, they want something. And it's just so frustrating.
I can see it. Even being your friend. I can see it from a fucking mile away. now. People will be like, hey Bridge.
I'm like, I'm not introducing you to Joe. Leave me alone.
All my friends have a story. Somebody who has a business idea.
No, I mean.
They think I'm going to help them sell skateboards.
If someone's like hey, let's get coffee. It's been too long. I'm like nope.
Not doing it. That's hilarious. I had a friend from high school reach out randomly. Hey Bridge. Nope.
I see it.
I see it from a mile away. now. I'm like what is it like to be you?
It's odd.
Because I'm, just like you know, like an outer asteroid in the universe. But imagine being like the planet itself.
I've managed to stay myself. Which is shocking.
Yeah, you have.
But I have really good friends. You know, my friends are really good friends.
And I think you have friends who take the piss out of you. Yes.
And they've been my friends for 20, 30 years.
Yeah.
Like Joey and I have been friends for almost 30 years.
Yeah.
27 years or 28 years. It might be 30 now. Fuck. I might have met him in 94..
It helps to have like. I was asking my husband, right before I left, about a tweet I was going to send out. And he's like meh. And I was like is this too much? And then I was like fine.
He's like oh, what do you just want me to like? clap for you? I was like I'm so glad you're my husband.
Yeah, you definitely need someone who's not impressed.
No, not impressed at all.
Or at the very least, maybe not impressed, but also not bullshitting you.
No. He will not bullshit. He won't bullshit. anyone. He like suffers no fools at all.
That's great. That ensures that you won't live in a world of compromise. No. And some people are okay. They just fuck up every now and then.
And then you have to tell them hey man, don't lie to me. You don't have to lie.
Don't do that.
You know. But it's just this weird thing that people fall back on. Bullshitting and lying. They just fall back on it. And they don't even know they're doing it to themselves.
You will have less respect for yourself. You'll.
Yeah.
It's just not worth it.
No.
It's not worth it, because you just create these things that aren't real in your life. These relationships. These friendships that aren't based on reality. You know. And if a person can't handle the truth, you can't tell them hey, that sucks.
Yeah. Like you got to work on this. You got to change this. You got to do that. Yeah.
If you don't do that, it's not going to get any better. You're like what? I thought it was the best book ever written. No.
No. I mean I've had all my favorite editors have been so hard on me. I want, I want honest criticism. Yeah. You know.
Like. write jokes for your haters. You know. Write jokes to turn them over. Like that was a pretty good one.
Fuck her.
You know, Stan Hope told me once that he writes jokes like a defense attorney.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah. He examines his jokes as if he was like prosecuting them. It's great. That's very funny. It's very similar to mine.
What I said. I write jokes for haters. Yeah. You got to look at it like a hater sometimes. Yeah.
Because you can get too in love with your stuff. Yeah. It's too easy. It's too easy to get in love with your stuff.
The audience will tell you to.
Well, that's the difference between comedy and other things. Yeah. It's hard. if you're just a journalist. You know.
You're just writing. You kind of believe your opinion makes sense. And all of them are doing the same thing. Like almost all of them, except for the independent ones. They're almost all doing the same things.
They're saying. They're expressing their thoughts to a very particular group of people. And they're also lying about another group of people almost always.
Yeah.
Like the right does it and the left does it.
Yeah. It's all fan fiction.
Yeah. It is fan fiction. Like the right does it with liberals. Because liberals aren't Antifa. Liberals aren't the people that are lighting Starbucks on fire and shooting cops.
That's not liberals. That is just a thing that has existed in a team where you allow anyone to join a team. So if you have something where anybody can join, the team. Right. Which is basically what being a liberal or a conservative is.
Anyone can join the team. They don't like the sluts, Joe.
Everybody loves sluts. Not the conservatives. Not publicly. Yeah, exactly. I know.
I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.
They do it for Jesus.
They do it for Jesus. I'm just saying publicly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Keep those sluts out of our party.
It's the same thing, though, man. I'm telling you, it's the same thing. If you are an Antifa or if you are Patriot Front, I could have got either one of you fucks. Yeah. You just got to get them early, get them when they're vulnerable, talk them into a very specific ideology.
You know who's your problem? The Jews. The Jews. And, next thing, you know, they think the Jews are really all their problems.
That's all their problems. And they kind of meet on that.
They kind of shake hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They get together with the Jews. With now. Which is odd, right?
Because of Palestine and Gaza, that's where it's kind of come around. That moment in time, it's like everybody's mad at the Jews. now. It's like, fuck.
I mean, that's the ancient conspiracy theory of all conspiracy theories, that it's the Jews' fault. This is one of the oldest conspiracy theories of mankind.
Well, the Jews make it real tough to join. They're one of the more interesting religions. Like, if you want to join, my uncle joined. My uncle converted to Judaism. He married a nice Jewish lady.
I kind of want to convert. Go for it. I kind of do. It's a lot of work.
Let's see what's up.
Let's see what new information you get. You'll tell me, right? You'll get the new memos. You'll get a part of that ProTown mail list.
But he had to work really hard at it. And I met a lady he was converting to. I was doing a show once for SyFy where I was trying to get people to... Maybe it was for the man show. I don't remember what it was.
Wait, were you on the man show?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was an extra on the man show.
I was in the second generation. That really wasn't very good.
Oh, right. Okay. I was an extra in the first.
But what we were trying to do is I was trying to get people to convert me. So I'd go to all these different religious groups and say, like...
It was pretty easy, wasn't it? Well, what?
It's just like, I want to know who's got the best deal. Like, what sounds the best?
Like, everyone got me.
It opened my eyes. It did. Because I got to see what I believe are genuinely kind people who want a good result for human beings. They really do. And a lot of them really genuinely believe that their structure, their ideology and way of thinking is really the path to happiness, which is ultimately like the path to God.
You know, without breaking it down to cult-like thinking, and how people get absorbed in ideas that are untenable, that just don't make any sense. They're completely ridiculous. But scientifically minded people attach themselves to that if it's a part of their religion. Without that, what everybody wants is something good. And they think that the way to have something good for the people that join is to sort of demonize the people that aren't joining or demonize the other ones.
It's a tribal thing. But it's just like all these little patterns of human thinking that we have. People have it with everything. You see it with cell phones. You see it with Android people versus iPhone people.
It's just a normal human tribal characteristic that's embedded in our DNA that if we don't address and recognize, we're not going to overcome the hurdle. Because we're going to be pretending as if it doesn't exist and as if your side is right and the other side is wrong. And not just looking at it like, oh, we're stuck in a blue versus red, white versus black, one versus zero. It's just a tribal thing that exists in the way we operate. And we have to be aware of it and not get mad at people for falling into it, because it's normal to fall into it.
It's literally a pattern that's embedded in the code that makes you a human being. It's how we created cities.
Yeah.
It's why we're here today.
It's interesting because I've been reading that, rereading my favorite book, Trickster Makes This World, and how the trickster.
Who wrote that?
Lewis Hyde. It's all about tricks. What a great title. Oh, it's so good. But it saved me at a point because I had a hard time.
And I think this is where Jordan Peterson is so good, talking about archetypes, knowing kind of the archetypes. And I didn't really know my role. And I read this book and I was like, oh.
Can you tell me the name of it again? I'm going to get it.
Trickster Makes This World.
Trickster Makes This World.
It's so brilliant. It sounds cool. Actually, one of the quotes that I put in your card is from that book. Really? And it's one of my favorite quotes ever.
It's all about he who dupes others and who has also duped himself. He's creator, nor destroyer. It's like this is the people I've noticed who have stayed the most, I mean, sane is a term I'm using loosely. The people I've noticed, it's like comedians, people who are kind of like tricksters. They've managed to kind of ride the waves of the past eight years because I think they're not too attached.
And in this book, he talks about how there was all this trickster mythology like Coyote and Hermes. And then it got kind of turned into the devil. And it became evil versus good. And when that happened, when the loss of that mythology in the culture happened, it became much more black and white. And, like this kind of, you know, dualistic, like you said, tribal thinking.
without all of this gray area. I do feel like I look around like malice. And most of the people who I've been hanging out with and know have been kind of having a blast for like eight years. You know, like first I watched everyone on the left lose their mind. Then people on the right lost.
It was like I was having the same conversations for four years with the left. Then it was like all the people on the right. It's going to be fine. It's not the end of the world. And then here we are again.
Here we are again.
Here we are again. And the only people that make any sense are the ones who aren't on either team. The people that say things like, you know, as a conservative, you're a fucking human being. Don't say it that way. Don't think it that way.
There's a. there's a bunch of things that you believed. But don't put yourself in a fucking group. Because there's probably a bunch of stuff that the left agrees with. that you would probably agree with, too.
Yeah. And you can't be, you can't be resistant to those ideas simply because they're attached to people you've decided are the enemy. Because you might. they might be right. You might be right about welfare.
Right. They might be right about, hey, maybe kids shouldn't ever be fucking starving, you know, as a group, as a group of humans that live together on this one little patch of dirt called North America. Maybe we should agree that, since we have this gigantic amount of money, that no kids should be hungry.
Yeah.
How about that? And then, since we got that done, hey, how about regular people? How about no people should fucking starve? Yeah. Regardless of whether or not you think people are lazy or this and that.
How much would we solve if no one could possibly starve?
Yeah.
We set up free restaurants or free kitchens in every city. We have really good ones and massive ones. Yeah. Like for real, like food should be free for a lot of people.
Yeah, I think.
If we're this rich as a country.
We're pretty rich.
So let's have nobody, no babies starve. No babies, be malnourished. Nobody starves to death.
I mean, health too. Health care would be.
100%. You shouldn't be going bankrupt. But you'd have to revamp the whole thing. You'd have to get to the real nitty gritty, like, why are you prescribing this? Like, who's making money off of this?
How did this happen? How many ads did you guys run? What did the ads say?
What are the studies? What are all the studies? Not just the ones you submitted. What's the actual data instead of the data that's reviewed by the pharmaceutical company and then given to the scientists in the report when they do their peer review? When that was explained to me, I was like, you guys are making too much money.
You're getting crazy. This is what it is. You went above and beyond the rules because you have too much power and influence. But also you do great stuff. Yeah, they do.
Also, they make life-saving drugs. Also, they stop a lot of diseases. Also, see, like, there's a lot of good there. You can't say the pharmaceutical drug companies are all evil. Bitch, they keep us alive in a lot of respects.
Yeah, they do.
They keep people healthy. They've saved people from depression. There's, like, a lot of good that pharmaceutical drugs and the drug companies have done. They've saved people who have diabetes. There's a lot of good.
A lot of good. So let's say that they're all evil. No, it's fucking money people.
It's easier to do that, though, too, because you don't have to really come up with a solution if everyone's just at each other's throats.
Well, there's not enough oversight. If there was real oversight, objective oversight by people who actually knew what they were doing, they would never let them get away with prescribing a bunch of stuff that they knew was going to have a negative effect. Like the Vioxx scandal. Right. That's, part of the whole scandal was that they knew that people were going to have these effects, these side effects.
that were very bad. They knew it. They talked about it in e-mails, these knuckleheads. It's fucking so stupid. They said they were going to have some problems, but we also think we're going to do well.
They're explaining all the, like, you know, cardiopulmonary, cardiovascular, all those different blood clotting problems. I have a friend who had a fucking stroke when he took that stuff. No. He was in his 30s. Oh, wow.
Yeah, he was in his 30s. He was a martial arts champion.
Yeah, I'm glad I'm kind of stupid and I just am like a clown. Yeah. I'm not, like, smart enough to fix these problems. I can observe them and experience them on my own and see that it does behoove these people to just have everybody fighting so that they don't actually have to come up with, like, politicians in particular. They don't have to come up with real solutions.
They can just be like, it's the other guy forever.
Have you ever lived in a house that has black mold?
No, thank God, because that shit will destroy you.
It'll destroy you. Yeah. I've had a couple friends who have had problems with black mold, and it's really interesting. And usually what happens is they get sick, and they're sick all the time, and they can't figure out why they're sick.
And they're tired.
They're really tired. They're just worn out all the time. And then finally they get their house examined, and somebody probably suggested to them, and then, oh, Jesus Christ, your walls are filled with black mold. And a lot of times it's like a leaky pipe or something, a leaky pipe, and there's water in the walls and all the moisture. And in Texas it gets crazy.
They get it bad out here. But when you have that, you have to burn the fucking house down, essentially. You have to, like, cut out all the walls. Like, it's a very invasive process. Remember that guy, Tom Likas?
Remember Tom Likas, who's a radio DJ in L.
A.
? It sounds familiar. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. Yeah, he had, like, Flash Fridays where girls would pull their tits out or he would tell people to do useless on the phone. Remember that guy? Yeah.
He had that. That happened to him. And he was explaining it to me. He said it was horrific, that, like, he's just sick all the time, couldn't figure out what was up.
And it's hard to get out of your system.
Yep, hard to get out of your system. It wrecks your health, and it takes a long time to recover just from the effects of it. It's essentially a breathing poison every day. And who knows what it actually does overall, that you're not going to recover from. Like, it might actually take, like, years off your life.
Like, who knows? But the point was it's really hard to get rid of it. It's so invasive. And I think that's where money is today. Money is with pharmaceutical drugs.
Money is with politics. It's like we could all agree. I think we could all agree that the way the pharmaceutical drug companies should work is. they should be very careful about what they prescribe. And they should be very careful about side effects.
And they should be very careful about what is addictive and not addictive and what should be prescribed openly and regularly and what should not be for the greater good of humanity. And even if they did that, even if they did that, they would still make ungodly amounts of money. That's what's so crazy about all this. But it wouldn't be the maximum amount of money. And when you have a publicly shared company, it's your responsibility to the shareholders to make the most money.
And you make more money every quarter. You want to keep going. Let's go. Let's go. Let's fucking go.
Let's go. My planes are falling out of the sky.
That's also why you get a private jet. You got to. let's fucking go.
I need a private jet.
That's been attached, unfortunately, to our health. And then you get people that, you know, they fucking advocate for public health. And they look super unhealthy. And they're telling you that the only solution is bang, bang, bang. And the only solution is generally tied to something they have invested in.
Yeah.
It's fucking crazy. But it's black mold. It's black mold. It is. That's what it is.
And it shouldn't exist.
The resistance to getting stock trading out of politics, you know, like you, shouldn't be able to affect the stock and trade on it. The policy about a company and then be able to make it's like millions and millions of.
money. Have you seen the Nancy Pelosi one with a questioner? No.
I feel like. maybe I have seen it.
It's fucking amazing, because she's all stammering. She looks like she's a little drunk already. And then they hit her with it. She's like, what? I think we should be able to participate.
Oh, I think I have seen that.
It's amazing how badly she handles it.
They're so rich. It's crazy.
Crazy rich.
How are you 100 millionaires? You get paid like.
$170,000 a year. And you're worth hundreds of billions of dollars. That is so wild.
It is very Rome-esque, you know. It's amazing.
It's amazing. they do it right in front of you. I'm not jerking off. I'm not jerking off. It's raining out.
They come right in your face.
The whole thing is so crazy.
It's so crazy.
It's so crazy because there's so many of them. And then nobody talks about it. The other ones don't talk about it. Because then you look at the list and it's like black. Yeah.
Here we go. It's blue. It's red. Yeah. Some of the Republicans are making the most.
Oh, yeah.
Congress and its spouses. Be banned from taking individual talks while serving in Congress.
No. No to the second one. We have a responsibility to report on the stock. But I'm not familiar with that five-month review.
What?
But if the people aren't reporting, they should be.
Because this is a free market. We are a free market economy. They should be able to participate in that. That's such bullshit. Saying that it's a free market.
When you know.
You're going to pass laws. And those laws are going to affect the company. It's going to make the stock go up. That's crazy.
Okay, yeah. That is a free market, I guess. For you.
It's free for you. That's crazy. If you could fucking go to jail for insider trading. What is that? Come on.
What is that?
Martha Stewart is watching this. These motherfuckers.
We figured that out the other day. Martha Stewart did not go to jail for insider trading. She went to jail for lying to an investigator. She was lying under oath.
They all lie, though. She's lying right now.
Was she lying under oath? Or was she just lying when questioned?
Something like that. Yeah, something like that. So that's why she went to jail. But that's like a little trick. they do.
They get you to start talking. And then you don't tell the truth about something. Have you ever talked to Doug? Do you know Doug? Doug.
Who's Doug?
Right away, you're lying. Right away, you're lying. And for her, I don't even think it was a lot of money, which is really crazy. She would have only lost a certain amount of money. She's super-duper rich.
Yeah, you're like, who the fuck is, Doug? Fucking what? You're lying.
We see you texting Doug right here. Oh, no.
Not Doug. And then you think Signal is really encrypted.
His name was Douglas.
They're showing you the fucking things from Signal. Why were you doing it on an encrypted app? How did you read it? Wait a minute.
Just ridiculous.
Do you believe any of these apps are really truly encrypted?
None of them are encrypted. They're all CIA honeypots.
They're all honeypots. I think they are encrypted, but I don't think that matters to the fucking CIA or the NSA or whoever wants to read your shit.
That's like this fucking shooter. I was like, give me whatever phone that kid has.
Oh, we can get into it. Yeah, we can get into his phone. Like, what the fuck are you talking about, bitch? You can get into Elon Musk's phone. They got into it.
No, they couldn't get into it on the field, but they went back to Quantico and got the software update. And then they got into it like an hour. Oh, the software update. The old software update. That's what they're calling it these days.
The software update.
That's how they crashed all the planes the other day, or whatever. Oh, my God. They were like, oh, it's a software update. And it took one software update to stop all global flights.
I read the ultimate of ultimate conspiracies.
Oh, I want to hear it.
Give it to me. Please let America know. I've done zero research into this. And I just saw a tweet. And the tweet was essentially saying that this company was owned by a Ukrainian billionaire.
Oh, here we go. It's Zelensky.
That this company, that.
. What's it called? CrowdStrike?
CrowdStrike.
That crashed the entire internet for all the fucking airlines was owned by some rich Ukrainian guy. This was like this grand conspiracy. There's so many good conspiracies going on.
There's so many good ones.
If you're into conspiracies, it's like murder mystery podcasts.
No, it's like that meme with the guy from where it's like.
There's so many.
And, by the way, so many of them have become.
. So I had...
How about the phone call?
Which phone call?
The phone call with Kamala Harris. And he's on speakerphone.
But they found him now.
Allegedly. No, there's video. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Listen, I'm not saying.
. I'm so turned on by chaos, though.
I'm not saying that. he's not really... That's not really Joe Biden. That's a guy in a CIA makeup suit walking up the stairs. I'm not saying that.
But they can do that.
Wait, so what's the conspiracy about CrowdStrike? that I don't understand?
I don't know. I didn't read into it. I know. I never did. That.
it's owned by some Ukrainian billionaire. It's like... There's ties to Joe Biden.
Ukraine. I love how it's like telephone.
Hunter Biden. And there's Gillian Maxwell in the planes.
It's like.
Jesus Christ. I can't keep up with this season.
I can't.
This season, every night, when the episode ends, I sit on my couch and I go.
. What are they going to do next?
You're like, I'm afraid to turn it off. I was talking to my sister on the way and I was like... And she was going off about something. And she's like... I was like, oh, did you see that this kid might have had ties to the FBI?
She's like, he did? I'm like, I don't know. I saw a tweet. But I'm just going to tell you that he did.
Let's send it to Jamie for further investigation. So the allegation is that this kid had been visited multiple times. See, they got cell phone data. So they got geo-tracking data. And some phone call had...
Some phone had been visiting him and going back to Washington, D.
C. on multiple times. And that this thing had been happening near the FBI location. I know I have it here somewhere. I know I have it saved.
But God damn it. So many people are sending me this shit today that I can't keep up.
I'm sure.
Oh, it's Tim. Tim sent it. Here, I'm going to send it to you. Me and Tim Dillon are going back and forth all day on conspiracies.
That's like Landau and I, Dave Landau, all day long. We're just like...
He's a fun dude.
Oh, my God. My favorite human. One of my favorite humans. He's just a good... When I got back into comedy, he started letting me open for him.
And his crowds are amazing, first of all. The guy's been on the road for like 20 years. But watching him, it's like he's good at everything. I don't understand. He's good at act outs.
He's good at crowd work. He's good at coming up with shit. that day from the news cycle. The guy is like... It's actually...
He's one of the most underrated comics.
Well, I think there's a lot of comics that, for whatever reason, they never caught a break. They never caught a thing that got them out there, that people got to see them, but they're really good. Yeah.
He's doing Mothership, though. I'm excited.
Oh, yeah, he's doing it. The weekend a friend of mine was going. I'm opening for him. She was telling me that's in October.
It's the end of August. Oh.
Yeah. Right, right, right.
Last weekend in August.
September 1st is when my friend's going.
Yeah. It's going to be fun. Yeah. He's just like a joy to watch. And his humor is so dark.
Well, he's a good dude to hang out with, too.
He's so good. Oh, here it is. He's a good person.
Oh, my God. This needs to be shared everywhere immediately. The Heritage Foundation. First of all, red flags all over the place. First of all, who the fuck is this?
What's the Heritage Foundation?
They're like the Project 2025 people.
Oh, I love it. They got Jesus on speed dial. The Heritage Foundation just released cell phone data of a mysterious figure who made frequent trips between Trump shooter Thomas Matthew Crook's home and a building in D.C. near an FBI office. Well, you know what?
My house is fairly close to a taco deli, but there's really no connection. What does that mean? You know what I'm saying? I love it. Nine devices were identified in the analysis, linking to both his home and work.
Oh. How did that data get out?
Well, no.
Let's find out, Jamie.
So here's the thing. I had this guy on my podcast, Walk-Ins, Welcome, back during the BLM stuff. And he said all of it.
Jamie, get back to it. Open the link. There's no link on that. There's no link? No.
I went to this oversight committee's plate. I was looking for the original tweets about it. The Heritage Foundation has a post about it on their website? I never saw it from Heritage Foundation. Can you go there without catching braces?
Oh, you know the guy I had, Coach T. Oh, okay. So I had him on my podcast, and he said all the guys who were marching in BLM were either homosexuals or actors. He's like, there are no black men who are marching in this. And he was like, not like heterosexual black men.
That's hilarious. I lost a sponsor for it.
Whoa. Because Coach T. said that you lost a sponsor? Yeah. Were you supposed to edit that out?
I don't know. Can't people have opinions? He's a black man. He can't say what he—. Also, he's funny.
Saying something funny.
He's also hilarious.
And you probably laughed when he said it, right?
Then the cell phone data came out, because they can track all of us all the time. And it turned out. it was like he was deadly accurate.
Misinformation! You know what they call that?
He said, are people confused about their identity? That's what he said.
People in entertainment, homosexuals, are people confused about their identity.
That's hilarious. What is this, Jamie? Heritage Foundation tweeted this Oversight Project thing that says, assassination info drop. So it says, four hours of aggressional testimony later, and we still have more information about the assassination attempt on former President Trump from X and Oversight PR than the Secret Service, DHS, or the FBI. We found the assassin's connections to our in-depth analysis of mobile ad data tracker to track the movements of Crooks and his associates.
What? To do this, we tracked devices that regularly visited both Crooks' home and place of work and followed them. So think about what they're saying here, though. Analysis of mobile ad data? Yeah.
So the ads are tracking you every step of the way, wherever you are. And it's just open about it.
When my husband was – the ads outed. my husband looking for a ring for me. I started getting ads for rings. Oh, no. It's creepy shit.
Well, we were talking about it the other day, Jamie. What was – oh, purses. So someone was explaining to me – my wife was explaining to me what purses and why people like certain purses. Oh, yeah. Some purses are –.
Like all the brands.
Exclusive. You have to develop a relationship. They're an investment. Yeah, you have to develop a relationship with the person selling the purse in order to get one of those purses. You can't even get the ones that are on the show.
I can't go buy that. It's like Rolex is like that. If you go into a Rolex store, you can't just buy a Rolex. Like, no, no, no, sir. No.
We don't have anything for sale. You have a giant store. What the fuck is this? So I was talking about it with her, and then, all of a sudden, I started getting these purse ads on my Google.
She knows what you're doing.
So it's listening.
Yeah.
But it's just listening. Yeah, yeah. And we just accept that.
But it also knows who is in the same room together.
Right, right, right.
So I knew my husband was looking for rings for me, and then I started getting ads for the ring.
It's a rat. It's a dirty rat.
It's a fucking rat.
But the thing is, like, how do they get that data?
I think that's like the—.
Publicly available?
Yeah. A lot of it, I think, are you pay— You pay. I think you pay.
So you can pay and then plug in a phone number? I've thought about asking you if we can do an investigation like this just for funsies to see, like, what data can we get? Yeah, let's do that. Let's track Jamie all day long. Let's see which massage parlor Jamie's going to to get that.
We can pick someone in my home. Some willing participant. If you did—I mean, for real, like, but that's creepy, because then they just have to find your phone number, Jamie, and they'll know what your route is based on ad tracking data, which is crazy. That seems like a huge security liability. I brought up to—I was talking to someone out in the lobby.
The new journal app on the iPhone, which is like iOS 17 or 18, it keeps giving me prompts.
Oh, fuck that thing.
To, like, write in your journal. I was looking through it yesterday. It's broken down by, like, where I go, what I was doing there, and then it knows. It's like, do you want to write about your golf day at this place for Monday?
Oh, my God. That's creepy.
You were out to lunch here. Like, how about your day at work with Marshall and the dogs? It's like, what the fuck? Dirty little spy. How was that work?
Dirty little spy.
I wrote a whole piece about those menstrual tracking apps because I had one back when I was dating my husband, and then I was like, hey, can I sign you up just to see how weird this is? And he's like, this is fucking creepy. I don't want to know that you're, like, in your luteal phase or whatever, and I have to be nice to you. And it, like, gives him tips. Like, shoot.
Oh, no. Not tips. You know what would be great, though? If you had, like, a real female-heavy government, and, you know, they would all have coinciding menstrual cycles if they all worked together all the time. And then you could, like, get all their data and figure out exactly when the shit is about to hit the fan, and you could, like, run the stock market that way.
You could, like, make bets, because when the shit's going to hit the fan, they're going to be fucking angry. Things are going to go sideways. You're going to have a dip in productivity. You're going to have people resigning. Something's going to go wrong.
This is all the stuff the left is very worried about with, like, J.
D. Vance, because allegedly he's, like, big and I don't know if this is true. America, I don't know if this is true. He's allegedly into, like, the menstrual tracking and, you know, these billionaires are getting behind these apps so that they can, like... And there's a lot of fear.
Wait, what do they want from that?
There's a lot of fear with, like, the states that don't allow abortion because now they want to, like, pull up your, you know, records and see if you might.
. I don't fucking know. I read these things and I'm like, I never... I don't know what's true or not, or what's just being, like, you know, just hyperbolic, so that people freak out about this stuff. But there's, yeah, there's a whole industry in this now, like, a whole menstrual tracking.
Jesus Christ. I was listening to a podcast the other day and I never knew why women's cycles synced up.
But here's my question. What do they want from it? What do they want from that data?
What?
What are these guys that are tracking menstrual cycles?
It's generally presented as something that's good for the women, because then you can, like, eat and work out with your cycle, because if you are in perimenopause or premenopause or you're, like, in the prime of your life, you want to do different things at different times in your cycle, and different foods are better. Like, hormones, for women are nuts. Dudes just have, like, what? You've got one? Women have, like, three that are constantly interacting, and all...
So depending on what.
. They just haven't done as many studies, so now they're trying to say, like, oh, it's good to know where you are, so that you can support yourself. Allegedly all these guys want this for, like, Handmaid's Tale. I don't know.
This is what I'm asking.
What do the guys want it for? This is a conspiracy.
The article I'm reading says that there was a new regulation. HHS filed a new regulation under HIPAA to limit law enforcement access to medical records tied to reproductive health. So they go all the way down to saying local police agencies might simply take it upon themselves to pull the records to see who had unexplained disruptions in their menstrual cycles, to find out if someone would cross state borders to go get an abortion.
Whoa.
Okay.
It's nuts. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God. Imagine your own menstrual cycle, isn't private information.
Nothing's private.
But imagine that.
Yeah.
Imagine, like, someone can sneak in and say, What happened? And you have to explain. you had a fucking miscarriage to some asshole who's accusing you of driving to Ohio or wherever the fuck you go. Imagine.
I mean, that's the.
Just imagine those conversations if you're a person who had a miscarriage.
Oh, yeah. I mean, these are happening.
Imagine if you're married and happy and you were trying to have a kid and you had a miscarriage, and some fucking asshole is at your front door accusing you of getting an abortion. Yeah. Imagine if you have to deal with this Christian fucking cult member with a clipboard, you know, aggressively accusing you of killing your baby.
Yeah.
It stems from what they call the Dobbs decision, which changes the rights of states. So Dobbs decision tore away the constitutional right to privacy and bodily autonomy by giving states increased rights to limit and even outlaw abortions. Fortunately, the decision did not ban abortions nationwide. Yeah. They were saying that some of these new regulations could allow them to go even further and check, like, do whatever they have to do to check.
Trying to stop that. Isn't it crazy that one of our biggest arguments as a country is whether or not you should be allowed to kill a baby?
Isn't that crazy?
I love it. Yeah.
That really is what it is.
Yeah.
You know, and I'm not a pro-life person. I'm not a – I don't think it's my decision. I don't think I have the right. It's too weird. Especially if it's not – I'm not involved.
Like, I'm a politician. I'm looking at, like, a person and deciding whether or not they should have to have that baby or not. It's like it seems crazy, because it seems like it's one of those weird human things. where are you saying the moment of conception? it's a baby?
Like, if it's three cells, and you know for a fact, that's when – you can't shut that down? Like, you – but then, if you ever go to the bodies exhibit, that fucking creepy exhibit that I talk about.
Yeah.
And they have babies. They have babies at every stage. You see them at six weeks, eight weeks, ten weeks. First of all, how did you get those?
Don't want to know.
Second of all, it really, like, puts it in perspective and it changes, like, this idea. Just putting it in a box, a woman's right to choose. Right. Yeah, definitely. Not my place.
But look at that. Look what we're saying. Look what we're saying. The choices. Like, look what we're, like, advocating for.
I think most American – like, when you poll Americans, it's very much, I think, where I end up landing. They're squishy on it. And it's, like, pro-life in the – like, pro-choice in the streets, pro-life in the sheets. Like, a lot of women are like, I wouldn't get an abortion, but I don't want to stop someone else from doing that.
And then there's a slippery slope of allowing people to tell you you can't get an abortion, right, especially allowing men to tell women that they're not even remotely connected to that they can't have an abortion. It's, like, a weird body autonomy thing. And it's, like –.
That's what I mean.
And a lot of them want to disclude crazy things, like a child. that is, like, never going to live, like, unviable. Or it could be a threat to the woman. There's some sort of a medical issue. It could be a threat to a woman's life unless they abort the baby.
And even then, they're like, no, let God sort it out.
Well, they'll make exceptions for this, allegedly. But they don't always. But the doctors are worried often about losing their license in states where it's highly regulated. So you end up – Sketchy. Yeah, it's sketchy.
And I don't think, like – you know, it's a slippery slope to, like, get the jab, too. You know, I don't think – you have to have some kind of bodily autonomy. But I understand the argument, too, from the moral perspective. I had this woman, Inez Stepman, on my podcast, and she's brilliant. And she was like, you know, it's a hard conversation because it is a moral – like, if you're not conflicted about it, you're not thinking deeply about it.
Because it is a life. And, as someone like Ben Shapiro would say, left untouched, that would be a baby.
Yep.
And I think – was it Burr who had that, like, brilliant bit?
Brilliant bit. Brilliant bit. Yeah. Louis has a brilliant bit on it, too. It's complicated.
It's complicated. Yeah. There's no getting around that. I understand the fight for it, you know, if that is where you lie.
Yeah, but this thing of having people track your fucking cycle.
Yeah, no, the cycle.
And seeing a – and having, like, crazy, like, bow tie-wearing Christian guys do it. You know what I'm saying?
I just love that. in your mind they're like these, like, hello.
Pray the gay away type dudes.
Pray the gay away.
You know, there's – you know, they can – they mask themselves in a blanket of virtue through religion. the same way, a lot of woke people do by being mean cunts and thinking they're doing it to be, like, progressive.
Well, they have their own version of pray the gay away.
It's the same – yeah, they do. But they're doing what they're doing by wrapping themselves up in these ideas of Christianity. It's just allowing, like, people's worst instincts to be able to be justified. Instincts to control people and dominate people and destroy people. People have weird instincts to just destroy people.
Yeah. And people do have weird things about women. Like, there is just a very – it is very strange to think – I don't know. Are there – other than, like, the jab, when people are like, you've got to get the jab. I can't think of – I don't know, and maybe I'm wrong.
Is there, like, a comparable scenario where men's bodies are kind of like this battlefield?
None. Nothing. Nothing remotely close.
Yeah.
Nothing's remotely close.
And, again –.
No one has any control over men's bodies. I mean, the only thing they can tell you is don't take steroids, which they do. You know, I'm silly. But who's going to jail for that?
Yeah.
And also there's testosterone therapy that people get.
No one's stopping you from doing that, because it's beneficial and helps people.
Testosterone sounds awesome.
It's great. It's great stuff. It helps people. It helps your body retain its vitality. And you don't want a broken down, old, fucking, shitty body.
It's really that simple. Yeah. And everybody attaches testosterone to douchebaggishness, and I totally get. I totally get where that's coming from. Douchebaggery, shitty behavior, unnecessary aggression.
Yes, 100%. But not always. Yeah. And it's, like, all things. It's, like, yeah, cars, people drive recklessly, and they drive drunk, and they cause accidents.
Right. But not always. Yeah. So let's not ban cars. Let's not, like, automatically assume that all things masculine are bad.
No. This is a stupid thing.
It's so unhealthy, too.
Also, ladies, that's what you like.
That is what you like. Ladies.
I know you don't want to admit it, but that's what you like. You just like it when it's nice. That's all it is.
Kind of, yeah.
Yeah. You just don't want it. mean, you know, and you don't want it ruining civilization. And that's what it does, because it ruins civilization. Like, if wars were all women, there'd be no fights.
There'd be very few. There'd be a few brawls in, like, Wendy's at 2 o'clock in the morning. There would be no real war. It's not the same thing. You know what I'm saying?
But I'm saying, if there was wars, if entire populations were all women. I mean, no men. Men don't exist. So women exist only in the form that they exist today, right? Let's pretend they don't need men, and they just exist.
like this. There'd be fucking zero war.
What do you think about this argument, though, that the other thing that's destroying civilization right now is not having enough men dying in wars? Boo! Like, you have all these men who generally would be kind of sacrificed in these wars historically, and now they're all just, like, keyboard warriors who hate, you know, their incels, basically. There's an argument that people make about, like, we need to put them back in the coal mines. They need to, like, get back to...
I've got a much easier solution. Jiu-jitsu.
Yeah, or that.
But it should be mandatory. You know how. you learn how to read? You should learn how to strangle people.
Both sexes.
Yes, definitely. Well, jiu-jitsu is the absolute best self-defense for women. 100%. There are women that are 130 pounds that can put you to fucking sleep. if you're a big, grown man.
They will fucking strangle you. They will take your back. You won't be able to stop it. And they will get their hooks in, and they'll put you to sleep. Yeah.
That's a 100% fact.
You just need a fighting chance to get away. Yeah.
Yeah. But you also need to be able to defend yourself. And, like, one of the best things about jiu-jitsu is the guard and learning how to fight off of your back. Now, if you're a woman and some guy takes you down and tackles you, learning how to effectively defend yourself off your back is fucking huge.
Yeah.
It's absolutely huge, because technique can overcome physical strength.
Yeah.
It really can, especially in that position. I want to get back into it. Because they learn how to shield with their shins. They learn how to grab at the biceps and the shoulders and prevent you from using your strength. They learn how to get under hooks and to go behind you.
They learn how to defend themselves.
Do you know if there's a place in Austin that does, like, women's self-defense? 100%. Okay.
Well, we don't want women's self-defense. I'm not disparaging women's self-defense classes, but what my feeling is is that you should learn how to actually fight. Okay. I used to teach Taekwondo at Boston University, and then they had this women's self-defense class that they were going to do there, too. And I got a chance to watch it.
And I was like, none of this is going to work. None of this is going to work.
When I was taking it at Gracie and Beverly Hills, it was jujitsu, but it was specifically, like, you get grabbed from behind.
Oh, yeah. The Gracies do a different thing, though.
Yeah. So you were learning how to fight, but it was specifically, like, generally, you're in a car.
This is the reason why I'm saying this. Knowing how to do something is not enough. It's just not enough. You have to train it. Right.
It has to be automatic.
Yes. You have to train it all the time. Yeah. If you don't train it all the time, when the thing happens, you'll have to think. You don't want to have to think.
Right? No, it has to be, like, muscle memory. Yes. Yeah.
One of the best things about jujitsu is when you're rolling in the class, the person who you are sparring against is generally going close to 100% of their strength. When there's certain positions, like, there's certain things that they're doing to you, where they are using all their might to try to achieve a dominant position. A passing of a guard. You know, a finishing up of a submission. They're closing up a submission.
You're accustomed to that, so it's a normal thing. Right. So you're not, like, when you do sparring in karate class, you kind of touch each other.
Yeah, yeah.
So when somebody really fucking blasts you, you're not used to that, and you might freak out. Right. Jujitsu, it becomes automatic. Okay. It is the absolute best martial art for people, because if you're in a physical struggle with someone, if some guy grabs you at a bar and the bar table behind you falls over and you're on your back, you know exactly what to do.
You don't even think. You're in the middle of chaos, and it's as easy as tying your shoe. You know exactly what to do, but it's because you've done it a thousand times.
This is like shooting, though, too. It's why you've got to train.
You should train everything. Yeah. Everything you do. that's important to you. Yeah.
Everything. Everything. It's stand-up comedy. You have to do a lot of sets. If you don't do a lot of sets, you don't feel sharp.
Yep. You have to feel sharp.
Yep. It's been so fun to get back because I kind of convinced myself, maybe I just had a 10-year phase.
Of comedy? No.
And then my friend Ariel Isaac Norman, who runs the Gay Enough show, she's amazing, and she was like, just come do one set and see how you feel. And I was like, I don't know. I'm a mom now. Maybe that was just my lesbian summer that I had, or whatever. And she was like, just try it and see.
She's like, you can lie to yourself about this, but once you're a comedian, good luck getting that out. And once I got up, I was like, goddammit, I got to do this now. And it's not something you can just do.
You've got to do it.
Well, also, you feel the puzzle again. I love the puzzle. You feel the puzzle. You go on stage, you're working the puzzle out, and you're like, okay, I'm in.
It's so humbling, too. I just love eating shit and being like, I don't know. It was funny. Someone was like, why are you doing that? I'm like, well, I can either be a successful pundit or a failed comedian, and I'd rather be a failed comedian.
Well, even the successful pundit is not mutually exclusive. No, I know. Jimmy Dore, he does both.
Jimmy's great, though.
He's smart, though. Jimmy is such a funny stand-up, too. Yeah. He did stand up at the club when he was in town doing my podcast. I haven't seen him live in forever.
He was really funny.
Yeah.
He was really sharp.
Yep. Yeah, it's been...
Such a nice guy, too.
Yeah, I've always wanted to.
. I don't know him. I've always wanted to meet him.
He's a sweetheart.
Yeah.
He's a really nice guy.
I like him a lot. Every interaction I've had with him has been pleasant, but I've never...
That guy goes hard. He goes so hard.
He knows a lot, though.
He does. Well, he's him, and he's ruined, Kurt Metzger.
Why?
Kurt Metzger is so far down the conspiracy rabbit hole now.
Oh, I know.
Every fucking conspiracy, Kurt Metzger's balls in. Oh, yeah. He's just freaked out by everything because he didn't know all this stuff until he started working with Jimmy. He started working with Jimmy, and he's like, Jesus Christ. Now he's just in.
Every time I find anything that's fucked up, I send it to him to get him worked up.
Kurt? Yes.
And he sends me these walls of text. You want to see these walls of text? I love him. Have you ever seen them? No.
Have you ever been texting with Kurt? I wish. Let me show you a Kurt Metzger wall of text.
When they were here doing their show.
Look at these walls of text. Look at these walls of texts. Watch these. I'll get you a good one here. Here we go.
Here's a good one. Look at this wall.
Oh, wow.
Here's another good one. Here's another good wall. He'll just go at you.
That guy's like a joke writing machine, though.
He's a genius. Yeah. No, he's a genius. Yeah. I mean, his mind.
just. He has a, like. You know when they open dams? Wee! That's what it's like.
Do you sleep? He just goes so hard. Yeah. He's such a great joke, writer. It's such a fun dude to hang out with.
But the tweet walls are fucking insane.
Their thing that they did at Mothership that he and Kyle did.
Pussies. Yeah.
That shit is genius, too. It's so.
That, again, is one of those guys where you want to talk about someone who's, like, not appreciated for how good he is. And a true genius. His face swaps of Trump. Did you ever see the one with Trump and Caitlyn Jenner? They're having sex?
No! How did I miss this? I think that was the one that they wouldn't let on Comedy Central. Because, you know, briefly, he was going to do a thing on Comedy Central with the face swaps, but they're too good on Instagram. They're too good.
Like, he's too free.
Yeah.
And the craziness is the freedom. Yeah. You know, like, did you ever see the one where Caitlyn Jenner was explaining about her new vagina that she got to the girls? How cool is that? And how she masturbates with it with a weed whacker?
It's like, the whole thing is. so, it's so horrible. It's so crazy. And the girls are like, what? Like, have you seen it?
He's got the Kardashians in the background. Find that, please, Jamie.
He's, they were so good.
And he's a champ, baby. He does the best Caitlyn Jenner. It's fucking insane. He does the best Trump.
They were, when they did the land acknowledgement, it was like a picture of you kicking, like, the audience had no idea what to make of this.
They're like, what is happening right now?
They're like, we need to do a land acknowledgement.
It was like watching NPR at Mothership. It was so good.
Do you remember when they used to announce what color the clothes they were wearing?
Oh, yeah.
My pronouns are she, her, and I'm in a blue dress.
Didn't Kamala do that?
Yes.
Too much! Everybody back out!
Back out!
That one was so stupid that even people in their party were like, what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? That's like if the right-wingers started going, my name is Bob, I'm a patriot, and I believe in Jesus Christ. Everybody's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Bob. We're just talking about the infrastructure.
We're just going to fix the road, Bob. Calm down, Bob.
My name is Bob.
Yeah.
Bob doesn't believe in gays. Bob doesn't believe in gays.
Gays. just resist, resist, resist. You know, that's what Ben Shapiro told me. What? That you should just not do it, and that it's one of those things like you might want to murder someone, but you shouldn't, because it's a sin.
I'm like, yo, I think it's gay. You ever met any gay guys? You ever met any gay guys?
Just clench that b-hole and pray.
But, first of all, what are they supposed to do? Pretend they like girls? Have you met gay guys? I don't know. They're real, okay?
It's like thinking that a bear is a fucking teddy bear. Actual gay guys are a real thing. Leave them the fuck alone. Let them fuck. guys, you weirdo.
You bow tie wearing clipboard, having fucking weirdo. What do you care? What do you care? They want to fuck each other. Who cares?
I feel like we're surrounded by pearl clutchers, you know? Everywhere I turn, it's pearl clutchers.
It's also. why is that pleasure so forbidden?
For a lot of people that are pro-lifers, gay sex should be your favorite sex. Because nobody's going to have a baby and there's going to be no abortions. You know how many abortions the gay community has? Fucking zero. If everyone's going to hell, for sure they should get a pass.
At least they haven't killed any fucking babies, right? So is it okay if gay guys massage each other? Is that okay? Oh, that's fine. Oh, yeah, yeah, you can give each other back rubs and foot rubs and butt rubs.
Fine, but just don't touch the dick.
That's crazy. Ariel, I have a joke about this. That is absolutely crazy. If you can get a job, if you're a gay dude, you can get a job rubbing backs and butts and feet for $50 an hour, or you could rub dicks for $150..
It seems like it's quicker, you know? Get to the point, make your money. Who cares? What do you care? Do you want to touch his feet?
You don't, right? You're doing it for money. You don't want to touch his dick either.
The argument, I guess, would be it was, like, a slippery slope to all the gender stuff.
Well, it's a slippery slope to it. Here it is. I don't know if I found the right one. Let's just try it. Let's just touch.
Although, is it? We're mad at you. Everybody's mad at you. Why? Ah, shit, I forgot.
We forgot. Hey, kids. Guys, you need new tennis shorts.
Why?
I said everyone could see your hootenanny today.
Oh, maybe because I put too much of Kylie's Lip Puffer on my lips, you know? It goes on the lips on your face. Are you serious? Well, I paid 80 grand for that cooch, so maybe everyone should see it. Yeah, maybe.
So embarrassing.
Oh, you're embarrassed? Let me see your name real quick. Hey, look, a picture of the inside of your asshole.
I'm Kim K. I'm at the side door. Okay, I'll buzz you in. The door's closed. Yeah, you gotta push it.
It's locked. Yeah, wait until I buzz you. Okay, push it.
Why didn't you open it? There was a weird buzzing noise. Yeah, that means open the door.
It's a box. You have to wait until I buzz you. Jesus Christ.
I love him so much.
I love him.
It's just not right.
This is better than anything that Comedy Central has in South Park.
No, yeah.
And they fucked it up. Yeah. And the thing is, when they were doing it over there, here's the problem. First of all, they were using better technology. So, and I think that's one of the things that makes it fun is how shitty it looks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, because you don't really think it's Kim Kardashian. You don't really think it's Caitlyn Jenner. The stuff he does is perfect, and they were doing it with, like, high-end stuff. Oh, right. And it's kind of creepy.
Right, right, right.
And I think the one with Caitlyn Jenner having sex with Trump, it might not, it might be one of those, like, lost recordings.
Maybe he has it.
Yeah, I don't think he's ever even released it. It's hilarious.
It is hilarious. I bet my friend has it.
And I'm pretty sure Trump's on the bottom.
Yeah.
If I remember correctly.
I don't know. These networks are done.
Yeah. Unfortunately, they're hamstrung, right? They're hamstrung by their format. They're hamstrung by the fact that they have to have commercials every five to seven minutes. They're hamstrung by that.
Then they're hamstrung by the fact they're on commercial television, so there's language restrictions in content. You're not going to take a risk. The people that are the producers and the executives, they're the ones who get to make the decisions as to whether or not you should take a risk. And, generally speaking, unless a show is really successful, like South Park. South Park, they stay out of the conversation.
Like, leave those fucking guys alone. They're geniuses. Let them do what they're going to do, and it's going to be amazing. But if you're a beginner, they're not going to do that. No.
They're not going to take that chance. And because they're not going to take that chance, because they have this weird relationship with their advertisers and they can't be free, they're never going to be able to compete with someone like Kyle. No.
And why would he – you would have to offer him a lot of money to even make that worth it.
Yeah, but even if you did, you'd have to let him do that. Yeah. Like, the thing is about Kyle, it's like if Kyle was on the staff of a regular Comedy Central show, you know, as a writer or a producer, he would not be able to shine. You've got to leave him alone.
Well, this is why I think Shane dodged a huge bullet. Yes. Because, man, how hamstrung he would have been working at SNL.
He would have still done his shit. Of course. He would have gotten heat and people got mad at him, but he would have been the same guy.
Yeah, but I still think, like, you get rained – even the one that he did when he was a guest, the funniest sketch of his, they didn't air it.
Yeah, yeah. But that's just – they don't want to. No, there's, like, real internal cockfighting on that show that people have explained about, like, whose sketches get picked and whose not get picked. And there's been a lot of accusations of, like, certain writers taking premises from younger writers. That's what Jim Brewer said.
Oh, interesting. Like, they have a database of stuff they're working on, and then someone would just see what you're working on and then steal it and write something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Phil Hartman told me about that, too. Oh.
Yeah, Phil Hartman told me there's all these – like, it's weirdly competitive and backstabby. He was a harsh – like, when Phil first came over to NewsRadio, it took him a while to just relax and be friends with us. Yeah. Because he almost thought of us as being, like, fellow cast members on SNL, so there's, like, this combative sort of distance relationship.
Interesting.
And the cast of NewsRadio wasn't like that at all. We were all getting drunk together and having fun and laughing.
It seems like it's competitive,
SNL.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's not just competitive. It's, like, backstabby competitive, according to Jim Brewer. He hated it.
He just could not deal with the way that things were done.
It's, like, high pressure, too, and very stressful.
It's also a prestigious position that people are fighting for. You're a writer on SNL. You're a producer on SNL. This is like you're in that hungry part of your career where you're making things happen, and you're competing with all these other people.
When it was good, it was great.
Oh, but it's only great when you have wild people who you let do funny things.
Yeah.
You can't do a lot of the things that they used to do. Oh, God, no. It was like Chevy Chase and Richard Pryor when they were, like, I'm going to say a word, and tell me what you think. Yeah. What's the first word that comes out of your mouth?
It's, like, you couldn't – there's not a chance in hell. You couldn't do any of that.
No.
You might be able to do Landshark, but, like, even the fucking samurai thing that John Belushi used to do, you couldn't do that because it's cultural appropriation. You can't pretend to be a Japanese guy.
They're broken.
But do you think Hollywood is – like, with AI and all this, do you think that it stands a chance?
Yeah, it'll make awesome movies. They're still going to make movies, but they're going to make movies entirely on a computer. The people that are going to be fucked are the actors and the writers. They're fucked. And then the animators.
They're fucked. They're fucked. Everybody's fucked. All these special effects houses, you're fucked. Yeah.
Everybody's fucked. There's – you don't have a – there's not a chance in hell that you survive.
They won't just, like, use the technology to –.
They don't need you.
Improve.
If a studio is making films, like, all they're going to need is algorithms.
They all kind of look like they're made by algorithms already.
And then the number one movie in the world is going to be a movie that a kid made on his cell phone.
I know.
He's going to make it with editing it on, fucking iMovie on his phone or whatever it is. And he's going to make it off of his cell phone. It's going to be like the Blair Witch Project.
Or, like, Napoleon Dynamite.
It's so real.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. But special effects and all that shit, that's out the window.
Yeah. I don't know. It seems like – my friends who are still in Hollywood, in L.A., they've been – we've been talking, and they're like, the wheels are coming off the bus out here. Like, they had a strike, and they're like, and we never recovered, really. And now the work is drying up because they are just using AI.
Well, it's not just that. They are going to be able to make real films real quick for real cheap. And they're going to do it, and it's going to cripple that business. And if those films make any money, if they're any good, if people like them, it's going to be so strange, man. So many jobs are going to be useless.
We are literally giving birth to our successor. And we're all like, oh, Meta's got an AI. now. Let me ask it some questions.
Do you use AI at all?
Zero. Zero. I have a Samsung Galaxy S24 Ultra that has some AI features that I thought were interesting. Yeah. One of them was you can go to a website, and it'll summarize the website for you.
Yeah, yeah.
That's kind of cool. And there's some other things it does. It summarizes notes for you, transcribes notes. But other than that.
There's good things like for transcription, stuff like that. I think that it is useful. It can do it in no time at all.
I probably should ask it questions.
But it is.
About things. If I have questions about a subject.
I asked it. I was sending Tony a screenshot because I was asking it about the top comedy podcast, and Kill Tony wasn't on there. And I was like, it's shadow banning you.
AI is doing that?
I asked this AI search engine that I've used, you.
com.
Well, for sure, some of them are curated. Some of the results are curated, just like Google results are curated. It's very difficult to get certain stories now. If you try to Google certain stories, things that have happened in the past, very hard to find. And it seems like DuckDuckGo has been compromised, too.
Oh, no. Yeah, I used to think that it was really Go. But it just seems to mirror the results of Google now.
So where do you go?
I didn't use to it for any weird stuff.
There's Brave. Brave has a search engine that I think is with no algorithm. I don't think it's curated. I think there's a few other ones that you can go to that are like small end search engines. Like they're all tied into the same thing, right?
They're all tied into this great database in the world. I just don't know. I don't know what's going on behind the scenes that if you Google certain things, it will only give you positive things about a person. And if you Google other people, it will only give you negative things.
Doesn't it seem, though, like tech is shifting a little more rightward?
No. Only X.
That's it. Didn't frickin' Zuckerberg the other day come out and be like, that was the most badass? Or was that AI?
No. No, it was real. He said that. But how much of a say do you really think Zuckerberg has over the entire business of Meta?
Right.
Yeah, he's the owner, the CEO, the big dog. But he's also one human being.
He's also hunting people in Maui.
Yeah, he's doing jujitsu. He's really into a lot of fun things. He's having a good time, right? I mean, he's not there every day. For sure, people are getting shadow banned, and it's not like he's behind the scenes pulling the triggers.
It's a company. And it's a giant, huge company that is, like all these companies, heavily influenced by advertiser dollars.
Yeah, Dumpster Fire, we get that a lot from people. We get emails constantly that they've been unsubscribed. Like, I get one a day. And we've reached out to YouTube and been like, hey, why does this happen? And they're like, well, if you can get a screen recording of that happening.
I'm like, so someone's supposed to record themselves being unsubscribed. Like, this is impossible. Then maybe they'll investigate it. And Dumpster Fire is, you know, we're kind of like, like my friend the other day was like, the shit you say on that show. Like, I'm like, we're fine flying under the radar.
Yeah, but you're not. No one is. You know, even people that are kind of flying under the radar, they're not. They know. The algorithms picking up things.
you say. Oh, yeah. They know what you're talking about. And they don't like when people are questioning certain narratives.
No, no, no. And it's funny. Our slogan for Dumpster Fire is we make burgers out of your sacred cows. And it is so funny. Back to like our tribalism thing.
Everyone has like their thing. Yeah. Where you'll say something and they're like, haha, we love you. And the minute you're like, and then blah, blah, blah. And they're like, how dare you?
And that's all they hear. You're like, that was your thing. I'm sorry. I stepped on your third rail.
Yeah. Yeah. You need rubber shoes, bitch.
Yeah. The whole thing is stupid. It's, and it's very unfortunate. There's no real competitors like a Twitter. That's just a video thing like YouTube is.
He's trying now. Yeah. I mean, maybe he'll be able to do it. It's possible. Twitter's going to do it.
We would not know the president wasn't dead. No, I'm just kidding. I'm just spreading conspiracy.
Do you think that that's a guy in a suit? Let's watch the video.
Are you okay?
Biden. No, I got something in my eye.
You want to get it out? No, no, no, no.
It's nothing.
You want to put some water in there?
No, I think it's actually just a cigar ash.
Do you want, do you have eye drops?
No, don't worry about it. I'm fine. Find a video. I'm a mom. now.
I know. Thanks, mom. I want to show the video of Biden walking up the stairs of Air Force One. Walked a little too spryly for my money.
Can we talk about just how objectively insane this is right now?
We're arguing whether or not the president is really alive.
But also, like, everything that's happened in the past, what is it, 10, 11 days? Yeah. And this is, there's a large, we were all talking about this before we started recording. There's a large population of people who are acting like this is all just normal. Like, oh, what's the big deal?
All the, like, people who are probably still wearing masks, they're all like, oh, what's the big deal? This is, I'm like, if this was Trump and he was installed, like, if just reverse parties and this was happening with Republicans, it would be literally Hitler going on. The end of democracy.
It's fucking banana town. Zoom in this, this fake Biden. real quick. Just kidding. Go full screen.
Not him. Not him.
He has no idea where he is.
This is sad.
He's walking pretty good. I don't know. This is sad.
Or that's a 40 year old guy in a suit.
But Trump nearly got assassinated. Look at those hands.
Those are young hands.
He dropped out of the race with a notes apology.
Like, I want to analyze this like the Patterson-Gimlin Bigfoot footage. See his gait compared to others. Yeah. I want to see his gait. I want to study his gait with fucking AI software.
Hey, chat GPT. Tell me if this is the real Joe Biden based on how he walks. I did see someone put, it also could be fake. They put the audio of his phone, of the phone call, in to like 11 Labs and it said it was like 98% chance. it wasn't real.
Yes. Yeah. I sent that to you. Did I send it to you? Yeah.
Let me send that to you too, Jamie.
When I texted you about Trump, it was like, I was like, is this the first, it's fucked up that we even live in a time where all of our first reaction, which rightfully is, is this real? Like? when I heard about Trump, I was like, is this AI?
Yeah. Everything seems fake. People were thinking that, I mean, wasn't, didn't that one lady tweet that she thought that Trump only got shot in the head? so he doesn't, doesn't go to jail.
Wait. Oh, so it was him?
She was trying to, I'll tell you right in a second after I sent that thing to Jamie.
This is, I mean, I get kind of turned on by all the chaos, cause I come from it. Like I do, I'm like, please stop. I'm going to start masturbating to Twitter. It's too much. It's just too hot.
It's so crazy. It's just like every day, it's crazier. Okay. Who it is? Um, Gail Helt.
She said, uh, so it says Donald, this is like, um, Aaron Rupert said, Nancy Mace apparently said this, I guess it was on one of those news channels. Donald Trump literally took a bullet for our country. And this lady posts, no, he didn't. He was hit with a bullet because he's desperate to stay out of prison. Now, supposedly these are deleted tweets.
So this might be bullshit. So we have to find out that because the Russians are always trying to keep us at each other's throats, ladies and gentlemen. And then there's the 4chan trolls. And so that might not even be a real tweet. Yeah.
So let's find out if that's a real tweet. Cause, otherwise I'm going to make you cut that out, so we don't get sued. I'm not sure how to find out if it's real. Um, who is Gail Helt? first of all?
Helt. Gail Helt. H-E-L-T.
Why would you get sued? By who?
Oh, people sue you if you read a fake tweet. Oh.
With their name on it.
What Twitter account should I look up? Um, the Twitter account. Hold on, sorry.
This is amazing.
I know. Hilarious. Um. It's G-H-E-L-T.
But it feels like the Trump thing's already out of the news cycle.
Oh yeah. What's the big deal? He just got shot in the head.
No press conference?
Nothing. Did she get rid of her account?
That's the lady. Yeah.
So that's, that's the, that's the claim.
CIA analyst.
CIA analyst.
Honeypot. Don't click on it. What?
Her account does exist. So she killed her account after this.
This is weird.
Yeah.
And do you know that, Biden, when he announced that he was not going to seek re-election, it was National Ice Cream Day?
I was like, we live in a simulation.
Look at, okay, context, morons. The point was that, no, he didn't take a bullet for his country. The point was that he's running to stay out of prison, and thus is why he took a bullet. No one believes he set himself up, and you're a fool for trying to twist this into that.
Uh, Gaslight.
You didn't say it very well, if that's what you meant.
What?
Yeah, you did not say it very well. if that's what you meant. If that is what you were trying to say, well, you did a bad job of expressing yourself. You can't call people morons because you literally said that. He was hit with a bullet because he's desperate to stay out of prison.
Like that can be interpreted in a lot of ways.
This is end of day.
So here's the thing about the AI voice thing. So play this.
I know it's surprising and it's hard for you to hear, but it was the right thing to do. I know it's hard because you put your heart and soul into it. Okay, now, listen. Let's just go on old 11 Labs and see if that's really all they probably used for this.
I love it.
Nerds cannot be stopped.
Very likely. Probability. 98%. They didn't even really try.
But he's 98%. He's going to speak soon. Allegedly.
The guy in the fucking makeup is going to speak.
That 40-year-old guy with them 40-year-old hands. That guy had young man hands. He didn't have dead man hands. Oh, I don't know. I don't know.
But here's the thing. If you have a letter like that. Okay. And this is how he resigns. He resigns or says he's not going to run again with a letter.
The letter does not have a presidential seal on it. And the letter has a digital signature on it. Right. That's what it was. Right.
Okay, maybe. But before that, before you got COVID, didn't he say that he wasn't going to quit? He did. Right.
So they killed him.
Well, there's been a lot of weird stuff. We haven't seen him since then. Right. And then he gets COVID. And then all of a sudden he says he can't.
And they also said that they gave him 10 doses of Pax Lovid. Is that true? Google? that. Because I read that.
That might be some Russian troll shit. Because they might be saying, like, they're waiting for doctors to go, that would kill him. Why do you give him 10 doses? That's fucking insane.
They're like, well, we couldn't kill Trump.
So now we've got to kill Biden. He might have been exposing a glitch where, every few times, that app says that anything was created by it. Oh. Well, here's one way to find out. Why don't we take a segment of us talking right now, upload it, and see if it thinks that we're AI.
Can we do that? I can't do that. How come? Because we're recording it right now. And I have to stop recording it.
Can we stop recording for just five seconds and then do that? No. No? Can I record something on your phone and then maybe upload it to that? I'm just curious.
Imagine. I could get an older podcast and do it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Do that.
Yeah. Put a little chunk up there. Let's see what's up. How funny would that be? If it's like 98%, people would be like, then here's the new conspiracy.
Joe Rogan is AI. The government created him. That's the whole reason why that show became popular. There is no fucking way they would allow that show to say the crazy shit they did. It's all ops.
It's all undercover, deep ops.
Everything's an op.
Controlled opposition.
That was what they all said about me when I came on the scene. When I started writing and talking, they were like, she's a deep state plant sent to undermine conservatism.
Are you? No. Here's the thing. If you were on the outside looking in, you probably would think that that's the case. But if you want to pay attention to the way this whole administration is going, pay attention to Green, St.
Peter, whatever the fuck her name is, the White House press secretary, accidentally tweeting Trump's post from her account. Wrong account. Remember that? Oh, yeah. This is incompetence.
If you look at the crew of people that's responsible for the press in the White House, they're all young kids. They're all young kids, first job, and she's their boss. And then you look at that guy that was the fucking Sam Brinton that was stealing women's clothes. He was in charge of nuclear energy. Everywhere you look, Pete Buttigieg, all these people, it's incompetence.
It's massive incompetence. glued together. I don't think there's a grand plan. This is what my husband always says. A bunch of really incompetent people scheming and clunk and banging heads and not knowing what to do and arguing with each other.
And afraid to lose their jobs.
Chaos. And a dude who's 40 years old in a Biden suit.
And also the deep state conspiring behind all of it to make it look like it's just these incompetent dummies.
They think that everybody's somehow or another like some sort of a plant. I wish I could tell you where you would understand me and believe me. I think most of the things that you think are like deep state are not. I think this whole thing is way more chaotic than we give it credit for. It's not as easy as like.
they're manipulating us. They're controlling us. Yeah, they're fucking trying for sure. But it's not working anymore. And that's part of the problem.
Right. Like before, in the past, no one had internet search access to how much money Nancy Pelosi was making.
Yeah, you'd be like, all right.
They just did it. They were doing it forever. They just did it that way. And no one knew. Right.
Except the people that also did it. Right. They were doing it too. Which is why they never call each other out. Right.
They're all a bunch of criminals. So now that we all know that, like this is all, everything's been exposed to the point where they want to keep justifying the way they're doing things. They got to be very clever about it. So I can't wait to find out the results, whether or not I'm AI.
You are AI.
Imagine if the world is a simulation, I might be AI.
I was talking to a family member about just the incompetence and secret service stuff and hiring these people. And they're firemen, basically. And they were telling me that they had to hire an actual... He's like, none of these are lies. They had to hire an autistic kid.
And he's like, this kid hides in the bathroom and takes naps during the day. But once you hire these neurodivergent people or whatever, you can't really fire them. So they had to track it and keep... And he said another guy they hired who was like, something wasn't right. Got into a minor fender bender in one of the trucks and froze up.
And he's like, this is a first responder who froze up when they got into and wouldn't get out of the truck. And he's like, I'm not making any of this up. He's like, how am I supposed to fucking work with this shit?
That's crazy.
And he was saying the same thing about the secret service and all that. He's like, this is a woman who, she, was like, buds with gel. And she was from Pepsi before. And instead of putting some marine in charge...
Okay, look. They ran the sample. Very unlikely. So it was right. Probability of 2.0%.
It's very unlikely. this audio was generated with 11 labs or the audio was manipulated. Try it a few times and see if it keeps doing it.
Try it a few times, but now we also need to do an AI generator one.
But hold on a second. That makes sense. Like, that means it's accurate. So what I was saying, this guy said, this is the guy who made the original tweet. Right.
This is the guy who posted the goofy little glitch that makes 11 labs say his voice was AI generated once every few tests. Okay. This is the guy who posted the goofy little glitch. Okay. So this was a funny shower thought which yourselves and the entire Internet placed a near infinite more about of thought.
What?
This person is drunk.
This person is out of their fucking mind. Into than I did.
Please carry about your business and stop harassing, even about being.
. Did fucking AI write this?
Maybe. Yours truly, the guy whose cringy jokes often go way too far and the Internet scares me. Please help. Okay. I think he was just fucking around.
Maybe. But the point is that we can't listen to anything he's saying now and take it seriously. The other thing, though, sounded like AI to me. It sounded like there's a weird... If you could play it again.
Well, no. There's a weird, fake expression. There's a... There's a smell. Like, when you hear it, there's a smell.
Like, there's a bunch.
. I know yesterday's news is surprising and it's hard to hear, but it was the right thing to do. I know it's hard, because you poured your heart and soul into me.
There's.
. It just seems... There's something... The heart and soul into me. It's like...
It's something into me. It's like... It's a robot talking. It's ex machina. It's not a person.
Yeah, but it's like triggering your uncanny valley.
100%. It's triggering my bullshit meter. Yeah. Now, I 100%. am only saying this because he's missing.
He's not missing.
If I had not seen.
. Except for the guy in the suit. If he's... If there was a time where there was no question about whether Joe Biden was alive and I heard that, I would go, oh, that's probably Joe Biden. Just in...
You know, just for full disclosure.
Do you think that some accident will happen? Or like, oh, a medical emergency? before the speech?
Well, that's what Alex Jones was saying. Alex Jones was saying they failed to kill Trump, so now they're going to kill Biden because they can't have him run against Trump, because he can't beat Trump. But if Trump got shot, Biden would win in a landslide.
I was playing something that I think it was you who sent me about.
. It was Alex, I think. And my husband's like, turn that off. He's like, Bridget, I can send you a 17th tweet thread debunking the first two minutes of that from a guy in the army. I'm like, okay.
My husband's like.
Your husband needs to get red-pilled.
He's just a skeptic. He thinks that he doesn't attribute to malice what he can attribute to incompetence.
Well, that's smart, but also malice is real. So you have to look at both, and you can't be biased in one side or another.
Well, I think that's why we make a good balance, because I'm like, no, it's a conspiracy.
Well, I don't think everything's a conspiracy, because I know that some conspiracies that I've personally been accused of being involved in aren't real. So I'm like, okay, so people are just suspicious. I think there's a lot of suspicion, and also rightly so. Right. How can you not be?
Because a lot of conspiracies are 100% real.
By the way, I can probably think of three episodes that you and I have done, where we talked about how Biden was too old, and we got called conspiracy theorists for saying that.
Dude, I had a text message from a friend who was saying, don't you know that Biden has a stutter? I go, when did he get this stutter? Because if you go and listen to him when he was running for president in 1988, he spoke smooth.
Yeah.
Smooth as silk. We could check this out. This person says they recreated the phone call using AI. And apparently it sounds a lot like it. Okay.
And then go on to, and I've been honored. That's not him. That's somebody else's voice. Hmm. All right.
Okay. I mean, maybe they're trying to prove a point. But either way, we know for sure that AI is real. AI can make you say basically anything they want to say. We've done it with me.
Oh, yeah. You know who does it all the time? Duncan. Duncan will have Tony Hinchcliffe apologizing for things that he never did, and admitting that he's a rainy street assassin.
I love Duncan. Duncan's the best. I love his standup, too. I love his long, like, I want to be in his brain. I want to crawl into his brain.
You can't get in there.
I want to crawl into his brain and look around.
You get a contact high, just smelling his brain. But he did a thing with Johnny Pemberton. where Johnny Pemberton pretended to be, like, a CIA undercover agent or something like that. They changed his voice. They changed his appearance.
They changed everything. Wow. In video, in real time.
Yeah. Oh, I'm sure.
So you know what Johnny looks like? So it's Johnny Pemberton. He looks like a 12-year-old kid. And he looks like a completely different person. He's saying absolutely ridiculous shit.
And it sounds like this other person's voice. And this is all, like, you could be, you know, Morgan Freeman. Yeah. You could start talking and they could have AI. take your voice, convert it to Morgan Freeman's voice, take your image, take every expression you make, opening your mouth, every smile you make, and convert it to Morgan Freeman doing the exact same thing.
This is why there's no pictures of my kid on the internet. Yeah. There was this creepy video going around and they took all these pictures of this 9-year-old and it was, like, in Norway somewhere. And they grew her up, had her talking, had her – and because the parents had posted all this stuff and she was, like, asking for them to come – my most judgy mom opinion, and I don't have many, is, like, we know too much to be doing – to put our kids online. Yeah.
Like, before, they're able to, like, whatever was there.
It's not their – it's not – they can't understand what you're doing, first of all.
But with AI, like, you can't know how – there's – have you heard about the shit they do in Japan? They're having, like, a huge problem with, like, turning these images people are putting of their kids into child porn. Of course. It's, like, a huge fucking problem.
Of course. They're doing that with everybody. I guarantee you, with every fucking human being that is out there on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter, someone's turning you into a porno film.
Yeah, I don't know. I'm just –.
It's crazy.
It scares me.
It's crazy. I mean, that was a big problem with celebrities, right? They were taking celebrities and face swapping them and turning them into porn stars.
Yeah, and there's no – I mean, there was, like, a whole thing in Beverly Hills about all these – they were – these teenagers were doing it to each other, as, like, you know, they were all just being mean teens and – It's crazy. I don't know how you even – and there aren't laws against it, which there should be, but I don't even know how you litigate it.
Well, they would have to get ahead of it.
And they can't.
It's too late.
No, they can't.
All the technology's out there, and then there's also not enough people that understand it that are in the government.
And it's, like, whack-a-mole. Like, you just – You get rid of one and it pops up ten other places.
Right, and how are you going to get rid of the ones that are in other countries? Yeah. You're not going to.
No, it's – You're not going to. It's not –.
You just use a fucking VPN, log into that other country. Yeah. Download it.
No, it's bad.
It's wild.
No, it's wild.
And it's only going to get wilder.
Yeah, this is like – I mean, Elon talks about this all the time, like how it's just the dawn of this.
Yeah. This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius.
Did you see his video yesterday about the – with Jordan? Which one? Where he was talking about what happened to his kid and how – You mean Elon? Elon, yeah.
Yeah, I did see that, yeah.
It was emotional.
It's horrible.
Yeah, I think a lot of people have become kind of – I mean, for lack of a better word, red-pilled by that kind of stuff.
And they should be. Yeah. The new California thing. Ugh. The new – explain to people what it is.
I mean – Because it's so nuts. You hear it and you go, like, there's no way they did this. There's no way they took away power from the parents. Yeah, but – There's no way they don't inform the parents.
I mean, that had kind of been going on, but now they've just put it into law that you essentially don't have to – You know, the people who would fight against it would say, oh, they're outing these kids to their parents. But basically, a kid can go in and call themselves Jack if they're Jill at home. And the school doesn't have to tell the parents that they're identifying as a boy, that they're doing – that they're dressing, that they're being called by a completely different name. There's no requirement. It's just so crazy to me, and I'm sure Scott Weiner is behind this, because he's behind every creepy-ass bill in that state.
It's crazy to me that you are telling adults to keep secrets about the kids from the parents. Like, that's generally something. that's a huge red flag.
It's a huge red flag. And you're also – you have activists who are teachers. That's a fact. Yeah. That's a fact.
A lot of the teachers are teachers specifically because they want to be able to influence young kids. That's a fact. Yeah. And some of them are really good teachers, and they have this idea that I'm going to help these kids and influence these kids in a positive way. And some of them are fucking crazy people that are locked into an ideology, and they want to convert these kids into that ideology.
Yeah. When you have five-years-old and six-year-old kids, you shouldn't have fucking pride flags in the school. That's ridiculous. If you have this big pride display in the school and everyone's wearing rainbows, you are incentivizing kids to think that going in one direction or the other is better. You're pushing them.
You're influencing them in a weird way, and you might be a fucking crazy person.
Well, it's also like Helen Joyce said. She had this brilliant clip. She was talking about how there's no way out. If you're a parent who's supported this, every time you hear about somebody who's advocating for this, legislating it, legislating kids being able to get puberty blockers or whatever, it's somebody who has a kid of their own. And she was saying such a brilliant clip.
She was basically saying they're doubling down because it's that, or admit that they've done a horrific thing to their child.
Right. Yeah, that's what it is. It's the same thing with people that got COVID and got vaccine, injured and didn't want to tell people.
Did that happen? a lot? A lot. Yeah.
Oh, I know people that got vaccine injured. Look, Chris Cuomo. Oh, right, right, right. Chris Cuomo got vaccine injured and didn't talk about it until CNN fired him. He's like, guess what?
I'm one of you.
He's, like, Pfizer's, not paying for my checks anymore.
Yeah, the whole thing is just, again, a normal pattern of human behavior and thinking. And this whole queer, trans, 2A, B, I, T, plus thing, it's all attached to an ideology. And the crazy thing for a lot of gay people is they are looking at this trans thing, a lot of gay people that I talk to, they think it's homophobic. Oh, yeah. A lot of these guys who think that they're girls will eventually just be gay men.
Yeah.
And that a lot of them go through it during puberty. And when you are telling them that they really are going to live their authentic self and you're saying things like this, these-.
Pray the gay away.
It is a very similar thing.
It's the same thing.
That is the same thing, right?
It's conversion therapy. Right. I mean, I did a whole piece, How Pride Lost the Public, and I interviewed Douglas Murray, all these brilliant... I wish I could have just posted every interview I did with all these individuals, because they're all so brilliant. These guys and women have all been sounding the alarm, and lesbians are really getting erased.
You go on a lesbian app and it's like, I joked on Dumpster Fire in 2019 that we're on our way to suck my dick bigot, and now we've been there for years.
I mean, it's a lot of men who identify as being a woman who say they're a lesbian. Yeah. Which is crazy.
But my lesbian friends are like, they're not even identifying. They're just straight up men on the lesbian app saying like, I'm a lesbian. I'm a lesbian. Yeah. Yeah, they're not even trying to look like a woman.
And you go on a date with them and they just have lipstick on. Hi. Like, what? I like girls.
I'm a girl.
What are you trying to say, you fucking bigot? I'll fuck you in your ass. Like, wait. What are you saying?
It's not good. It's so nuts.
And it's also like some of these people who identify as women, they think that because they're a woman, it's okay to punch other women. And I've seen a lot of that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen a lot of that.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, trans women getting in fist fights with biological women. Like, what is going on here? This is so crazy.
I think it's lost a lot of support, though. Don't you think? Do you feel like it has or no?
It's lost a giant chunk, but there's still a lot of really confused people that don't know what's going on. They read mainstream newspapers and rarely. They work in a bubble. Generally, it's like a liberal bubble. They work in a bubble that's also influenced by DEI.
It's also influenced by, you know, the culture of the workforce in general. And then these people, they don't hear everything. They don't get all the data. They don't have time to research these things. So it takes them a lot longer to catch on that.
what a lot of this is is mentally ill people that are trying to infiltrate into women's spaces. That's a lot of it. So you have people that have legitimate gender dysphoria, that really want to be identifying as a woman. And then you have creeps. And to not identify the creeps and to pretend the creeps don't exist, you're not fucking helping anybody.
By the way, you should be protecting these women in prisons. It's like rape shelters and women's shelters. You just have these guys who are like to think that someone who's a predator and has committed crimes wouldn't try and manipulate the system. It's like, oh, I don't understand that willful.
I'll tell you my bit about it, because it's so stupid. The whole thing is so nuts. It's just so nuts that it's so pervasive that it's actually made its way into prisons. Remember the Supreme Court lady when they asked her, Katanji Brown Jackson?
Oh, yeah. I couldn't answer like what a woman is. But all these people should be on record. The problem that we're having is that people need to push anyone who's saying, oh, this is just gender affirming care. So what exactly is that?
I want you on record, explaining what that is. You're okay with giving kids puberty blockers so that they may not be able to have children, or orgasms or X amount of things.
I've talked to a lot of people in the past, however many years that I've done my podcast. The ones that sat with me the most and the most upsetting are all the kid detransitioners I've had on the podcast. Those interviews are so hard and upsetting. It is fucking criminal that there is even more than like 10, and they're churning them out.
Yeah. And there's the number of gender affirmation care clinics that exist in this country.
But, by the way, Europe is like pushing back against it. and we're not. And a lot of it is because Europe does have the universal. Socialized medicine. Yeah.
So they actually have to follow science, because otherwise they're all paying for it. And here it's just like a money grab to start.
Not just that, but what you alluded to earlier, that you will have to take all those people that had done this. Now they're in trouble. Yeah. Now people can get sued. The lawsuits can pile up.
I hope they get sued.
Well, that's literally in this country that feeds off of money. It's the only way that's going to stop it.
Yeah.
Listen, you have to recognize, folks, that this is a country that did lobotomies. Yeah. Until what, 1965 or something like that? Something crazy like that? Probably.
I don't know.
It might have been like 68.
. I think it was 1968.. Google, Jamie, when do they end lobotomies? They did who knows how many thousands of lobotomies.
Well, that's like all the women who got put in mental wards for hysteria. Mm-hmm. 67..
67.
Yeah, that's not that long ago.
That's not that long ago.
No. No.
So it had to end with the death of the person it was performed on. That was it. They were like, enough. Don't scramble brains. But listen, we fucked up one person.
We made a few really cool people. Walter Jackson Freeman II.
What portal of hell does that guy find himself in today? When did he die? He died in 72?. How did he die? So it was his idea.
So he died shortly after it was made illegal. He fucking missed it. He missed prosecution. The idea that he performed 3,500 lobotomies. He scrambled the brains of 3,500 people and 490 of them died as a result of the treatment.
Do they still do electroshock therapy? Yep.
Yep. 490 people died and the rest of them just got turned into vegetables. So 310 just got turned into fucking squash. Oh my God. So crazy.
How many people were lobotomized in the 50s? Almost 20,000.. Oh my God. Performed in the United States and proportionally more in the United Kingdom. A large number of patients were gay men.
Oh my God. They scrambled their brain to get the gay out of there.
That's worse than pray the gay away.
Yeah, scramble the gay away. Jesus Christ.
Scalpel the gay away.
Jesus Christ. Yikes.
Oh man.
And he stayed awake during it. Oh my God. No. Ooh.
What was that movie, Pi? Where he gives himself a lobotomy or whatever. Oh my God. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert.
Did you ever see that Pi? No, I didn't. That movie?
He gave himself a-.
I feel like at the end of that movie. I don't want to spoil it for anyone. I might have just spoiled it.
Yeah. I'm thinking of some guy that invented something insane somewhere in the UK and eventually he was tried for being gay.
God, I wish I could remember what it was.
It's like on the tip in the back of my brain. I'm like, that guy. I remember that guy. I remember that story. Some guy.
that's like incredible.
Alan Turing. That's it. Alan Turing. That's it.
That's the robot thing. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Has Lex passed out yet?
No. Lex is a robot. Pull that up. Pull that up, like what happened to him. Okay.
So here it is. There were a number of high-profile arrests and trials, including the act of scientist, mathematician and wartime codebreaker Alan Turing, convicted in 1952 of gross indecency. He accepted treatment with female hormones, chemical castration, as an alternative to prison. Turing committed suicide in 54.. What?
Oh my God. How crazy. Again, not that long ago.
Not that long ago. Not that long ago.
And that sounds today insane. Yeah. And guess what, you fucks. That's what it's going to sound like 50 years from now, when people start talking about what you did to kids.
Yeah. No. And they're all growing up. Yeah.
Homosexuality remained illegal until 1967 in England and Wales. And until 1980 in Scotland. Holy shit, Scotland.
1866, marriage was defined as between a man and a woman, preventing future same-sex marriages. So they put a law in the books in 1866 in Scotland, over a hundred years later. What about here, though?
When did it become?
That's a good question. Well, I remember in 2013..
In the United States.
2013,, Democrats were saying that it should be between a man and a woman. That's what marriage is.
Marriage. Marriage. But it was illegal in the States, wasn't it? Yeah.
Yeah. But imagine that. Imagine Democrats saying that marriage should be between a man and a woman.
2003?
Whoa. Wow.
Okay.
We were way behind Scotland. Sorry, Scotland. Sorry, to give you a hard time. You guys were so far ahead of us.
I was feeling like we were pretty behind.
2003,. I was on Fear Factor. Okay. 2003,. gay rights proponents had another bit of happy news.
The U.
S. Supreme Court in Lawrence versus Texas struck down the state's anti-sodomy law. Oh, okay. So it wasn't like illegal to be gay. It was illegal to do gay stuff.
I mean, same thing. No, stop. I mean, isn't it?
You have to do the Ben Shapiro method. You can be gay.
Punch the butthole?
You just don't do it.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, but so it was never illegal to be gay in the United States?
Of course it was. It had to have been. Yeah, absolutely illegal. But no, just joking aside, sodomy laws are, that makes it being gay illegal.
Aren't there still some on the books? There's still, like weird sodomy and profanity laws that are on the books. Probably. Massachusetts and shit.
Nah, it wouldn't be Massachusetts.
No, they have weird stuff on the books. Like, I remember reading about this. I don't know if they still have it, but it was like, the reason you couldn't have sororities in certain places is because like- To get lesbians? No, it was considered like a coven. Like too many women living in a house.
A bunch of witches. They're smart. They probably want to track their menstrual cycles, these fucking dirty witches.
Oh, so this podcast I was listening to, she was saying that, I've never known this, I've always wondered, but her, I guess she's some like neuroscientist woman, and I can't remember her name right now. She was saying that it's because men would have to impregnate as many people as they could, because if they went out and hunted, sometimes they wouldn't even come back. They'd go like find another similar tribe and just stay with them. Jesus. And so they had to, in order to like keep up the, you know, population, they had to make sure that they could impregnate as many women at the same time.
And that's why women's cycles sank up.
Hmm.
I always thought it was just like people being competitive. Like one woman's, like, if I'm going to bleed, you're all going to fucking bleed. Definitely.
It's all interesting theories, because, you know, so many of the things that people did back in the day were based on this fact that human beings didn't live very long. And that infant mortality was really high. You know, like they had a lot of fertility rituals that they would do back then.
Yeah. Yeah. I think my name is the Irish goddess of fertility. Hmm. Which explains how I got pregnant in 43.
Ha.
Doing a fun law for Texas. Yes. Possession of more than six dildos is prohibited. Yeah. You're greedy.
The obscene device law. You don't even have six holes. You greedy fuck. Obscene device laws declares it a crime to possess six or more obscene devices or identical or similar obscene articles. So you can have like six butt fuck magazines.
But I think you can still get married as cousins in certain states too. Like 26 states.
Go back. Look at this. These infernal devices include dildos. So in Texas you can legally own more guns. What site is this?
This is an article on Mental Floss and it's like top 10 weird sex laws that are still in place. Let me finish the sentence. So in Texas, you can legally own more guns and display them in public than you can sex toys, as some dildo wielding campaigners pointed out.
I don't want to know what that dildo wielding.
You can't get married in Nebraska if your partner is a sexually transmitted disease.
What?
So if you got the herpes. You get the herpes. That's a wrap. You can't cohabitate in North Carolina. You can't have.
With a person. Hold on. With a person. With a partner if the couple is unmarried. What?
Yeah. It's illegal to live with a partner if the couple's unmarried. So you can't live in North Carolina with a boyfriend or a girlfriend? For real? You can't have sex with them in six states.
Six? Which states? Utah. Idaho. Illinois.
Massachusetts. Mississippi. And South Carolina. Hilarious.
In South Carolina, a false promise of marriage can land you in jail. This is how I hear this.
Still in fornication. laws that basically decree all forms of non-marital sex illegal. But these laws are rarely enforced. Right? Well, fucking get rid of them.
Why you got laws on whether or not people can jerk each other off?
Don't flaunt your booby pillows in Kern County, California.
Ooh, what's up in Kern County? Oh, booby pillows. Thousand feet of a highway. What does that mean?
Flashing your titties on the side of the road.
I think literal, like, tit pillow. Like a boob, pillow. Like boobs.
It looks like a boob. Boob pillows? Or just boobs?
It might have been a thing at some point. Public articles.
I think they're boobs.
Hold on. Public sale of articles depicting female breasts. No, it is a boob pillow.
Oh, boob pillows. Yeah. There's like a dumb. Sale of stuffed objects known as booby pillows.
Stuffed objects known as booby pillows. I've seen booty pillows. So you can't. So those are illegal. So the problem is, uh, passerbys.
Can't talk about polygamy in Mississippi.
You can't sell them by the side of the road. That's what the law is.
What the fuck were booby pillows for?
I've never heard of them until 13 seconds ago.
Is it just a.
I don't know. I mean, this is just stupid. It's just, ooh, grow some toots. Like guys who have rubber nuts hanging from their fucking trail hitch. It's also just north of LA, apparently.
Is it legal to have rubber nuts hanging from your trail hitch? Is that legal in Texas? Let's find out. That don't even count as a dildo. That's just your saccharine.
Are you allowed to have those big things in Texas on the side of your wheels? They like come out. Have you seen these?
Oh, I don't know if you're allowed to. They're everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. I found out about those.
Those are crazy. Paul Wall has those on his Cadillac.
They're crazy. I saw a car with them. I'm like, what the fuck?
Yeah. That doesn't seem like it's aerodynamic. It's not good for your neighbors either.
I saw them on a truck.
Well, you definitely could scratch someone next to you.
Or pop their tire.
100%. Yeah.
Yeah. That seems like some Texas shit. It's ridiculous. I've been here now. Have we talked since I've been here?
I've been here since almost a year, like a little over a year.
I don't think you've been on the podcast in the last year.
Oh.
It's been since you moved here.
Oh. Yeah.
I think you were California dwelling back then, planning your escape.
Oh, yeah. I love it. If I remember correctly. I love it.
It's great out here.
Yeah, I love it. It's better. But I also love all the friends I have, and the friends that are here, and everybody's coming here, and making friends out in the burbs.
People are moving out, though. They're leaving? They said that in 2023, more people for the first time left Austin than moved here.
That's good. The rents will go down and stuff.
They won't go down.
No, they're going down. It's like a doom spiral. No, no, no. They passed a housing thing, and they're actually going down.
They passed a bill?
To open up for building more housing, and the rents are going down in Austin. Every time you hear about people getting. ... A lot of my friends have gotten rent deductions in the past year. Really?
And a lot of people are leaving. I had two people in my little basic bitch suburb. They were in the Facebook community, which I love. I love it. It's like the drama.
I love just watching it. They were like, we're getting the fuck out of here. I'm going back to California. I was like, where are you going? They're like, it's too hot.
They're like, Sacramento. I'm like, what the ... Sacramento? I thought it'd be like the beach or something, but how different is Sacramento from-
It's pretty hot, but it's a dry heat. It's a different kind of heat.
No, it is. People, I don't know. A lot of Californians came here and are leaving.
Just because of the heat?
Yeah.
Hilarious. I know. Pussies.
I know.
It's nothing. It's really not that bad.
My husband loves it. We're out there. We became really good friends with the side surfs. The people that make the cakes. Yeah, the cake people.
They're like our good homies and we celebrate. We like our living. It's such a weirdly American life. We go have barbecues and our kids play. It's.
so .
. I'm not looking over my shoulder for crazy people every second.
There's a reason why people move to the suburbs.
No, the suburbs are great. Yeah. When you have kids.
Especially if you want quiet.
Oh, they're so quiet out there.
That's what you want.
Yeah.
You're better off with a little bit of quiet.
You can see the stars. My daughter is just obsessed with space. She's like, is that sad? She knows all the planets. She's thriving, which is all I can ask for as a parent.
Eventually, I want to live about an hour outside of Austin. Yeah, me too. One hour out and then drive in for shows, and that's it. Yeah, I can't. I can't.
yet. I mean, this was ... We got ... Because my husband was like, let's go further. I was like, that will be prohibitive to everything I want to do.
We had to kind of split the difference. He would be further out.
There's plenty of good spots to live out here, though. It's good. You can live a half hour outside and still be cool. Where Red Band lives, it's real quiet.
I'm up by them. Yeah, it's great.
It's great. It's beautiful. out there, too. There's lots of great restaurants. Yeah.
It's a nice place to live. It's also a really amazing place to do comedy now.
Oh, the scene is so. ...
It's the first time in our lifetime where a scene has emerged.
I wonder why. So weird. Crazy. Who's behind that? No, it is actually doing it and being around all the young, hungry.
I've fallen in love with it in a way that I did when I first started it. It's just seeing how. ... And it's also just so diverse, actually ideologically diverse. Austin is a weird place.
You just don't .
. With all of your audiences, they're all tourists. And then the local audiences, you never really know. It's not like when I was in LA, I kind of knew what I was dealing with. Or if you were outside in Valencia, you knew also what you were dealing with.
Here, you're like, man, it's a smatter. It's truly like a purple kind of town.
It's an interesting place.
Yeah, it's exciting.
It's just way better than California, where we were living. We were living also in a place that was captured by the entertainment industry. And you realize that has a toxic, radioactive glow that affects everything it touches.
It does.
Whether you think you're in the music business or you think you're in the entertainment business. I'm not a performer. I'm not trying to get famous. Everyone's affected by what you're trying to accomplish. All the people on the outside that work in other supportive industries.
That place is defined by the main goal of people that move there is to somehow or another make it.
Right, right. Here it feels very art devoted. It has that Austin kind of keep it weird. And the people seem very. ...
That's the other thing I've noticed. Everyone's very supportive. It's not so cutthroat and it felt ... I don't know. It doesn't feel ...
Well, comedy's like that now. Comedy's like it's not what it used to be. It used to be very cutthroat. But we realized somewhere along the line that we became ... We're assets.
We're not competitors. And the competitors are good. The people that are rising up, they give you inspiration. Oh, right. It's all good for you.
But there's room. ... That's the thing that feels like you go to all these different shows. You know Homeless Pimp? He's doing a whole documentary on the scene.
It's really cool. He's going out to open mics with young people who moved here. People who have been in 20 years who are moving here. It's really cool.
Yeah. Well, a lot of people that weren't getting the attention that they deserve somewhere else came here and now they're thriving. Like Brian Holtzman. Perfect example. Brian Holtzman was just not getting the love he deserved and now he's got sold out shows.
Yeah.
And people come to see him because he's crazy. They want to see. And there's a lot of. ... Tyler Fisher is another one.
Yeah. These guys weren't getting any attention where they were and they're really good.
And there's more of those. There's a lot more out there. Metzger. Metzger's another one.
Metzger.
Yeah.
He's here now. We land out here.
Metzger moved here.
Oh, yes?
Yeah, he's here now. No.
He told me when I saw him. We went out to dinner when they were in town and he said that they were thinking about it.
He's here now.
Oh, nice.
Yeah. I'm so happy.
Kim's here now too.
Nice. Yeah. She just did a show. Kill Tony last night.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She announced it.
She's the newest Austin resident.
Yeah. Yeah.
Kim has a real chance. She has a real chance. Kim went up in front of me. She's from Orlando and I was doing a gig in Orlando and she's going to be there visiting her family. She asked to do a set.
I'm like, yeah, for sure. I sat and watched. She fucking murdered. I mean murdered. I would have thought she was going to be way further ahead.
in her career.
Yeah. I think it was like eight years ago, like eight years later. But sometimes people, they're not quite focused the right way. Nothing kind of catches, and she moved to New York for a while, but now she's out here.
Yeah.
She's got a real chance.
Yeah. I love her. We were just in the green room together. She's very funny. Dying, laughing.
Very funny. Yep. I'm excited. It's just like it feels, when I first moved to LA, I was in the scene and I had Troy Conrad on my podcast and we were talking about when it was like Tuesday nights and Roast Battle was starting and Kill Tony was starting and you were back and it was like this electric time at the comedy store and he was saying, you know, you were aware like. this is special.
You're capturing something special. Yeah. And I feel that way about now too. Yeah. There's just something special, you know, happening in Austin with comedy and scene.
It feels, that was the thing about LA. I'm like, I feel like I'm driving around a city on hospice. It just feels like a city. that's like not doing well. It's too big.
It's vibrant and there's growth and there's all kinds of different scenes and there's tech and there's like it's just so much live music. It feels very vibrant and alive.
Well, a lot of it is because people were just fed up with California and they moved out here and they all came together. and it's all these similarly minded people that wanted to be free to do the fun thing and then really also extra appreciated it now that it was taken away from them for a while and then now they have the best place to do it ever.
Yeah, and it feels very, it's probably more libertarian than anything else.
Yeah, it's more libertarian. There's very few conservatives in comedy, and even the liberals, they're not, if you want to be good, you can't be like full leftist. You can't do it. You're handcuffing yourself. It's like running with weights on.
What are you doing? What are you trying to do? You can talk about stuff that you believe in on podcasts, but you're doing a specific art form. Stand-up comedy is a very specific art form and the goal is to make people laugh. They're there for comedy.
It's not stand-up proselytizing. It's not stand-up virtue claptor.
I did a joke about Andrew Tate once and I got claptor and I was like, I'm never doing that joke again. I think that joke's done.
Yeah, it's funny.
I don't ever want claptor.
Oh God, some people love it. They just lean towards it and their punch lines are spaced out for claptor.
Yeah, but that's like you're evangelizing.
Yeah, they're just not good. That's all it is. They're just not good at comedy.
I don't want to evangelize.
But they're only evangelizing because they're not good at comedy. They're not evangelizing because they have the really unique perspective that people listen to, like Bill Hicks or something. You go, wow, oh my God, I never thought about it that way. No, it's clunky dog shit idea from a lazy person that's not good at comedy. And the reason why you suck at this whole virtue signaling thing is the same reason why you suck at comedy.
You don't have unique thoughts. You haven't examined your mind enough. You haven't really tried to figure out what's actually funny versus what you want the audience to think of you, which is a lot of what people are doing.
Yeah, my good faith interpretation, I guess, would be that they are believers. They're actually believers in their ideology or whatever, and they don't really realize they're proselytizing. They think that they're making jokes about informative.
Right, but you have to always run that. You've got to always run that through this filter, and the filter is if you're not good at comedy and you don't have a career in comedy and you're struggling in comedy and you're trying to get better at comedy, you are constantly trying to get positive reactions from the audience. And if you can't get positive reactions through humor, you will get it through saying something that you think everybody believes in.
Right, right, I see.
So it's a trick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just a shitty trick.
It's like a shortcut.
It's a shitty trick that works.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like wearing lipstick and shitting in the women's room.
It's a shitty trick that works. It doesn't mean that everybody doesn't know what the fuck is going on, you know?
So there's also kind of a just goofy alt scene that I love, and there's Ryer Cameron. I think she works at Mothership, but I've seen her at Creek in the Cave. She has a Thursday night, and she does this bit. I am obsessed with it, about how she's like a deer.
Don't give away the bit.
I'm not going to give it away. No one could do this bit. It's only her, but she's so original, so adorable. That's great. I'm like, we must protect her at all costs.
Every time she gets up, and the audience never knows what, because they just don't know what to do all the time with her. I'll be in the back, just dying, laughing, and the audience is like, what is happening right now? But she is, I mean, she's so special. She's so special.
That's awesome. Yeah, there's a lot of different kind of comedy.
That's what I love.
Yeah, it's a real meritocracy. One of the things that Adam, when Adam came over from the comedy store, he was dealing with a lot of pressure. People were saying, why don't you have X amount of blank on the lineup, X amount of women, X amount of gay people, X amount of trans. People were giving him a hard time about everything. He was worried that he was going to get in trouble.
People were going to attack him and write articles about him.
When he came here, specifically, I said, dude, everybody's welcome, but they have to be funny. It's really that simple. It's a complete meritocracy. We're not going to say, let's get more women. No, we're going to give all the women that want a chance to go on open mic nights.
Everybody has a chance. You go up. If you get better, you get asked to do showcase shows. There's a real, genuine system. And having a genuine talent coordinator like Adam, who really watches.
He sits down in the back. He was there last night watching sets. He watches people progress. He watches the door. people progress.
He watches all the new people come in from out of town.
He'll give you great feedback. when you get off. He'll be like, I love that premise. It's so helpful. This is someone who watches this shit all day long.
Someone who's best friends with Norm MacDonald. Yeah. He really understands comedy.
Oh, yeah. And also, he's hilarious when I sit back there with him. Oh, he's very funny. He'll make these comments that are funnier than anything that people are saying on stage.
Yeah, very funny. He can hang. But the point is, he really cares about his job. And his job is free of all the mandates. All he has to do is find funny people.
Yeah. And look at what happens when you do that. The lineup is so diverse. Yeah. If you look at all the different people on, like showcase nights and different people, you're going to see every type of gay, straight, black, white, Asian, tall, short, fat, skinny, everything.
Whatever the fuck from different parts of the world. All you have to do is be good at this thing we're all trying to do. We don't care. You're one of the family, no matter what you are. as long as you can do this thing, we're doing.
And if you can't do this thing, we're doing, either figure it out or I don't know what to tell you.
And there's so much opportunity. There are so many shows now. Yeah. It is crazy. It's awesome.
Yeah, it's amazing. There's like Black Rabbit and that room is amazing.
There's Five Rooms. on one street. It's nuts.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's beautiful. And people can walk from and do sets of setting. Guys are doing four or five sets a night.
Yeah, it's like New York.
It is. It is. It's a unique thing and it's only just begun. Yeah. I mean it's only existed for a couple of years.
Yeah. You have to realize there was a small scene here. There was a few good comics that were here and they just didn't have the same push. And they also didn't have the same group of killers. They didn't have Shane Gillis move into town.
Yeah. Is he here now? Yeah, he lives here too.
Tim Dillon's got a place here.
Tim's in and out.
Tony's here. Brian Simpson's here. Ron White is here. Yeah. It's like there's so many.
Tom Seger is here. Christina. Christina P's here. There's so many fucking people. I'm trying to talk Barton to move in here.
We're trying to lure Whitney to come here.
Yeah. Whitney's a tough cookie to crack.
She did do a joke the other day on Instagram, though, about how she's like, this is why I'm leaving. And it was like a purple dress. Yeah, I saw that. I was like, come.
Are there no straight men left? Yeah. She'll come eventually. We've got more and more that are coming and there's plenty of room for everybody. Yeah.
There's a lot of sets. We do two shows a night in each room. Yeah. It's a lot of fun.
It's so much fun. Yeah. And the staff at that place is amazing. Yeah. I mean, Carrie, I'm obsessed with Carrie.
She is like a woman so close to my heart. I would go to war for her and all the whole staff is so like, they seem. so, they're like happy to be there. They're so lovely. They're so cool.
I don't know. It's like a nice, it's a good vibe. It's not.
Yeah. We stole the heart of the comedy store. We stole all the best people. We didn't steal them, though. They were all unemployed.
It was really perfect timing. Yeah. It wasn't like we poached them from the comedy store when the comedy store needed them.
They just needed a job.
They needed a job and the comedy store wasn't going to be open for another year and a half. Yeah. Those people all came over here when there was nothing going on, and they were all, now they're employed. Yeah. And the way we did it, it was almost like the universe wanted it to happen.
The universe wanted all these little things to fall into place, to motivate people to get the fuck out of there. All these things that fall into place where, all of a sudden, you're in this town and there's buildings that are available. There's like all these buildings available.
I know. But you, we, I remember so vividly doing your podcast in 2020, I think it was May of 2020, because it was like in the height of another crazy cycle, like right now. And you were like, I have a vision. You were, you had a vision, as much as like, oh, it all kind of lined up. And, like you said on that podcast, I have a vision.
You just knew.
Yeah. I shouldn't have visions like that. I shouldn't even believe in that.
Not like a vision. Like I saw God. I mean, like.
No, no, no, no, no. I mean, I'm saying like, even like, yeah, I had an idea.
Yeah.
I had an idea.
Yeah. I mean, is that.
I probably should have just done it and not told everybody.
Told everybody I had a vision. I wonder, like how much of that, like, cause? people believe in that, right? They believe in vision boards and manifesting things.
This was this podcast I was listening to. She's all about this, like, like it's the mirror neurons and like you, you put it into the world. But also, I think, you have to, like, you have to get people excited about an idea. So whether it's an idea or a vision, or whatever you want to call it, people need to be, it helps to have people kind of excited. But I don't think you, I think you said that and then just went and did it.
I would think you were like on every podcast, talking about your vision.
No, but here's the other thing I'm saying is like the number one thing that I've been most successful at, I had zero vision for. That's this.
Yeah.
Zero vision. When people are like, did you anticipate it was ever going to be the way it is? Like, no.
No.
No. Never thought about it. Never dreamed. Never tried. Wasn't, just kept doing it.
That's it.
Some of it too is just like consistency and right place, right time.
There's a lot of those things. That's why, like I should believe in fate. I really should.
And you don't. I don't. What do you believe in? I don't know.
I'm not sure. I'm not sure if it's, there's like, I don't know what it is. I don't think it's as simple as fate, because I don't think it's truly determined. I think there's possibilities and these possibilities, they open up and your energy and your thoughts sort of synchronize with these possibilities. And that's what excites you and it expands.
And then you follow up on your instincts and your like, what's the correct way to approach this? And then you put more energy and more intensity into it, and then it all accelerates. And other people sort of join in and you collect like-minded people that also have their thoughts and their energy and they push towards this thing. And when you're doing it right, good things happen. And that's what I think it is.
And so I should think it's fate. But I also think it's a, it's not a manipulation, that's not the right word. It's a synchronization with your, whoever you really are. Like, whatever your real thoughts are, whatever your real intention is, what you're trying to do. I get that.
It's like this synchronization with all of it as much as it is like a vision of like. we're going to have the best comedy club in the world. Like we didn't really think that. No. We thought we were going to just open up a club and let's hope it works.
Yeah. My goal was like let's not go broke. Right. I don't want to lose any money. That's all my goal was.
I believe it. No, it's really like stated, like we talk about it, like I'm not trying to make money. I'm 100% trying to not lose money, and that's it. Yeah. And everything else is gravy.
And then set it up right for the comedians. Yeah. The most important thing is to look, if I care about comedy, which I clearly do, let's set up the best possible environment for comedy to thrive.
Yeah.
And it'd be great for everybody. Yeah.
I remember, like I, I, I, I understand that. I feel like so much of it is like getting out of your own way too. When I first started comedy, I would get these opportunities that I would say no to, because I told myself I wasn't ready. I didn't, et cetera, et cetera. And this time I'm like, I'm just saying yes.
I'm going to say yes. And not get, get out of here and just say yes. Like, yes, thank you. And Colin asked me to, Colin Quinn asked me to open for him. And I was like, uh, yes, thank you.
And I was terrified. And I was like, I, I have such bad stage fright as it is. Just ever since I got sober, it's something I deal with, because I used to be drunk all the time and I didn't know until I got sober.
So you get drunk on stage?
I would be drunk before I even got up, but I, I got sober and was like, fuck, I have stage fright.
And it's so bad.
Joe, it's so bad that I'll be like, maybe my dog will die. Like maybe there will be like when the planes were all getting grounded. I'm like, maybe Colin was stuck in New York, like terrified.
So you're like trying to avoid the show.
And I have to just put that aside, put it all aside. I truly just had to, like, I got pray, get, turn it over. And it's like, it's not about me. It's about just like getting it out of my way. My job is to like, it's, it's.
You're an antenna.
And it's still just like, these people want to have fun. And, and someone sent me the clip of, because I think my like audience knew I was nervous. I didn't announce it or anything, but I did in like my little subscriber community. And someone sent me a, the clip of you and Sam talking about stand up and how you still got nervous. You were saying I stretch and breathe and I do it.
But Sam said he has a tattoo. This is fun. Yeah. And I was like, I wrote it on my set list. I'm like, it fucking saved me.
Like it was like two days before. I'm like, I'm just going to have fun, have fun. Yeah. And I had so much fun. Like you can see it on my face in the pictures.
I love them. And Troy was there and it was like, it makes sense to have stage fright.
If you used to get drunk all the time, it also makes sense to have stage fright. If you haven't done a lot of comedy. So it was a long time before you did comedy again. Like, how much time did you take off?
I mean for three years, three years. Yeah. It's a long time. A baby. Yeah.
It's a long time.
Yeah. But then I did, I have been grinding again, just quietly, working towards, you know, more and more and more. And, and it's, it's like, uh, it's been 10 months, you know? So it was like, not like. I just got back and was like, all right.
Yes. If that was the case, I would have said no. You know, I have too much respect for you and Adam and all of these other comedians, every other comedian that I know.
To not be ready.
Yeah. To, to, to know that like, okay, I can probably handle this.
Well, you know, even like Chris Rock, like one of the all time greats, he took years off. Yeah. And then, when he came back, he had to kind of find his thing.
You got it. I mean, I'm a different person. Of course. So I also had to write completely all new material. It wasn't like.
I could just rely on old stuff. It doesn't even connect. Right. I've had, I've moved. I've had, I'm a married woman.
I'm not, I can't be like back. when I was giving blowjobs. Um, yeah. So it's been, and it's very humbling to, it was weird too. I can see why people who do it, take a break, start doing something else, get a name, doing something else and then come back to comedy.
It's like, you're, I'm a beginner. I'm, I, I feel like a beginner. Sure. I'm not a beginner. I know what I do wrong.
The difference is, I know when I'm doing something wrong, I know what I'm doing wrong.
Well, we used to always see that at the comedy store. We used to always see people like sitcom stars, who would come in and they were like, I'm going to try to start doing comedy again. And you know, they'd get stacked in there against a bunch of assassins and it would be rough. Yeah. Like, um, Kramer, uh, Michael Richardson.
Yeah. Yeah.
He was doing that. Like after Seinfeld, he went a little crazy. I think that had something to do with that. But, um, he was at the comedy store and it was weird, you know, cause he would go on after like real comics, and then he would like be like falling around on stage, and it was like improvised, and it wasn't really, it wasn't, you know, it's 1978..
No, no.
And it's like, the world's, a different place, man.
Yeah. And just having like, that's the, again, it was just like a ego, like having to put aside like, okay, like whatever. I'll take three minutes. I'll take five minutes. I'll take, I'll drive.
However, like that beginner's mind was so necessary. And, and, um, even like opening for killers like Landau, just being able to like, have, you know, it's a confidence thing too. You have to just like get hit with that over and over and over again. Yeah.
You have to do the numbers. You have to get back in shape again. If you haven't ran in five years, you can't run a marathon. You have to start doing runs around the block.
I love it. It's like been. so, yeah, I love it. I didn't, I was, I was like, fuck.
What's a fun time for comedy too, cause the world's on fire.
Yeah.
Well, it's so much crazy shit.
And that's the thing. I have, I did it because it's like the only time I feel sane, you know? I mean, I feel sane a lot, but when I get on stage and I'm talking, it's like, my mind is like Zen. There's just a calm, you know? That's interesting.
I feel very present in, in that, like conversation you're having. It's just, I don't know. There's nothing. Yeah. I think it's just, I think I fought it for a long time.
Like I just didn't, I was like, I don't have it. I don't have what it takes. I don't have the chops. I don't have the talent, all this shit, but it's like, just get it out. It's garbage.
It's a hard thing to do. You know, people don't like hard things. They'll come up with reasons why they don't do hard things. It's funny, Francis Ngannou, who's a former UFC heavyweight champion. He was talking about people going to school because they're trying to avoid a job.
Mmm.
The way he said it, I was like, sometimes. Yeah. They're just avoiding working. Oh yeah. Until they're staying in school.
You're getting like your second PhD.
It's exactly what it is. Yeah. It's true. And you're still doing something, but you are avoiding. And those are the people that wind up teaching, which is even crazier, because they've never really experienced the real world.
You know, they're shaping young people to prepare them for the real world.
Yeah.
Ooh. And just that, it's going to be really interesting to see what happens if Trump gets into office. How much gets changed, how much the society shifts. Because it does seem like society is shifting away from all the woke stuff. and the left wing.
And even people that were like former lifelong Democrats, like Bill Ackman, and all these people that are talking about voting for Trump. Elon. All these people that are talking about like this, is what we have to fight against. But then they're going to realize, like the right wing, they're trying to track your periods.
Well.
They're trying to bring Jesus back into the schools.
I've learned from being very wrong on this podcast many times and having the entire world tell me about it that.
Like she raised a hundred million dollars in a day. Right.
How much of it came from Satan?
You mean Hillary Clinton?
No, I mean Satan, Satan. Maybe it is Hillary. Satan, Satan. Like. where's that money coming from?
Allegedly a lot of first time donors. Okay. Maybe. Maybe.
Maybe. Maybe. Maybe people are that dumb. Maybe they never heard her talk. Maybe they don't care.
Maybe it's blue, no matter who.
Last time we were talking, I think it was like there's going to be a red wave. And then I was like, that one wasn't true.
It's interesting. Well.
Because I underestimated how much the abortion thing would play into it.
Yeah, that plays into it a lot. But it almost feels like that's all engineered to keep us like at each other's throats. Like nothing ever got resolved. Like there's one of the things that they were thinking when they were banning abortions was gay marriage is going to be next. And some people have openly stated that gay marriage should be next.
And that that's the thing that they do want to stop next. And I'm like this is like seems fake. Yeah. It seems like if you really care about that, that seems crazy. I think what you care about is consistently keeping people at each other's throats.
Right. I wrote this like piece that went crazy, viral. It was like trending on Twitter. It was very unexpected about divorce just coming from divorce. And I was like, hey, divorce sucks.
Just. And my point was kind of like. even as an adult with a kid, I didn't realize how much of an effect it has. even later in life, when you have your own kids. Things like my siblings have had to deal with.
And people, the reaction was like crazy. But then that kind of counter reaction was from the left. They were like, and this is when they're coming after divorce laws. And they're trying to say that you basically like, they're trying to get rid of no fault divorce. And they're trying to make it so.
women need to get approval to get divorced.
You're saying that they were lumping you.
Well, they were saying that I was. I mean, this is like the blue and on stuff where it's like, oh, you're just. they were like you were paid. How much of the evangelicals pay you to write this piece? I'm like, yes, the evangelicals.
Years ago, I got my parents got divorced and I became my deep state plan so that I could write this piece to undermine the divorce laws. That's exactly right. I mean, it's like craziness, but this is.
But I think a lot of those people aren't even real people. I think a lot of that is bots. But a lot of that is like does. I mean, you have to really consider that.
I definitely.
Which is why I think it's really foolish for people to engage in any sort of disagreements online. I think so much of the conversations is pushed in one way or another by people that aren't even real people.
Oh, right. Like those bot farms. Yeah. Like all the. Have you seen them with all the phones?
It's not just that. It's crazy. They show you that, but you don't think our government's doing that. You're out of your fucking mind. Yeah.
If you don't think that they are online posing as progressives, having these complex sites with, like AI, generated photos of their family. They are. Every government does it, and the goal is to divide and conquer. The best way to conquer is to keep us at each other's throats. The best way to keep infringing on our rights is to have you agree with this infringement, because this infringement goes against those people that you oppose, which are the people on the other team.
Yeah.
And that's the dirty, dirty, dirty trick that people fall for every goddamn time. And that's what leads to the downfall of civilizations.
How do we get out of it?
Mushrooms. That'd be the only way. I don't know. Maybe aliens land. Maybe Donald Trump takes over and everybody starts doing bong hits out of a fucking American eagle flag thing.
What's it called? Freedom bong? Freedom bong? Yeah.
I'll vote for whoever stops those freaking wind farms off the coast. That's my-.
The wind thing's nuts. They should have gone down the road of nuclear power plants a long fucking time ago. The thing is, people are afraid of them because of Chernobyl and Three Mile Island.
And they're not like that anymore.
Not only are they not like that anymore, it is literally the greenest source of energy that we have. They know how to shut them down. now. There's ways to avoid it. There's even companies that are investing in making batteries out of the waste.
Did you see all this stuff with Nantucket? The beaches were all closed because one of the turbines fell and then the beach was getting fiberglass and there's dead whales on Black Island and all up and down. I'm like this is-.
Where are the dead whales from?
From the fucking wind farm. Schellenberger covers all this. He's been doing a whole documentary. It's because it's fucking with all their sonar stuff and it gives off this vibration. And it is an ecological-.
These are the fucking. Save the Whales people, and this is killing the whales.
So they're killing the whales with the sounds of the windmills?
Oh, it's an ecological disaster. these things. They should not be allowed. They should be shut down. I don't know how they even got through.
They don't even generate that much electricity.
One percent. I was watching all the hearings in Nantucket because they never got to vote on it either. This is another one of those things that, just like people were like- Green. Yeah, we need tax cuts and for our company it's GE, and I think it was GE. And so they were like this is one percent.
It generates like one percent extra energy for us. Nothing.
There was a boat that got attacked by a whale. today. Another one? A boat that got flipped over by a whale. An actual whale flipped over a boat.
A like blue whale or an orca?
I don't know what kind of whale, but a big ass whale. A whale whale. Yeah, this whale. What happened? See, a whale capsized a boat off the coast of Rye, New Hampshire, Tuesday.
Watch that again, because it's crazy. Oh, wow. This whale just jumps up and smashes this boat and flips it over, and the guy falls in the water. And this kid's like let me get the fuck out of here. Like, I don't know what happened and why the whales are attacking boats.
Is that saying? Yellowstone's Biscuit Basin erupts?
Excuse me?
CB Explorer.
Biscuit Basin erupts.
Is Yellowstone fucking blasting?
Oh, yeah. That's great. That's next. Yellowstone's going to blow. Super volcano.
Whales are attacking people.
Let's wrap this up. Bridget, I love you. You're awesome. I love you too. It's great to see you always.
I'm glad you're enjoying it here.
I love it. Love you and thank you.
Tell everybody your podcast, where they can get Dumpster Fire.
Just go to Phetasy.
com. It's all there. We just took it all. P-H-E-T-A-S-Y.com and subscribe to our YouTube, Bridget Phetasy. That would be the best thing you can do.
All right. Bye, everybody. Bye.
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