15) The Confession

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I said, I can come in like in 30 minutes. She said, he will be waiting for you. I put the files into USB. I took the USB. I came into the main building and I walked through the security check.

I came to the reception and there was a woman.

And she said, he's waiting for you.

I walked in. I said, hello. And he said, sit down. I sat down in front of him and he was sitting, looking at me. And he said, it's a very unusual situation.

What do you have?

And I said, I've been working for this department and my commander, he sent me to that mission to infiltrate criminal gang. And while I was working on that mission, I found out some information and my partner, who've been working with me on this case, just being killed.

And he said, yes, I know. What do you have? And I said that I found out some documents which have the name of my commander. And these photos, which are stating that he has connection with the criminal gang.

And I gave him these documents and he was looking at this like for a very long time. And then he put the USB which I gave him to his computer and he was really studying it. And he said to me, tell me everything you know from the beginning.

Almost like an hour. I was just telling him the whole story from the beginning. And then he said, I heard about your father. I used to know who is he. And he said, such a pride that daughter of such a great officer sacrificed her life for the mission, for the work to serve the country.

And he said, I thank you for your service. And since you've done your mission successfully, I want to send you to the promotion. I would recommend you to be sent abroad. For you, it would be better not to be here. It would be risky for your life.

I said, like, what other position do you mean? And he said, this would be strictly for FSB working abroad.

And I said, no, I want my freedom. I cannot do this anymore. I don't want to work here anymore.

And he said, well, it's impossible. Do you really think that after trainings and after all these investments into your education, do you think you just can say, like, sorry, I'm tired and I just want to leave? Look at your dad. He served his country all his life. How can you just let him down so much?

And I said, like, I don't want to let him down, but I just, I can't do it anymore.

And he said, well, you can take a break if you want to. But then in a couple of months, when you will be all right and you will rest and everything, I'll send you to a very good profession. You don't need to deal with criminals anymore. There will be much better targets.

And when I was walking out from this building, I felt like I need to get out so fast, so fast. I ran out of the stairs and I turned left and I saw this big tree outside. And I remember I just stopped and I, I hugged the tree and I started to cry.

I cried so much and so strong. I was scared and I felt relief.

I came home. I wanted to speak with Vladimir.

And he texted me, he's like, I'll see you soon. I texted back, yes, I'll see you soon. Looking forward.

And I was preparing myself to explain him about what was happening all this time and the way I met him. I thought if I will tell him everything, maybe it will change his mind and maybe we can escape together to some other place without all this darkness and crime.

I came downstairs. And I saw the same car. And the driver, which I know for so long, he came outside. He took my hand. like that.

He opened the door. And he pushed me into the car.

And that exactly moment, I understood that he knows. And I understood that I'm fucked.

I saw three guys, which obviously I know. And they know me. But that time they were not smiling and they were not nice to me. They looked at me with very angry eyes.

And they just pushed me in the middle of the seat.

And then another guy, he put the bag, the bag from where they used to put potatoes.

And when he put this bag on my head,

I understood that that's it. I said like, it's a mistake, wait, I need to explain to you. And the same guy whom I'm feeding my food, which I was cook for them, he said to me, shut the fuck up.

We were driving.

And I just could hear sometimes.

they would speak between each other quietly. Like, where is he? Okay, he's coming.

And I didn't cry. I was just staying silenced. Inside of my brain, and my head is just, I need to speak with him. I need to speak with Vladimir. I need to speak with him.

I need to speak with him.

Eventually they stopped the car and we arrived to somewhere. I could feel the fresh air and the smell of the trees. And I understood that we are in the forest.

And the guy just pushed me out of the car. I fall on the floor and he, just like, took my hand and just started to drag me.

And I felt that my neck, my shoulders, are getting hurt by the sticks of the trees. I felt that my skin was like scratched.

The bag was still on my face. I heard another car stopped. It was bad.

because I heard that voice. The voice I was scared that time. Fucking bitch. Bring her to me. It was the voice of the best friend of Vladimir, who saved his life.

Who now was ready to kill me, like he's a fucking hero. Like he found a traitor. And now, with my killing, he would become the hero of the fucking gang. I felt this cry in his voice. The guy who dragged me was just dropped my hand.

I sat on my knees and I felt someone with his fist hurt my head so strong that all my body just fall so hard that the bag fall out of my head.

And I felt something really hot was going on my skin, on my face. And I opened my eyes. and when I opened my eyes, I saw this dirty black poods with the land.

And I started to look up and I saw this cold and sharp posture of this man who looked at me with this angry, cold eyes. These eyes, when it's like this is your last moments of your life and you just have to accept your, your destiny, because he is the one who decides if he lets you to live or die.

But this isn't his story. It's a human story. One that I've become entangled with.

Was she hurt hiking? Did she run away?

Was she raped? I'm Lucy Sheriff. I've been reporting this story for four years and I've uncovered a tangled web of manipulation, estranged families and greed. Everyone, it seems, has a different version of events. Hear the story on Where's Dia?

My new podcast from Pushkin Industries and iHeart Podcasts. Listen on the iHeartRadio app,

All of them now wanted to kill me at that right moment. And I only had like one thought. They can't die without speaking with Vladimir to tell him the whole thing. I just wanted to speak with him. Nothing else.

And I looked at his friend and I said please, please, I'm begging you, please, let me speak with Vladimir, please.

And he did this like the first time in his life I saw he did this face, which is like this sarcastic smile. And he said now, you whore, you want to speak with Vladimir? You think like I'll let you? And he nodded his hand.

And each of them, they started to hit me with their.

dirty big heavy boots.

to my belly.

to my face.

to my legs.

Each of them, my brothers, as they were saying this before you're our sister, we always will take care about you. Right, Vladimir? She's our sister. And now they all were beating me, trying to kill me alive.

I was trying to hold my. I was trying to hold my hands next to my face, so they wouldn't.

they wouldn't hurt my brain, so I would be just be able.

maybe to talk.

And then

he stopped them.

he laid on me on the top and he said

what bitch, now you will try my cock? You feel that?

You're such a fucking bitch.

I felt such a. I felt his body laying on me so.

I couldn't even move.

and he started to enter me with this painful. I couldn't scream and I.

he laid on me so strong with his body that I couldn't even breathe. I just heard that all of them were standing around me.

all of them were standing around me and just laughing and saying like yeah, come on, just like give her harder.

what bitch, do you like it?

I need some time.

it's okay, it's still.

still hard.

the worst was that when you feel like I'm not doing this anymore, I'm not, like, I'm different. I changed, but yet nobody listens to you and they don't care. it's just like you're the traitor and from them they never let traitors to leave. it's like it's impossible. it's like, you know.

she's a mole, she's a mole. they were, like, screaming.

and when he was raping me, he said

oh, he said I wanted to do it so badly from the moment I saw you. I knew you're fucking mole. I knew that you're some kind of, like, clever woman or some clever, like, shit. he said, like, you cannot play me.

and, like, that, you know, like, he, he said, like, finally, I got you finally.

finally he got me.

he told me this is the end, this is the last moment of your life. he had these breast knuckles in his fist, and when he told that, he punched me from this side so hard that I still have a scarf here and it just.

kind of crushed my bone as well, so I have a lack of the bone here too.

I don't know how long was it, like, going on?

at some point I fainted. I just couldn't. I couldn't handle it. but then I I heard they were arguing and I, my mind came back to me and I I just couldn't understand why I'm still. I'm still alive.

Vladimir called my phone all this time. he was waiting for me, as always. he called and he called, and obviously I didn't pick up the phone.

I couldn't.

first of all, he called his guy, to his friend. I don't know exactly what was the conversation, but what I understood when they were arguing with each other, where they would tell, like she is the mole, she is the mole. she has to be killed right now. like fuck that shit. just, like, let's fucking finish her here.

and then another guy said, like we can't just finish her here. he is waiting, like, he will be fucking kill all of us if we do it without his permission, he said, to bring her to him.

and they were hesitating and they were arguing and the army friend then said fuck it, let's just finish her in front of him if he wants it.

and one of the guy came to me and he pushed me, so I was all bleeding. I could even feel inside of my mouth my blood, my own blood and my whole body was in pain and I already, to be honest, like, I just didn't want to leave it was. it was already so painful that I just didn't want, I just wanted to be ended. I was so tired and so exhausted.

and.

I just wanted to see Vladimir before I wanted to tell him.

they pushed me into the car like a, like a, just just a body, like all, like, almost like just. they threw me inside.

and I couldn't even cry or something, and I didn't speak. all my body was shaking.

and we arrived to his house.

and when we arrived, they started to take me out from the car.

and he already was standing outside.

and he said with his sharp voice bring her to me now.

and I couldn't walk, so they just took me with my shoulders, just like almost like walk me inside.

and they brought me to that dining carrier where we used to have dinners, and I fall on the floor and they all came and they all started to scream she's a fucking mole like let's fucking finish her right now. we were ready to finish her. why didn't you let us like what the fuck? and then his army friend, he said we have all the evidences our.

informer said she's the agent.

they blew up all the operation couple days ago. she was involved in every single information, every single operation we did. she's the one who made us lose many like kilos of drugs and money, and she's the reason of all of our problems and.

Vladimir looked at my body and he said out.

everybody were like give her to us, just let us finish her, and he said again out. i said out and his army friend said wait, listen, like we need to deal with this together, he said. i said out.

and everybody left.

but this isn't his story. it's a human story, one that i've become entangled with.

had she been kidnapped? i'm lucy sheriff. i've been reporting this story for four years and i've uncovered a tangled web of manipulation, estranged families and greed. everyone, it seems, has a different version of events. hear the story on where's dia, my new podcast from pushkin industries and iheart podcasts.

listen on the iheart radio app, apple podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts.

he came to me closer and he sat down on the floor and he looked at me and he took my face and i felt his strong hands.

and i started to cry with the tears of.

of everything.

from the first beginning, from the first day i went to the military academy, from the first day i. i took the oath. he looked at me and he asked me

he asked me only one question, only one, and the question was

do you love me?

and i cried.

and i looked at him. i said

yes, i do. i do love you very much.

he took my face closer and he held me and he told me tell me everything.

tell me everything from the beginning.

i felt blood on my coming from my face into my eyes and my mouth.

my whole body was in pain and first time in my life i felt and i told the whole truth about myself, about what i knew.

what i've been through.

about my childhood and how i ended up being an agent, how i manipulated him.

and.

planned everything and set him up.

and while i was telling him everything, i knew I was crying, he was listening,

he didn't say a word, and I saw pain in his eyes,

and.

by the time I finished my story. Vladimir told me his side, everything he knew, and it fit together like a puzzle. We both came to understand together that my commander wanted Zatka, it's a black cash money, the bribery money from drug trafficking operations coming from Afghanistan, but Vladimir told me he was already paying the bribe for the different businesses he had to the general I met with,

so my own commander sent me to this mission to basically just get rid of Vladimir,

and when I was revealed to be a mole, the gang would turn against Vladimir for causing them all these problems and choose a new leader.

That was his goal because he wanted to install in the gang somebody who will be loyal to him, who would pay him the kickback from the drug business for the long term, and it was the army friend,

and when Vladimir realized that his own friend, whom he trusted all his life.

betrayed him,

it almost killed him.

I told him, we still have time,

we still have a chance, let's move away. I told him that the general with whom I spoke just before that, I said, like, he told me, I have to leave.

He said, yes, totally agree with him, you have to leave.

He gave me the number of one person in Moscow who supposed to hide me and just help me out in the beginning for like some time. He said, you stay quiet for a little bit, don't go anywhere and don't do anything. I will give you some telephone numbers of people I know in Turkey, in Greece, in Switzerland.

Because of my passport and everything, he said, first you fly to Turkey and then from Turkey you can fly to other countries,

and later I will come and we will go somewhere together. But for now I need to sort out all the situation with my former friend, whom I trusted the most, and I need to figure out the whole situation with my gang. I need to crown someone who will be able to take care about everything I built. I can't just let down everybody.

He gave me some money and he said not to communicate with anyone, even with my parents.

He said to me in the end, now you have your freedom.

Now you're free.

And the driver, his friend, whom I never seen before, he came like an early, early morning.

and he put me into the car.

and he drove me away.

Oh, it's so much fun.

To Die For is a production of Tenderfoot TV in association with iHeart Podcasts. The show is hosted and written by me, Neil Strauss, with additional writing assistance by Tristan Bankston. Executive producers are myself, Donald Albright, and Payne Lindsey. For iHeart Podcasts, executive producers are Matt Frederick and Alex Williams. Lead producer and editor is Tristan Bankston.

Additional editing by Miles Clark and Christian Brown. Supervising producer, Tracy Kaplan. Consultants include Nushin Valizadeh, Chelsea Gooden, and Jamie Albright. Artwork by Byron McCoy. Original music by Makeup and Vanity Set.

Mixed and mastered by Dayton Cole. Our theme song is Killer Shangri-La by Psychotic Beats, featuring Patti Amour. Special thanks to Oren Rosenbaum and the team at UTA, Beck Media and Marketing, Oren Siegel, Becky Jensen, The Nord Group, Mirda Stedman, Rose Baruch, and Alex Vespistead.

Listen to Flashpoint on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hear the story on Where's Dia? Listen on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts.