#2179 - Bridget Phetasy
2024-07-24 02:19:17
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
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Do you have a new phone? No. What year is that one?
This one is like one of the rehabbed ones.
Oh. Those are still good, though. Which number is it?
13, I think.
Oh, those are still good. I have an 11. that's still good. Yeah. I keep an 11 for one of my numbers.
Okay.
One of my bullshit numbers.
For what?
There's certain people you can't give the real number to.
Oh yeah. Why would you even give them a number, though? You're like a straight forward guy.
Because you have to sometimes. Sometimes you have to communicate with people. But you want a phone that you just stick in a fucking drawer somewhere.
Yeah and check like once a month.
If that. Yeah.
It just gets crazy where so many relationships become like completely transactional. And you know, like every time someone texts you, they want something. And it's just so frustrating.
I can see it. Even being your friend. I can see it from a fucking mile away. now. People will be like, hey Bridge.
I'm like, I'm not introducing you to Joe. Leave me alone.
All my friends have a story. Somebody who has a business idea.
No, I mean.
They think I'm going to help them sell skateboards.
If someone's like hey, let's get coffee. It's been too long. I'm like nope.
Not doing it. That's hilarious. I had a friend from high school reach out randomly. Hey Bridge. Nope.
I see it.
I see it from a mile away. now. I'm like what is it like to be you?
It's odd.
Because I'm, just like you know, like an outer asteroid in the universe. But imagine being like the planet itself.
I've managed to stay myself. Which is shocking.
Yeah, you have.
But I have really good friends. You know, my friends are really good friends.
And I think you have friends who take the piss out of you. Yes.
And they've been my friends for 20, 30 years.
Yeah.
Like Joey and I have been friends for almost 30 years.
Yeah.
27 years or 28 years. It might be 30 now. Fuck. I might have met him in 94..
It helps to have like. I was asking my husband, right before I left, about a tweet I was going to send out. And he's like meh. And I was like is this too much? And then I was like fine.
He's like oh, what do you just want me to like? clap for you? I was like I'm so glad you're my husband.
Yeah, you definitely need someone who's not impressed.
No, not impressed at all.
Or at the very least, maybe not impressed, but also not bullshitting you.
No. He will not bullshit. He won't bullshit. anyone. He like suffers no fools at all.
That's great. That ensures that you won't live in a world of compromise. No. And some people are okay. They just fuck up every now and then.
And then you have to tell them hey man, don't lie to me. You don't have to lie.
Don't do that.
You know. But it's just this weird thing that people fall back on. Bullshitting and lying. They just fall back on it. And they don't even know they're doing it to themselves.
You will have less respect for yourself. You'll.
Yeah.
It's just not worth it.
No.
It's not worth it, because you just create these things that aren't real in your life. These relationships. These friendships that aren't based on reality. You know. And if a person can't handle the truth, you can't tell them hey, that sucks.
Yeah. Like you got to work on this. You got to change this. You got to do that. Yeah.
If you don't do that, it's not going to get any better. You're like what? I thought it was the best book ever written. No.
No. I mean I've had all my favorite editors have been so hard on me. I want, I want honest criticism. Yeah. You know.
Like. write jokes for your haters. You know. Write jokes to turn them over. Like that was a pretty good one.
Fuck her.
You know, Stan Hope told me once that he writes jokes like a defense attorney.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah. He examines his jokes as if he was like prosecuting them. It's great. That's very funny. It's very similar to mine.
What I said. I write jokes for haters. Yeah. You got to look at it like a hater sometimes. Yeah.
Because you can get too in love with your stuff. Yeah. It's too easy. It's too easy to get in love with your stuff.
The audience will tell you to.
Well, that's the difference between comedy and other things. Yeah. It's hard. if you're just a journalist. You know.
You're just writing. You kind of believe your opinion makes sense. And all of them are doing the same thing. Like almost all of them, except for the independent ones. They're almost all doing the same things.
They're saying. They're expressing their thoughts to a very particular group of people. And they're also lying about another group of people almost always.
Yeah.
Like the right does it and the left does it.
Yeah. It's all fan fiction.
Yeah. It is fan fiction. Like the right does it with liberals. Because liberals aren't Antifa. Liberals aren't the people that are lighting Starbucks on fire and shooting cops.
That's not liberals. That is just a thing that has existed in a team where you allow anyone to join a team. So if you have something where anybody can join, the team. Right. Which is basically what being a liberal or a conservative is.
Anyone can join the team. They don't like the sluts, Joe.
Everybody loves sluts. Not the conservatives. Not publicly. Yeah, exactly. I know.
I know. I know. I know. I know. I know.
They do it for Jesus.
They do it for Jesus. I'm just saying publicly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Keep those sluts out of our party.
It's the same thing, though, man. I'm telling you, it's the same thing. If you are an Antifa or if you are Patriot Front, I could have got either one of you fucks. Yeah. You just got to get them early, get them when they're vulnerable, talk them into a very specific ideology.
You know who's your problem? The Jews. The Jews. And, next thing, you know, they think the Jews are really all their problems.
That's all their problems. And they kind of meet on that.
They kind of shake hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They get together with the Jews. With now. Which is odd, right?
Because of Palestine and Gaza, that's where it's kind of come around. That moment in time, it's like everybody's mad at the Jews. now. It's like, fuck.
I mean, that's the ancient conspiracy theory of all conspiracy theories, that it's the Jews' fault. This is one of the oldest conspiracy theories of mankind.
Well, the Jews make it real tough to join. They're one of the more interesting religions. Like, if you want to join, my uncle joined. My uncle converted to Judaism. He married a nice Jewish lady.
I kind of want to convert. Go for it. I kind of do. It's a lot of work.
Let's see what's up.
Let's see what new information you get. You'll tell me, right? You'll get the new memos. You'll get a part of that ProTown mail list.
But he had to work really hard at it. And I met a lady he was converting to. I was doing a show once for SyFy where I was trying to get people to... Maybe it was for the man show. I don't remember what it was.
Wait, were you on the man show?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was an extra on the man show.
I was in the second generation. That really wasn't very good.
Oh, right. Okay. I was an extra in the first.
But what we were trying to do is I was trying to get people to convert me. So I'd go to all these different religious groups and say, like...
It was pretty easy, wasn't it? Well, what?
It's just like, I want to know who's got the best deal. Like, what sounds the best?
Like, everyone got me.
It opened my eyes. It did. Because I got to see what I believe are genuinely kind people who want a good result for human beings. They really do. And a lot of them really genuinely believe that their structure, their ideology and way of thinking is really the path to happiness, which is ultimately like the path to God.
You know, without breaking it down to cult-like thinking, and how people get absorbed in ideas that are untenable, that just don't make any sense. They're completely ridiculous. But scientifically minded people attach themselves to that if it's a part of their religion. Without that, what everybody wants is something good. And they think that the way to have something good for the people that join is to sort of demonize the people that aren't joining or demonize the other ones.
It's a tribal thing. But it's just like all these little patterns of human thinking that we have. People have it with everything. You see it with cell phones. You see it with Android people versus iPhone people.
It's just a normal human tribal characteristic that's embedded in our DNA that if we don't address and recognize, we're not going to overcome the hurdle. Because we're going to be pretending as if it doesn't exist and as if your side is right and the other side is wrong. And not just looking at it like, oh, we're stuck in a blue versus red, white versus black, one versus zero. It's just a tribal thing that exists in the way we operate. And we have to be aware of it and not get mad at people for falling into it, because it's normal to fall into it.
It's literally a pattern that's embedded in the code that makes you a human being. It's how we created cities.
Yeah.
It's why we're here today.
It's interesting because I've been reading that, rereading my favorite book, Trickster Makes This World, and how the trickster.
Who wrote that?
Lewis Hyde. It's all about tricks. What a great title. Oh, it's so good. But it saved me at a point because I had a hard time.
And I think this is where Jordan Peterson is so good, talking about archetypes, knowing kind of the archetypes. And I didn't really know my role. And I read this book and I was like, oh.
Can you tell me the name of it again? I'm going to get it.
Trickster Makes This World.
Trickster Makes This World.
It's so brilliant. It sounds cool. Actually, one of the quotes that I put in your card is from that book. Really? And it's one of my favorite quotes ever.
It's all about he who dupes others and who has also duped himself. He's creator, nor destroyer. It's like this is the people I've noticed who have stayed the most, I mean, sane is a term I'm using loosely. The people I've noticed, it's like comedians, people who are kind of like tricksters. They've managed to kind of ride the waves of the past eight years because I think they're not too attached.
And in this book, he talks about how there was all this trickster mythology like Coyote and Hermes. And then it got kind of turned into the devil. And it became evil versus good. And when that happened, when the loss of that mythology in the culture happened, it became much more black and white. And, like this kind of, you know, dualistic, like you said, tribal thinking.
without all of this gray area. I do feel like I look around like malice. And most of the people who I've been hanging out with and know have been kind of having a blast for like eight years. You know, like first I watched everyone on the left lose their mind. Then people on the right lost.
It was like I was having the same conversations for four years with the left. Then it was like all the people on the right. It's going to be fine. It's not the end of the world. And then here we are again.
Here we are again.
Here we are again. And the only people that make any sense are the ones who aren't on either team. The people that say things like, you know, as a conservative, you're a fucking human being. Don't say it that way. Don't think it that way.
There's a. there's a bunch of things that you believed. But don't put yourself in a fucking group. Because there's probably a bunch of stuff that the left agrees with. that you would probably agree with, too.
Yeah. And you can't be, you can't be resistant to those ideas simply because they're attached to people you've decided are the enemy. Because you might. they might be right. You might be right about welfare.
Right. They might be right about, hey, maybe kids shouldn't ever be fucking starving, you know, as a group, as a group of humans that live together on this one little patch of dirt called North America. Maybe we should agree that, since we have this gigantic amount of money, that no kids should be hungry.
Yeah.
How about that? And then, since we got that done, hey, how about regular people? How about no people should fucking starve? Yeah. Regardless of whether or not you think people are lazy or this and that.
How much would we solve if no one could possibly starve?
Yeah.
We set up free restaurants or free kitchens in every city. We have really good ones and massive ones. Yeah. Like for real, like food should be free for a lot of people.
Yeah, I think.
If we're this rich as a country.
We're pretty rich.
So let's have nobody, no babies starve. No babies, be malnourished. Nobody starves to death.
I mean, health too. Health care would be.
100%. You shouldn't be going bankrupt. But you'd have to revamp the whole thing. You'd have to get to the real nitty gritty, like, why are you prescribing this? Like, who's making money off of this?
How did this happen? How many ads did you guys run? What did the ads say?
What are the studies? What are all the studies? Not just the ones you submitted. What's the actual data instead of the data that's reviewed by the pharmaceutical company and then given to the scientists in the report when they do their peer review? When that was explained to me, I was like, you guys are making too much money.
You're getting crazy. This is what it is. You went above and beyond the rules because you have too much power and influence. But also you do great stuff. Yeah, they do.
Also, they make life-saving drugs. Also, they stop a lot of diseases. Also, see, like, there's a lot of good there. You can't say the pharmaceutical drug companies are all evil. Bitch, they keep us alive in a lot of respects.
Yeah, they do.
They keep people healthy. They've saved people from depression. There's, like, a lot of good that pharmaceutical drugs and the drug companies have done. They've saved people who have diabetes. There's a lot of good.
A lot of good. So let's say that they're all evil. No, it's fucking money people.
It's easier to do that, though, too, because you don't have to really come up with a solution if everyone's just at each other's throats.
Well, there's not enough oversight. If there was real oversight, objective oversight by people who actually knew what they were doing, they would never let them get away with prescribing a bunch of stuff that they knew was going to have a negative effect. Like the Vioxx scandal. Right. That's, part of the whole scandal was that they knew that people were going to have these effects, these side effects.
that were very bad. They knew it. They talked about it in e-mails, these knuckleheads. It's fucking so stupid. They said they were going to have some problems, but we also think we're going to do well.
They're explaining all the, like, you know, cardiopulmonary, cardiovascular, all those different blood clotting problems. I have a friend who had a fucking stroke when he took that stuff. No. He was in his 30s. Oh, wow.
Yeah, he was in his 30s. He was a martial arts champion.
Yeah, I'm glad I'm kind of stupid and I just am like a clown. Yeah. I'm not, like, smart enough to fix these problems. I can observe them and experience them on my own and see that it does behoove these people to just have everybody fighting so that they don't actually have to come up with, like, politicians in particular. They don't have to come up with real solutions.
They can just be like, it's the other guy forever.
Have you ever lived in a house that has black mold?
No, thank God, because that shit will destroy you.
It'll destroy you. Yeah. I've had a couple friends who have had problems with black mold, and it's really interesting. And usually what happens is they get sick, and they're sick all the time, and they can't figure out why they're sick.
And they're tired.
They're really tired. They're just worn out all the time. And then finally they get their house examined, and somebody probably suggested to them, and then, oh, Jesus Christ, your walls are filled with black mold. And a lot of times it's like a leaky pipe or something, a leaky pipe, and there's water in the walls and all the moisture. And in Texas it gets crazy.
They get it bad out here. But when you have that, you have to burn the fucking house down, essentially. You have to, like, cut out all the walls. Like, it's a very invasive process. Remember that guy, Tom Likas?
Remember Tom Likas, who's a radio DJ in L.
A.
? It sounds familiar. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Yep, yep, yep. Yeah, he had, like, Flash Fridays where girls would pull their tits out or he would tell people to do useless on the phone. Remember that guy? Yeah.
He had that. That happened to him. And he was explaining it to me. He said it was horrific, that, like, he's just sick all the time, couldn't figure out what was up.
And it's hard to get out of your system.
Yep, hard to get out of your system. It wrecks your health, and it takes a long time to recover just from the effects of it. It's essentially a breathing poison every day. And who knows what it actually does overall, that you're not going to recover from. Like, it might actually take, like, years off your life.
Like, who knows? But the point was it's really hard to get rid of it. It's so invasive. And I think that's where money is today. Money is with pharmaceutical drugs.
Money is with politics. It's like we could all agree. I think we could all agree that the way the pharmaceutical drug companies should work is. they should be very careful about what they prescribe. And they should be very careful about side effects.
And they should be very careful about what is addictive and not addictive and what should be prescribed openly and regularly and what should not be for the greater good of humanity. And even if they did that, even if they did that, they would still make ungodly amounts of money. That's what's so crazy about all this. But it wouldn't be the maximum amount of money. And when you have a publicly shared company, it's your responsibility to the shareholders to make the most money.
And you make more money every quarter. You want to keep going. Let's go. Let's go. Let's fucking go.
Let's go. My planes are falling out of the sky.
That's also why you get a private jet. You got to. let's fucking go.
I need a private jet.
That's been attached, unfortunately, to our health. And then you get people that, you know, they fucking advocate for public health. And they look super unhealthy. And they're telling you that the only solution is bang, bang, bang. And the only solution is generally tied to something they have invested in.
Yeah.
It's fucking crazy. But it's black mold. It's black mold. It is. That's what it is.
And it shouldn't exist.
The resistance to getting stock trading out of politics, you know, like you, shouldn't be able to affect the stock and trade on it. The policy about a company and then be able to make it's like millions and millions of.
money. Have you seen the Nancy Pelosi one with a questioner? No.
I feel like. maybe I have seen it.
It's fucking amazing, because she's all stammering. She looks like she's a little drunk already. And then they hit her with it. She's like, what? I think we should be able to participate.
Oh, I think I have seen that.
It's amazing how badly she handles it.
They're so rich. It's crazy.
Crazy rich.
How are you 100 millionaires? You get paid like.
$170,000 a year. And you're worth hundreds of billions of dollars. That is so wild.
It is very Rome-esque, you know. It's amazing.
It's amazing. they do it right in front of you. I'm not jerking off. I'm not jerking off. It's raining out.
They come right in your face.
The whole thing is so crazy.
It's so crazy.
It's so crazy because there's so many of them. And then nobody talks about it. The other ones don't talk about it. Because then you look at the list and it's like black. Yeah.
Here we go. It's blue. It's red. Yeah. Some of the Republicans are making the most.
Oh, yeah.
Congress and its spouses. Be banned from taking individual talks while serving in Congress.
No. No to the second one. We have a responsibility to report on the stock. But I'm not familiar with that five-month review.
What?
But if the people aren't reporting, they should be.
Because this is a free market. We are a free market economy. They should be able to participate in that. That's such bullshit. Saying that it's a free market.
When you know.
You're going to pass laws. And those laws are going to affect the company. It's going to make the stock go up. That's crazy.
Okay, yeah. That is a free market, I guess. For you.
It's free for you. That's crazy. If you could fucking go to jail for insider trading. What is that? Come on.
What is that?
Martha Stewart is watching this. These motherfuckers.
We figured that out the other day. Martha Stewart did not go to jail for insider trading. She went to jail for lying to an investigator. She was lying under oath.
They all lie, though. She's lying right now.
Was she lying under oath? Or was she just lying when questioned?
Something like that. Yeah, something like that. So that's why she went to jail. But that's like a little trick. they do.
They get you to start talking. And then you don't tell the truth about something. Have you ever talked to Doug? Do you know Doug? Doug.
Who's Doug?
Right away, you're lying. Right away, you're lying. And for her, I don't even think it was a lot of money, which is really crazy. She would have only lost a certain amount of money. She's super-duper rich.
Yeah, you're like, who the fuck is, Doug? Fucking what? You're lying.
We see you texting Doug right here. Oh, no.
Not Doug. And then you think Signal is really encrypted.
His name was Douglas.
They're showing you the fucking things from Signal. Why were you doing it on an encrypted app? How did you read it? Wait a minute.
Just ridiculous.
Do you believe any of these apps are really truly encrypted?
None of them are encrypted. They're all CIA honeypots.
They're all honeypots. I think they are encrypted, but I don't think that matters to the fucking CIA or the NSA or whoever wants to read your shit.
That's like this fucking shooter. I was like, give me whatever phone that kid has.
Oh, we can get into it. Yeah, we can get into his phone. Like, what the fuck are you talking about, bitch? You can get into Elon Musk's phone. They got into it.
No, they couldn't get into it on the field, but they went back to Quantico and got the software update. And then they got into it like an hour. Oh, the software update. The old software update. That's what they're calling it these days.
The software update.
That's how they crashed all the planes the other day, or whatever. Oh, my God. They were like, oh, it's a software update. And it took one software update to stop all global flights.
I read the ultimate of ultimate conspiracies.
Oh, I want to hear it.
Give it to me. Please let America know. I've done zero research into this. And I just saw a tweet. And the tweet was essentially saying that this company was owned by a Ukrainian billionaire.
Oh, here we go. It's Zelensky.
That this company, that.
. What's it called? CrowdStrike?
CrowdStrike.
That crashed the entire internet for all the fucking airlines was owned by some rich Ukrainian guy. This was like this grand conspiracy. There's so many good conspiracies going on.
There's so many good ones.
If you're into conspiracies, it's like murder mystery podcasts.
No, it's like that meme with the guy from where it's like.
There's so many.
And, by the way, so many of them have become.
. So I had...
How about the phone call?
Which phone call?
The phone call with Kamala Harris. And he's on speakerphone.
But they found him now.
Allegedly. No, there's video. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Listen, I'm not saying.
. I'm so turned on by chaos, though.
I'm not saying that. he's not really... That's not really Joe Biden. That's a guy in a CIA makeup suit walking up the stairs. I'm not saying that.
But they can do that.
Wait, so what's the conspiracy about CrowdStrike? that I don't understand?
I don't know. I didn't read into it. I know. I never did. That.
it's owned by some Ukrainian billionaire. It's like... There's ties to Joe Biden.
Ukraine. I love how it's like telephone.
Hunter Biden. And there's Gillian Maxwell in the planes.
It's like.
Jesus Christ. I can't keep up with this season.
I can't.
This season, every night, when the episode ends, I sit on my couch and I go.
. What are they going to do next?
You're like, I'm afraid to turn it off. I was talking to my sister on the way and I was like... And she was going off about something. And she's like... I was like, oh, did you see that this kid might have had ties to the FBI?
She's like, he did? I'm like, I don't know. I saw a tweet. But I'm just going to tell you that he did.
Let's send it to Jamie for further investigation. So the allegation is that this kid had been visited multiple times. See, they got cell phone data. So they got geo-tracking data. And some phone call had...
Some phone had been visiting him and going back to Washington, D.
C. on multiple times. And that this thing had been happening near the FBI location. I know I have it here somewhere. I know I have it saved.
But God damn it. So many people are sending me this shit today that I can't keep up.
I'm sure.
Oh, it's Tim. Tim sent it. Here, I'm going to send it to you. Me and Tim Dillon are going back and forth all day on conspiracies.
That's like Landau and I, Dave Landau, all day long. We're just like...
He's a fun dude.
Oh, my God. My favorite human. One of my favorite humans. He's just a good... When I got back into comedy, he started letting me open for him.
And his crowds are amazing, first of all. The guy's been on the road for like 20 years. But watching him, it's like he's good at everything. I don't understand. He's good at act outs.
He's good at crowd work. He's good at coming up with shit. that day from the news cycle. The guy is like... It's actually...
He's one of the most underrated comics.
Well, I think there's a lot of comics that, for whatever reason, they never caught a break. They never caught a thing that got them out there, that people got to see them, but they're really good. Yeah.
He's doing Mothership, though. I'm excited.
Oh, yeah, he's doing it. The weekend a friend of mine was going. I'm opening for him. She was telling me that's in October.
It's the end of August. Oh.
Yeah. Right, right, right.
Last weekend in August.
September 1st is when my friend's going.
Yeah. It's going to be fun. Yeah. He's just like a joy to watch. And his humor is so dark.
Well, he's a good dude to hang out with, too.
He's so good. Oh, here it is. He's a good person.
Oh, my God. This needs to be shared everywhere immediately. The Heritage Foundation. First of all, red flags all over the place. First of all, who the fuck is this?
What's the Heritage Foundation?
They're like the Project 2025 people.
Oh, I love it. They got Jesus on speed dial. The Heritage Foundation just released cell phone data of a mysterious figure who made frequent trips between Trump shooter Thomas Matthew Crook's home and a building in D.C. near an FBI office. Well, you know what?
My house is fairly close to a taco deli, but there's really no connection. What does that mean? You know what I'm saying? I love it. Nine devices were identified in the analysis, linking to both his home and work.
Oh. How did that data get out?
Well, no.
Let's find out, Jamie.
So here's the thing. I had this guy on my podcast, Walk-Ins, Welcome, back during the BLM stuff. And he said all of it.
Jamie, get back to it. Open the link. There's no link on that. There's no link? No.
I went to this oversight committee's plate. I was looking for the original tweets about it. The Heritage Foundation has a post about it on their website? I never saw it from Heritage Foundation. Can you go there without catching braces?
Oh, you know the guy I had, Coach T. Oh, okay. So I had him on my podcast, and he said all the guys who were marching in BLM were either homosexuals or actors. He's like, there are no black men who are marching in this. And he was like, not like heterosexual black men.
That's hilarious. I lost a sponsor for it.
Whoa. Because Coach T. said that you lost a sponsor? Yeah. Were you supposed to edit that out?
I don't know. Can't people have opinions? He's a black man. He can't say what he—. Also, he's funny.
Saying something funny.
He's also hilarious.
And you probably laughed when he said it, right?
Then the cell phone data came out, because they can track all of us all the time. And it turned out. it was like he was deadly accurate.
Misinformation! You know what they call that?
He said, are people confused about their identity? That's what he said.
People in entertainment, homosexuals, are people confused about their identity.
That's hilarious. What is this, Jamie? Heritage Foundation tweeted this Oversight Project thing that says, assassination info drop. So it says, four hours of aggressional testimony later, and we still have more information about the assassination attempt on former President Trump from X and Oversight PR than the Secret Service, DHS, or the FBI. We found the assassin's connections to our in-depth analysis of mobile ad data tracker to track the movements of Crooks and his associates.
What? To do this, we tracked devices that regularly visited both Crooks' home and place of work and followed them. So think about what they're saying here, though. Analysis of mobile ad data? Yeah.
So the ads are tracking you every step of the way, wherever you are. And it's just open about it.
When my husband was – the ads outed. my husband looking for a ring for me. I started getting ads for rings. Oh, no. It's creepy shit.
Well, we were talking about it the other day, Jamie. What was – oh, purses. So someone was explaining to me – my wife was explaining to me what purses and why people like certain purses. Oh, yeah. Some purses are –.
Like all the brands.
Exclusive. You have to develop a relationship. They're an investment. Yeah, you have to develop a relationship with the person selling the purse in order to get one of those purses. You can't even get the ones that are on the show.
I can't go buy that. It's like Rolex is like that. If you go into a Rolex store, you can't just buy a Rolex. Like, no, no, no, sir. No.
We don't have anything for sale. You have a giant store. What the fuck is this? So I was talking about it with her, and then, all of a sudden, I started getting these purse ads on my Google.
She knows what you're doing.
So it's listening.
Yeah.
But it's just listening. Yeah, yeah. And we just accept that.
But it also knows who is in the same room together.
Right, right, right.
So I knew my husband was looking for rings for me, and then I started getting ads for the ring.
It's a rat. It's a dirty rat.
It's a fucking rat.
But the thing is, like, how do they get that data?
I think that's like the—.
Publicly available?
Yeah. A lot of it, I think, are you pay— You pay. I think you pay.
So you can pay and then plug in a phone number? I've thought about asking you if we can do an investigation like this just for funsies to see, like, what data can we get? Yeah, let's do that. Let's track Jamie all day long. Let's see which massage parlor Jamie's going to to get that.
We can pick someone in my home. Some willing participant. If you did—I mean, for real, like, but that's creepy, because then they just have to find your phone number, Jamie, and they'll know what your route is based on ad tracking data, which is crazy. That seems like a huge security liability. I brought up to—I was talking to someone out in the lobby.
The new journal app on the iPhone, which is like iOS 17 or 18, it keeps giving me prompts.
Oh, fuck that thing.
To, like, write in your journal. I was looking through it yesterday. It's broken down by, like, where I go, what I was doing there, and then it knows. It's like, do you want to write about your golf day at this place for Monday?
Oh, my God. That's creepy.
You were out to lunch here. Like, how about your day at work with Marshall and the dogs? It's like, what the fuck? Dirty little spy. How was that work?
Dirty little spy.
I wrote a whole piece about those menstrual tracking apps because I had one back when I was dating my husband, and then I was like, hey, can I sign you up just to see how weird this is? And he's like, this is fucking creepy. I don't want to know that you're, like, in your luteal phase or whatever, and I have to be nice to you. And it, like, gives him tips. Like, shoot.
Oh, no. Not tips. You know what would be great, though? If you had, like, a real female-heavy government, and, you know, they would all have coinciding menstrual cycles if they all worked together all the time. And then you could, like, get all their data and figure out exactly when the shit is about to hit the fan, and you could, like, run the stock market that way.
You could, like, make bets, because when the shit's going to hit the fan, they're going to be fucking angry. Things are going to go sideways. You're going to have a dip in productivity. You're going to have people resigning. Something's going to go wrong.
This is all the stuff the left is very worried about with, like, J.
D. Vance, because allegedly he's, like, big and I don't know if this is true. America, I don't know if this is true. He's allegedly into, like, the menstrual tracking and, you know, these billionaires are getting behind these apps so that they can, like... And there's a lot of fear.
Wait, what do they want from that?
There's a lot of fear with, like, the states that don't allow abortion because now they want to, like, pull up your, you know, records and see if you might.
. I don't fucking know. I read these things and I'm like, I never... I don't know what's true or not, or what's just being, like, you know, just hyperbolic, so that people freak out about this stuff. But there's, yeah, there's a whole industry in this now, like, a whole menstrual tracking.
Jesus Christ. I was listening to a podcast the other day and I never knew why women's cycles synced up.
But here's my question. What do they want from it? What do they want from that data?
What?
What are these guys that are tracking menstrual cycles?
It's generally presented as something that's good for the women, because then you can, like, eat and work out with your cycle, because if you are in perimenopause or premenopause or you're, like, in the prime of your life, you want to do different things at different times in your cycle, and different foods are better. Like, hormones, for women are nuts. Dudes just have, like, what? You've got one? Women have, like, three that are constantly interacting, and all...
So depending on what.
. They just haven't done as many studies, so now they're trying to say, like, oh, it's good to know where you are, so that you can support yourself. Allegedly all these guys want this for, like, Handmaid's Tale. I don't know.
This is what I'm asking.
What do the guys want it for? This is a conspiracy.
The article I'm reading says that there was a new regulation. HHS filed a new regulation under HIPAA to limit law enforcement access to medical records tied to reproductive health. So they go all the way down to saying local police agencies might simply take it upon themselves to pull the records to see who had unexplained disruptions in their menstrual cycles, to find out if someone would cross state borders to go get an abortion.
Whoa.
Okay.
It's nuts. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God. Imagine your own menstrual cycle, isn't private information.
Nothing's private.
But imagine that.
Yeah.
Imagine, like, someone can sneak in and say, What happened? And you have to explain. you had a fucking miscarriage to some asshole who's accusing you of driving to Ohio or wherever the fuck you go. Imagine.
I mean, that's the.
Just imagine those conversations if you're a person who had a miscarriage.
Oh, yeah. I mean, these are happening.
Imagine if you're married and happy and you were trying to have a kid and you had a miscarriage, and some fucking asshole is at your front door accusing you of getting an abortion. Yeah. Imagine if you have to deal with this Christian fucking cult member with a clipboard, you know, aggressively accusing you of killing your baby.
Yeah.
It stems from what they call the Dobbs decision, which changes the rights of states. So Dobbs decision tore away the constitutional right to privacy and bodily autonomy by giving states increased rights to limit and even outlaw abortions. Fortunately, the decision did not ban abortions nationwide. Yeah. They were saying that some of these new regulations could allow them to go even further and check, like, do whatever they have to do to check.
Trying to stop that. Isn't it crazy that one of our biggest arguments as a country is whether or not you should be allowed to kill a baby?
Isn't that crazy?
I love it. Yeah.
That really is what it is.
Yeah.
You know, and I'm not a pro-life person. I'm not a – I don't think it's my decision. I don't think I have the right. It's too weird. Especially if it's not – I'm not involved.
Like, I'm a politician. I'm looking at, like, a person and deciding whether or not they should have to have that baby or not. It's like it seems crazy, because it seems like it's one of those weird human things. where are you saying the moment of conception? it's a baby?
Like, if it's three cells, and you know for a fact, that's when – you can't shut that down? Like, you – but then, if you ever go to the bodies exhibit, that fucking creepy exhibit that I talk about.
Yeah.
And they have babies. They have babies at every stage. You see them at six weeks, eight weeks, ten weeks. First of all, how did you get those?
Don't want to know.
Second of all, it really, like, puts it in perspective and it changes, like, this idea. Just putting it in a box, a woman's right to choose. Right. Yeah, definitely. Not my place.
But look at that. Look what we're saying. Look what we're saying. The choices. Like, look what we're, like, advocating for.
I think most American – like, when you poll Americans, it's very much, I think, where I end up landing. They're squishy on it. And it's, like, pro-life in the – like, pro-choice in the streets, pro-life in the sheets. Like, a lot of women are like, I wouldn't get an abortion, but I don't want to stop someone else from doing that.
And then there's a slippery slope of allowing people to tell you you can't get an abortion, right, especially allowing men to tell women that they're not even remotely connected to that they can't have an abortion. It's, like, a weird body autonomy thing. And it's, like –.
That's what I mean.
And a lot of them want to disclude crazy things, like a child. that is, like, never going to live, like, unviable. Or it could be a threat to the woman. There's some sort of a medical issue. It could be a threat to a woman's life unless they abort the baby.
And even then, they're like, no, let God sort it out.
Well, they'll make exceptions for this, allegedly. But they don't always. But the doctors are worried often about losing their license in states where it's highly regulated. So you end up – Sketchy. Yeah, it's sketchy.
And I don't think, like – you know, it's a slippery slope to, like, get the jab, too. You know, I don't think – you have to have some kind of bodily autonomy. But I understand the argument, too, from the moral perspective. I had this woman, Inez Stepman, on my podcast, and she's brilliant. And she was like, you know, it's a hard conversation because it is a moral – like, if you're not conflicted about it, you're not thinking deeply about it.
Because it is a life. And, as someone like Ben Shapiro would say, left untouched, that would be a baby.
Yep.
And I think – was it Burr who had that, like, brilliant bit?
Brilliant bit. Brilliant bit. Yeah. Louis has a brilliant bit on it, too. It's complicated.
It's complicated. Yeah. There's no getting around that. I understand the fight for it, you know, if that is where you lie.
Yeah, but this thing of having people track your fucking cycle.
Yeah, no, the cycle.
And seeing a – and having, like, crazy, like, bow tie-wearing Christian guys do it. You know what I'm saying?
I just love that. in your mind they're like these, like, hello.
Pray the gay away type dudes.
Pray the gay away.
You know, there's – you know, they can – they mask themselves in a blanket of virtue through religion. the same way, a lot of woke people do by being mean cunts and thinking they're doing it to be, like, progressive.
Well, they have their own version of pray the gay away.
It's the same – yeah, they do. But they're doing what they're doing by wrapping themselves up in these ideas of Christianity. It's just allowing, like, people's worst instincts to be able to be justified. Instincts to control people and dominate people and destroy people. People have weird instincts to just destroy people.
Yeah. And people do have weird things about women. Like, there is just a very – it is very strange to think – I don't know. Are there – other than, like, the jab, when people are like, you've got to get the jab. I can't think of – I don't know, and maybe I'm wrong.
Is there, like, a comparable scenario where men's bodies are kind of like this battlefield?
None. Nothing. Nothing remotely close.
Yeah.
Nothing's remotely close.
And, again –.
No one has any control over men's bodies. I mean, the only thing they can tell you is don't take steroids, which they do. You know, I'm silly. But who's going to jail for that?
Yeah.
And also there's testosterone therapy that people get.
No one's stopping you from doing that, because it's beneficial and helps people.
Testosterone sounds awesome.
It's great. It's great stuff. It helps people. It helps your body retain its vitality. And you don't want a broken down, old, fucking, shitty body.
It's really that simple. Yeah. And everybody attaches testosterone to douchebaggishness, and I totally get. I totally get where that's coming from. Douchebaggery, shitty behavior, unnecessary aggression.
Yes, 100%. But not always. Yeah. And it's, like, all things. It's, like, yeah, cars, people drive recklessly, and they drive drunk, and they cause accidents.
Right. But not always. Yeah. So let's not ban cars. Let's not, like, automatically assume that all things masculine are bad.
No. This is a stupid thing.
It's so unhealthy, too.
Also, ladies, that's what you like.
That is what you like. Ladies.
I know you don't want to admit it, but that's what you like. You just like it when it's nice. That's all it is.
Kind of, yeah.
Yeah. You just don't want it. mean, you know, and you don't want it ruining civilization. And that's what it does, because it ruins civilization. Like, if wars were all women, there'd be no fights.
There'd be very few. There'd be a few brawls in, like, Wendy's at 2 o'clock in the morning. There would be no real war. It's not the same thing. You know what I'm saying?
But I'm saying, if there was wars, if entire populations were all women. I mean, no men. Men don't exist. So women exist only in the form that they exist today, right? Let's pretend they don't need men, and they just exist.
like this. There'd be fucking zero war.
What do you think about this argument, though, that the other thing that's destroying civilization right now is not having enough men dying in wars? Boo! Like, you have all these men who generally would be kind of sacrificed in these wars historically, and now they're all just, like, keyboard warriors who hate, you know, their incels, basically. There's an argument that people make about, like, we need to put them back in the coal mines. They need to, like, get back to...
I've got a much easier solution. Jiu-jitsu.
Yeah, or that.
But it should be mandatory. You know how. you learn how to read? You should learn how to strangle people.
Both sexes.
Yes, definitely. Well, jiu-jitsu is the absolute best self-defense for women. 100%. There are women that are 130 pounds that can put you to fucking sleep. if you're a big, grown man.
They will fucking strangle you. They will take your back. You won't be able to stop it. And they will get their hooks in, and they'll put you to sleep. Yeah.
That's a 100% fact.
You just need a fighting chance to get away. Yeah.
Yeah. But you also need to be able to defend yourself. And, like, one of the best things about jiu-jitsu is the guard and learning how to fight off of your back. Now, if you're a woman and some guy takes you down and tackles you, learning how to effectively defend yourself off your back is fucking huge.
Yeah.
It's absolutely huge, because technique can overcome physical strength.
Yeah.
It really can, especially in that position. I want to get back into it. Because they learn how to shield with their shins. They learn how to grab at the biceps and the shoulders and prevent you from using your strength. They learn how to get under hooks and to go behind you.
They learn how to defend themselves.
Do you know if there's a place in Austin that does, like, women's self-defense? 100%. Okay.
Well, we don't want women's self-defense. I'm not disparaging women's self-defense classes, but what my feeling is is that you should learn how to actually fight. Okay. I used to teach Taekwondo at Boston University, and then they had this women's self-defense class that they were going to do there, too. And I got a chance to watch it.
And I was like, none of this is going to work. None of this is going to work.
When I was taking it at Gracie and Beverly Hills, it was jujitsu, but it was specifically, like, you get grabbed from behind.
Oh, yeah. The Gracies do a different thing, though.
Yeah. So you were learning how to fight, but it was specifically, like, generally, you're in a car.
This is the reason why I'm saying this. Knowing how to do something is not enough. It's just not enough. You have to train it. Right.
It has to be automatic.
Yes. You have to train it all the time. Yeah. If you don't train it all the time, when the thing happens, you'll have to think. You don't want to have to think.
Right? No, it has to be, like, muscle memory. Yes. Yeah.
One of the best things about jujitsu is when you're rolling in the class, the person who you are sparring against is generally going close to 100% of their strength. When there's certain positions, like, there's certain things that they're doing to you, where they are using all their might to try to achieve a dominant position. A passing of a guard. You know, a finishing up of a submission. They're closing up a submission.
You're accustomed to that, so it's a normal thing. Right. So you're not, like, when you do sparring in karate class, you kind of touch each other.
Yeah, yeah.
So when somebody really fucking blasts you, you're not used to that, and you might freak out. Right. Jujitsu, it becomes automatic. Okay. It is the absolute best martial art for people, because if you're in a physical struggle with someone, if some guy grabs you at a bar and the bar table behind you falls over and you're on your back, you know exactly what to do.
You don't even think. You're in the middle of chaos, and it's as easy as tying your shoe. You know exactly what to do, but it's because you've done it a thousand times.
This is like shooting, though, too. It's why you've got to train.
You should train everything. Yeah. Everything you do. that's important to you. Yeah.
Everything. Everything. It's stand-up comedy. You have to do a lot of sets. If you don't do a lot of sets, you don't feel sharp.
Yep. You have to feel sharp.
Yep. It's been so fun to get back because I kind of convinced myself, maybe I just had a 10-year phase.
Of comedy? No.
And then my friend Ariel Isaac Norman, who runs the Gay Enough show, she's amazing, and she was like, just come do one set and see how you feel. And I was like, I don't know. I'm a mom now. Maybe that was just my lesbian summer that I had, or whatever. And she was like, just try it and see.
She's like, you can lie to yourself about this, but once you're a comedian, good luck getting that out. And once I got up, I was like, goddammit, I got to do this now. And it's not something you can just do.
You've got to do it.
Well, also, you feel the puzzle again. I love the puzzle. You feel the puzzle. You go on stage, you're working the puzzle out, and you're like, okay, I'm in.
It's so humbling, too. I just love eating shit and being like, I don't know. It was funny. Someone was like, why are you doing that? I'm like, well, I can either be a successful pundit or a failed comedian, and I'd rather be a failed comedian.
Well, even the successful pundit is not mutually exclusive. No, I know. Jimmy Dore, he does both.
Jimmy's great, though.
He's smart, though. Jimmy is such a funny stand-up, too. Yeah. He did stand up at the club when he was in town doing my podcast. I haven't seen him live in forever.
He was really funny.
Yeah.
He was really sharp.
Yep. Yeah, it's been...
Such a nice guy, too.
Yeah, I've always wanted to.
. I don't know him. I've always wanted to meet him.
He's a sweetheart.
Yeah.
He's a really nice guy.
I like him a lot. Every interaction I've had with him has been pleasant, but I've never...
That guy goes hard. He goes so hard.
He knows a lot, though.
He does. Well, he's him, and he's ruined, Kurt Metzger.
Why?
Kurt Metzger is so far down the conspiracy rabbit hole now.
Oh, I know.
Every fucking conspiracy, Kurt Metzger's balls in. Oh, yeah. He's just freaked out by everything because he didn't know all this stuff until he started working with Jimmy. He started working with Jimmy, and he's like, Jesus Christ. Now he's just in.
Every time I find anything that's fucked up, I send it to him to get him worked up.
Kurt? Yes.
And he sends me these walls of text. You want to see these walls of text? I love him. Have you ever seen them? No.
Have you ever been texting with Kurt? I wish. Let me show you a Kurt Metzger wall of text.
When they were here doing their show.
Look at these walls of text. Look at these walls of texts. Watch these. I'll get you a good one here. Here we go.
Here's a good one. Look at this wall.
Oh, wow.
Here's another good one. Here's another good wall. He'll just go at you.
That guy's like a joke writing machine, though.
He's a genius. Yeah. No, he's a genius. Yeah. I mean, his mind.
just. He has a, like. You know when they open dams? Wee! That's what it's like.
Do you sleep? He just goes so hard. Yeah. He's such a great joke, writer. It's such a fun dude to hang out with.
But the tweet walls are fucking insane.
Their thing that they did at Mothership that he and Kyle did.
Pussies. Yeah.
That shit is genius, too. It's so.
That, again, is one of those guys where you want to talk about someone who's, like, not appreciated for how good he is. And a true genius. His face swaps of Trump. Did you ever see the one with Trump and Caitlyn Jenner? They're having sex?
No! How did I miss this? I think that was the one that they wouldn't let on Comedy Central. Because, you know, briefly, he was going to do a thing on Comedy Central with the face swaps, but they're too good on Instagram. They're too good.
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