Martin Short

I want to know what it's like to be funny at 75, 76.

If you surround yourself with funny people, I mean, I'm good friends with Bill Hader, who could be my son. I'm very good friends with John Mulaney. But when we're together, there's no sense of age at all.

Hi. Welcome back to where everybody knows your name. So I would be lying if I said I wasn't a teensy bit nervous for you to hear today's episode. As you've heard me say before, Woody is going to be popping in and out depending on his work schedule. And today was the first time I was writing solo.

How's Mary?

Mary is fantastic.

Give her my love.

I will, I will. And she, to you, as she said to me, he's a wonder, he is a wonder.

Clifford loved her first.

I, that in our house, not just our household, Mary's son, Charlie, who you know, right, who's off being a director, and incredibly bright, and all of that. He and his friends loved that movie more than just about anything.

It became the strangest, strangest thing, how that, how culty that's become.

Yeah. Okay, I've had the best time the last day and a half, two days, doing research at first, but then I grabbed your book, I guess it was done...

2014.

And started reading, and I've always had you, this is my bad, not yours, on this kind of comedic genius pedestal. And then, reading, you're still there, but reading the book, you are an amazing man. You really are. Your story, your, what you put out in your book, I really encourage anybody to read it. It is, you know, how you all deal with loss and fun, your whole family.

It's a funny family.

It is a funny family.

It is a funny family.

But really, it sets you up for life, that determination to be positive, use humor. Am I in the ballpark?

I think, yes. It's very interesting about, you know, any kind of loss or tragedy that happens in your life, why one either becomes defeated and scarred and branded for life by it, or empowered. I mean, I lost my brother at 12, my mother at 17,, my father at 20, but at 20, I knew something about loss that no one I knew at 20 knew about. So I did have a leg up, and it made me, I think, freer on stage. I never cared less whether audiences particularly liked me.

Yeah. I have to say that that is, as a performer, it's something I struggle with, performer acting.

Oh, I know. I've seen your work.

Okay. Keep score over there, will you please? That's one.

Yes, directed The Associates, my short-lived series in 79.

That's right. He used to yell at me if I came up to a joke, or a bit, or a physical bit that he had given me, and he could see in my eyes that I thought this may not work, or I may not be able to pull this off, and I'd bail. And he'd get so pissed. You know, it's like, give it a shot.

I can't imagine. It's so, well, of course, you know, I'm just seeing it as a fan, but Cheers was such a brilliant show to me, and I can't imagine any one of you didn't have this unbelievable confidence to proceed, because everything seems so specific in front of an audience, you know? It wasn't like, take number 25..

No. It was in the ninth, 10th, 11th season, because we just didn't learn lines, and it was just, you know. It's true. The audience loved watching us fuck up, but in the beginning, it was like doing a play, and because the set was such, you could do a play. You could do a five-minute scene, and pull it off.

Yeah. Well, I worked with Jimmy Burrells and the Associates, and that was, Jim Brooks at the time, had a two-series deal with Paramount, and the first one, in 78, launched, was Taxi, and then 79 was the Associates, and it was a great show, but it was filmed, so therefore, they were really shooting it like a movie, you know? A little play, and I remember, we went to a filming of Taxi, and someone screwed up, and stopped, and I remember, Joe Regalbuto and I turned to each other, and went, oh, thank God, because we were so scared, the idea of, what if we screw up? And then we realized, everyone screws up.

Can you still hear in Jimmy's voice? You'd screw up,

ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. You hear it all throughout, Mary Tyler Moore, because Jim wouldn't laugh at the lines. He knew the lines. He'd laugh at new attitude you were.

Right. Jimmy also used to laugh during rehearsals, to get us used to, hey, don't speed through this moment. This will be a joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Inevitably, he was right.

early on.

Anyway.

Maybe John Candy.

Yes. Only murders in the building.

Yeah.

To me, is like one of the most perfectly designed characters for you, Marty, because you have this,

Oh, my God. He's, he started, dun, dun, dun, he'd just, you know, dance. No, I think that, you know, a lot of, you know, Steve and I have been doing these live shows, for years now, and together, and a lot of it is us insulting each other. And so they took some of that element, to where we're constantly, the two characters, Charles and Oliver, are ragging on each other, and there are jokes that fail, and there are jokes that deliberately fail. It's very, very, very great writing in that show, which is, as you know, the gimmick of any successful series.

Do you have anything to do with the writing?

No, no, not at all.

Steve does.

I will add, you know, things, a joke here or there, but mainly when I see it, they've not used it. They've gone with their own writing, as they should.

Do you do? table reads?

No, we do. Zoom reads. It started in COVID.

Right.

We, the first, we shot, started shooting in 2020, in December. So COVID was still raging, and people were in masks, and shields, and you know, the cinematographer had to stay in his shield. I don't know how he was doing it. And,

I always find it scary, when you're doing one camera comedy, because you don't really, as opposed to three camera, live audience, you're told right away, this is funny, this is not. Right. And you respond accordingly. Writers on the spot will change the line, to make it funny. Whereas you don't really know, until you get in the editing room.

Yeah, but I always think, you know,

Yeah. Yeah, that is, that is the key. Practical practice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So do you write, when you go on a talk show, do you write out, you know what your jokes, or your fun places are?

And what I do is, then the gimmick is to, I've used gimmick, by the way, about a hundred times, then the ploy is to make it all look like you're improvising.

Right. But you have given them the lead-ins to.

Oh, absolutely.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Absolutely. Yeah. No, I used to, I remember the first time I was doing, I think one of the first American talk shows, cause I'm Canadian, was like, Dave Letterman had just started his show in 82, the 1230 show, and I was gonna go on the show, and I was thinking, now what am I, and I thought, I think what I have to shoot for is appearing like I am really loose at a dinner party, and I'm telling a story at a dinner party, and I'm like an hour into the dinner, and I've had a couple of wines, and I'm saying, oh, I'll tell you a story about following Tony Bennett, and that, but you only have eight minutes, so you gotta do it, and then somehow make it look like you're just in the moment.

Yeah.

You were phenomenal on damages too. Let me just jump in and say something. I've already told you this, I think in the past. There is a scene in the second season, or is it the first season? First season, second season, where you have had not two scotches, not 12 scotches, you've had four scotches, and it's specifically a little drunk.

You did tell me that. I know. That meant a lot to me. I do stick you on a pedestal, and I'm desperately trying to not do that in this moment, but what's amazing about watching you and other people who are incredibly funny, but when you do serious stuff, the threat that you're gonna do something bizarrely funny and quirky is always lurking underneath, even though you never do it, because that's not what the part calls for. There's a danger inherent in somebody who's brilliantly funny not being funny, and I just found that mesmerizing to watch.

You know, I did. third season of damages with Lily Tomlin.

Right.

And I remember the first day we were shooting, it was supposed to be a deposition. Glenn closes on one side, and I'm Lily's lawyer. She's basically Mrs. Madoff, and I remember Glenn saying, this isn't fair. How am I supposed to get through this?

Right.

Yes, you did.

And our job was to be slightly befuddled by you, but being strange, you know, and being straight, not cracking up, was the hardest thing. That's an example of you living and a character living in that world.

That was a weird, so thorough. That's the strangest character. probably I did, because when I would do like, you know, Ed Grimley on Saturday Night Live, it was all very written. And oh my saying, you know, it was all specific.

And the range, the high octave. beginning of the sentence.

Well, and also Dave Foley from Kids in the Hall said, what I love about that character, Marty, is that you've created a characters who is as mean as you really are in life.

Did you ever do a interview a politician, Jiminy Glick?

I think they were all celebrities. They were all celebrities, you know? And we would shoot, you know, at times.

We do have several things in common. One is Godspell.

Yes, you were in Godspell?

Yes, for a week.

Let me guess who you played, Judas.

Thanks, but no. Second or fourth clown from the left.

Herb, they had names, you know.

Not yet, because I was at Carnegie Mellon University, John Michael Teblack.

You were in the earliest stage of that, that's insane.

And it was not just by my, I don't sing by myself in a shower, I must have been beaten in a previous lifetime, I don't sing. And when people sing to me or I see a nice Western like Oklahoma, all of a sudden the guy with the pistol on his hip starts to sing, it makes me nuts. So I'm very, I go into this Godspell moment with a lot of judgment and all of that. But it was bad, it was really bad up until opening night.

That Godspell started off as a thesis.

A master's, yeah.

Master's thesis. So it was Stephen Schwartz and John Michael Teblack. Stephen Schwartz, who would go on to do Pippin and Wicked, et cetera, et cetera.

All my friends went with it. Yeah. And made a small.

Robin LeMond.

Yeah, Rob.

Yeah, and then, in March of 72, they auditioned for the first company that was gonna do a national tour because it was such a hit in New York. Now they realized they should do a national tour and we were gonna play Toronto, Boston, and Chicago. But it was such a hit in Toronto, it just stayed in Toronto. And that cast, and Stephen Schwartz was like 24, 25, and he cast people who had never done anything.

Who was your Jesus?

Victor Garber.

Victor, yeah.

And Gilda Radner, Andrea Martin, Eugene Levy.

People who stayed in your life forever.

Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, that's amazing. We, Stephen Nathan, who went on to be a really well-known writer and does a lot of half-hour writing and stuff, was our Jesus. But here's my deal, I, about four days in, and I just, so, I was horrible. And it was a mess right up until, it kind of gelled the opening night. And blew the roof off and everyone realized this is magnificent.

And it lasts for how long?

Unfortunately, I went to the library and researched it. You know, it's like 87% will come back, it'll be fine. But so, it lasted for me for about six weeks.

Bell's Palsy, do they have a shot for that?

No, I think what I did was take cortisone tablets.

No, but I mean a preventative shot.

Like shingles. No, it's like a virus that hits this nerve channel.

No, I know, I have a few friends that have had it. Yeah. And came back.

Yeah. Well, some don't, that we know and who are wonderful actors and all that.

And then they go into character work. Yes.

I had to take my paralyzed size in a smile at night so that it wouldn't sag more. Oh my God. And I was married, so it was a real treat.

for a sexy guy.

Yeah, sexy guy. So that was your second audition, right?

My first was, for, I was, got very hot right at the beginning. You know, I decided to, Eugene Levy talked me into taking a year off university. I'd done four years. I was doing master's in social work, McMaster University in Hamilton, Ontario. And he talked me into, he said, you know, because we'd done plays together.

And was it dialogue or was it just singing?

The first was singing. And then, if you made that cut, then you were asked to go off with a group of seven and improvise a parable, one of the parables. And I, luckily, in my group, was Eugene Levy. So he kind of directed and took over, because he's a brilliant writer. Took over the whole thing.

And were you still at McMaster?

Yeah, I still had exams to go. So I had to commute between rehearsals and writing my finals for my fourth year.

How long did that run in Toronto with you in it?

A year. I did a year. The show ran for a year and three months or something.

Yeah, it was amazing.

It went. Yeah, it was a big, big, big hit. Every high school. And then, you know Donny Scardino? Yes.

With my friend, David Haskell, who played Judas.

Yeah. Then Don would later do it in New York. Right. Yeah.

But now this wasn't you dabbling, not dabbling, but saying, I should give this a try. Isn't out of the blue, because reading the book, you were in your bedroom at an early age.

Oh, I had a full fantasy, you know. I had contracts, imaginary contracts, with NBC. I was allowed to do, I had a prime time show, in my head, on NBC, every other week. Not every week. Yeah.

Siblings?

How did they? My brother Michael, I used to have a rocking chair, that the arm always broke, and I had a thing of glue, that I'd glue it on. And he once said, he could be sniffing glue. Because he's really, you know, kids are playing, you know, on the street. They're playing road hockey, and I'm in my room going,

weather-wise, such a cuckoo day.

You know, it's not normal. But it was to me.

Michael, who went on to become?

Michael Short, my god, my brother, was a writer for SCTV before I joined it. He's won many Emmys, and then he went on to write everything from Mad TV to Schitt's Creek.

All right, before you lock yourself in the room and are doing this kind of thing, what was, like, 6-7-8-9? like? Well, I grew up in the country. I jumped on horses and would go play and come back, you know, when the sun was coming out.

My father was a, you know, a big executive at the Canadian Steel Company, general sales manager. So he was very Mad Men, you know, the white shirt that had had.

Traveled a lot?

He'd go out west for five weeks, but mainly at home. He was Irish, born, raised in Cross, McGlen County, Armagh. So he always had his big meal as an executive, with, you know, at the office. And so by six he'd come home, and we would eat at six, but he would sit in the room. There would be a nook over there.

What is that, on a lake?

Yeah, a lake here on a beautiful, beautiful beach. And it was kind of great. It was dinners at the country club. It was kind of that world.

And is it okay to ask, your brother, what was his name? who passed away? David. And you were how old?

I was 12 and he was 26.

Sorry, you were how old when that happened? 12. 12. Yeah.

Wow. I remember I used to say nightly prayers, Catholic family. And after that, I would never say, dear God, and please let me pass my history exam. Because I accepted to that point, there is no way, if there is a God, he's saying you'll survive and you won't. No, no.

That's pretty smart at an early age to get that right. Which is, in my point of view, is right.

Yeah. I mean, it. just, you can't. It's impossible, you know.

I remember watching when my mother passed away, she chose to come home instead of being in a hospital with pneumonia and everything. And we had a week of kind of this free offer meds. because why bother? She was coming home to die willingly and joyfully in her mind. And, but then last week, she really started to disappear.

Yeah.

I don't know. She might. She might be about to, but I don't know. I have no idea. And that's kind of stuck with me.

I hope that she did, you know, that there was some sense of that. You'd like to think.

I, yes. I mean, we don't have to get really woo-woo, but. Yeah, I know. But we have, Mary and I have had experiences, some of them led by interesting people, but Mary especially, I think I'm a little thick headed or something, but Mary has had so many different astounding moments where her father would, it'd be hard pressed for you to come up with a different explanation than there was some communication, you know?

Yeah, I don't, I've often wondered if it's like the Peter Pan syndrome, you know, that if you believe, therefore, it happens. And if you don't believe in it, it doesn't happen.

But isn't that the truth anyway in life? I mean, I'm listening to you talk about you were believing on some level. up there in your room at 12, with your, you know, making tapes and stuff. You manifested. You'd have to say that there was something magical about you believing in something to the point that it happened.

Yes, except that- Maybe? Well, I mean, yeah, but again, when I was doing my show, again, 14, 15, 16, not 16, by 16, there were girls, but 14, 15, I was heavily into my show business world. And I would say that I never thought it was a realistic thing. I never thought, like, you would think, if I'd grown up in Manhattan and I was doing that, or even if you had a kid doing that, you'd say, okay, well, he's off to Tisch, is he? Or he's doing some theater school.

But something you must have at least recognized when it did come around with you, Jane, or wherever,

that, oh, this is why it brought me joy. I switched from pre-meds to social working, that gave me more time to do, then I started doing a lot of theater in my third and fourth year at McMaster, and I just adored it, I just loved it so much. So no, it was something I, but I remember, you know, Gilda and I dated for a couple years, and I remember being in her house, and Paul Schaefer was the first of our group to go down to New York, and he was gonna do, he was doing the Magic Show, playing in the Magic Show. Again, Stephen Schwartz wrote it. And I remember, we were both on the phone, listening to Paul, and Gilda said, Paul, what are New York actors like?

I was about to say, that was before Saturday Night Live.

Yeah, and then when? Saturday Night Live, and suddenly, you know, Danny Aykroyd, and all these, and everyone.

Where were they at that point in Canada?

Well, in 1972, in 1972, when we, I did God's Love, 72, 73, and that. Now I'm living in Toronto, and I'm in show business, and I don't have to do exams anymore. I'm not in school anymore. And it was bursting with, Danny was, you know, he was always around, John Candy.

In some formal setting, or even stand-up, or?

No, I remember Danny was always working on his car, he was gonna be a Mountie at one point, a cop. And John, I met later on, and then Second City formed a sister company that end of that year, in 73, in Toronto. And then all these people, Joe Flaherty, and Brian Doyle, Murray, and the Murray brothers, all these people became part of your world.

Was Belushi there at that point?

I didn't know John, no. He was Chicago, Second City.

Oh, right, sorry.

I met him once, but that was it. Yeah.

Interesting.

But it was, and it was this kind of Paris in the 20s feel of Toronto. And then Lorne, I met Lorne backstage of Godspell, when he saw it. That's, and he had a TV. He came out to Toronto. He lived in Toronto.

I didn't know that. I always imagined he was some New York guy.

No, no, no, no, he's from Toronto. Forest Hill, yeah.

Makes good sense. Yeah. Who else? Do you know the origin of that?

Then he cast Danny Aykroyd, and then he, you know, then it was Chevy, and John, and Lorraine, and that brilliant group.

And when did you go to Saturday Night Live?

Well, I then, 10 years later, I joined SCTV in 1982, and I did that for two and a half years, and then went to SNL as a cast member, 84, 85 season.

Brought in with, to save the day.

Brought in with Billy Crystal, Christopher Guest, Harry Shearer, Rich Hall.

And almost brought in as a package, right? But was it Don Omeyer, or no?

No, it was Dick Ebersole. Dick Ebersole. It was the, Lorraine that, for five years. Right. Before Lorraine came back.

Maybe you didn't have carte blanche, but it felt like you guys.

I think we were treated very well.

Because you had one year.

Because we were writers. We had one year contracts.

Who makes you laugh?

Oh, I'm an easy laugh. I'm an easy laugh. I mean, as a kid, it was Jerry Lewis and Jonathan Winters, Nichols and May, Lucy,

You were so physical in your comedy. Was there someone you looked up to?

I would say Jerry Lewis, and certainly Adam Costello,

Laurel and Hardy.

I remember, as a 10-year-old, seeing a revival in a movie theater. They re-released The Gold Rush with Chaplin. I worked on doing the potato dances, a 10-year-old, you know, with the forks.

Yeah, me too.

Christopher Guest is the driest of them all, you know. One time he said, I was making a film with Captain Ron, he said, Martin, what is this film about? I said, well, I play a man who has two children, who inherits a boat. He said, I didn't say, spoil it for me.

Yeah. Yeah, I can never quite tell if Chris is pissed at me, could care less at me, or finds me funny. He is so dry.

Yeah. No one's funnier.

But boy, has he made some of my favorite movies.

Oh, my God.

Yeah. I forgot you were in Captain Ron.

Yeah.

With good friends. With Kurt. Kurt, who remained friends.

Kurt and Goldie, loved them both.

Throughout life, yeah.

So I've been very, very lucky to work with really the funniest people. Albert Brooks, I mean, geez. Don't work with Albert, I just, you know, he's a friend and admirer.

Right.

I'm an admirer.

Larry David.

Oh, Larry, I'm leaving out Larry. I just had dinner with Larry last night. He says hello. We had dinner? Oh, so, yeah.

Larry, who, whose social norm, the trouble with the success of Curb is. it allowed Larry to be more Larry. It gave him the license to be more Larry. I remember going out to dinner, arranging to go out to dinner with him. It was, I don't know, Pete Farrelly, Woody Harrelson, and myself on the Vineyard, let's meet.

Oh, so, so, so, you know.

Yeah. You also know that, whatever you're doing, it could become fodder for next week's show.

Oh, he always, remember he had that little book he'd pull out. If something weird happened at dinner party, you'd see him just writing something, you know.

Yeah.

That's part of it.

And the story he told you, you couldn't quite tell whether, was this a real story. or are we trying out material? Yeah. Yeah.

And then his laugh. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. That's his laugh.

He is the most generous laughter. A lot of.

Oh, absolutely.

A lot of stand-ups don't, aren't generous with their laugh.

You know, I wouldn't, I guess he's a stand-up. I mean, I met Larry when I was a cast member on SNL.

That's funny. He, didn't he have the reputation of doing stand-up in New York, and if the audience didn't please him or something, he'd say. You're idiots. Yeah. And walk off.

How stupid are you?

Can I backtrack to you meeting, Nancy? It was Godspell, right?

She was, yeah. She had now been running, we opened in June and there were two understudies and then in October, she had worked with Victor. She had done this show called Canadian Rock Theater, where they basically did Godspell songs and Jesus Christ Superstars, and they'd, Jesus Christ Superstar and they toured the States and worked in Vegas and that kind of thing. Anyway, she auditioned and got in as the understudy. So she was now the understudy to Gilda, who I was now living with.

And nothing with Nancy?

No.

A glimmer in your eye?

Well, yeah, but I thought she was out of my league. And then, and I love Gilda. And then, but we kind of, it seemed like we were kaput. And then the next day I'm at the Pilot restaurant bar and there was Nancy and we got talking and she said, we made, let's play tennis tomorrow. And that was it.

Right. It was fast.

I thought it was like, I'm 24, I'm a single boy. One day, one day, I was single.

What was your wooing technique? Do you make them laugh? And then, you know, you're in or?

I remember we played tennis and Nancy had just broken up with a boyfriend who was a rocker. And I remember at tennis kind of say, hey, have you ever tried a comedian? Something like that. Not, not good. Not good.

That's fantastic. And from that moment on, you were together.

Yeah.

For 30 years? No, married.

Married 30, lived together six.

Right. Yeah. Wow.

And never a pack bag, never a, you know, to hell with you, no.

Oh God, what did I read?

So let me talk to Ed Grimley. Yes. Yeah. And because Ed was always.

That was not a bit you all did.

We would have fights all the time. I remember she'd say, okay, why are you screaming? I said, okay, yeah, okay, I'm screaming. Yeah, I'm screaming. But let me ask you something.

But did you also allow that to actually be more truthful? Ed could be more truthful. No, no, no, no. It was time to.

No, it was a bit. If it was a real, you know.

Right.

Real argument, then. Then it wouldn't happen. Then it would be discussed. But this is now like.

A nice.

You know, like kind of diffusing. Ed would diffuse.

Yeah, no. What does that refer? I mean, I know Matlock, but.

Well, I'm thinking of Will Forte when he would. Oh, oh. Matlock, who was he? He was always getting the bombs. MacGruber.

Yeah. So then you were the cute couple, married couple, until when did you decide to have kids?

19, you know, 81.

And what were you doing professionally at that point?

I was in SCTV, 82.

Right, yeah. And.

It seemed more settled.

Right. And your first child?

Catherine.

Catherine.

And then Oliver. Right. And then baby Henry.

Who are now.

They are now. I now have three grandsons.

Oh, that's amazing. How?

Theo will be four in January, and then Grayson is two in four months, and Campbell just turned two.

It's so amazing. Mary's daughter, Lily, who, you know. Yes. Has three granddaughters.

Unbelievable.

It is unbelievable. It's like, I was, I don't know, 12 years ago, whatever, I was, 63 or something, I was just starting to get a smidge grumpy about aging. Just, you know, I'm not crazy about this arthritis, or whatever was setting in. And then the first grandchild arrives, and it's like, oh, fuck it, I'm in, I don't care. Anything anymore about my little this and that's, I am so wanna be around this.

Absolutely, it's absolutely. And they love you. They love you, these grandkids. Yes. Because you represent this kind of, you know, I love explaining to my grandkids that, see, Oliver, I'm his dad.

Yeah. And you do get to hand them back. That's a cliche, but it is true. You don't have to be, you're not on the front lines as much as your kids are, which gives you that distance to be almost, I find myself almost like an anthropologist going, oh my God, look at this. Their brains now are able to do this and do that.

And then I know couples who are just saying, oh my God, I'm just dying to become grandparents. My kids won't have kids yet. Yeah.

I sometimes say, magic wand, what are you gonna be doing? What would you like to be doing five years from now? Do you have, you have done so much.

I kind of, you know, I've always led an eclectic career. It's very Canadian. You know.

Meaning what?

Well, I mean, in the sense that you just worked. You do, you could do Shakespeare on CBC in the afternoon and then do a cabaret show. What's a nice country like you doing in a state like this at night? Or Second City?

There's no right or wrong career-wise.

It was. just, do I bring a suit? There was. no, you know, is it good for your career? No, I'm in television.

No.

You know, I think that's, I don't know how great retirement is for anyone if they love what they do.

Right.

If you hate your job, then great, retire. But, Lorne Michaels, for example, is a big believer in not retiring. Phil Hines, who did lighting, for, I did a summer series with Maya Rudolph a few years ago. He was in his like 93 or something. And he was, had done SNL from the beginning.

That's my dream. I want to find out what it's like to be, I am not, stupid comparison, but I am basically an actor, character, actor, who's been blessed to be around amazing writers who are very, very funny people. And I can be funny with their amazing, funny world words if I am on my game. So, to say I want to be funny is, talking to you feels like I want to say I do understand.

that I'm a character actor. I think we're both actors.

Yeah, yeah, we are. But anyway, I want to know what it's like to be funny at 75, 76.. I'm about to turn 76 and I'm about to work with Mike Schur, who did The Good Place.

Yeah.

And I can't wait to see what that's like. I want the full money. I want to know what it's like to do that when I'm 80..

Yeah, I think that if you,

No, I find myself, I don't compete with my fellow actors. I compete with people in their 30s. For some, because I know it's hopeless, but it will amuse me hugely. So I will always try to fuck with John Krasinski and challenge him to impossible foot races and, you know, whatever. Yeah.

At first, at first- I haven't reached that point.

No one cares less. I can understand why. But it's like, I can see people going, oh, okay, all right, can I help? Let me lift that. Let me lift that.

Oh, yeah, like on an airplane. Yeah.

I've eased into it and kind of enjoy it.

See, Steve always says, Martin always says that the time he'd contemplate retiring is when his voice becomes all quivery. Then, you know, that's different. But when you still look and sound like Steve Martin, you're going nowhere.

How are you in public? How are you walking around the world in public, with your fame, celebrity?

Oh, I've gone through all different phases. You know, sometimes people come in, can I have a selfie? I'm sorry, I don't do that. Why?

Five minutes later, you're still on the street.

And then I realized, oh, just take the selfie. Hi, thank you. How are you doing? Smile. Thank you.

No takes much longer.

Way longer. And what's it about anyway?

So you don't sneak, well, how do you travel? Just effortlessly wherever you want. Private. Commercial.

No, I'm kidding. No, I just kind of keep moving. You know, it's interesting. I'll wear like a hat and sunglasses and stuff. And then I'll go to this, say, do you have a New York Times?

You have an opportunity to have dinner with, hang, with, whatever. Who would it be?

You know, I mean, I always want to have dinner with Marlon Brando. He's not here, you know.

Why? Just to-.

Oh, because he's such a, just to be in that presence of that genius. Right. It'd be insane. I'm trying to think. I mean, I've been, you know, I had a dinner a couple years ago with the Obamas.

Did you get past the, oh my gosh, part and really get to kind of quietly hang?

Yeah, I got to ask him. I remember, I asked him at one point, how do you, there's always a fire somewhere in the world. How do you turn that off? How do you do it?

What did he say?

That's a good question.

It is a good question.

And it was a struggle at the beginning, you know.

Yeah.

But that's kind of like a guy that I, I'll tell you who I knew for 25 years. And I always pinched myself that I can't believe I'm with him in. his company was Mike Nichols.

I've read that. Yeah.

I, that was just-.

Your first meeting was?

Oh, I don't know.

To hire you?

No, no, no. I never worked with him. I just knew him socially. And in the eighties, probably the premier three amigos or something like that. But he was always so funny to me.

You just mentioned three amigos. Yeah. Is right up there with one of my favorite funny movies. Where'd you shoot that? In Mexico or?

No, in Tucson. Tucson. Arizona and then Simi Valley.

Right. It was that perfect combination of outrageously silly, funny, and then the bad guys were brilliant. Brilliant.

Well, that was kind of John Landis making it look like the Magnificent Seven, while at the same time. So, some of the, and Elmer Bernstein doing the score, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, you know, making it like a big classic. The, you know, 50s movie.

Yeah.

With CinemaScope. But then with Steve's writing. that was written by Steve, Randy, Newman, and Lorne.

Wow. Yeah. Randy Newman, as in dialogue, not.

He came up, I think he came up, Steve. would, may I correct me on this? I believe he came up with the singing Bush, Randy. Right. And wrote those fabulous songs.

Wow, Marty. I really appreciate sitting down with you like this.

Wow, it's a delight, I'll do anything. I'll even drive to, you know.

Yeah, why did you come to a podcast? You're not, you don't have anything, you're pitching.

No, it's just you.

It was you. I wish we had gotten to this right away.

No, it's true. You know, I adore you, Ted. I have for years.

I do, and I apologize for all the times.

I have put you too high. You've ignored me?

On a pedestal and did my bullshit. Who am I routine? And I have done that too.

And it's such a fucking waste. That's one, you know.

I know, and it's false. It is totally false. Totally, my false ego is bullshit.

There's a big ego. Yeah. It's you and Donald. You're right up there together. Interchangeable.

Can we cut that one too?